NERV Bets On Death Battle

by DSX62415

Shinji, Toji and Kensuke come across a set of boxes not only containing a popular internet show, but also incriminating evidence against NERV and SELEE. How do they respond to this: scamming their so called "co-workers" to the point of NERV's downfall, that's how! Rated M right from the get go (I ain't waiting for Justin Beiber VS Rabecca Black) Thanks to Yoshi3000 for helping out

4. True Chapter 2

NERV Bets On Death Battle

Chapter 2: Raging Demons: Akuma VS Shang Tsung

(Warning: All properties belong to their respective copyright owners. EVA to Gainax, Death Battle to Screwattack, Merch to Yoshi3000, Street Fighter to Capcom, Mortal Kombat to Neather Realm Studios, you get the idea.)

(Author's Note #1: Alright, after writing the first real episodes on Deviantart, I think I got the hang of how I'm gonna write the differences between the people reacting and the actual episode itself. So to make things clear: normal font signifies reactions non-Wiz and Boomstick speach, bold font signifies Wiz and Boomstick talking during the episode and things relating to the episode like the fight, and bold font that's been underlined covers stats and things from the "Board of Wiz-dom". That being said, let's kick off the actual second episode of NERV Bets On Death Battle!)

At NERV headquarters. Beware!

It was the Thursday of NERV's weekly drug testing as we see Shinji and Toji in the same waiting room where all of the test samples while the third child runs over the plan with the fourth child one last time as we hear Shinji say "Alright, here's the plan: you talk up Dr. Akagi so she can't take the samples to the lab while..."

Toji continues where Shinji leaves off by stating "While you use the replicator thing we got from Merch to make copies of Asuka and Mari's samples to switch out with the real ones. Then we meet up with Kensuke who will be waiting with Merch at the school with the stuff in hand to make the final trade-off with Merch. Got it."

Shinji then replies by saying "Good. Asuka should be done with hers any minute now. Once she places it on the table and leaves, that's your to talk it up with the good doctor."

Toji states in a readied tone "I'm ready when you are, bro."

We then see Asuka who was now in her school uniform instead of her red and orange Plug Suit placing her test sample with the others before leaving the room as Shinji gives the signal for Toji to put the plan into action as he walks up to Ritsuko and began to ask "So uh, doc. I'm considering taking some sort of performance enhancing supplements to help me out with piloting my EVA, but I'm wondering which ones would get me in trouble during a drug test. Do you mind helping me out with it by giving me some info on which ones would be right for me?"

Ritsuko was somewhat hesitant as she replied "I suppose, but we'll have to make it quick. Those drug test samples need to get to the lab ASAP, or else they'll be worthless and we'll all have to take it again."

Toji responds by saying "I'm sure it would only take like, a minute. Hey, mind if we talk outside in the hall real quick?"

Ritusko hesitantly replied "Very well, but only for a few seconds."

Toji simply replies "That should be plenty of time."

Toji and Ritsuko step out of the room before Shinji springs into action by locating Asuka and Mari's DNA samples on the table. He then uses the replicator to scan Asuka's cup before making a copy to replace the original as he does the same to Mari's. When he was done with his work, Shinji placed both of the original samples inside of a small freezer bag before giving Toji the signal that his part of the plan was done, causing the fourth child to cut his talk with the doctor short as she was in the middle of saying "And then there's always..."

"You know on second thought, maybe we should talk about this when you aren't busy with stuff like drug testing. How's tomorrow afternoon for you?"

Ritsuko simply answered by saying "Come meet me after school, then we'll talk."

Leaving Toji to respond by going "Great. See ya' tomorrow, doc."

Toji then meets up with Shinji on their way out of the base as he asks the third child "Did you get the stuff?"

To which Shinji responds by saying "Got it in this bag. Let's regroup at the school to meet with Kensuke and Merch."

Toji then gets the idea of asking "Wait, what about Misato's hair?"

Shinji then answers by stating "Got it straight from her hair brush using a pair of tweezers. We're all set."

Which leaves the fourth child to resopnd "Sweet. Let's go."

The two then quickly made their way to the school using an ability they managed to learn from one of the "Reality Altering Magic for Dummies" books by warping space and time around them so the samples would still be as fresh as possible by the time they arrived. They had finally reached the roof of the school seconds later with Kensuke and Merch waiting patiently for their arrival before the suit wearing Warper begins to say "Well, well, well. You boys actually showed up. You got the stuff?"

Shinji steps forward to hand Merch the bag while saying "Got it in this bag. And before you ask, the hair is in a separate sandwich bag inside."

Merch then grabbed something that looked like a tablet computer, but somehow different for some reason as a scanning beam went over both of the samples and the hair to make sure that they were indeed the real thing. A beeping sound then goes off as Merch says "Well whadya' know, they're the real deal alright. You boys actually came through. And just in time too, I already have a buyer for this stuff."

Merch then did a few things with the tablet as the samples and the hair then disappeared into thin air before another beeping sound went off, which leaves Kensuke to ask "Hey, how'd you do all that stuff with just a tablet?"

Merch then replies by stating "This, my dear boy is no ordinary tablet. It's the most coveted and powerful tool that a Warper could ever possess: the BlackTab.

Toji responds by asking "BlackTab?"

Merch continued his explanation by going "Named after the family that created the technology used to make 'em: the Blackthorns. Anyone who comes into possession of one of these bad boys can instantly go up to being either a level 9 or 10 Warper.

Shinji throws his two cents into the discussion by going "I've actually been meaning to ask you about that, is it possible or us to become level 10 Warpers on our own, or are we gonna need one of those things to do it?"

Merch can only respond by stating "In the case of you guys, It's just not possible for you to reach level 10. Level 10 Warpers can only be created when an Earth Prime born level 7 Warper falls into an alternate fictional universe, becoming a part of it. And before you ask, travel to Earth Prime is strictly illegal for fictional characters, same deal with Warpers. And even if you did have a Blacktab in your possession, the highest level you could possibly go is level 9, putting you on par with characters like the Master Hand and Crazy Hand from Super Smash Brothers. Otherwise, the highest level you can reach on your own would be level 6, which is still a good place to be when you're a Warper."

Even knowing that they would never reach level 10, Shinji had to ask "And you wouldn't happen to have any that you would be willing to sell to us, would you?"

To which Merch replies "I wish. The Blackthorn family only makes these things for themselves or in very rare cases, close friends of the family. Matter of fact, I'm pretty much the only person outside of the main or extended family that owns one of these bad boys, and that's only because I'm friends with the family's matriarch and patriarch."

Hearing that gave the fourth child an idea as he asked "And I guess you can't introduce us to any of 'em so we can befriend them and get BlackTabs for ourselves, right?"

Which leads Merch to respond by saying "Smart kid. And here I thought that you were just the muscle of the operation."

We then hear the BlackTab give off another beeping sound before Merch looks at the device before saying "And we have payment."

The level 10 Warper then shows the boys the amount of money that their grabbings made as we see the boys become surprised (well, not so much surprised as shocked) at the total when we hear Shinji yell out "20,000,000 Yen?!"

To which Toji ads on by stating "That's like 2,000,000 big ones in the US!"

Kensuke chimes in by saying "Man, I guess pervs really are willing to pay big for stuff like that."

To make matters more cringe worthy, Merch decided to say "Would you believe that half of this is from Asuka's DNA alone?"

Hearing this left a mortified Shinji to go "I don't even want to think about it."

Which causes Merch to try and do some damage control by saying "Well, maybe your cut of the sale will take your mind off of it. Take a look at your phones."

Each of the boys took a look at the new phones they had gotten from their "Welcome to Being a Reality Warper" gift baskets to see a text message reading "2,000,000 Yen has been added to your dimensional bank account."

Of course, the third child is left to ask "Let me guess, our broker's fee?"

To which Merch replies by confirming "10% for each of you, just like I said. Just don't go on a mad spending spree with that without using an ability that can disguise who you really are from others or they're gonna start asking questions."

Which Kensuke replies by saying "Got it."

Merch then straightened up his tie before saying "Well then, you boys just ring me up whenever you want to do business again, and until then, I bid you gentlemen good day."

The dimensional businessman then used his BlackTab to teleport off of the building's roof as the boys were left to ponder what to do with some of their recently acquired small fortunes as we hear Toji go "Well, now that we got some major bank, what do you guys think we should do with it first?"

Shinji, being the smarter of the three reminded the others about the situation by stating "Remember what Merch said: we can't go around spending this stuff like crazy while we're ourselves, or else people are gonna start asking questions and possibly throw the whole plan into jeopardy. Right now, the best course of action would be to just use the money we get from NERV to buy stuff until we can master whatever forms of reality altering magic to disguise ourselves in every way possible...and THEN we can go on a crazy spending spree."

Kensuke was the first to respond to this by saying "I can get behind that plan. How 'bout we check the number of hits our website's been getting while we read some more of those books that Merch gave us? That way, we can be ready to use what we learn from 'em for as long as we want or need when the time comes?"

This brings Shinji to answer by saying "Sounds like a good idea to me. Toji?"

"Eh, why not. I've already made sure that Sakura has everything she needs for the day, and I ain't got anything better to do." replied the muscular fourth child.

The boys then spent the rest of the day at Toji's place doing activities such as reading from the books that Merch gave them in order to learn the skills inside, maintaining their version of the "Screwattack" website made by Kensuke thanks to the knowledge he gained from the "for Dummies" books that taught how to make and maintain a website, which was doing fairly well with gaining web traffic thanks to the NERV employees showing it to other people they knew...except for Gendo. Nobody shared the video with him since they knew that if he ever found out what his son was doing behind his back every Friday night, he'd be on everyone like ugly on an ape. Friday night had came at last as we cut to see that the boys were getting everything ready for their "audience" to watch the next fight before we hear Kensuke call out "Alright, I got the projector all warmed up."

Cut to Toji standing next to a fully loaded snack table as he responds "Snack table's all set up."

And Shinji rising from behind the betting booth before saying "And I got the money box hidden inside of our betting booth for safe keeping.

Hearing about the cash made the fourth child realize something as we hear him ask "Hey, wait a minute. I just thought of something: how are we supposed to split the money from all this?"

Toji wasn't the only one who had been thinking about this subject as we hear Shinji respond by saying "Yeah, I've been thinking about that, and I think we should split the money every time 15,000 Yen we make, or something like that. That way, all three of us walk away with 5000 Yen every time, and we won't have to complain about the possibility of someone making more than the others."

Of course the fourth child had to ponder this idea for a few minutes before coming up with his answer by going "That actually ain't that bad of an idea. But what if we haul in more than 15,000 Yen after a battle?"

Well, apparently Shinji had thought of that too as we then hear him go "I was technically thinking having what would be left over from the division being put back in the money box until we can divide it up equally again."

Toji might not be the brightest bulb in the box, but he knew what a good idea was when he heard it as we hear him say "I guess that could work."

Kensuke then threw his two cents into the mix by replying "Yeah, I can get behind that distribution method. Especially if we keep hauling in the kind of cash we did last week every time."

The boys finish setting up a few minutes later as we see that our audience from last week show off their invites to get in before mingling with one another and trying to figure out who was fighting next in tonight's match up. Such a case would be Misato with Ritsuko and the bridge bunnies as we see the violet haired Major crack open a beer as she asks "So, who do you guys think is fighting this week?"

Aoba sheds some light on the situation by stating "I know for a fact that the symbol we saw in last week's preview belongs to Akuma from Street Fighter, which means he's definitely gonna be a fighter in tonight's episode. His opponent however is still a total mystery to me."

It was Maya's turn to contribute to the mystery as we hear her say "Well, the creepy voice did say something about souls. Do you think it could be someone from Soul Calibur fighting him?"

To which the bespectacled bridge bunny replies "Maybe, but it could also just as easily be someone from Mortal Kombat since during the 90's before Second Impact, those two game series were major rivals in the arcades. Hell, I remember having to wait in line just to play either of them growing up."

The female of the three BBs turns to her guitar playing co-worker (yes, Hyuga knows how to play guitar) and asks "Who do you think is fighting, Hyuga?"

The downer of the group chooses to reply by going "Don't know, don't care as long as I get a kick ass fight out of it."

Turning out attention away from those guys, let's cut over to Asuka talking to Mari, who was still a tad bit sore after losing a good amount of Yen during the Boba/Samus fight.

"Oh, come on, four-eyes. So you lost some money last week, big freaking whoop. If you choose to bet this week, there's always the chance that you can make your money back, and then some."

The brunette European pilot perks up before saying "I suppose you're right, princess. I guess we'll just have to wait until the fight to find out."

The scene then shifts to Shinji standing next to Toji and Kensuke behind the projector before we hear him say "Alright, I'm gonna go warm up the crowd and get 'em ready for the fight."

Kensuke, giving some confidence states "Break a leg, bro."

The third child then got up in front of the projection screen to begin his pre-fight monologue.

"Alright everyone, I wanna thank you guys again for coming out of the wood work for a night of some rowdy good secret fun. Now, who's ready for more Death Battle?"

The crowd mummers in approval as Shinji continues by going "Alright, let's do this. Play it, Kensuke."

Kensuke starts up the video, but we're gonna skip the ad for GameFly to go straight to what you really came here to read as "Invader" starts to play and Wiz kicks things off right.

"Street Fighter, Mortal Kombat: kings of the fighting game genre. And with every good fighting game comes the need for awesome villains."

All Aoba could say was "Called it."

Boomstick introduces his fighter by stating "Like Akuma, the ultimate badass with martial arts."

While Wiz introduces the challenger by adding "And Shang Tsung, the sorcerer vanguard of doom."

Leaving Aoba to say "Again, totally called it."

Asuka groans about the fighters before saying "Great, this is gonna be a total testosterone fest." in a sarcastic manner. Sarcasm: can't live witht it, can't live without.

"He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick."

Wiz concludes the intro by going "And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle."

The audience was growing in concern as we hear Aoba state "I'm already placing my money on Akuma to take it because he was always so freaking cheap whenever I had to face him."

Hyuga couldn't care less about who was fighting as we hear him say "This better be good."

Enter the raging demon of Street Fighter: the beast known as Akuma as Wiz opens his rundown by saying "Akuma, master of the fist. Also known as Gouki in Japan, he is a living weapon who is ten times stronger than nearly every other member of the Street Fighter roster."

Of course Boomstick threw in a piece of useless, but none the less good info by stating "Plus he looks freaking awesome. I want me some glowing red eyes."

Mari responds to Boomstick's remarks by saying "Mine turn green when I use "Beast Mode" with my EVA, but I wouldn't mind 'em turning red though."

Asuka sighed before saying "Figured you would side with someone as stupid as Boomstick."

Misato was sort of taken aback by Akuma's slightly demonic appearance as we hear her say "Man, that guy looks scary."

To which Ritusuko replies "Agreed."

Gou Hadouken

Total Control

Can Fire Multiple Shots at Once

Shinku Hadouken

Can be Charged

Usable While in Midair (Zanku Hadouken)

Wiz starts up the special attack rundown by stating "Akuma has dozens of special attacks that he can use, including the Gou Hadouken: a powerful blast with precision control. He's also capable of using the almighty Shinku Hadouken, which is basically a giant fireball of death."

Boomstick chimes in by saying "Man, if I ever fire a Hadouken in real life, I'ma die happy."

Aoba, being the seasoned Street Fighter player that he was adds on by stating "Not to mention that it's more powerful than Ryu or Ken's versions."

All Mari cared about in this whole talk about Hadoukens was the fact that they were giant fireballs of death, stating "I wanna fire Hadoukens too. Those angels would be toast."

All Asuka could do was facepalm from listening to the words that were coming from Mari's mouth.

Super Moves and Attacks

Gou Shoryuken ("Dragon Fist")

"Air Slashing" Hurricane Kick

Teleport

Hyakki Shuu ("Demon Flip")

Continuing the rundown, Wiz goes "Akuma also uses the Shoryuken uppercut, a teleporting ability, a swift, multi-hit striking Hurricane Kick, and the Hyakki Shuu, AKA: "The Demon Flip"."

Ritusko was rather impressed by the ability to teleport, saying "I have to admit that teleporting would be a nice ability to have when you need to go from one place to another rather quickly."

Misato, thinking of more how should I put this...lazy ass reasons threw in her two cents on the matter by adding "Or if you really want a beer and you don't want to walk to the fridge from the couch."

The "good doctor" could only roll her eyes at her friend's remarks.

Super Arts

Shinku Hadouken

Kongou Kokuretsu Zan

Shun Goku Satsu/ the "Raging Demon" (literally translates into "Instant Hell Murder")

It was Boomstick's turn to have a go at explaining Akuma's mad skills as we hear him say "Akuma's also got a ton of Super Arts, but only two really stand out. First there's the Kongou Kokuretsu Za-how do you say that?"

Wiz replies "No Idea."

Everyone in the audience almost instantly yelled out "Kongou Kokuretsu Zan"!

Asuka throws fuel to the flames by going "Learn the language if you're gonna use it, you morons!"

Boomstick just decides to skip trying to pronounce it and just says "Well, I'm pretty sure that's Japanese for "Fuck You Up!" cause basically, Akuma punches the ground, and things explode. Akuma slams his fists into the ground to create powerful shockwaves that can send his opponents flying. He even shattered a whole friggin' island just by punching it, holy shit!"

Of course people were gonna be surprised at hearing this massive feat of strength as we hear Misato yell out "The fuck?!"

To which Mari added on by saying "He punched an island and caused it to explode in just one hit?!"

To throw even more fuel on the fire, Wiz pointed out "But that's not the deadliest weapon up his non-existent sleeve.", leaving Mari and Misato to both yell out "The double fuck?!"

Cut to video of Akuma using the deadliest attack that anyone with access to the Satsui No Haodu could ever perform: the GODDAMN RAGING DEMON on some poor sucker as the audience was in awe when they saw the violet flurry of punching effects before Akuma's opponent lied presumably dead at his feet as he faces away from the camera to show off the same glowing symbol from the preview on the back of his gi, to which Maya calls out "It's that symbol again!"

Strausberg gets his first line of dialogue in this chapter as he replies "I guess that's his personal emblem or something."

Wiz gives us the details on the deadly combo as he goes "The Shun Goku Satsu, also known as the Raging Demon, but literally translates into "Instant Hell Murder"."

Of course Boomstick had to chime in by adding "Man, I'm totally naming my first kid that."

Well, apparently Mari was thinking the same thing as we hear her state "That would be the most awesome baby name ever."

Leaving Asuka to simply facepalm again at Mari's remarks, wondering why she was even friends with her.

The discussion of the furiously powerful attack wasn't done yet, as Boomstick adds on to his rundown.

"The Raging Demon at full power is fatal, but this guy is still a freaking onslaught of pain without it."

Wiz went on to say "That's right, Boomstick. Akuma lives for one thing and one thing only: fighting. He travels the world day and night, seeking out worthy opponents. He is nothing short of an unstoppable human holocaust, losing only once to his brother Gouken. But after a brutal rematch...

We cut to the comic page of Gouken's dead body being held up by a single wall with his blood being used to paint Akuma's symbol above him as Boomstick makes one of his worst jokes on the show "Oh he look, he can finger paint."

Of course this prompts a collective "NOT FUNNY!" from pretty much everyone in the audience.

Wiz cuts in and continues the analysis by stating "It was rumored that Akuma sacrificed his soul to a demon for the power he needed to beat Gouken, but this has since deemed non-canon."

The pros had to end sometime, as Boomstick points out "Despite his sheer awesome might, Akuma's got one major problem though: his stamina is absolutely pathetic. Sure he can dish out a punch, but he sure as hell can't take one."

Aoba recalls his past experiences with the savage warrior by saying "That's why I would always try and stay in the corner of the screen and spam him with energy blasts whenever I could every time I had to face him."

Wiz begins the final touches of Akuma's rundown by saying "It's crucial for Akuma to have total control over the fight. He take son an extremely offensive approach to fighting, always moving, always attacking."

Leaving Boomstick to wrap things up by going "Yeah, screw defense, give me more ways to hurt people!"

Cut to Akuma's pre-fight intro from like, any version of Street Fighter 4 as he calls out "I am Akuma, and I will teach you the meaning of pain!"

The crowd approval ratings for Akuma were...less than positive to say the least as we Misato and Aoba talking about the evil warrior of death with Misato going "I can't believe that he would kill his own brother for beating him in a fight. I seriously hope that he loses this one."

Aoba on the other hand, wasn't so sure that his opponent would be scoring any easy wins today as we hear him reply "He was a total beast every time I had to fight him, but so was I every chance I got to have him under my control, so Shang Tsung better watch his back when fighting him."

Speaking of Shang Tsung, it's time to move on to the soul stealing sorcerer of Outworld himself, as Wiz begins his rundown by saying "Shang Tsung is the cunning sorcerer of Outworld, and scheming pawn to Shao Khan. He's extremely adept at the use of magic, and is a well rounded fighter."

Flaming Skulls

Can Attack in Rounds of 1,2, or 3

Fire Damage

Swift and Deadly

Unlimited Supply of Human Scalps (Maya can only say "Gross." at hearing about the human scalp part)

Boomstick gives us the rundown on Tsung's projectile attack by saying "This guy can shoot flaming skulls, which is pretty awesome. But where the heck is he keeping 'em all? I mean seriously, how many skulls can a person carry around with 'em?"

Leaving Maya to answer "I don't know, and I don't wanna know."

But then Mari acts like a buzzkill and says "Probably some sort of magic or something."

To which the female bridge bunny replies "I said I didn't wanna know."

Hot Escape

Extremely Fast

Wide Range

Burns Victims when Approaching Close Enough

Sucker Punch! (Mari: Ha!)

Wiz adds on to the info dump by stating "Tsung can teleport around the battlefield with a special move called the "Hot Escape"."

Of course a clip of someone getting sucker punched by the move lets Boomstick yell out "WHAM! Sucker punch, bitch!", earning a "HA!" from both Misato and Mari.

Morphing

Can Change into Anyone he Knows

Copies Abilities and Stats of Subjects

Enables Hundreds of New Strategies

The time to run down Tsung's morphing ability was now as Wiz gave us the cold hard facts.

"He can morph into anyone he pleases, giving him tons of new skill sets, it's like fighting a hundred different foes combined into one body."

Of course Boomstick had to abuse the situation by saying "Man, I wish I could morph into anyone I wanted. I could have some major fun with that."

Again, Mari pretty much had the exact same thing in mind as she was looking at Asuka, who bluntly responded to her thoughts "Don't even think about it, four eyes." without Mari even saying a thing.

Straight Sword

About 3 Feet Long

Secretly Hidded Within Outfit

Of Unknown Origin

Prefers Fists and Magic over Swordplay

Boomstick wasn't done yet, as he began to explain Tsung's physical weapon by going "He's also got a razor sharp straight sword, though he usually keeps it hidden for a surprise attack."

Hyuga quietly chimes in about this by going "Guess he won't be using that in the fight much."

But the rundown of Tsung's abilities was far from over, as Wiz revealed his deadliest skill.

"Shang Tsung also possesses one other strange, but useful ability: long ago when he was caught cheating in the Mortal Kombat tournament, the Elder Gods cursed him to age rapidly until an untimely death."

We then cut to Misato and Ritsuko reacting to what they just heard as we hear Misato go "Yeesh. I've heard of cruel and unusual punishments, but that's ridiculous."

Which leaves the head doctor to reply "Wouldn't you want to punish someone if you caught them cheating in your tournament?"

Leaving Misato to respond "Yeah, but still..."

"The only way to prevent this fate would be to absorb the souls of his victims.

Annnnnnnnnnnnnd, cue a collective "WHAT?!" from everyone in the audience.

Soul Steal

Sustains Youth

Restores Energy and Health

Gains Opponent's Skills and Memories

Uses Skills for Morphing

Boomstick's response to this? Going "He can literally eat your soul! Not only does it heal him, but he gets the memories of the souls he's devoured."

Wiz continued elaborating on the subject by stating "This helps copy the move sets of other fighters when he's using his morphing ability."

Leaving Boomstick to give us the sweet sweet sounds of sarcasm as he says "So really, his curse became his deadliest weapon. Good punishment there, Gods."

Of course the German/Asian hybrid redhead adds on to the sarcasm pool by adding "Yeah, make the guy you caught cheating into a soul stealing genius who can use the souls he steals to further increase his abilities. Great punishment."

Wiz gets the last of the good out of the way and starts the bad about Shang as he says "Shang Tsung has lived and fought for over a thousand years. His sorcery, powers and brutal Fatalities are rivaled by few, and he's claimed the title of grand champion of the Mortal Kombat tournament a total of seven times. Almost bringing about the winning streak needed to allow Shao Khan to invade Earthrealm. Key word being "almost"."

This let Boomstick to add on by stating "Yeah, unfortunately for Shang Tsung, he actually pretty much sucks at accomplishing his goals. He's super powerful, but like most villains, he can never get around some goody-two-shoes getting in the way of a global takeover."

Misato turned to Ritsuko before going "Kinda reminds me of us and the angels in a way."

Figuring out what she was talking about pretty quickly, the doctor simply replied "True. True."

Wiz adds more fuel to the fire by throwing in "His only notable victories have required treachery and deceit. But do keep in mind that Tsung's not fighting any ordinary meat heads, he's fighting demons, sorcerers and gods. And even in death, he somehow keeps coming back more lethal than ever."

Cut to a clip from one of the live action movies where Tsung points to someone and bluntly tells them "You. Will. Die!"

The rundown for both fighters was finally complete as we hear Wiz go "Alright, the combatants are set. But before we end this debate once and for all, I need some cash to buy more rats for genetic testing.

Leaving Boomstick to just go "What?"

To which Wiz responds "From GameFly."

Kensuke pauses the video as Shinji gets the people in the betting mood by going "Step right up, step right up! Place your bets, who is the more powerful of the two evils? Place your bets and maybe it'll be the one you bet on! Don't be afraid to bid on evil, come on up and bet, bet, bet!"

Aoba went for it first as we hear him go "Give me 2500 on Akuma!"

Hyuga followed soon after by shouting out "I'll do 3500 on Tsung to win!"

Asuka made her bet next, but not before speaking her piece on the fighters.

"Akuma may be a stupid brother killer, but at least he isn't going around and sucking out people's souls like a banshee. Put me down for 3000 on Akuma!"

Ritusko decided to use her brain on who to bet on as we hear her go "I'll bet 3000 on Shang Tsung to win based on his years of experience!"

Maya was at a crossroads with her choice of fighters until she made her choice by going "I may not like either fighter, but I'll bet 2000 on the Mortal Kombat guy!"

Mari wasn't gonna let last week's failure get to her as we hear her shout out "5000 Yen on Akuma the badass with a kick ass attack name that I wanna name my kids after!"

Misato was next to place her bid by going "I'll do 2500 on that soul stealer guy!"

Quickly followed by Strausberg shouting "Gimme 2000 on Akuma!"

Finally, Mana was the last to bid as we hear her go "I'll do 4000 on Shang Tsung since he's one of my mains in Mortal Kombat after Sub Zero, Sonya and Scorpion!"

Shinji then takes all the money and places it in the box for safe keeping as we hear him say "Alright, betting is officially closed! All bets are final with the house getting 50% of the losing wagers while the other 50 is split across the winners! Kensuke, play the fight!"

The bespectacled cameraman replies by shouting out "You got it!" before unpausing the video as we skip the GameFly ad to get to what you really came here for as Boomstick shouts out "Oh wait, a Death Battle!"

(The fight: Akuma walks up a mountain in search of new victims to add to his endless rampage of death and destruction before he reaches a temple at the mountain's peak. Before he reaches the center of the main floor, he jumps back from Tsung trying to sucker punch him with the "Hot Escape" before getting into a fighting stance as the announcer goes "FIGHT!"! And so it begins! Tsung fires off a flaming skull towards the raging demon, but Akuma jumps out of the way before firing off two Hadoukens at the warrior of Outworld, but he blocks it! But OH NO! This leaves Tsung distracted as Akuma goes in with a Demon Flip, followed a series of Hurricane Kicks leading into a Shoryuken that sends Tsung flying into the air before crashing down to the ground when Akuma hits him with a Shinku Hadouken before curb stomping the sorcerer to no end!)

Time for some audience commentary as we see Aoba quietly go "Akuma's playing to his strengths. He keeps this up, and this fight will be over in no time."

We then shift to a giddy Mari going "Haha! Looks like mama's getting paid this time around after all."

(The fight ain't over yet as Tsung gets back up just before Akuma can grab him and finish him off as he morphs into the most famous member of the Shirai Ryu ninja clan: Scorpion as Akuma stops his assault with intrigue.)

Seeing the transformation left a giddy Mana to go "Oh my god, he turned into Scorpion!"

Ritsuko on the other hand was more focused on the possible outcome this transformation brought as we hear her say "Looks like Shang Tsung isn't out of this fight just yet."

(Shang Scorpion shouts out "COME HERE!" before firing off a rope dart that hits Akuma, drawing blood before pulling the Street Fighter closer to the Outworld ninja sorcerer who dishes out an uppercut of his own, which brings out a guy in a purple shirt to yell out "TOASTY!" for some reason! The sudden appearance of said guy left pretty much everyone in the audience who had never played Mortal Kombat confused about what the hell they just saw, but we don't have time for their reactions to it! Shang Tsung is back to his normal self while juggling Akuma in the air with the use of rapid firing flaming skulls, but Akuma manages to escape! The raging demon now gets behind Tsung and THROWS him across the arena before teleporting to his location to get behind a then rising Tsung before kicking him again, but OH! Tsung blocks it! Akuma tries to take him out with another Hadouken, but misses as Tsung uses "Hot Escape" to get the upper hand with a Straight Sword slash to the back!)

Hyuga was actually sporting a genuine small smile on his face when we hear his go "Whad'ya know, he actually used it."

(Akuma is stunned, which lets Tsung start sucking out his soul in order to regain some power before BAM! Hurricane Kick to break the sorcerer's grip and a Kongou Kokuretsu Zan to send him back hard thanks to a powerful shockwave! Akuma teleports, gets behind Tsung again before nailing him with a few good punches before throwing him again as Tsung manages to regain his balance and land on his feet before using his powers to MORPH INTO FREAKING AKUMA!)

The audience was in shock at the sudden change in the sorcerer's battle plan as we hear Misato go "Oh man, Tsung must have stole enough of Akuma's soul to steal his abilities too!"

Which Ritsuko responds to by saying "Akuma is gonna be in some major trouble if he doesn't find a way to counteract this."

However, people like Mari weren't impressed by the act of outright copy cat-ism as we hear her shout out "Come on, Akuma! Kick that impostors' ass!"

Leaving Asuka to facepalm again before asking the pilot of Unit-05P "Uh, quick question: why are we even friends?"

To which the cheeky Brit playfully responds "Oh don't be like that, princess. You love me and you know it."

(It's down to the wire as the two Akumas stare each other down as the music intensifies before they jump into the air in ssssssssuuuuuuupppppeerrrr ssssslllllllooooooooowwwwwwwww mmmmmmmmmooooooooooooooo before punching and kicking the hell out of one another at lightning fast speeds! The faker manages to get the upper hand for a short time after knocking the real Akuma down to the ground as he tries to end things with the Kongou Kokuretsu Zan, BUT IT'S NOT ENOUGH! Akuma leaps back before unleashing the full power of the Satsui No Hadou in the form of Raging Demon just before Tsung can hit the ground! Akuma turns his back on his now dead opponent as his symbol glows in the night while all of the souls Shang Tsung ever stole leave his now unmorphed body as the announcer goes "KO!" to signify that it's all over!)

The crowd was in an uproar of cheers for the awesome fight that they just witnessed, not caring about the money they may or may not have lost. Mari pretty much jumps out of her seat before exclaiming "Hot damn! Mama made up for her past loss and then some!"

Asuka on the other hand acted as the more level headed one of the two telling Mari "Don't get too cocky, four eyes."

Aoba just slumped back in his chair, knowing his knowledge of Street Fighter won him this week as we hear him go "The power of the Raging Demon is nothing to be trifled with. I should know, I have hands on experience in having to deal with it."

Not everyone was happy about the results of the battle though, as we see Mana say "Oh poo, my fighter didn't win this time."

However, our video game exclusive character wasn't gonna be upset for long, because soon afterwards comes Shinji to lend some comforting words in the form of "I wouldn't worry about it too much, my dear lady. There's always next week."

The fight may be over, but the post fight rundown was only just beginning as we hear Boomstick go "Oh man, that was way too close!"

Wiz replies by saying "No kidding, Boomstick! Akuma's raw power and speed pressed a distinct advantage early on, but Tsung's own cleverness and wide array of skills quickly evened the odds."

Boomstick adds to Wiz's analysis by going "It looked like Akuma had the whole thing wrapped up, but then Tsung's morphing ability saved his ass."

To which Wiz replies "Akuma's pride for battle almost cost him his life, as he stopped to see if this new face was worth a challenge."

Despite hearing what she was hearing, Maya was still curious about one little detail as we hear her say "I still don't get what the guy in the purple shirt had to do with the fight though."

To which Misato tries to offer up an answer by saying "Probably just some sort of inside joke or something."

Boomstick continues the post fight rundown by stating "After switching strategies, Tsung managed to steal enough of Akuma's soul for some extra health and new abilities."

To which Wiz adds "But it wasn't enough. In the end, Akuma's skills as a fighter proved unmatched."

Of course Boomstick chooses to throw salt in Tsung's wounds by going "I mean Shang Tsung loses to Liu Kang all the time, and compared to Akuma, he's the nicest guy in the world. There's no way he could take Akuma's constant punishment."

Of course being who he was, Hyuga decided to be skeptical about Boomstick's argument and says "I don't know, he was handling himself pretty well for a while until the end."

Wiz continued the rundown by adding "As Tsung isn't used to winning on his own, he wasn't perfect in timing the final blow, thus leaving him wide open for the experienced Akuma to unleash his ultimate weapon."

To which Mari responds by saying "And what a weapon it is."

"The Raging Demon of Instant Hell Murder Awesomeness!" Gushed Boomstick.

Wiz started to wrap things up by going "And so Shang Tsung fell once again, releasing all of the souls he's devoured into the world...again."

Boomstick throws in one final joke for the episode by going "Looks like Shang is all "souled" out. Ha ha, get it, Wiz?" (of course Asuka facepalms at the Yang level bad joke)

Wiz just flatly says "The winner is Akuma." before Kensuke pauses the video one last time as Aoba, Asuka, Mari, and Strausberg all claim their original wagers plus an additional 1875 Yen before Shinji gets in front of the screen to make his final remarks.

"Alright, thank you all for coming out tonight, we hope to see you here again same time, same place next week. And as an added incentive to tantalize you, Kensuke, show 'em who's fighting next."

Kensuke unpauses the video for the final time as we hear Boomstick go "Next time on Death Battle." before we cut to a heroic choir in the background of a "Getting suited up montage" for an all too familiar female with a certain skin tight red, white and blue leotard with metal bracelets and a gold tiara armed with a certain golden lasso until we hear another female voice go "Goodnight, sugar." as the episode finally concludes.

People were already guessing who the opponent of the leotard sporting female that they all knew as we end our episode to start up...

The Omake! Tonight's episode: "Queens Out of Place"! Featuring special guest stars Alleyne, Tomoe and Nowa from "Queen's Blade".

The boys were seen counting the money they had made from the night's battle after everyone had left as Kensuke proclaims "Alright, counting the total from last week's fight, we're actually close to splitting the money for the first time with a grand total of...14,750 Yen."

Leading Toji to go "Sweet, one more episode and we can split the money. And I guess keep the rest in the box as some sort of "emergency fund" or something until we can split the Yen again."

To which Shinji replies by saying "Agreed. Hey, we still got some time before we have to go home for the night, you guys wanna work on our Warper skills a little bit?"

Listening to Shinji's proposition, Kensuke adds his own proposal by going "Or we could call Merch and see if he's got any more cool stuff for sale."

Which the third child responds by saying "Probably not the best time for that now, Kensuke. I kinda don't wanna deal with the whole "covertly stealing a co-worker's urine sample" thing for a little while. Plus if we do it often, they're probably gonna catch on to us."

Toji wasn't sold on that idea either as we hear him add "And I'm gonna have to try and talk my way out of taking any "non-steroid performance enhancing drugs" that the doc gives me for a while after what happened yesterday."

Their assumed solitude was disturbed again when they hear a young feminine voice from within the shadows saying "Alleyne, Tomoe, this place is pretty strange."

Followed by a more mature sounding voice replying "Nowa, please stay close to either me or Miss Tomoe until we have a proper understanding of our situation."

With another equally matured voice adding on by saying "Lady Alleyne is right, Nowa. We must tread with caution in this mysterious castle. Who knows what traps and defensive precautions the builders of this place took during construction."

The boys then see the female voices came from a young Caucasian female human/elf hybrid with light brown hair done in two long pig-tails and light brown eyes wearing only a white and orange top with a very short white mini skirt and a pair of brown boots with white fabric all around them standing in between a taller Caucasian female elf with long blonde hair and blue eyes wearing a revealing outfit consisting of a green brassiere and a small white skirt with a red cape around her neck along with a red beret hat on top of her head and green grieve style boots to her left and a human Asian female with long waist length black hair held above violet eyes by a red headband wearing a traditional martial artist's garb of a red hakama and a white kimono style top carrying a Katana to her right. Despite their sex appeal, Shinji was still annoyed about the sudden appearance of the three as we hear him go "Really? How the hell are people getting in here all the damn time?"

Well, for the sake of convenience, Shinji's phone starts to ring to explain the situation for all of us. You know, for sanity.

"Hello?"

And we cut to reveal who else but Merch calling on the other line from the safety of his ship to explain everything to everyone. (if you need an idea of what his ship looks like, think the GPS Absolution 2.5 from the early part of the Adult Swim Toonami era)

"Hey. Uh, so you may have noticed the two well endowed girls and the other not so much one standing in front of you by now, right?"

Of course hearing this leads a frustrated Shinji to go "What the hell is going on here, Merch? It's not that I don't appreciate the situation, but even we still need to freaking know what's goin' on too."

Kensuke quickly pipes up and asks "Is that Merch?"

Toji on the other hand earned some sour looks from the ladies when he asks "Did he send us these babes as a gift?"

Trying to do damage control, Shinji just replied "I'm not even gonna dignify that with a response." before turning attention back to his phone before saying "Hang on, Merch, I'm putting you on speaker." before tapping the option on his phone so the others can hear the conversation.

"Now can you please tell us why there are three women that don't look like they're from our universe here at our screening room?"

Merch then began to explain the whole situation by going "Alright, so I was kinda doing a solid for a buddy of mine, real frequent customer, kinda the guy who came up with the idea for that "Unmaker" that I sold you boys when we first met. He basically wanted me to ferry some ladies from one of the "Queen's Blade" AUs to some tropical dimensional resort so they could spend two weeks there on vacation."

Which leads Shinji to go "And."

Merch continues by going "And they may have wound up in your universe's timeline by mistake while I was making a delivery to another client. I have other customers besides you boys, and they pay rather handsomely."

Hearing this only made Shinji a tad more frustrated then before as we then hear him go "And what do you want us to do about it? We don't have BlackTabs or anything like that to send 'em back your way, you know."

Merch then gets a bit defensive before replying "I know, I know, I was hoping that you boys could maybe, just maybe put 'em up in a nice hotel for about a week or two until I can come pick 'em up with my ship. You know, hook the girls up with a nice hotel room, probably a place with an indoor heated pool, spa treatments, in-house bar and grill, stuff like that. And don't say that you don't have the money to pull it off because I know that you can pay for it, considering that I just payed you yesterday."

Shinji and the boys had to mull over the situation for a few moments before coming to their final say on the matter as the third child responds "Alright, we'll set the girls up with a hotel room for like, a week or two, but you owe us big time, Merch."

Merch was more than willing to accept the deal he was given as we her him respond "Trust me, I'm be more than willing to pay you back for your involvement. Next time we meet, I'll let you boys pick out some stuff as freebies. But in the meantime, do make sure that those girls have a nice vacation, won't you? Oh, and uh, one more thing that I thought I should bring up: if you boys think you're getting an easy lay from any of these ladies, think again. Yeah, the short one with the pigtails is kinda in a romantic relationship with the blonde elf and the samurai lady, and they're VERY protective of her."

Our samurai warrior woman, name of Tomoe confirms Merch's words by replying "He speaks the truth, so don't even think of touching either of us, OR Nowa without our consent or you will fall to my blade."

To which the blonde elf, name of Alleyne adds on to by going "And my spear."

Having blade pointed to his throat, our resident main EVA pilot could only gulp nervously before responding to Merch on the phone.

"Dully noted. Goodbye."

Shinji then hangs up to end the call before addressing the three fantasy world females by saying "Ladies, my friends and I are willing to help you enjoy your vacation while you're here by setting you up with a hotel room to stay in, but there are some things we should probably go over first."

Being protective and inquisitive at the same time, Alleyne was the one to ask "And what, pray tell would those be?"

Shinji began to go over the terms of their stay by stating "First, you might wanna hide your ears since elves don't really "exist" in this world. I think I know a little magic that involves disguising people's true forms, so I think I can help with that."

The shortest of the three, Nowa was a bit offended about what Shinji said as we hear her go "No elves? What kinda place you running here?"

Alleyne had to reel in the feisty young hybrid before responding "Nowa, behave. We were told that different universes and timelines can contain different species then our own, there was bound to be one where elves are either hidden from the knowledge of humanity or they never existed at all." She then turns to the third child before saying "Your request is more than reasonable."

Leading Shinji to go "Right. Second, you guys are gonna need some new clothes before you can really go into town. Not that I hate your choices in fashion, but they really won't fly around here unless you're going to some sort of cosplay convention. We can get you a few outfits to wear for a start, then you guys can go into town and shop for anything you'd like."

Leading Tomoe to reply "That would be acceptable."

Toji quickly steps in and asks "Wait, how are we even gonna pay for all that without drawing attention to ourselves?"

To which Kensuke adds on by going "It's not like we can use the money Merch gave us or anything."

That's when Shinji got an idea in his head before replying "Actually, I think we can. IF we use some reality altering magic on ourselves to make us some quick stories. Then we should be able to spend the money we got from Merch in order to pull it off without anyone being the wiser. I'll handle the cost of the hotel room, Toji can deal with stuff like room service, pay-per-view, and other stuff that hotels normally charge extra for, and Kensuke, you can deal with their general expenses. Clothes, eating out, souvenirs, that kind of stuff."

Toji was still skeptical about the plan though, as we hear him ask "You think we can really pull it off? We haven't really done that kind of stuff with our Warper powers yet except for changing our voices."

Kensuke defends Shinji's idea by stating "We gotta at least try. Anyone finds out how we made that much cash getting that stuff for Merch, and they'll probably catch on to the plan and make it all fall apart."

To which the third child responds by stating "Look, I know the risks we're taking here, but we have to take this as an opportunity to practice. Who knows how many more times shit like this is gonna happen to us now that we're Warpers." He then shifts his attention to the ladies of Queen's Blade before telling them "I'm gonna try and book you guys a decent hotel room for a couple weeks." before turning back to Kensuke and asking "Kensuke, what's the best hotel in town?"

Kensuke then pulls out his phone to look up hotel ratings in Tokyo 3 before he finds what he's looking for and replies "Says here that the best one is the Tokyo 3 Mirage. Wow, 5 stars, indoor heated pool, full spa with sauna, plus penthouse and honeymoon suites. And all for the low low price of...35,000 Yen a night. Bare minimum."

Shinji gives out a sigh before going "It guess it's worth a shot. I'll call 'em and try to disguise my voice using a little magic." He then dials a the hotel's number on his phone while channeling some of the Warper skills he obtained through "Beginner's Reality Altering Magic for Dummies" in order to disguise his voice as we cut to the reception desk of Tokyo 3 Mirage where we see the lobby's clerk pick up on the other line and respond "Tokyo 3 Mirage hotel, how may I help you this evening?"

Shinji then replied in a voice disguised to sound like that of his English voice actor, Spike Spencer by going "Yes, I was tasked to locate a top quality hotel for a wealthy young lady and her two nannies to spend the next two weeks at while their home is being remodeled. Tell me, what variety of rooms do you have available right here and now?" Cue chatter from the other line before Shinji replies "I see, and is that the best you have available right now?" More chatter is heard before Shinji responds to it by going "Hmmmmmmmmmm, I see. And does that include a nice view of the city with limited to no obstruction?" And then chatter again until the third child replies "Oh, I think that will do quite nicely. Now, about the cost." The chatter just won't end until Shinji responds "75,000 Yen a night and 1,050,000 Yen for two weeks stay outside of extra services?" It's just more and more chatter until Shinji replies "No no, that will be just fine." The clerk chatters on the other line again before Shinji replies "My clients shall be there sometime early tomorrow afternoon at the earliest. Okay, this is the last bit of chatter from the clerk guy, I swear as Shinji replies "Very well, goodbye." before hanging up and having his voice change back to normal.

He then turns to the fantasy women before stating "Alright, the hotel room has been booked for you and payment has been all set up, but if you three are gonna do any "loving" with one another during your stay, please make sure that no one catches you in the act so the alibi I made for you guys doesn't go out the window."

Nowa piped up with mild disgruntlement by saying "I guess we can downsize the amounts we have our special alone time together while we're here, but I won't like it."

The third child then turns to his glasses wearing friend before asking "Kensuke, can you grab these guys some clothes so they can enter the hotel tomorrow afternoon like I said they would?" He then turns back to the girls before saying "But in the meantime, I guess you guys could crash where we normally hang out if you want. It's nothing too special, just an old military camp site we found and hang out at during the weekends. Will that be a problem for any of you?"

Alleyne answers for the group by responding "That will suffice just fine for tonight. And I must add that your vocal manipulation was a solid 94 out of 100 points."

Hearing this makes our vengeful EVA pilot man on a mission reply "I'll take that as a complement. Now, I'm gonna try to disguise you guys so no one here will know that some of you are elves. Keep in mind that this is my first time really trying this on other people, so please bare with me." He then grabs the group's copy of "Beginner's Reality Altering Magic for Dummies" from behind the betting booth and flips through the pages until he finds what he's looking for: "How to change a person's physical appearance in the eyes of others". Raising his right hand out towards the direction of the three females, Shinji focuses on making Alleyne and Nowa look human in the eyes of others as a glowing violet flaming aura emanates from his hand for a few seconds before fading. Shinji then lowers his hand before saying "Well, I've done all I can. You guys might wanna take a look in the mirror to see if it actually worked."

Nowa then pulls out a pocket mirror out of the bag she was carrying to see that her physical form hadn't changed much except for the one thing that mattered in this current situation: her ears were successfully disguised to look human. She then handed the mirror to Alleyne as she saw that her ears no longer poked out her blonde hair, taking the form of a human's ears. Nowa then quickly confirmed the transformation by sporting a big smile on her face as she went "Yup, it worked."

Alleyne mused while she was inspecting the disguise "Yes, a 100 point success."

However, when Tomoe looked into the mirror, she saw that her appearance hadn't changed at all in the reflection. Which leads her to ask "Why do I still look the same in the reflection compared to the others?"

Shinji almost instantly replied "Well we don't really need to worry about how you look since you're already human. You should fit in just fine with a simple outfit change. Now, I think there's one last thing I we should talk about though."

To which Tomoe asked "And that would be?"

And Shinji replied "You guys probably shouldn't carry around your weapons in public, it'll most likely draw a lot of unwanted attention to yourselves."

Alleyne responds to this demand by simply going "That will be acceptable."

Having run down everything he felt he needed to, Shinji just says "Great. Now, we'll get you guys to the camp site before Kensuke goes to get the outfits you'll wear when you go to the hotel. Everyone ready?"

With a smile on her face, Tomoe replies "Very well, lead the way."

(End Omake)

(Author's Note #2: HOLY MULAN MCNUGGET SAUCE, MORTY! This chapter was is almost 11,000 words long without the author's notes, that has to be the highest number of words that I've ever put in a chapter on this site! Okay, so main reason why this chapter took as long as it did to get out is kinda the result of 2 major things. 1: I'm gonna try to not only port my stuff from this site to Deviantart, but I've also started a Deviantart exclusive series titled "Shinji Ikari Does RebelTaxi", for those of you who want a good Pan Pizza parody. 2: If you've been keeping up with me here, then you'll know about my latest series "Evangelion: You Shall (not) Win This Time", in which I officially become a level 10 Warper, as set by the guidelines set by Yoshi3000, the guy who came up with the concept and lets me use it with his approval. I will try to make updates to this version along with the Deviantart version more frequent, but I can't promise anything. Anyways, there you have it, episode 2 of NERV Bets On Death Battle. Hope you enjoyed it, considering how long it took me to make this particular version compared to the one on Deviantart, but that doesn't matter. What matters is that RICK WANTS HIS MULAN SZECHUAN TERIYAKI MCNUGGET DIPPING SAUCE, MORTY! IT'S HIS ONE ARMED MAN, MORTY! IF IT TAKES 9 MORE SEASONS, HE'S GONNA GET HIS MCNUGGET SAUCE, MORTY! Sorry had to get that joke out of the way, but still, enjoy, favorite and follow, and as always, DSX62415, out.)