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#7
Love is life. And if you miss love, you miss life.
~ Leo Buscaglia
Reid looked at the photo he kept on his desk facing him. He, Jane, and Jenna looked so happy together. His hair was a mess because he had just come from a case but Jane insisted on taking the photo. Jenna looked so small in her kindergarten graduation gown. How quickly time passed.
"Dad!" Jenna shouted.
Reid looked up and remembered what day it was if her soccer uniform wasn't obvious enough.
"I'm sorry, let's get going," he said and quickly grabbed his keys.
"This is a must-win match if we want to make it to the next round," she said impatiently.
"You're only twelve Jenna, you still have plenty of time to develop a depth of athletic skill before you reach your peak performance ability."
She made a face. "You never get it."
"What don't I get?"
"Nothing," she said. "Nothing at all."
Reid sighed and looked at his and Jane's wedding photo on a book case. It would be five years tomorrow.
…
Reid wasn't a fan of soccer. It was too aggressive for his taste but he also didn't like sports in general. But Jenna loved them and Reid tried cheer her on with suggestions for passing formations he memorized from the books he read. He couldn't help but notice lately how she looked embarrassed every time she caught his eye.
He had a hard time following her in the mess of girls with similar hair colors. His mind drifted to the case studies he was grading back at home. One student had an exceptionally strong grasp on the motives of the Riverbend Killer.
Suddenly he heard a chorus of whistles and looked up. Two girls were intertwined and the referees were pulling them apart. To his shock Jenna was one of them. The other girl was already shouting at the refs.
"She started it!" the girl shouted. "She shoved me first."
"You called me a bitch for stealing the ball!" Jenn screeched.
"That is no reason for violence Jen," Reid said as he reached the field.
A woman with red hair in a crisp business suit also appeared. "You shouldn't have retaliated Steph. And that is a bad word to call someone."
"Well she is," Steph said and Jenna would have rushed for if Reid hadn't held her back. "She nearly gave me a black eye mom."
The head referee shook his head. "Both of you are out of the game."
"But she started it!" Steph screamed.
"I don't care you both acted in an unsportsmanlike manner."
"Whatever," Jenna grumbled and ran towards the parking lot.
"Jen!" Reid shouted. He was about to follow her when he caught the eye of the mother.
"I'm sorry about that," he said quickly. "Girls at this age are particularly emotionally volatile at this stage of development."
"Yes I know," she said edgily. "I'm a doctor and your daughter has some serious anger issues."
"I'm a doctor too and your daughter was out of line also," Reid said hotly.
"Well at least she wasn't physical aggressive."
A referee interrupted them. "You three off the field, NOW!"
Reid threw one angry glance back at the woman and took off after Jenna.
…
"You don't get me at all!"
Reid pushed the thought aside as he opened his door for office hours.
"Even you're yelling at me you doesn't sound normal. None of those parenting books apply here Dad!"
He picked up a paper from his Criminology 315 class and started to underline spelling errors.
"You're so clueless. I wish Mom were here!"
He didn't keep a photo of Jane in this office anymore. It lead to too many awkward questions. He even stopped wearing his wedding ring. But the tan line was still there.
"Hey Professor Pretty-Boy!"
Reid looked up to see Morgan dressed in a sharp suit. He stood up from his chair and smiled.
"Morgan! I didn't know you were in town."
"There is a regional conference this week. I thought I'd drop by and say hello. How's Jenny Jen?"
"She's good," Reid said. "How are Hank and Joshua?"
"They're good," Morgan said. "Now tell me how Jen is really doing. You know you can't lie to profiler or a friend."
Reid sat down and Morgan sat is his chair reserved for students. He sighed.
"Jen got in a fight during a soccer match. We had a bigger argument at home."
"Girls are tough I hear," Morgan said. "I consider myself lucky to have boys."
"Girls mature at a different rate and it usually involves—"
Morgan raised his hand. "I get it. So how did you punish her?"
"She's grounded for a month and the coach gets to decide what to do about her position on the team."
"Sounds fair."
"She didn't think so. I had to order her to her room," Reid said and suddenly felt extremely tired. He rubbed his ring finger.
"How am I going to do this without her Morgan?"
Morgan patted him on the back.
"You'll find a way buddy."
…
Morgan was growing bored at the cocktail hour hosted by a conference head. People liked to talk to him because of his department's case closure rate. All he wanted to do was go hang out with Reid and find out more about what happened to his sweet god daughter.
"I swear she was like an animal," he heard a woman say loudly. "She acted more like she was at a wrestling match than a soccer game."
Fights and soccer. An odd coincidence, Morgan thought and decided to move closer.
"And the father. The father acted like he'd never seen his daughter like that. That man is in some serious trouble."
Morgan approached the woman. "I'm Derek Morgan, head of the New York BAU office."
"I know who you are Mr. Morgan," she said and offered her hand. "I've read your casefiles. I'm Dr. Addison Rayburn. Deputy Director of recruitment for the FBI."
"So your daughter plays in the middle school Division II?"
"And how do you know that?" she said guardedly.
"Because the girl your daughter was fighting is my god daughter."
The people who Rayburn was speaking with stared at them.
She didn't blink. "I don't see how this concerns you Mr. Morgan."
"I don't see how this would be of interest to anybody. That father isn't here to defend himself or his daughter."
A woman with a pixie cut moved next to Rayburn. "Addison is my best friend I haven't seen her in a long time," she said evenly. "The safety of her daughter interests me."
"I highly doubt Dr. Rayburn's daughter was in any serious danger as there were coaches and refs there."
"You didn't see the look in that girl's eyes," Rayburn said. "It was dangerous."
Morgan wanted to strangle the woman. A man with a thick beard butted in. "So Sophia what can you tell about the latest biological threats?"
The conversation quickly changed and Morgan drifted away. Rayburn followed him.
"That girl started it," she said angrily.
"She was provoked by your daughter," Morgan said. "I spoke with the father at lunch."
"So you consider yourself unbiased opinion?"
"Ma'am I was just sticking up for my friend. You would have done the same."
"I would have minded my own business," Rayburn said.
"Then why did you tell all those people about your personal life?" Morgan said with annoyance.
"Mel is a good friend of mine, I wasn't expecting a crowd to gather."
Morgan was tired of talking to this woman. "Fine, have a good evening Dr. Rayburn."
Rayburn simply turned away without acknowledging him.
…
The next day Morgan met Hotch for lunch.
"So I hear you got in a fight with Addison Rayburn," Hotch said conversationally.
"How do you know about that?"
"Because Rayburn was complaining to my secretary about the rude New York head was before our meeting. The director wants us both to do some joint recruiting."
"Why are you being asked to do it? The deputy director of the entire agency!"
"It's only for Georgetown and a few other top-tier schools," Hotch said.
"Reid will be happy to see you but Rayburn, that woman is a shrew," Morgan said shaking his head.
"Who happens to be very good at her job. Her employment initiatives have contributed significantly to a rise in our enrollment of high quality candidates."
"Reid is having a hard time with Jen these days."
"I hadn't heard that," Hotch said. "I haven't been able to stay in touch with Reid as much as I'd like to. J.J. is also very busy with her new position as section chief."
"Is the budget getting any looser so that she isn't doing the job of two section heads?"
Hotch shook his head. "I'm afraid not. The same goes for Garcia. I don't think she enjoys doing her technical work from the NSA headquarters."
Then it hit Morgan. "So no one has really had time to look in on Reid."
"He did shut us out in some ways Morgan. Her death was so sudden," Hotch said.
"I know, he told me he switched grocery stores after she died."
They didn't speak for a few minutes.
"I'm going to invite him and Jen over for dinner next week."
"I'm inviting them to see me in New York during Jen's next break. No boring museums this time for Reid."
…
Reid was at his wit's end. He had to turn down a dinner invitation from Hotch because Jen was suspended from school for fighting and he wasn't letting her have any sort of fun. Jen kept claiming she was being provoked when by all other accounts she was the bully. He didn't know what to do. Their arguments were so loud the neighbors knocked on his door. Her therapist kept saying it was just a phase. Reid hadn't felt this combination of anger and sadness in years.
"Where's Aaron Hotchner?" was Reid's immediate response was when he saw the mother of the girl Jen fought on the soccer field.
"Emergency meeting," she said briskly.
She put down a stack of folders and offered her hand.
"Dr. Addison Rayburn. I'm sorry we got off to the wrong foot a few weeks ago."
Reid waved his hand. "I'm a germaphobic. I'm Dr. Spencer Reid. I'm sorry also."
"I didn't know you were an agent for the FBI."
Reid was in no mood for pleasantries. "Would it have made any difference as to what you said to me?"
Rayburn ignored the comment. "Why did you leave? You were one of the top agents at the time."
"My wife died suddenly. Does that add depth to your assessment for the reasons for my daughter's aggression?"
Rayburn stared at him. Reid ignored her and walked over to the podium to turn on the projector.
"I read up on you too Dr. Rayburn. You were one of top research therapists in your field until you offered your skills to the FBI. Why did you leave Advanced Neurologic Innovations two years ago?"
"The hours were crazy, I was going through a messy divorce, and the hours were too hectic," she said defensively. "Does that give any psychological insight as to why my daughter was verbally aggressive?"
Reid looked up. "Not really. A child can learn to adapt to situations and form normal behaviors."
"Then how does that explain your daughter's actions?"
Reid had half a mind to order Rayburn to leave. But he knew that would not look good for his tenure review assessment.
"Do you have a USB drive you need to plug in?" Reid asked.
"So are you. Your daughter needs serious help," Rayburn said.
Reid had never met such a rude woman in his life.
"She is getting help. Now can we get back to the recruitment session?"
"Fine," she said huffily. "Yes I do have a flash drive…"
They exchanged one-word answers for the rest of the session.
…
"Hello Addison," Steph said as she got in the car.
"It is mom and always will be mom Stephanie," Rayburn said she pulled away from the school.
"Talia says I can call her whatever I want including mom."
"Talia is barely old enough to be your mother."
"I'm telling dad you badmouthed her again."
"Go ahead, see if I care," Rayburn said through gritted teeth.
"Maybe dad can use it when refiles to get full custody of me," she said.
Rayburn knew Steph was saying this to try to get a rise out of her. To get her to explode. Steph hated living with her because she was the stereotypical strict parent. Rayburn ignored her.
"I'm doing bad in math again this term. I think I'd be doing much better if I lived with Dad as he has all the math brains you used to say."
"I'll hire you a tutor."
"But that will cost extra money."
"I'll dip into my savings if I have to."
"What happens when it runs out because of all the classes I keep flunking?"
"I made a lot of money at my former job and I am investing it wisely enough to afford you tutors straight through college."
"You sound really tense mom. Is the stress of raising me affecting your health?"
Steph was clearly either doing her homework or getting coached on the subject of pushing her buttons.
"I am as healthy as can be Steph."
Finally the drive ended. Steph leaped out of the car and unlocked the door with her key before Rayburn could even grab her purse.
…
"I HATE YOU!" Jen shouted before slamming her door shut.
Reid had just turned down Morgan's invitation to go down to New York. It wasn't easy but Reid was angry. She was being rude to the sitter Reid made her stay with during her suspension. He tried having a heart-to-heart about missing mom but she merely plugged her ears.
He couldn't take it anymore. He couldn't deal with it. It was too hard and it hurt so much. He dialed a number he hadn't dialed in years and rubbed his chip.
…
Rayburn felt slightly embarrassed being seen at such a meeting. She didn't belong here in a dank room that smelled like stale coffee. She was better than all of them. She had half a mind to turn away but the she saw him.
He looked more at ease in the room. As he came closer she noticed big circles under his eyes. His tie was crooked. He looked as tired as she felt.
Rayburn always took the initiative. "We meet again Dr. Reid," she said somberly.
"I had a feeling I might see you here. Our schools are so close."
"Will that be a problem?" she asked tightly.
"No. I am only here for help with my daughter. I honestly don't care why you're here."
"Well so am I, so your presence doesn't bother me either."
The last two seats left were facing each other in the circle. They purposely looked avoided looking at each other until Reid spoke about his struggle raising his daughter. Reid ignored her intense gaze after that until Rayburn spoke. Then they were both staring at each other as if no one else were in the room.
When the meeting broke up Reid quickly approached her. "Would you like to go and get a better cup of coffee?"
"I'd love to," Rayburn said.