SEVENTEEN
(Still Saturday)

"You didn't have to act like it hurt," Tonks hissed between teeth tightly clenched in a plastered-on smile as she ushered him back down the aisle. Her lips never moved.

"It did hurt."

"It was a bloody kiss, not a Jobberknoll bite."

"Not the kiss; I felt the call."

"It wasn't even a proper kiss."

"The Dark Mark burned."

"Oh. So what you're saying is that while you were kissing me, you were thinking about the Dark Lord." She grinned cheekily and Snape cursed under his breath. Then he caught the dark glint in her eye. She was itching for a fight. He rather wished he could accommodate her.

"Ruddy stupid of Ol' Moldsworthy to leave your mark on you when you left his employment, if you ask me," Tonks continued.

"He hadn't intended me to survive the experience, if you'll kindly recall." As it was, Snape was convinced that his erstwhile master had done something to the Mark. It still hurt like the blazes when it was activated, but he didn't get the call to join in the festivities.

"May I be the first to introduce Professor and Mrs. Snape!" Josephus Elkins was proclaiming to the multitudes. Ernestine Hibbins stood discreetly at his side with a glass of champagne in each hand. Snape wasn't entirely certain how they'd gotten out to the courtyard already, but he had a sinking suspicion he'd been just been exchanging inane pleasantries with well-wishers. "To the bride and groom!" When Elkins drained his glass of champagne, Hibbins quickly replaced it with another.

Tonks' muttering was largely drowned out by the cheering. "I told him I was keeping my own name. How long before we can get out of here?"

Snape allowed Tonks to respond to the second wave of effusive, if sophomoric, well-wishers that flowed toward them. For his part, he plastered a look across his face that communicated his general disdain for the proceedings and his particular preference toward eating live slugworms rather than chatting mindlessly with the utterly idiotic guests. Under his guise of complete boredom, he kept a watch on the open bar. It was popular, and, if the general level of silliness was any indication, his work was garnering results. The champagne toast had been quite useful as well. It had taken him several hours of experimentation before it occurred to him that the solution to the corked bottle problem was to coat the inside of the crystal flutes instead. "Strictly speaking, our actual presence was only legally required for the ceremony itself."

Tonks was toying with a glass of champagne, but she did not drink it. Snape was mostly relieved that she hadn't spilled it on him. Yet. The the night, he supposed, was still technically young. "I think they might notice if we suddenly vanished."

His face twitched dangerously near a smile as he caught sight of the Weasley twins. "Indeed. We should make sure to remain conspicuously present for the remainder of the night."

"There will be dancing, husband. They will expect us to participate."

"I have taken that into account." Given certain potions he had provided, it was likely that the Chicken Dance that Arthur Weasely had insisted was a traditional Muggle dance would involve actual chickens. It was not something he was keen on witnessing.

"Oh? Knowing you, that sounds suspiciously like an escape plan."

"Could you perhaps convince your mother to stop staring at me? I know that look. Bellatrix wore it when she wasn't sure whether to kill someone or just torture them into insensibility."

"Mother won't kill you."

Snape snorted. "That's what I was afraid of. Did you warn her about the...?"

"Oops," she said with flat insincerity. "Must've somehow slipped my mind."

Snape had a feeling that was something they would live to regret, but his bride wore a vicious expression of her own.

It was fifteen excruciating minutes later before Fred and George Weasley finally sidled up beside them.

"Everything in order?" Fred said.

"We're ready on our end of things," George added. "The first round of canapés ought to begin circulating at any moment now."

"Everything is well in hand, then. There is just one more thing," Snape said. "We need you to meet us in the dungeons in five minutes' time."

The twins seemed curious, but not nearly as wary as they should have been. They merely nodded and drifted away again. Well, Fred merely nodded. George also touched his finger to the side of his nose and winked outrageously. Subtlety, Snape reminded himself, was not a Weasley trait.

Snape looked around. "Now how do we make our exit without being observed?"

"We're the bride and groom, Sarkypoo. Special rules apply to us. There's no sneaking required." Tonks grinned and took him by the hand. "Just leave this part to me."

"What now?" Tonks looked around the Potions classroom. She hadn't seen it this much of a disaster since Archie Leech had set off a chain reaction of exploding cauldrons in her third year. It had never even occurred to her that Snape could make such a mess. Apparently he'd been very busy.

Snape drew her into his office and opened the door to his chambers beyond. Then he looked down at her. "We're going to need to remove our clothing for this to work."

"Oh?"

"Definitely." He stepped closer to her. "And I'll need a strand of your hair."

Tonks found herself laughing. She turned around so her back was to him. "Help me out of this dress, then. There's no way I'm getting free of it on my own."

When at last she was released from the dress, she turned and helped Snape unbutton his dress robes over his protests that he didn't need her assistance. "Bloody hell, man. D'ya have enough buttons?"

"All the more for you to push."

Tonks stuck her tongue out then reached up and plucked a strand of hair for her head. She handed it to Snape before sauntering off into his chamber to find other clothing. It was funny; never in her life had she ever imagined stealing clothing out of Snape's wardrobe, but now she'd gone and done it twice.

When she returned, Fred and George had made their appearance. Snape had the Polyjuice Potion ready and was attempting to coax them into drinking it. He did not seem to be having much success.

"This was not part of the deal." George removed a comically large contract scroll from the inside pocket of his jacket. "If you'll look here at paragraph seventeen, clause eight..."

"We never actually signed a contract," Tonks reminded him.

"And why are you dressed up like Snape?" Fred asked suspiciously.

"Because I don't have any clothing here and he does. As you blokes will need the gown, I'm afraid it's either this or sneaking about in my knickers, and I've already done that enough for one day."

"Just think of the chaos you can cause," Snape continued. "The confusion. The unbridled mayhem..."

George folded his arms across his chest. "You're asking one of us to be a girl!"

"I'll be Tonks," Fred volunteered.

"Are you out of your mind?"

Fred shrugged. "Could be. But it'll be fun."

Snape was regarding Fred with narrowed eyes and George looked doubtful. Tonks wasn't certain how she looked, but she'd put a galleon on "gobsmacked."

"I don't think you're thinking this through, mate," George said.

"I definitely am." Before anyone else had a chance to lodge a protest, Fred downed the Polyjuice Potion in one gulp and wiped his mouth. "Tastes a bit like Drooble's Best Blowing Gum. Take your potion, Georgie."

George looked down at the unctuous black liquid in the beaker. "I don't think it'll taste like blowing gum."

Tonks clapped him on the shoulder. "Be brave, lad." Then she watched curiously as Fred stretched and shrunk and generally transformed into her. "Is that what I look like?"

"On occasion," Snape answered. "It does seem to be subject to change without notice."

"Yetch," George said, wiping his mouth. "Right then, why did you suddenly think that this was a good idea?"

Fred grinned widely. The expression didn't flatter her face, Tonks decided. "How many opportunities does a bloke get to be a metamorphmagus?"

"Oh bugger." George regarded Fred/Tonks with a look of respect and envy as his features stretched and transformed into a likeness of Snape. "I should have thought of that."

Snape handed each of them a flask. "There ought to be enough in there to get you two through the rest of the evening. Cause as much mayhem as you reasonably can, but do not make me regret this. You know I will find you. You can't imagine what I could do to you. And if I happen to run out of creative ways of punishing you, I'll turn you over to my bride."

George/Snape shuddered.

Tonks pointed at the wedding gown and dress robes. "Don't forget to change." She turned to Snape. "Where to next?"

"I thought you might want to find the fray and join in."

The fray? Tonks thought at first that he meant the melee that would soon be occurring in the courtyard. No, he meant the battle between the Aurors and the Death Eaters. Oh, that was tempting... "That's back in London somewhere..."

"We can Apparate there. I'll take you side-along again."

Tonks found herself frowning.

"I will remind you that walking is not an option, and it's not like that underground train you're so fond of can take us all the way."

Her frown deepened. Something was nagging at her. "But if the call happened a half hour ago and we have to walk all the way out past the Apparation barriers..."

He touched the silver necklace with one finger. "As we still have this, I don't think we need to concern ourselves with that."

Her frown deepened further. There was something about the Underground. "It's underground. The Underground!"

"Yes the Underground is underground. I would think that falls squarely into the realm of things which are immediately self-evident."

She waved a hand in his general direction, wishing he'd shut his gob long enough for her to think properly. "No, you nattering prat! It was when we were on the Piccadilly line that night. For just a second I thought I saw a white face. 'Course, I was piss drunk, so I didn't think too much of it at the time, but what if what I saw wasn't a face? What if it was a mask?"

"Malfoy said it was underground."

"So did Avery. And there are disused stations all over London. Grampy used to tell me about them. And Grandmum said to avoid the trains. So we're right! We just need to find the right one... we need to find a map."

Snape grinned. "First we gather our supplies. Then we really ought to find the Headmaster."

"You!" Tonks spotted Dumbledore first; thankfully he was alone in the second floor hallway. She covered the distance between them at a pace which would have lost her several house points when she was a student and came to a skidding stop before him.

"Just the man," Snape confirmed as he billowed up alongside her.

Dumbledore inclined his head. "The Bloody Baron had mentioned that you were looking for me. Yet, curiously, when I spoke to you down in the courtyard, you seemed to know nothing of the matter."

"Lift your robes." When he didn't move fast enough for her liking, Tonks started to assist him.

"Honestly, Miss Tonks, I must protest."

"It's Professor Snape," she corrected, feeling a bit giddy. "Now up with 'em."

"Professor Snape, then, I really must protest your disrobing of my person."

"Your scar, Headmaster," Snape explained. "We need to see a map of the Muggle Underground you have on your knee."

"Ah." Dumbledore obligingly skirted the hem of his robes up to display the scar in question. "I had rather suspected that someday it would prove to be invaluable. Things like this so often are."

"It will only be invaluable if it has the abandoned stops as well."

"Here," Tonks pointed. "There's the Piccadilly line. We got on at the Caledonian Road stop right about - ah, there - and went this way... There's King's Cross, Russell Square, Holborn... Covent Garden, the Circus..."

Snape bent closer to examine the line of the scar. He pointed to a faint mark. "What's that?"

"Down Street, I think. Don't think that's it, though... they give tours. But it has to be close... Hyde Park Corner, Knightsbridge... there! What's that between Knightsbridge and South Kensington?"

"A freckle?"

"I think it's another disused station."

"Brompton Road, I should think," Dumbledore said. "I remember I visited there once to brief the Prime Minister on the Grindelwald situation. It is now sadly neglected."

All things considered, Tonks felt that the Headmaster was being very accommodating about their appropriation and inspection of his knee. She shared a glance with Snape. "That's it, then."

He gave her a hand up. "Indeed. Let's go."