11. Brandy
Gwen scribbled furiously at the paper she was filling out, desperately trying to finish her work so she could go home to Rhys. She needed to see him, to reassure herself that he was all right, that he was alive and well and not furious with her. She swiped at a tear as she remembered the conversation he'd never know. It was over. She'd done it and she'd have to live with it. The paper blurred, and she stopped to take a deep breath.
"He'll be all right," Ianto said, suddenly appearing next to her. He set down two glasses and a bottle of brandy and began to pour without even asking if she wanted one.
"I know," Gwen said, quickly setting aside her papers and accepting the glass. "Jack said his injuries weren't serious, so he should be home tomorrow."
Ianto studied her over his glass. "I meant Rhys Williams," he finally replied. Gwen almost choked on the brandy, the liquor burning her throat as she set the glass down and covered her mouth.
"Sorry," she mumbled, then sat up straighter and frowned. "What do you mean about Rhys?"
Ianto took another sip and motioned at her glass. She tried again and found it strong, almost too strong. Then again, maybe she needed it if the knowing look on his face was anything to go by.
"The Retcon," he said. "The sedative. Torchwood has been using it for years, and in spite of Suzie's misuse with Max, it is quite safe. Rhys won't remember anything. He won't even remember that you drugged him."
"I don't know what you're talking about," Gwen said. But her heart was pounding because he knew, how did he know? Did everyone know? Did Jack know?
"I know you do, Gwen," Ianto said, and he sounded sad, maybe reluctant. "I know you took some Retcon. I know you gave it to Rhys. I know your affair with Owen is over so I assume you told him and that he didn't take it well."
Gwen's hands were suddenly shaking so badly she couldn't hold her glass anymore. She thought she would shatter into a million pieces with it, all over the floor. She couldn't speak, could barely breathe. Ianto took the glass and set it down, turned his own around in his hands a few times waiting for her to reply.
"How?" she whispered. He shrugged one shoulder.
"I know everything," he said. "And I know why you did it. Torchwood does things to you." He laughed bitterly and finished his glass, held up hers. She knocked it back in one go and he poured them both another. "I also know what it's like to make mistakes. So I thought I tell you that I fudged the paperwork, deleted the CCTV footage. No one else will ever know."
"Not even Jack?" she asked, dreading the answer. Ianto sighed sadly.
"Especially not Jack," he said. "He needs to believe someone here is untouched, unbroken. And you're the only one left."
Gwen laughed nervously, it was that or break down into tears. "I don't know what to say."
"You don't have to say anything," Ianto replied. "But can I offer some advice?"
"All right," she said, uncertain of what to expect. He laid a protective hand on her knee.
"It's what Jack's been telling you since you started: don't let it drift. You are our connection to the people we're fighting for. Torchwood will try its damndest to break that connection, whether it's a case or Owen or Jack…" He trailed off with a pointed look, and Gwen had to glance away, blushing. Ianto Jones really did know everything.
"Hold on to what you have, Gwen," he said softly. "It sounds like a good thing. He can keep you sane, keep you human."
Another tear leaked out, because he was right. Ianto had never even met Rhys, but he was right. Rhys kept her grounded and sane, and she needed that in the middle of the insanity that was Torchwood most days. As she glanced at his face-sad eyes gazing unseeing into his glass-she sensed that he'd had the same thing with Lisa Hallett before she'd died. She had been Ianto's good thing, and he'd lost her. She couldn't lose Rhys, not to an affair she regretted and another that had never happened.
She squeezed his hand, and he glanced up in surprise. "Sometimes I think you're the most human of us all," she said, surprising herself with the truth of it. He shook his head and frowned.
"I'm just trying not to disappear most days," he said softly. He finished his drink and stood, holding out a hand for her. "Now, go home. See to that man of yours."
"Thank you," she said, giving him a quick embrace. "For everything."
"Just doing my job," he replied with a half-smile.
"It's much more than that," she said. "Thank you."
"You're welcome." He pushed her toward her desk to gather her things. "Off with you. You can finish your paperwork tomorrow."
"Words I'd never thought I'd hear!" she laughed, and he laughed with her. They shared a look, a nod, and then she left, bounding toward the door with a much lighter and wiser heart.
Author's Note:
Of course, if you've read The Torchwood Archives, Jack did indeed know about the missing Retcon. He suspected that Gwen took it, but he hoped she learned her lesson and didn't push it. I absolutely think Ianto would cover for her to protect Jack, though. Which makes me sort of want to write a sequel, where Jack somehow figures it out and confronts Ianto. It wouldn't go here but could be a stand alone. We'll see! Many many thanks to Taamar for suggesting this alternative to Jack and Owen or something equally predictable. Almost done with series one! Thank you for reading!