AN/ You should check out this chapter's commentary for a cool AMV for this chapter plus picture/graphic thing I made. Yeah. (Don't worry, the Namiku battle gets a cool AMV too)

Chapter 231: DRAMATIC CHAPTER TITLE HERE

"Why can't you just want to kill me?" Sora sighed, swinging his blade at his Shadow. There were still tears on the edges of his vision, and all of his insides were tied up in knots. "With me gone you wouldn't be dependent on me. With me dead—"

"I said stop trying to be logical about this, Sora," his Shadow spat, blocking the blow, stepping back, swinging his blade. Sora blocked without a problem.

They'd really only been taking turns swinging at each other. They each left more than enough room for the other to block. Sora was having a hard time finding the will to try with this battle, just like his Shadow was.

It was frustrating.

Oh so frustrating.

He didn't even want to be fighting his Shadow.

"It was a rhetorical question!" Sora backed up and sent out a Firaga. His Shadow raised his blade into the spell's path, and it exploded harmlessly once it made contact.

Sora ground his teeth together—at the rate he'd been grinding them, he supposed they'd eventually be ground to nothing. His Shadow was just so infuriating.

Everything about this was infuriating.

"But I guess if you're willing to answer," Sora said, bitterly. "Then why is it you don't want to kill me?"

His Shadow swallowed. Jumped back, out of Sora's immediate reach. Looked off to the side.

Sora could feel his emotions churning, resonating in his own chest. The feel of them about made him sick, and for a moment he pitied the stomach ache his Shadow must've had right now.

"I- I never- never said I was- was willing to ans- answer," Sora's Shadow stammered.

"Maybe I'd like to know," Sora said.

"I'd like to- to know why you don't- don't wanna kill me," his Shadow answered.

Sora ground his teeth again, then lowered both his blade and his guard. It's not like he needed to have it up, anyway. He knew his Shadow wasn't going to attack him.

"Because I don't have to," Sora said. "Because I only ever 'wanted' to because I thought I needed to. Because my only other option was drowning in darkness." His voice cracked, and he paused to clear his throat before daring to continue: "but if I don't have to kill you—"

He broke off. He couldn't say or suggest anymore. It was too painful. It was wishful thinking, because, apparently, he did have to kill his Shadow. He didn't want to. He wished his Shadow would just stop for a second and think this through because death can't have really been his only option.

Right?

"Please, Sora." His Shadow sounded so pitiful. So desperate. In tears.

He still thought this was the only way.

Sora wiped his face, furiously, as warm tears fell from his eyes again.

"Why don't you want to kill me?" he asked, demanded. He didn't care how desperate he sounded. If his Shadow was going to force this on him, then he was going to let his Shadow know just how much he hated him for it. "Just tell me that."

Sora's Shadow shook his head.

"I can't do that."

Sora gritted his teeth. Blinked back tears. Tried not to scream:

"Why not?"

"It's…"

Sora waited, but his Shadow said no more. He only shuffled uncomfortably. There was an uneasiness in his heart that pounded in Sora's chest. A reluctance.

Sora's lips quivered.

"Why not?" he repeated, and he was screaming now.

"It's embarrassing," was all his Shadow could reply.

Sora wanted to punch him. It was embarrassing? What did that matter? If he was desperate enough to beg to be killed, Sora didn't see how embarrassment could hold him back now. Wasn't this already embarrassing enough?

Except…

Sora's clenched fist slowly opened, and his jaw went slack. He gaped at his Shadow, for a long moment, still trying to process the feelings resonating within him. His Shadow's feelings.

He didn't need this Shadow to say it, because he knew.

And, now that he thought about it, he'd known for a while. He'd known at least since this battle started, if not longer. He'd just been trying to deny it. Because it was too embarrassing to think about. Too horrible.

"You…" he began, but couldn't bear to finish.

"Sora, please." His Shadow raised his blade. "Let's just get on with this."

Sora didn't move.

"You… you love me…"

His Shadow froze. There was panic in his eyes.

"I- n-no. No… I… no I don't," he said.

Sora's eyes went wide.

That hadn't been the answer he'd been hoping for. He'd been hoping his Shadow would deny it. Scoff. Laugh it off.

Granted, it wasn't a yes—which Sora'd dreaded—but…

"You hesitated," he said, swallowing.

"N- no… I didn't…" his Shadow replied, drawing his words out, as if that would mask his emotions.

"Tell me you don't love me," Sora pleaded.

"I don't love you."

Sora about sighed in relief, except he didn't believe it. His Shadow hadn't hesitated that time, no, but Sora could still feel his Shadow's thoughts. And they were telling him…

"Then- then why don't you want to kill me…?" Sora asked. That would solve it, wouldn't it? That would answer it. If his Shadow could bear to give a legitimate reason—

But he just shook his head, readied his blade, rushed forward.

Sora blocked, clumsily. He could hardly move due to the roiling of his stomach. His mind spun, trying so, so hard to process this. What he felt about it. His Shadow loved him? Or was it… another emotion—oh he hoped—one he'd misinterpreted?

But, if his Shadow really did love him, then…

Sora wasn't sure what to feel about it. At the moment, all he could process was horror.

He and his Shadow kept fighting, if you could call it fighting. It was really just lazy back-and-forths, blows dealt for show, meant to be blocked. Sora was too busy with his churning thoughts to put any more effort into it, and Sora's Shadow hadn't been trying very hard from the start.

In fact, he was hardly trying now.

He was hardly trying, and Sora hated him for it. It was just fuel for the fire of thoughts Sora didn't want to believe. More evidence.

"Why won't you fight me!?" Sora screamed, chucking his blade at his Shadow. His Shadow didn't even bother blocking it. It scraped past one of his sides as it flew by, and then boomeranged back to Sora. He almost didn't catch it.

"Because…" his Shadow began, reaching up to place his fingers to his forehead. He slowly raked his fingers across his face—a perfect mirror of the scar on Sora's own skin.

Sora's heart clenched in his chest. He didn't need his Shadow to say the words to know what his Shadow was going to say. He could hear them before they even left his Shadow's lips.

"I can't bear the thought of hurting you. Not again."

"That didn't seem to matter when you forced me to kill Maleficent," Sora shouted, his voice shaking. He tried to focus on that, and not the obvious answer. The answer neither of them wanted to admit to, but both knew was true. He tried to make himself keep believing his Shadow was disgusting, though all of those beliefs were long gone.

Sora's Shadow grunted in annoyance, either not happy about the accusation or the fact that Sora'd eavesdropped on his thoughts. Or both.

"Trust me, that wasn't easy to do," he argued. "But I didn't have another choi—"

"YES YOU DID!" Sora raked his fingers through his hair, his grip tightening on his blade. "You could've just asked me to help you with her and then—"

"THAT'S NOT THE POINT."

"Then what is?"

Sora's Shadow just shook his head.

It's not like he needed to speak, though. His heart was so horribly guarded that Sora could practically hear every emotion and every thought pounding in it. The memories were clear, too.

Sora'd puked after the battle with Maleficent. The strain on his body had been horrible, and the strain on his emotions even worse. His Shadow, after running from Disney Castle, had dry heaved for nearly an hour—trying to puke even though his body had nothing to get rid of. Disgust wasn't something you could expel through your lungs. Self-loathing wasn't, either.

Sora didn't need to hear his Shadow say "I hated myself for forcing you through that" because he knew.

He knew.

"Oh my gosh…"

Sora squeezed his eyes shut, but the tears wouldn't be stopped.

"I'm sorry," his Shadow gasped.

Sora shook his head, swallowed the bile that had risen in his throat again. He couldn't run from the realization anymore, because he could feel it beating in his Shadow's heart. He could hardly even be horrified at it, anymore.

"You love me," he said, again.

And this time there was no hesitation in his voice. He was certain now.

"NO!" his Shadow protested, his heart roaring with denial.

But there was no convincing Sora otherwise. Not anymore.

"You love me!" he repeated, yelling the words at the top of his lungs. He wanted his Shadow to admit it. If they were to suffer this, they were going to suffer it together.

"NO I DON'T!"

"Admit it!"

"I DON'T LOVE YOU SORA, I HATE YOU!"

He chucked darkness at the ground as he screamed and screeched in protest. Not a single blow came anywhere near hitting Sora. They all hit the ground and roared up around him, but none were close enough to be dangerous.

Sora hung his head.

This was too much.

Was his Shadow's heart constricted like this, too? Did the realization make it hard to breathe, like it did for Sora? He was positive of what he felt, but that didn't mean he was happy with it. How was he supposed to continue with the knowledge that his Shadow loved him?

"I HATE YOU! I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU, SORA! I HATE YOU I HATE! EVERYTHING! I HATE EVERYTHING!"

Sora's knees gave way beneath him. He buried his face in his hands.

Why had he let it get this far? Why hadn't he just bit the bullet and killed his Shadow sooner? As horrible as that thought was, it was better than this one. He'd have rather gone in ignorance…

The sound of his Shadow slumping to the ground made him look up. His Shadow had fallen to his knees, hands tearing at his hair as he trembled with sobs.

"Do- do you see why I want to die now?" he demanded. His voice trembled as much as his body did, and there was contempt in it. "I'm an abomination for loving you of all… of all people. I don't want to feel like this anymore. Sora please…"

Sora nodded, very slowly.

He understood.

His Shadow wanted to die because he thought it'd be release. He thought there was nothing after death, and feeling nothing was better than feeling love for Sora. Feeling nothing was better than feeling any of the things he was feeling.

Sora wasn't quite sure if death meant nothingness, but maybe for his Shadow, it did. He was just darkness taken physical form. Was there a life after death for dark creatures like him? Or did they really just cease to exist?

Sora didn't know, and supposed he'd never know.

But he couldn't keep this going any longer. It was too cruel of him, and he'd never enjoyed being cruel.

So he got to his feet.

Picked his blade up off the ground.

Raised it to strike.

He didn't say a word.

He didn't have to.

Sora's Shadow smiled, and got to his feet, too.

He closed his eyes.

Opened his arms wide to receive the blow.

"Thank you."

Sora could hardly see through his tears. Each step towards his Shadow was slow and arduous. His feet were like lead. If his arms weren't already raised to deal the blow, he doubted he would've been able to get them up, either. They were just as heavy as his feet.

He cried the whole time. A mess of tears and sobs he couldn't hold back.

It's for the better, he told himself. It's what he wants. You can do it.

It was still hard. He still didn't really want to… but…

Finally—finally—he managed to deliver the finishing blow.

He shoved his blade through his Shadow's chest, and that's all it took.

His Shadow erupted into light then and there—tiny little particles of light. Well, there was one particle that was bigger than the rest. It was about the size of Sora's fist, and shone quite a bit brighter.

The rest of the particles floated away from Sora and his blade, still holding up the ghostly image of his Shadow.

"There it is," his Shadow laughed. His voice was grainy and distant. "The heart I shouldn't have—I stole it from you. Not on purpose, of course."

Sora cupped the larger bit of light—the heart—in his hands.

"It's mine?"

"Can't be mine," his Shadow replied.

Sora wasn't sure if that was quite true, but he wasn't sure how to argue, either.

"What do you want me to do with it?" he asked, looking up at his Shadow.

"Take it back," his Shadow said, like it were obvious. "You don't exactly have another choice… If you don't, it's either gonna become a Heartless, or worse, end up in the Organization's Kingdom Hearts."

Both of those options would be bad.

Sora nodded, and held the heart to his chest. It melted into him.

"Goodbye, Sora," his Shadow said.

"Goodbye…"

And then his Shadow's image was gone.

Sora closed his eyes and took a deep breath. This was hardly closure, but he admitted that, now the heart was back in his chest, he felt a little fuller. More stable.

He ran a hand over his face. Part of this was to wipe away any remaining tears, but the rest was just out of exhaustion. The past few hours had been really draining physically, and emotionally, well, after that battle…

"Gee, Sora… are you okay?"

Sora opened his eyes at the sound of Mickey's voice. He turned to the King and smiled a smile that was much more confident than he actually felt.

"I'm okay," he said. Then the smile fell a little, as he realized he had no idea how long Mickey'd been standing there—or, nearby. He ran a hand nervously through his hair, his cheeks flushing with heat. "How, uh- how much did you see?"

The thought of anyone besides him and his Shadow knowing about the whole… about this battle was incredibly embarrassing. And Mickey, of all people, knowing… Especially if he'd been around long enough to hear Sora and his Shadow arguing about… his Shadow… loving him…

"I saw you deal the finishing blow," Mickey replied. He didn't say any more, which almost made Sora wonder if he wasn't telling the whole truth…

Sora let out a long breath, relieved. He reached up to wipe his cheeks again—he was still crying. Not quite as hard as before, but a little.

"Are ya sure you're okay?" Mickey asked.

"I… yeah," Sora said. "I didn't really wanna kill him… but…" He hesitated, rethinking what he was going to say. Telling Mickey of his Shadow's death wish didn't seem like a good idea. He doubted his Shadow wanted anyone to know, let alone Mickey. He'd sent Kairi away for a reason, after all.

"But I didn't have another choice," Sora finished.

He realized he still had to explain why, exactly, he hadn't wanted to kill his Shadow. Mickey'd likely be curious about that. Sora didn't get a chance, though. Mickey nodded, solemnly, then said:

"Well, I hate to ask something of ya, especially now, but I need a favor."

"Sure."

Sora didn't even hesitate. It'd be rude to refuse, and anyway, there were probably more important things going on than what he felt towards his Shadow's death.

"Xemnas is still alive," Mickey said.

Sora raised his eyebrows. "He was dead? Or, well, he obviously wasn't ever actually dead, but—"

"Oh, that's right, you weren't there." Mickey chuckled a little. "Well, Riku 'n Roxas fought him, and he faked a very convincing death. But then I saw 'im after Roxas left—"

"You were there?"

"I was waitin' around, to see if they needed my help," Mickey explained. "They were already fightin' him when I got there, and they seemed to be handling it pretty well…"

"Except he's still alive," Sora said.

Mickey nodded. "Mmhmm."

"Well… what do you need me for?"

"I need ya to help me defeat him for good," Mickey said, very seriously. "He's retreated to his Kingdom Hearts—I think he's gonna use it to… well… who knows what, but I can't be good!"

"Right!"

And they were off.