Chapter 244: This is the end

Riku paced back and forth, rubbing his chin, rubbing his fingers together, rubbing his forearms, whatever. He'd paced the length of this couch at least five hundred times in the past few hours. He wasn't sure how many hours it'd been—two or three, he thought—he just knew he'd taken somewhere over two thousand steps.

Sora and Kairi were actually sitting on the couch, and kept sending looks over their shoulders and over the back of it to try and talk to him. Maybe he talked back. He couldn't remember. The moments kept slipping through his fingers like sand. All he could think of was Namine's face. The malice in her eyes. The way her palm had felt against his throat.

Could that really be fixed with a few clicks of a computer and the erasure of some data? No one had offered to Rewrite him like that—no one'd offered to fix some of the things that were wrong with his data. In theory, it could be done. But everything could be done in theory, and Riku knew from experience that it was hard to go back from being Rewritten. For him, it'd been impossible. He'd never be rid of the memories—

No, no, that was behind him now.

"You sure you don't want to go to Hollow Bastion?" Kairi asked, turning herself completely around and leaning her elbows on the back of the couch. It wasn't the first time she'd suggested it.

"Yeah, there could always be Heartless," Sora added.

"Or a nice book to read."

"Or you could talk to Aerith."

That was the thought Riku dreaded most. Having to tell Aerith that Namine was safe, but that she'd tried to kill him at least twice specifically and nearly managed once. Tell her that maybe Namine wasn't okay now. That for both of their safety, they may have no choice but to stay separated.

Maybe he was being over dramatic…

But he couldn't stop worrying.

"C'mon, Riku, anything to get your mind distracted," Sora said.

"Time goes faster when you're having fun—or just doing something," Kairi added.

"Doesn't this place have a fake-Heartless creation something or other? So you can just open up a room and fight to your heart's content?" Sora asked.

Riku shrugged. It probably did. He didn't feel like fighting Heartless, though. He could hardly hold his blade without thinking about how he'd nearly chopped Namine's head off with it. How Namine'd wielded one near-exactly like it. And apparently using darkness alone wasn't a good idea… He rubbed the patch of dark purple on his abdomen, grimacing.

"You… you said you talked to Joseph?" Riku asked, looking at Sora. He stopped pacing and placed a hand on the back of the couch, leaning tensely against it.

Sora nodded. "Yeah, got a new star shard from him. He says it's the last spare one he's got though, so I've gotta be careful with it."

"He seem alright?"

Riku swallowed, thickly.

Sora started to nod, paused, shrugged. "A… little out of it, but what can you expect?"

"Right."

"You really should find something to do," Kairi told him. "Why don't I head back to Hollow Bastion and get that one book you were supposed to read?"

"…that's okay."

"Hey, and not necessary, either!" Sora laughed. He pointed. "There she is!"

Namine walked slowly into the main room, glancing around. Riku's heart pulled in his chest. He was happy to see her. He was terrified to see her. He only moved to stop leaning on the couch, and rub his arms nervously.

"Namine!" Sora called, waving her over.

She looked, nodded, and came to join them. The slight smile on her face fell the moment her eyes fell on Riku. His heart pulled again.

"I… I'm not going to hurt you," Namine told him. Her voice cracked. She forced a smile on her face, to reassure him. How had she even known that was what he was worried about?

Riku said nothing. He gripped his arms instead of rubbing them.

"I promise," Namine said. "That was the first thing they got rid of—the second was the ability to summon lightning, and a blade. And- and 7 said he got as much Larxene data out of me as he could…" She hugged her arms over her chest, too, trembling a little. "But- but there's nothing keeping me from coming back later and having him look at it again, so it's no- no big deal."

Riku still said nothing.

What was he supposed to say?

'Sorry' was the word that wanted to come to his lips, but it didn't seem quite right.

He'd reach out to touch her, hug her, wrap his arms around her to comfort her… but the couch was still between them, and he wasn't too keen on moving. As much as he hated it, his brain still processed her as an enemy, and distance between them—especially objects—was a good thing.

"Well, I'm glad you're okay, Namine!" Kairi said, getting to her feet and sweeping Namine into a hug. "I knew you would be!"

"Yeah," Namine answered, as Kairi let go of her. She went back to hugging herself immediately.

"You feeling any better?" Sora asked, eyeing her.

"Mm." Namine nodded. "A little."

"That's good!" Sora grinned at her.

"How- how about you?" Namine asked.

Sora hesitated a moment. "I'm… okay," he said, finally, with a shrug. "I… I could be better, but…"

"We've all been through a lot," Kairi said. "I don't think any of us are feeling great right now."

"Yeah," Sora agreed, and...

"Yeah," Namine echoed, a second after him.

Silence stretched out between them. Riku didn't open his mouth.

Sora's eyes darted between Riku and Namine. "You, uh, want us to give you some space?" he asked.

Kairi opened her mouth, but Sora communicated something to her with a look, and she closed it.

"I mean…" Namine said.

Riku said nothing.

Sora and Kairi said nothing, either, but after an exchange of looks, they both got up and moved a few couches away.

"That's… not much privacy…" Riku mumbled.

"They're probably just worried, and want to be close, just in case," Namine assured him. She sat down on the couch, right where Sora'd been sitting.

"In case of what?" Riku asked, not that he needed to. He knew why.

He moved around to the other side of the couch, absently, fighting down every red flag flaring up in him. Namine was not a threat. Not anymore.

Though, as she pulled him down to sit on the couch next to her, he had second thoughts. Her grip was slightly too tight on his arm, and she pulled him down with much more force than she normally would. He actually gasped in shock.

"Oh gosh, I'm sorry!" Namine exclaimed, letting go of him. "7 told me he'd returned my strength to normal! Guess not…" She trailed off with a sigh.

"I- I guess it's not a bad thing," Riku stammered. He tried not to rub his arm, where she'd grabbed him. It wasn't like she'd left marks or anything, but her grip was still one that was hard to forget, especially when it had so much force.

Namine let out a long breath. From the way her shoulders slumped, she didn't seem to think it was a good thing at all.

"I'm sorry…" Riku mumbled, turning away from her.

"What are you sorry for?"

"I… I wasn't there in time to save you…"

"No!" Namine protested. "That's my fault. I went willingly with Xigbar when he showed up. If anyone's sorry, it should be me." Her voice seemed sharper than usual, but maybe he was imagining things.

"But I wasn't fast enough…"

"I bet my life away, Riku! This isn't your fault!"

She grabbed his arm, squeezing it a little. He sent a nervous glance at her. She looked upset, but not angry. Just frustrated.

"I- I let you down," he said. It was his fault. How could it not be? "I- I could've been—"

Namine shook her head, cutting him off. When she spoke, her voice was softer, but just as firm: "You didn't let me down. I bet my own life away. I nearly lost it, yeah, but that's my own fault. I should've never put you in- in that position." Her voice wavered. Tears glinted in the corners of her eyes. "I- I should've never- never put any of us in that position."

Riku couldn't think of anything to say in reply.

He didn't want to admit she was at right. If she was at right, then she was at fault. She wasn't at fault. He wasn't fast enough. It was him—

Namine sighed, deeply. Riku pushed the thoughts aside. They could leave it there for now.

"Could you forgive me?" he whispered.

"Riku, I said it wasn't your—"

"No. For." He shook his head, and nearly laughed. It was a hollow laugh, though, if a laugh at all. "I- I wanted to… I…"

How was he supposed to say this? Telling Vexen had been easy—surprisingly. Maybe it was because it didn't immediately affect Vexen. Maybe it was because he'd been making a point. He was telling Namine out of obligation—because she deserved to know, not because he wanted to tell her.

"I- I wanted to…. k-kill you…"

It came out in a fumble, barely leaving his mouth.

"I know." Namine looked down at her knees. "I know. Looking back on it, I- I wanted to, too. Want to. I mean I didn't at the time but…" She shook her head, rubbed her face with her hands. "Gosh, Riku, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. For- for hurting you for- all- all the things I said and… I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"It's okay," Riku told her. He rested a hand on her leg—comfort in a way, he supposed. "That wasn't you. You didn't—"

"But I remember it, Riku. I remember doing it and I just…"

"It's alright—"

"No it's not!" Namine shouted. She threw her hands back into her lap, hitting his hand in the process. He quickly moved it. "I remember doing it and- and the things I said. The things I called you. You can't tell me those were okay."

"I hardly heard any of them, honestly… not with all the yelling Kairi was doing," Riku said. He laughed, lightly, a little emptily.

"She was doing a lot of that, wasn't she…?"

Riku nodded.

"But still…" Namine began.

"You're sorry and I forgive you," he interrupted. "I think that's all it comes down to. I know it wasn't you and- and had it been any other situation you wouldn't have. I know. It hurt, hearing you say those things, but you didn't have a choice. I understand that, I- I accept that, and I forgive you for it." He shrugged. "Sounds like- sounds like now you just gotta forgive yourself."

Namine hung her head. Her shoulders shook. She said nothing.

Riku bit his lip, but then wrapped an arm around her and pulled her close to him. He took deep breaths—if he was upset, it'd only upset her more. She slowly shifted into his grasp, moving to wrap both her arms around him and bury her face in his chest. He wrapped his other arm around her, held her there.

And to think, there'd been a moment there where he may not have been able to hold her like this again. Never feel like this again.

It wasn't incredibly intimate—or maybe it was. It just wasn't intimate in a way that would leave your heart racing and your lungs a little short of air. It was calmer. Peaceful. Just holding the one you loved in your arms and knowing neither of you had to move any time soon. Just sitting there and enjoying the stillness, and the rhythm of your breathing against each other.

Riku just held on tighter.

He wasn't letting go of her any time soon.