Chapter 9

Going back to work on Monday morning is both a relief and a source of anxiety. Alicia is happy to have something to keep her mind busy, but she dreads the moment she's going to run into Will.

She's not ready to see him yet.

She knows they have to talk, she can't keep acting the way she has for the past couple of weeks, pushing him away and then going to him in the middle of the night when she needs comfort.

She knows in her heart that her and Peter are a lost cause. Owen was right, it has nothing to do with Will. Even if he wasn't there, she would still feel out of place with Peter, hurt and betrayed in a way she knows is impossible to fix.

But what about Will?

She and Peter are still married. Will is still her boss.

How can she find a way to make it work?

She's considered asking for divorce, but no matter how she feels about Peter, she can't bring herself to do anything that would harm him, politically. She believes in him, and she doesn't think that their personal issues should tarnish his professional life.

But it would be incredibly selfish to impose that on Will.

In the end, it's not until Thursday that she sees him, when he comes back from court as she's about to leave.

He steps into her office as she turns off her computer and when he closes the door behind him, she feels the stress build slowly in her stomach.

"Hey," he says softly.

"Hi Will," she answers, offering a smile.

"How was your weekend?" he asks.

"Good, thank you," she says, unable to make small talk. "You?"

"Same," he answers, approaching her desk.

She stares into his eyes, waiting for him, dreading the words he might say next.

"Alicia," he starts, his eyes finding hers. Her leg moves, restless, and she knows he catches the involuntary reaction. "We need to talk."

She nods, but no words come out. She tries to maintain her eyes on him, tries to keep her composure.

"So," he continues, clearing his throat, and she knows he's as nervous as she is. "If you can, maybe we can get dinner tonight?"

She sighs. "I can't tonight, I have the kids."

"Right," he nods. "Well. Whenever you can is fine. Let me know?" he asks, walking backwards until he reaches her office door.

"Of course," she says softly, intrigued.

He says goodnight and walks out, closing the door behind him.

She frowns. Considering how indecisive and unfair she has been, she never expected him to give her that much leeway in when they should—

She breathes in suddenly, understanding.

He's giving her space.

She looks up in relief, alleviated.

That same night, after Zach and Grace are in bed and she's cleaned the dishes, she grabs her phone and dials Will's number.

He answers on the first ring.

He doesn't press her for anything, doesn't ask questions. He lets her lead the conversation.

"I've been horrible to you," she says, after a few minutes.

"Alicia…" he starts, but she doesn't let him finish.

"No, Will, I have. You've been—" she chokes on the words, unable to go through with the sentence.

"It's okay," he whispers, and she almost gets upset.

"It's not okay. I can't keep doing this to you."

He doesn't answer, afraid of understanding what she might mean.

"I don't know where I am anymore. I come home thinking there's no way I can ever divorce Peter, and then I see you and I—" she exhales, trying to gain back some composure.

Will listens to her, quietly. He knows there's not much he can offer at this point. He just wishes she would make a decision.

"Will?" she asks, when the silence becomes too heavy.

"Yeah," he answers.

"What was in the voicemail?"

He frowns, and even though she can't see him, he senses that she noticed the change in him.

"What do you mean?"

"The voicemails you left me, about a year and a half ago. I know there were two, but I only heard one."

"I told you what I said," he tries, knowing full well she won't believe him. But maybe she won't push for more.

"I know," she says softly. "But that wasn't true, was it?"

He smiles. "Why would you say that?" he asks, curious as to how she would know he hadn't been honest with her.

"Last year," she tries again, "there was that case on your friend, Matthew Wade? I had to listen to hours of recordings of his phone conversations, and there was one where the two of you spoke. I couldn't hear everything because of the 2518 minimization, but… you talked about me, didn't you?"

Will chuckles. "I don't really remember," he says, honestly, "but it's possible, yeah."

"You said you left me two messages, but I never answered. Will, I never got them. I mean, I heard one of them for the first time that day, but I never got the other one."

There's a few seconds of silence before he speaks. "Which one did you hear?"

"The one where you said we should move on."

Will sighs. "Why are you asking now?"

"I asked before," she says, "but I don't think you were completely honest."

He's quiet for a few seconds, considering her request. She's right; he wasn't completely honest before.

"Will?" she tries, softly.

"Yeah?"

"What did you say?"

He closes his eyes, heart heavy in his chest. "I said I loved you."

She's quiet on the other side of the line, so he continues.

"And that if you wanted, we could meet, and make a plan, figure things out."

He hears her breathe, but she stays quiet.

"Did you really not get that voicemail?" he asks.

She shakes her head and, realizing he can't see her,

"No," she says softly. "I'm sorry."

"It's alright."

She continues. "Why did you lie to me when I came to you about it the first time?"

He smiles. "Same reason you didn't say anything when you realized I was lying, I guess."

She shakes her head. "I didn't say anything because I didn't want to make you say something you didn't want to say."

"Well," he starts, "I didn't say anything because I didn't want to tell you something you didn't want to hear."

She sighs. "We're terrible at this, aren't we?"

He laughs. "We really are."

There's another pause.

"Will?" she asks, but doesn't wait for his answer. "How do you feel now?"

He frowns. "You know how I feel."

She smiles. "Do I?"

"Yeah," he answers, "you do. You wouldn't have asked me what was in the voicemail if you didn't already know."

She smiles. Another pause.

"Alicia—"

"I can't," she interrupts. "Will, I can't, I just—"

"You see," he starts, his voice full of irony, "that's where the problem is. That's a lie, right there."

"What?" she frowns.

"You can do whatever you want, Alicia. If only you wanted to."

She gasps. "Will, that's not— it's not about what I want."

"It's only about what you want."

"You don't get it, I—"

"You have a family, I know. You're my employee, I know. It doesn't matter, Alicia—"

"Of course it matters! We can't—"

"No, it doesn't matter. I'm not asking you to give up either of these things."

"Then what do you want, Will?!"

He sighs. "If you can't figure it out, then maybe you're right," he says, his voice dropping. "Maybe we can't— maybe it's not supposed to be this way."

She feels her heart beat faster. The words are out of her mouth before she can control herself, "Maybe it isn't."

He sighs. "I have to go, it's getting late."

She smirks. "Yeah, me too," she says, hanging up the phone before he can say more.

The following day, the walk from the entrance of the building to the elevator seems to be one of the longest of her life. That is until she steps into the elevator and waits for it to go up the 28 floors that separate her from the Lockhart/Gardner offices, her heart threatening to break out of her ribcage, the ride quickly becoming the definite longest of her entire life.

She tries to calm down, taking in deep breaths, resting her head against the wall of the elevator, closing her eyes.

When he sees her, his head shooting up in her direction, he drops the files that are in his hands. He's hesitant at first, but then he sees the look in her eyes and stands up, moving in her direction, and he knows.

She's barely stepped into his office when she speaks, closing the door behind her. Her voice is low, trembling.

"I'm sorry," she breathes, and she can't control the break in her voice because his arms wrap around her and it's all too much, but she doesn't want to be composed anymore. "I'm so sorry."

He doesn't say a word but his arms are around her, holding her tight, stroking her back, caressing her hair in an attempt to soothe her. She's quiet in his arms, standing still, but he can hear her breathing in sharply as she slides her arms around him, holding on. "Will, I'm so sorry," she repeats in a whisper, the words lost in their embrace.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knows they're not alone. He's grateful for the late hour, meaning that apart from him and Diane, the only other people left in the office are on the lower floor.

Alicia's breath is warm against his neck and he doesn't want to break their embrace, but he needs to look at her.

"What made you change your mind?" he asks, pulling her gently away so he can look into her eyes.

"I didn't," she whispers, her eyes shimmering with tears. The words come to her before she can stop them. "I already knew."

His eyes close and he swallows, in an attempt to keep his emotions under control, but she's right there in front of him and he lets his arms circle her frame once again.

She knows they're being watched but she has no willpower to stop him anymore.

Her fingers find the hair at the back of his neck as he holds her close, as close to him as he possibly can, fighting the urge to kiss her. He knows Diane is watching, and although their attitude leaves little to the imagination, he doesn't want to cross that line.

"Are you sure?" he whispers, arms strong around her waist.

She nods against his neck. "Yes," she breathes.

She wants to say more to him, because it doesn't seem to be enough, but it doesn't feel as though this is the right place. She pulls away softly, bringing her arms down to her sides, then straightening her skirt and jacket.

"I have to speak with Diane," he ventures.

She nods, barely noticeable.

"When are you leaving?" he asks.

"Now," she starts. "I have to drive Grace and Zach to Peter's apartment for the weekend."

He nods. "Meet me at my place afterwards?"

She smiles. "I'll be there."

"I want to yell at you but for some reason I don't seem to have the willpower to do so," Diane says as he closes the door to her office.

Will is quiet. He doesn't know what to tell her. He doesn't want to put up a fight tonight.

"You're lucky I was the only one here. If anyone else had seen you I would have had to fire you both."

He pulls a chair and sits down.

"How serious are you about this, Will?" Diane asks, her voice low.

"Very," he mutters.

She leans back in her chair. "What about her?" she asks, looking at him over her glasses.

Will doesn't answer, but keeps staring at Diane.

She sighs. "Of all the women in Chicago." She declares with a cold sarcasm to her voice.

"I didn't choose it, Diane," he answers, his tone almost solemn.

She smiles ironically. "You could have chosen not to sleep with a married woman."

He leans in closer, eyebrows frowned, his tone very serious. "It's not that simple."

Diane removes her glasses, laying them on the desk in front of her. "It is that simple, Will. When they're married, you restrain yourself."

"It's not about sex, Diane," he says, staring into her eyes.

She laughs ironically. "Of course it's not. You suddenly decided the only woman deserving of your attention is the wife of the state's attorney. It's all very Tristan and Iseult, if you ask me."

He doesn't answer, and instead turns to look into his office. Alicia's on the phone, but he can't make out what she's saying or who she's talking to, although he imagines it's one of her children.

"The people here can't know, Will," Diane starts again.

"They won't," he confirms

"How can you be sure? There were rumors before, and this doesn't look good, whether it is—"

"Because I'm not gonna let it happen," Will interrupts. "And she won't either."

"And what if it does happen?" Diane asks, the concern clear in her eyes.

"Then I'll leave."

"Will—"

"This is important to me."

"And your firm isn't important?" she asks, eyes wide.

"Of course it is. That's why I'll make sure no one finds out. Trust me, Diane."

She chuckles. "Do I have a choice?"

He smiles. "Not really."

He feels a wave of relief when he opens the door and Alicia is on the other side.

As soon as she's inside, she reaches for him, and he wraps his arms around her as she tucks her head in the crook of his neck.

"I think we need to talk," she whispers against his skin.

He nods. "I know," he breathes into her hair.

They stay like this until he feels her lips on his skin, so he lifts her up and carries her to his couch. Sitting her down, he pushes the coat off her shoulders and presses his lips against the skin of her neck, just above her clavicle, nibbling softly.

She brings a hand to the back of his head, holding him against her. He works his way up until he finds her lips and kisses her, her hand still behind his neck, stopping only when he feels her pull away to catch her breath.

"Will—"

"I know," he interrupts her. She sits up against him and he presses his forehead to hers. "I know."

She moves to rest her forehead on his shoulder and he wraps his arms around her, pulling her close.

If only he could have her with him like this every day.

He feels her chest rise and fall slowly as she breathes and he wonders if she's dozed off.

"I'm so tired," she mumbles against his skin.

"I know," he whispers, running his hand up and down her back.

And he gets an idea. "Hey," he murmurs, hand on her arm. "Let's go away," he whispers.

She sits up straight, a frown on her eyebrows. "What?"

"For the weekend," he starts, eyes hopeful like she's never seen before. "Let's go," he smiles.

"Will…" she says, her voice full of remorse already.

"No, listen," he interrupts. "You said Zach and Grace are with Peter, maybe we could go just for the weekend, and we'll be back before your kids are back."

He smiles, a light in his eyes, and she can't help but get excited.

"We said we needed to talk," she retorts, voice low and serious.

"I know, and we will."

She sighs, a slight smile betraying her already.

"Come on, Alicia," he smiles. "Look," he explains, as if he hasn't just thought of this two minutes ago. "We leave tonight, somewhere not far, and spend Saturday there — wherever you want — and then we come back on Sunday night."

"I can't come back on Sunday night, Peter is going to Springfield and he said he'd bring the kids back home sometime during the afternoon."

"Fine," he says, a wide smile on his face. "We come back on Sunday morning."

She smiles. "Where would we go?"

She can see he's having a hard time containing his excitement. It reminds her of when they were younger, they would spend hours studying for an exam, and this is precisely what he looked like when he could finally convince her to go out for a drink or just for a walk, to clear their minds.

"I don't care," he answers. "Anywhere."

She nods, looks down, lets her lip curl up in a half-smile.

"And we'd be back on Sunday morning?"

"I promise," he answers almost immediately.

She raises her head, finds his warm eyes looking at her intently, waiting.

"Okay," she says.

He smiles wide when she answers and, without hesitation, pulls her in for a kiss. He lets his lips linger against hers, lets her open her mouth to him before capturing her lip between his and nibbling playfully.

"You go back home and pack something, and I'll meet you there in an hour, alright?" he says, before she has time to change her mind.

He gets up from the couch, pulling her up with him.

"Where are we going?" she asks.

"I don't know. Where do you want to go?"

"I don't know, this was your idea," she smiles.

He chuckles. "I'll figure something out then."

Author's note: First of all, I would like to thank everyone who is still here with me on this adventure. Thank you to those who read, review, favorite and follow this story, it means the world. I try to reply to all of your reviews; some of you write anonymously or are not logged in onto the site so unfortunately I can't reply to you directly, but I'm very grateful for your reviews! Thank you again to my friend Grazi who was a great help with this chapter. There will be one more chapter to this story and then we will have reached the end. However, I am planning on writing a sequel, but maybe not just now. I'll let you know! Hopefully I'll have the next (and last) chapter up next week. Thanks again for reading! - hannahorgrace