A/N: Needless to say that I had fun writing this chapter. LOTS OF FUN! Enjoy!
Fruitful Endeavors
By Semerket
Chapter 8: A Chance of Showers
Poison Ivy sashayed into the Iceberg Lounge with purpose. It was early in the evening so the lights were up higher than usual. At this hour it was more like a bar and restaurant than a nightclub, but that didn't change the fact that most of the rogues that she was currently seeking were already present. All of them were on a 'Most Wanted List' so it wasn't like they could hang out anywhere else.
She approached the others, who were quite predictably, glued to their barstools. "Ivy." Harvey Dent tipped his glass at her before downing it. If she was here then it was probably a good time to leave…
Oswald Cobblepot tipped his hat and grinned, though it was closer to being a sneer than a smile, "Ah, Poison Ivy. It's always such a pleasure. I'm surprised to see an exotic amazon such as yourself in my establishment at this hour. What brings you here?"
All eyes were trained on the green woman. She was standing ramrod straight with her arms folded behind her back like a soldier. She decided to cut right to the chase on this one. "Harley is having a baby shower." Then she glowered at all of them and said threateningly, "And I just know all of you are coming." Everyone froze for a moment as she moved her hands out from behind her back, expecting her to pull out a weapon they prepared to dive for cover. Instead she surprised them by revealing a small stack of envelopes. She proceeded to hand out the pink invitations as though she were serving subpoenas.
"Isn't this a chick thing?" Clayface inquired.
She grinned, "Well, then it's a good there aren't any men present."
"Uh…" Two-Face shifted uncomfortably as a pink invitation was thrust into his unwilling hands. He exchanged looks with the others. "We were… uh… planning a heist for the same night actually."
Scarecrow piped up with a timbre of hope in his voice, "Ooo, I am too!"
"That's fine. The shower is in the afternoon. You'll have plenty of time to be thwarted by the Rodent later."
Two-Face mentally berated his other personality for that verbal misstep.
Penguin blanched and Edward Nygma looked intrigued.
"There will be free food and free drinks." Ivy added authoritatively, daring anyone to decline.
Killer Croc fumbled the tiny invitation between his large reptilian hands. He couldn't remember ever being invited to a party! He blurted excitedly, "Will there be cake?"
She nodded solemnly, "Yes. There will be cake."
"Sounds great!" He clapped his hideous claw-like hands.
Two-Face acquiesced. "Yea, that isn't so bad. I guess I could have some of the boys rob a Carters'. There's one in a shopping center a few blocks from my hideout."
"Yes, I thought the free food and drinks part would be sufficient payment for an hour and a half of your time."
Clayface's goopy face lifted into a grin as he stared into the tiny invitation, which was about to be consumed by the globs he called his fingers. "Ha!" His chuckle had a wet gloopy sound, "It's gonna be at the Lounge."
She said snidely, "Yes, that means you'll already be here, won't you? The only thing you have to do differently is bring a gift."
Scarecrow crossed his arms. "And what if I say this is stupid and I'm not going to do it?!"
Ivy smiled and said pleasantly, "Well that would make Harley unhappy. Which would in turn make me unhappy. And when I'm unhappy I come here and make all of you equally unhappy. And then Oswald loses business and you lose the only establishment that will serve you." Ivy added as an afterthought, "Selina Kyle and Victor Fries have already RSVP'd."
Penguin scowled, but managed to humor her with his typical insincere pleasantries. "Of course, we will all be happy to attend an event of this caliber!"
[[[[[[[[[]]]]]]]]]
Finally! All the final touches were in place- balloons, streamers, oh and the hats- how could she forget the hats!? Selina rushed over to her shopping bag and pulled them out.
"Is everything ready?" Riddler inquired. He was eyeing the food as were all the guests that had been coerced by the promise of free food and beverages.
"Just about…" Selina went about distributing the triangular pink hats. Their reception was met with much eye rolling and grumbling. "You don't have to wear it the whole time! Just when we yell surprise." Killer Croc was the exception, who eagerly accepted the proffered hat and went about the arduous task of fitting the string around his large head and snout.
"What's taking so long?" A metallic voice complained.
Selina glanced at Mr. Freeze, who peered at her critically through the transparent dome-shaped helm that made up the top part of his refrigeration suit. "Relax. Ivy texted me. They could be here any minute."
Someone's stomach rumbled loudly. "I smell da food." Killer Croc said as he leered at the large appetizer trays Penguin's staff had set out on the buffet.
Oswald hurried over to the group that consisted of Riddler, Scarecrow, killer croc, Clay face, Mister Freeze, and Solomon Grundy (of all people!). In order to avoid an awkward moment and unnecessary violence, Grundy had ended up being invited as well. Selina had been more than surprised that it had actually showed up.
"Quick- someone is coming!" Oswald quailed as he hit the light switch. A cacophony of nervous 'shhh!' were bandied about until quickly falling silent as someone stepped into the room.
The lights came up and everyone yelled 'SURPRISE!'
They were all shocked to realize that instead of Harley and Ivy it was a startled Two-Face who had, in his surprise, pulled out a revolver and waved it in their general direction which made everyone dive for cover, except for Mr. Freeze, his bulky suit making 'diving' impractical, pulled out his high-tech rifle in response to the other rogue's erratic behavior.
POP! POP! POP!
PLINK-PLINK
PEW! PEW!
SWOOOOOOOOOSH!
"What the fuck!?" Two-Face yelled, dropping his gift bags to the floor, a lit cigar hanging out the good side of his mouth as he just barely dodged a freeze ray that completely iced one of Penguin's dining chairs.
Fearing for the safety of the expensive items in his establishment, Penguin shook his fist and shouted at the trigger-happy rogues, "Put the guns down you imbeciles!" Penguin ran, or his closest waddling equivalent, around quickly to inspect the damage. He growled, "I just had this place refurnished!"
"Whose idea was it to put three squad cars out front? I wasn't sure if this party was legit or just some trick to get us all busted!"
Selina rolled her eyes and crossed her arms as the annoyed man holstered his gun. "Those are to deter the Joker!"
"Well it should work!" Both his personalities griped, "You almost deterred us!"
Riddler scoffed, "Didn't you get the email I sent?"
"Your name was on it so I hit 'delete'."
Noticing his gift bags, Selina picked them up off the floor and offered him a party hat in exchange. Two-Face eyed the pink hat. "I'll pass. Now get that shit outta my face." Switching personalities Harvey chuckled, "Oh, I'll take one of those."
Two-Face argued with himself. "I am not wearing that."
"It'll be fun."
"No!" His good hand fought with his disfigured hand until the flimsy paper hat was ripped apart.
"Damn you." Harvey whined. "You never let us do anything fun!"
"Ha! I told you it's not gonna happen." Two-Face was smug. "And no, we are not rolling a coin!" Harvey took his coin out of his pocket and dropped it on the floor anyway.
"Ha!" Two-Face laughed, "Tails! You lose."
Freeze's metallic voice complained. "Do you roll that damn coin for every decision?"
Scarecrow laughed and asked mockingly, "Do I use the public restroom or hold it 'til I get home?" Everyone laughed at Harvey's expense as he picked his coin up off the floor.
Selina sighed. She had felt like a nurse for the past half hour of dealing with these Arkham people. They could make fun of Harvey as much as they wanted, but they all had something seriously wrong with them. Penguin was the only one besides herself that wasn't stark raving mad. The same couldn't be said for most of the others.
She patted Harvey on the shoulder sympathetically, "That's okay, Harv, it's the thought that counts." She winked, then frowned when she noticed his cigar. "There's no smoking at a baby shower!" Selina snatched his cigar. His good eye narrowed at her as she sauntered away and added his gift to the pile with the others.
[[[[[[[[[[[[]]]]]]]]]]]
"SURPRISE!"
Harley practically leapt out of her socks as she and Ivy were accosted by loud voices yelling in unison. Her eyes wide, her mouth agape, Harley wasn't quite sure how to react until it finally occurred to her that everyone was smiling, including Ivy. 'Everyone' included other rogues that Harley was on seemingly good terms with, and with this crowd 'good terms' meant that none of them wanted her dead.
Her eyes immediately found a large white and pink banner that hung from the ceiling that said: 'Congratulations! It's a girl!' There were brightly colored streamers with colorful flags hung about the room. Under the large banner, several tables had been pushed together to form a longer one. There were also bunches of pink and white balloons tied in strategic locations around the room. There was a large buffet table that hosted several sheet cakes and a large assortment of lunch appetizers that the other rogues were obviously eager to get to.
"Is all this fuh me?!" Harley looked to Ivy for confirmation.
"Of course! I wouldn't throw a baby shower for anyone else." Ivy gave her a peck on the cheek and taking her hand, led her over to the others.
Selina rushed forward and pulled Harley into a hug. "Kitty! Oh, thank you so much for coming!" Harley returned the hug. The blond looked from Selina to Ivy and immediately made the connection. She figured the party itself was Ivy's idea, but she realized that Selina must've helped her considerably in its execution since Ivy had no patience for people whatsoever. She teared up a little, "Thanks, Kitty."
Selina winked, "It was my pleasure."
Ivy noticed the frozen chair, "What the hell happened?"
Selina grinned, "Oh, nothing worry about." She chuckled, "Boys will be boys."
After Harley mingled and chatted with her guests for a while Ivy offered her some chocolate cake. "Mhmm! You thought of everything." Then Harley lowered her voice and said quietly to Ivy, "What about Mistah You-Know-Who?" The last thing she wanted was for that lunatic to show up and ruin everything.
"Oswald had some good ideas about that. He's been blackmailing several not-so-upstanding members of the Gotham City Police Department for some time now. He had them park their cars outside the lounge and leave the lights flashing while they take an extended lunch break. Any other rogues will assume there's some sort of raid going on and avoid this place like the plague."
"Brilliant!"
"I thought so." She steered Harley toward the head of the long row of tables. "Why don't you have a seat so you can open your gifts?"."
The blond beamed, "Ooo presents!"
Most of the other rogues had already sat down and were eating or chatting. Taking a seat at the head of the table with Selina and Ivy sitting closest to her on each side, she took a look at her guests. Riddler was present and wearing his usual attire of a green suit jacket with question marks, though he had foregone his usual hat in favor of a triangular pink party hat. Some of the others were also wearing party hats including Clay face, who was in his human form of Basil Karlo (so he could fit in the chair), Scarecrow had also swapped his straw hat for a party hat- and he looked just plain strange, and even the huge monstrous form of killer croc had managed to force the tiny hat on to his comically large head. Solomon Grundy's hulking for was at the other end of the table and he sat here staring blankly as one might expect from one of the undead.
"Okay, time for presents!" Ivy announced. Taking her cue, Selina popped out of her seat and brought several over from a stack on a nearby table.
Harley clapped her hands excitedly. It was like having a second Christmas! Without prison guards! Woo!
Selina grinned, "I figure we should do the guys gifts first."
"Mine!" Killer Croc snarled excitedly, "Open mine first!"
Harley smiled and selected a plain parcel that was poorly wrapped in brown paper and a bit of twine. "This one?"
He nodded enthusiastically. Ivy schooled her expression for whatever horrors might await them inside this piteous excuse for a gift. She was going to do some serious destroying if it was some filthy dead rat he found in the sewers…
Harley carefully pulled back the paper, obviously having the same thought as Ivy. Selina had leaned as far back in her chair as possible- just in case... As Harley peeked under the paper, her look of friendly trepidation was replaced with relief.
"Oh! This is nice!" She said sincerely as she pulled out a colorful box. It was nice set of bath toys and teething rings. "Thank you so much, Croc!" She grinned at the hideous lizard man who beamed at her approval, his sharp teeth showing.
He explained seriously, "Bath time is the fun time."
Harley eagerly agreed. "Yes, it is!"
Ivy smiled. Thank god for small miracles! She would have to give the lizard monster more credit in the future.
Selina said, "Okay, what's next?"
Harley grabbed a nice silver gift box with a white ribbon and bow. She glanced at the tag, "This is from Pengy."
Oswald winked. She undid the bow and opened the box. She pulled out a colorful bird themed mobile that included (of course) penguins. Harley smiled, "Thank you, Ozzy!" He tipped his hat.
Harley grabbed another wrapped gift, a pink one. She eagerly ripped the paper off and opened the box to reveal a set of exceptionally soft baby blankets and a matching bedding set. There was also a set of playdoh and a DVD of The Wizard of Oz.
Selina hummed with approval when she felt one of the blankets, "Whose this from?"
Clayface was in the process of chewing on some cake when he waved at them from the other end of the tables. "Oh! Thanks Bazzy they're real nice-n-soft-n-stuff!"
"Your welcome." His mouth was full, "I figured that babies sleep better on soft squishy things- I mean… I do anyway. That playdoh and DVD is for you, Dorothy. Think of the movie as an anniversary present in honor of our last escape."
"Oh, goodie!" Harley was so excited about the toy and movie that she bounced in her chair.
Edward had a hint of nostalgia in his tone, "Every kid's first movie should be The Wizard of Oz."
Scarecrow chuckled. "Indeed it should."
Harley regarded them both strangely, "What're you talkin' about? I'm gonna watch this as soon as I get home!" Ivy rolled her eyes. Now Judy Garland would torment her every day until the disc wore out.
Smiling, Harley's face lit up as Selina put more gifts in front of her. She grinned as she inspected two gift bags. She laughed and looked at Riddler, "I guess we all know who this is from!" The bags were both green and covered in question marks. "Hey, this one has a card."
Pulling the card out of the green envelope, she noted that it was also green and read on the front:
'Congratulations!'
Harley opened it up and inside it read:
'It's a ? Conundrum!'
And next to a large green question mark were two options: the first was the cartoonish picture of a toddler in clown make-up and a purple dress, the other was a doodle of the giant plant from Little Shop of Horrors wearing a pink bonnet with the dialogue bubble 'FEED ME!'. Harley laughed loudly at the joke as she turned it towards Ivy, but the redhead offered Riddler a solid glare.
Two-Face, who was sitting next to Ivy, managed to see the card and laughed too. "Oh, lighten up, Pammy!"
She allowed herself a small muted smile.
Harley handed the card to Selina who grinned, but remained silent. Though the twinkle in her eye made Ivy turn a little greener as she blushed. An exuberant Harley rifled through the larger of the two bags and pulled out a very nice diaper bag.
"Meow!" Selina exclaimed. She had an excellent eye for quality.
Ivy was clearly impressed too. "That is a nice bag, Riddler." It didn't even look like a diaper bag- it looked like a really sharp designer handbag made of red and black patent leather.
Two-Face said sarcastically, "Oh my god! We're so jealous!"
Scarecrow nodded in agreement and said calmly, "It is a rather fine bag. You could hide all kinds of explosives and nasty things in it and no one would ever suspect." The other guests nodded in approval.
Harley squealed, "Oh, Eddie, I love it!"
"I'm glad." He smiled.
Opening the other bag, she laughed as she pulled out a 'Mommy's Little Genius' toddler puzzle set.
"Thank you, Eddie."
"Your welcome."
Selina brought over another gift- this box was quite large compared to the others.
Harley ripped the colorful paper off and gasped, "It's a car seat! Thanks Professor Crane!"
"I'm glad you like it, Sweetheart. Can't have the baby's safety compromised when you're in the middle of a high speed car chase."
Ivy nodded sagely, "Indeed."
"You should open mine now." Harvey said politely, just before his other personality, Two-Face took over, "Yea, let's move this along already…"
Selina handed Harley two gift bags: one of them was white and the other was black. Ivy wondered what store was selling a black gift bag outside of Halloween, but this was Gotham after all…
Harley directed her question to Harvey, "Which one should I open first?"
"Mine, please." She knew right away that it was Harvey talking; he was the one that had manners.
Harley reached into the bag and pulled out a very cute and very soft white teddy bear.
"Aw." She snuggled it, "He's so sweet…"
Two-Face complained, "Open mine already!"
"Okay, okay I'm getting to it."
Two face's black bag was quite heavy. Harley was confused, "Earplugs? You're givin' me earplugs?"
"I hear they make a lot of noise."
Ivy rolled her eyes and looked into the bag herself, "Harley can't drink beer- she's pregnant!"
Two-Face laughed, "The six pack and the earplugs aren't for her, Pammy- they're for you."
"I see."
"There's one more at the bottom." He added.
Feeling around at the bottom of the bag, Ivy pulled out what she immediately recognized as a pistol covered in pink wrapping paper. She held it up by the end of the handle with her index finger and thumb as though she were holding up a dead rat. It figured that his gifts would be wildly inappropriate for a pregnant woman.
"Really?"
Harley, appreciative of the opportunity to unwrap anything, exclaimed with barely restrained excitement, "Open it and see what kind it is!"
Two-Face shrugged. "That's for you too, Pammy. I figured Quinn probably already has one, but I thought it would be prudent for you to be packing," He leered at her, "And I don't just mean in the fun way- ya know, just in case that fucking clown shows up one of these days." He put his hands up, "I know you prefer to use your fancy plants, but all you really need for that little fucker is a bullet."
Ivy suddenly had a new appreciation for his thoughtfulness. "Harley and I appreciate the thought." And Ivy most certainly did appreciate any thought that involved the Joker's timely death.
He leaned forward and said conspiratorially, "We'd appreciate it more if you'd just shoot him. You'd be doing everyone a public service."
"Here ya go," Selina said as she put a rather large and heavy item on the table. Harley stood up, careful as she turned to avoid bumping her stomach against the table. It was covered in a nice colorful wrapping paper. Harley unwrapped the large box and gasped, "Oh my gawd!"
Ivy peeked, "A basinet- Oh and a very elegant one. Who gave you this?" Ivy was baffled.
The barely intelligible gruff voice of Solomon Grundy spoke up, "From me."
"Thanks so much zombie man!"
Grundy nodded with the same level of enthusiasm as Dr. Frankenstein's monster.
Ivy never in a million years imagined that she would be hosting a baby shower, let alone one for Harley of all people. And if she had foreseen that the best gift Harley would receive at said baby shower would come from a giant reanimated corpse, a zombie really, Ivy would have checked herself into Arkham voluntarily.
Riddler was more than surprised, "How did you get the money for that?"
"Grundy, have high interest savings account that's been accruing interest for almost a century." He shrugged, "Grundy pick warm tones… calmer for baby. Suggested in Oprah's magazine." Was it more disturbing that the zombie was actually literate or that it's reading material of choice was O Magazine?
"Wait, wait, wait…" Two-Face had to know, "So you just what? You just walked into Macys or whatever and marched up to the cash register and bought that?"
"Grundy Amazon Prime member."
Two-Face threw his hands up, "The fuck is the world comin' too?!"
Selina presented Harley with two neatly gifts with a snowman pattern on the wrapping paper. It was obviously from Victor Fries.
Harley went for the smaller one first and upon opening it, she smiled, "Hey! I forgot I would need one of these- thanks so much!" She handed it to Ivy who inspected it; it was a milk thermometer. Ripping the paper off of a larger box, Harley gasped once she realized what she was looking at. It was several sets of very nice, (and expensive) designer infant winter wear: matching soft moccasins, onesies, hats, and mittens.
"Their adorable!"
A metallic voice spoke up, "The thermometer is from me. Nora picked out the clothes. She's always had such excellent taste."
Ivy agreed, "She does indeed!"
What was it with all these thoughtful dead people? Ivy would have to attempt a conversation with the frozen corpse the next time she encountered her.
"Now I get to open yours, Kitty!" Selina had offered her a stack of various boxes, all of them expertly wrapped, she knew how much Harley loved to tear open wrapping paper. After Harley opened them one by one, she now had a very nice, and exceptionally stylish assortment of infant clothing ranging from 0 to 6 months. She also had a black stuffed kitty that was meant to go with a matching cat themed onesie. "Geez Kitty, I'm gonna have the best dressed baby in Gotham!"
"I want all those other babies in those other strollers to be jealous."
"They will be."
"Well this was a great party, but now it's time to go to work." Harvey chuckled as he stood up. The other rogues got up as well and said their goodbyes and offered more well wishes before heading out.
As everyone began leaving a few members of Oswald's staff began cleaning up around the buffet table as they did need to get the lounge ready to open for the evening.
"Oh!" Selina popped out of her seat when she remembered something. Returning to the table, she pushed the box over to her then she said quietly so that no one other than herself and Ivy could hear, "This one is from HIM."
Harley blanched, "B-man?"
Selina nodded. "Open it."
"Yes, Harley, do open it." Ivy was as interested as the blond to find out what the caped crusader would consider a gift to them.
The package was nicely wrapped with Batman logo wrapping paper. Opening the box, Harley had to admit that she was pleased to discover a fancy and expensive high tech baby monitor. Included with the monitor was a gift card and a Batman pacifier, as well as a greeting card with a baby on the front. Harley let out a loud guffaw when she opened the card. She laughed so hard she was to the point of tears.
Ivy eagerly snatched the card read it. "It's the phone number for a psychiatrist and help center…" She continued in clipped tones, "He has also been kind enough to include a promotional code for a free T-shirt from his fan club. Apparently the rodent does have a sense of humor."
Catwoman laughed with Harley.
"Oh, this one is from me, Harley." Ivy was a bit nervous, some of these other gifts would be difficult top- although Ivy did arrange the baby shower so she supposed that counted for something.
The gift was in a several boxes of varying sizes covered in green wrapping paper. "Red! This is really nice!" It was a baby food maker and a formula maker. She also received a photo book for 'Baby's first year'. "You're so good to me." She leaned in and gave Ivy a kiss on the lips. Ivy was relieved the others had left by now otherwise she'd have to endure a whole slew of catcalls and wolf whistles.
Ivy grinned, "Well I guess we should start loading this stuff into the car."
[[[[[[[[[[]]]]]]]]]
Once all the gifts were packed into the car and Ivy's new pistol was packed into her waistline, both women got into their car. Harley turned in her seat to regard Ivy. Harley leaned in and gave her a searing kiss now that they had some semblance of privacy. As the kiss continued she eventually made an amused squeak, "Red! You are such as sugar lips!" She accused.
Ivy chuckled and pulled back, "Sugar lips, huh?"
"You taste like Kool-Aid."
"You always say that!"
"That's because it's true- you're like a giant… giant piece of fruit or nectar or whatevah!"
Ivy seemed to take that into consideration before she turned in her seat and started the car. Ivy had been quiet for the majority of the drive back home until Harley broke the silence, "Are you mad because I told you that you taste sweet?"
Ivy was startled from her reverie, she seems surprised by Harley's train of thought, "Oh no. No, Harley, I was thinking about what you said."
"And?"
"Nothing to worry about. I just wonder what causes that." Switching subjects Ivy continued, "Do I look bigger today? I feel bloated and I've just been so emotional today."
Harley rolled her eyes, "Red, you're not the one that's pregnant."
"Then why do I FEEL PREGNANT then!?" Ivy complained dramatically.
"It's in your mind, Red. We read about this, remember?" Harley explained. Despite Harley being the one that was pregnant, Ivy did seem to be the more psychologically affected of the pair. Harley just felt like eating random things at random times- more so than before she was pregnant.
Ivy pulled the car to a stop in the driveway. "Here we are. Home sweet home." Ivy was the first one out of the vehicle, "I'm going to run inside the house and grab a cart to put some of the larger gifts in."
"Kay, Red." Harley took her time getting out of the car, being just about nine months pregnant she was carrying quite a load. Harley got out of the car and, opening the back door she proceeded to reach for some of her bags.
"Hello, Harley girl."
"M-m-m-m-m-mistah J!"
He grinned evilly as he trained the gun on Harley. "Yes, it's me, dear. Imagine how hurt I was to discover that I wasn't invited to my own child's baby shower. I have so many gifts for her. Now get in the car and I won't kill you."
"No."
He snarled, "You will or I'll kill you both!"
Knowing that he was more that capable of making good on that threat, she replied with resignation in her voice, "Fine. But you promise you won't hurt Red."
His eyes flashed at the mere mention of the plant woman, "I could care less about that crazy bitch!"
"Shoving her towards the car he opened the back door and was about to force her inside when he something occurred to him; Harley would try to escape from behind, or possibly attack him. She wasn't as easy to control as she was before. Changing his mind, he opened the front door and proceeded to force her into the passenger's seat.
Unbeknownst to the clown a small feline stowaway had taken the opportunity to climb into the back seat area of the dark vehicle, hidden from view of the two other occupants. Joker slammed the back door and scurried around to the driver's side and got in.
"Harley?! Noooooo!" He could hear Ivy screaming after them as he peeled away.
Cackling maniacally he steered the car down the highway at breakneck speeds. "Thanks for the party, Pammy!" He glanced over at Harley, who was to her credit, glowering instead of cowering.
"What's the matter, Harl- it was funny."
"You are not funny."
"Haahahaahaa! Hoohohoohooo!" He was positively gleeful. Was Harley growing a backbone? "You better be careful, Harl, all that frowning is bad for the baby!"
"The only thing bad for me is YOU!" Unable to contain her hormonally enhanced rage, she slapped him soundly before she could think better of it.
[[[[[[[[[]]]]]]]]]
Oh, no, she was not losing Harley again. That was simply not within the realm of possibility. Think. Think. Ivy's adrenaline was pumping. Car. She need a car so that she could follow them. She was just about to run back to the house when a black vehicle screeched to a halt beside her. It was the Batmobile.
The passenger side window rolled down, "Get in."
Ivy opened the door without hesitation and got inside. She was pushed back into her seat at the force of the car taking off down the road like a rocket. Before she could say a word, he answered the question he knew was coming, "Catwoman gave me a tip that Joker might be waiting for you."
Ivy harrumphed. "You have impeccable timing."
[[[[[[[[[]]]]]]]]
"That was a mistake you stupid bitch!" He was just about to wind up to strike her with the butt of his gun, when movement in the backseat caught his eye. His demeanor changed rapidly, "Oh, and what is this?"
Meow.
He grinned, "Ooo a kitty. A green kitty- how hilarious!" He gauged Harley's reaction. She was visibly upset now. "Oh, so he's your kitty, isn't he, Harley?" She could tell by his tone that he was going to do something terrible to Sprout or use him against her.
Holding the gun with his left hand, the same hand he was using to drive with, if you could consider blundering down the highway haphazardly at 90mph driving, he snaked his right arm around the seat in an attempt to grab the errant feline.
"Leave him, alone!" Harley pulled his arm from behind the seat causing him to jerk the wheel slightly with his other arm. Snatching his hand back he transferred the gun to his right hand and, without looking behind himself, fired randomly into the backseat area of the car.
"Oh, here kitty, kitty!" He said between shots as Harley yelled for him to stop.
"No! Not my baby!" She wailed hysterically.
He eventually stopped shooting after the cat finally stopped moving about. He was laughing maniacally at the entire situation. And that it was a plant cat meant that it was Ivy's creation. "I know what I'll do, my dear, I'll box him up and send him to good old Red as a gift! USPS has flat-rate shipping- get it- FLAT RATE! HAHAHAHA!"
Joker carried on animatedly until he noticed something in the back seat moving about, except it appeared to be some sort of growth; he assumed that it was the cat, but it was much larger. Then the two occupants of the car realized that the cat was growing.
When it stopped, the green house cat had morphed into a large panther-like creature. Joker and Harley sat there in a stunned silence, until Joker broke it. He spoke softly, "Nice Kitty?"
RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!
"What the fuck! Mr. Kringerpants?!" A terrified Joker shrieked as he found two huge paws mauling him over the seat. Sprout was able to get his huge head around the seat to bite into Joker's shoulder, causing him to drop the gun. Joker slammed the breaks as their car spun out, fortunately it was late and the road was rural so there wasn't any traffic to get in the way. As soon as the car slowed down enough, Harley swung the door open and ran away from the vehicle. She only looked back when she heard another gunshot, but he either missed the now huge apex predator, or it had little to no effect on him.
Harley found herself caught in the headlights of a car.
[[[[[[[[[]]]]]]]]
"Stop!"
Batman slammed the breaks as his car was baring down on Quinn who had her hands out and eyes squeezed shut. When Harley opened her eyes she realized that the car had just barely stopped before hitting her. She heard someone get out on the passenger's side. "Harley!"
"Red!" The two women ran to each other and embraced.
"Are you alright? Did he hurt you?" Ivy's voice was frantic as she inspected the blond for signs of injury.
"I'm okay, Red. Kitty saved me."
"Did he now?" Ivy tried to imagine that…
"He's getting away." Batman stated.
Harley seemed to notice him for the first time. "He has my kitty! You have to save my kitty, B-man!"
"Harley, look!"
Ivy was motioning downward at the blond, "What? Whatsamatter?"
"Your water just broke."