Author's note: It's been almost two months since I last updated and I have no excuse other than the fact that I've suffered a terrible lack of inspiration. But one of you sent me a really lovely message asking if I would play Santa and update this for the holidays and I guess that was motivation enough. I hope everyone had/is having happy holidays, if you celebrate a holiday, and I hope 2017 is better than 2016.
This one is a little different from the other chapters, and a little darker, but I think Alicia needed to really see, feel and face the consequences of her own decisions. I hope you enjoy it, thanks for reading! - hannahorgrace
Chapter 5
They'd become pretty good at hiding, she thought. It had been a few weeks since that night in the hotel, when they had figured out that, in the end, good timing could be whenever they wanted it to be. Since then, they'd often jump at the opportunity of spending a couple of hours together, sometimes in hotel rooms after court, at his place in between meetings and sessions of witness prep, or at her place, on the weekends, when the kids were with Peter.
And there they were again. She had barely closed the door behind her that his lips were on her neck and his hands on her waist, trapping her between the wall and his body.
"I don't think I'll ever get tired of this," he said, his hands roaming over her waist.
She smiled. "I don't think I want you to get tired of this."
He chuckled against her skin as he pulled up her skirt, grateful that she'd decided against tights this morning.
"I can't even help it, you know. I just sit there all day missing you," he said, his fingers gently stroking her over her underwear. "Wishing I could have you."
After a little while, he'd figured out how to get her worked up and ready. Physically, of course, it wasn't long before he found out what she liked, and she had never been shy about guiding him — which was something that he adored about her. But he also knew what to tell her, he knew the things that he had to say to her to make her breath hitch and her lips part a little, longing for his.
She needed to feel wanted, he had realized. So whenever they were together, he would tell her exactly this. He would tell her how much he wanted to be with her, how long he'd been waiting to hold her body against his and feel her skin under his hands, under his mouth.
She wrapped her arms around his neck, deepening their kiss, and slid her hand over his, pressing his hand a little harder against her body. It drove him crazy, the way she knew what she wanted and wasn't afraid to show him how she wanted it.
"I've thought about doing this all morning", he said, moving her underwear to the side and softly pressing a finger into her, gaining a soft sigh from her. "I can't get enough of you."
"Will…", she sighed against his lips, and it sent a shiver down his spine.
"All I can think about is how much I want to take you."
He felt her hands fumble against his belt buckle and in a few seconds she was stroking him, his lower lip caught in between hers, and when he slipped inside her he felt her knees quiver but he held her firmly, and moved until she cried out, his name on her lips. He waited as long as he could because he wanted to see her, and when he followed, all he could think of was how in the world he had possibly deserved to be with someone like her.
She let herself be held, let the strength leave her body, and for a second she felt herself fall but then she sensed his arm around her waist, holding her, and she realized it had always been there. The whole time, he had been holding her, because he was always holding her, and since they started this… thing, he had always been there. She couldn't really remember the last time she'd felt secure enough to let go of her strength like this. She couldn't remember the last time she knew it was okay to let go because someone was holding her and wouldn't let her fall.
When Alicia wakes up, it takes a few seconds for her to understand her surroundings.
She's not in Will's apartment.
Will is definitely not there.
And yet she can still feel him, she can feel his breath on her neck and his hands on her waist, sliding softly up her belly and over her breasts, pulling her closer to him. She can feel her skin react to his touch and he's not even here.
She looks to her left. The clock on her bedside table indicates 2:27 am.
She takes a deep breath and, pulling the covers closer to her, she closes her eyes and lets a hand slide in between her thighs.
God, she misses him. Her body misses him. Hell, her bedsheets miss him.
Her fingers move softly against her skin and quickly, her breathing becomes shallow.
When she lets go, his name is on her lips, and she lets herself pretend he's there with her. She imagines him wrapping his arms around her and settling behind her, his bare chest against her back, his lips pressing soft kisses against her shoulder.
She's never been the kind of person that has trouble sleeping, but in times of worry, she sometimes has trouble falling asleep. Will's presence helped with that.
So when she closes her eyes and imagines his lips on her skin and his arm around her waist, her body remembers his warmth, and it's only a few minutes before she's asleep again.
Walking into Lockhart/Gardner on Monday is not as awkward as she'd imagined it would be. She quickly makes her way to her office, thankful she doesn't cross his path on her way in.
She knows she will eventually. But she has no idea what his reaction will be. She doesn't know what he thinks, if he's upset or even mad at her, and she doesn't like not knowing.
She's in court all afternoon and when the verdict comes in, it's past 8 pm, so she decides to go straight home.
Tuesday morning is rather quiet. She spends most of it in her office, only stepping out when she absolutely needs to. The case she's working on with Diane involves a woman who is accused of killing her husband in order to benefit from his life insurance. She's going over the prep questions for the accused to make sure there's nothing neither of them could have missed, since Diane is in court all morning.
By lunch time, she's seen Will walk around the floor enough times without ever walking past her office to make her wonder if he's avoiding her.
She decides he isn't.
When she walks by his office after lunch, their eyes meet for a brief second, but she hears him talking to Diane on the phone and he looks away immediately. She feels her phone ring in her hand.
"Alicia Florrick," she answers automatically.
"Alicia, it's Diane. I just got out of court, have you found anything?"
She freezes. Her gaze lands on Will, who's apparently still on the phone.
"Alicia, can you hear me?"
"Yes," she clears her throat. "It all seems fine to me. I think we're ready for tomorrow."
"Good. Let me know if that changes," Diane says, before hanging up.
She makes her way back to her office, ignoring what just happened.
The rest of the day is uneventful.
Wednesday is one of these days from hell where she doesn't even make it to the office once because of all the time spent in court. It's especially exhausting and frustrating because the jury decided their client was guilty of murder in the first degree and facing decades in prison, hours after the prosecution had offered one year only.
It's one of these days where she wonders if she's really any good at her job.
It's also the first day she realizes she actually misses him. Not just physically — because it's already been established that she misses him physically — but also as a friend. As someone who she could talk to about these days from hell.
When she's home that night, after the kids are asleep, she thinks about calling him for a brief moment, then decides against it. She wouldn't know what to say.
She searches her phone for the last texts they've exchanged. The very last one is from her; it says "Maybe next time ?"
W: Sorry I left while you were still sleeping. I had court at 9.
A: You could have woken me up.
W: I could, but I decided you deserved to rest.
A: You bought breakfast.
W: Yes. After all that exercise last night, the least I can do is buy you food.
A: Then I hope you bought breakfast for yourself as well, Mr Gardner.
W: I did. If you'd woken up earlier you would have seen me eat breakfast in your kitchen.
A: If I'd woken up earlier, we would have had a different kind of breakfast entirely.
W: In your room?
A: Or the shower.
W: Promises, promises.
A: Maybe next time?
On Thursday afternoon, they share a brief conversation about a case that they're both working on. It's all very professional, and then her phone interrupts them.
"It's Peter," she says, for no other reason than to fill the silence.
"Seems important," he answers, before walking away.
Peter wants to know if she doesn't mind going to dinner with him and a few investors, whose wives will also be attending. It's the last thing she wants to do.
"Okay. When?" she asks.
"Next Monday. Thanks, Alicia."
"Sure," she answers, not convinced. "I'll see you then."
She stares into Will's office. He's standing by his desk, talking to one of the new interns, who says something that makes Will laugh.
Alicia sighs and walks back to her office.
Friday goes back in a rush because it's the end of the week and everyone is trying to do all the things they planned on doing by the end of the week. She doesn't have time to keep track of Will's whereabouts; she doesn't even have time to keep track of time.
When she steps out of her office, she sees Will saying goodbye to one of the associates, coat in hand. Very aware of what she's doing, she stops, silently counts to ten, and then turns around, walking slowly enough so that she reaches the elevator just after him. Ridiculous, she thinks to herself.
"Hey," he says.
"Hi Will," she nods, feeling her lips curl into a soft smile.
"You know what," he starts, and immediately, her heart feels heavy, because she knows what he's doing, she's known all week, even though she tried to tell herself otherwise. "I think I left my phone in the office."
"I can hold the elevator," she offers, but he's already stepping back, slowly, and she feels her heart grow so, so heavy, like a burden she can't get rid of.
"Nah," he says, "I'll catch the next one."
She steps into the elevator and holds herself together all the way back to her apartment.
Finally, when the kids are asleep and she closes her bedroom door behind her, she lets herself slide to the floor, because no one is there to hold her, not even herself. She cries softly, silently, until she can't feel anything anymore.
Author's note: Hi again, and thanks so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed this, please leave me your thoughts in a review, I would really like to know what you thought of this chapter! I will try to have the next one up soon. Also, thank you to everyone who has favorited/reviewed my other story, it means a lot. Thanks again for reading! - hannahorgrace