Hey guys, well I decided to continue this, so hope you enjoy it!
His room was filled with the smoke of his cigarette, and the ashes were all over the place, dirtying all his papers and his jackets that was buried under the pile of papers. Normally he would have clean up all that, the mere sight of that disaster would have driving him mad, but this time he really couldn't bring himself to even move away from the papers he was doing.
The same papers he has been doing and re-doing for more than a week, he had been doing those same informs for so many times that he had already memorize every single one of the words he had to do, every single one of the strokes he had to do, he was even sure that he could do it perfectly with his eyes closed.
But if he did close his eyes… All the things he was trying to run away from would come back to him.
All his smiles, his annoying laugh, the things they did, the things they talked, how much he tried to hold his tears down when they broke up…
It would all come back to him, and he really didn't want to. If he started thinking about that, all those weeks working non stop, not even sleeping much, all those weeks hiding in his room would be for nothing.
Stop thinking about it! He shook his head before laying down on the floor. "What is done is done." He tried to convince himself of that, while his eyes were wandering on the ceiling, seeing every little mark that was there.
The darkest piece of wood at the end of the room, one of the tables was broken in one of the sides, there was even one that he could swear had a little drawing on it. He had also had memorize all the things on the ceiling, during the nights looking for figures on the wood was the best thing to do.
But he couldn't stay like that all day either, he had to occupy his mind fast before it would drift away… "Zaki!" He called and on the distance he could hear the man running towards his room.
His hand went to the little box of cigarettes while he was waiting for the other one to come, holding the little thing and bringing it closer. Smoking always helps. It was weird, but smoking always calm him down.
"There is still no work to do Hijikata-san." Yamazaki said from the other side of the of the door. Of course he knew what he was going to ask, he has been asking for things to work on every day.
Empty… Not even one cigarette left, and just when he needed it so much… "You can open the door Zaki." He answered while going to back to sit on the floor, and it didn't took the man long before his head was poking into his room, all the smoke leaving almost immediately and a nice breeze was entering.
And he didn't like it, maybe he had been way too used to all that smoke being there, but it just make his room to feel less empty than usual, the smoke was simply feeling what was missing...
"Go and buy more cigarettes, okay? I need them fast." He took a deep breath as he was throwing the empty box to Yamazaki's hands.. "And there has to be something to do, I don't care what it is, just give me something."
"The-there really is nothing…" He bit down his lips, he probably wanted to say something else, but knowing him he was only going to tell him to go out and that was something he didn't want to hear.
"Are you even telling me that Sougo has done all his reports? Or Kondo-san?"
"Yes… We all have been worried…" His eyes were trying to avoid his. "So the Commander has been making sure that we are all doing our work really well so that you can go out…" Kondo-san is? But he could really see him doing all that just for him, Kondo always got really worried for them, and the fact that he was avoiding him too wasn't making it better.
"Just bring me their reports, I'll check them." But Yamazaki didn't move, instead he only kept on looking at him with those worried eyes that remind him so much of him. Oh how much he hated all that. "Hurry up!" He screamed making the other one jump.
"B-but… The Commander to-told me to not bri-bring you more wo-work…" Just what are you doing Kondo-san?!
"But now I'm telling you to do it, are you going to ignore what I'm telling you Yamazaki?!"
Why did they have to get in the middle of his work? Couldn't they just see how much he needed to put his mind in something, how much he wanted to drown himself on work?!
"Enough Toushi." Came the serious voice of Kondo who was now standing next to Yamazaki. When did he arrive!? "Leave us alone Zaki." And without even answering Yamazaki ran away. "You don't have to be like that Toshi. He was only following what I told him, you know?" He added as he was getting inside of his room, his eyes looking around, probably surprised of all the mess that his room has become.
"I know… I'll apologize to him later Kondo-san." He had so many questions, he was sure of that.
"I'm not asking you to apologize…" He was now touching the ashes on the table, moving them around. "Don't you have an ashtray?" He asked. That isn't what you want to ask Kondo-san.
"I lost it." But he knew really well where he has left it… "I will tell Yamazaki to buy another one, and I'll clean later, so please don't mind all the disaster."
"Toshi…" He was worried, extremely worried, they way he was looking at him, he was sure of that. "Are you really okay? You haven't been leaving your room at all! And you used to go out everyday too Toushi." Don't talk about it… It was obvious that after going so much to see him, they would get worried if he stop all of the sudden, but there was no way he could talk about that. "It's almost as if you were hid—"
"I'm really fine Kondo-san." He didn't want to hear that word, he really didn't. If Kondo say it, if someone else did, it will become real and he wouldn't be to run away more, he would have to face it, face what he did, face him. "I just have some things in my head," he sighed. "But I will forget about them soon, so don't worry."
"Well… If you say that Toushi… I guess it's okay." He walked to the door, those worried eyes still looking at him. "You probably want me to leave you alone, right?" He chuckled. "I'll see you at dinner then."
"Thanks Kondo-san." The man smiled before leaving his room. Leaving him alone, with an empty room and all his thoughts.
He really had to hurry and forget about it.