My desire to maintain order paid off the next day. It was around lunchtime when some of the Saviors returned from their routine visit to Hilltop. I could see the caravan pull up through the gates, and I saw Simon hop from the first truck.
He was shouting. Gesturing wildly. Even from the window I could see one of the Saviors clutching his arm in agony.
Shit.
I steeled myself, before searching for what I assumed I would need. Bandages, a towel, disinfectant…The door opened before I could even gather all the supplies/ Simon and another Savior named Arat entered, hauling a bearded, middle aged man between them.
They draped the man across the table. There was a lot of fucking blood - more than I was used to. It was on the man's chest and shoulder and neck. He was twitching, mouth open in a silent scream.
"Go get Negan," Arat nodded at Simon, smoothing back her dark hair. She was panting, surveying the man with a worried gaze. When she saw me standing, frozen, she barked, "Don't just stand there! Do something!"
"Is he bit?"
"I don't know," Arat smoothed back her hair once more. I could see her fingers twitching - the movement must have been a nervous tick of hers. "It happened way to fast—"
"It's fine," I interrupted, my hands moving on their own accord, checking for a pulse. It was faint.
Shit.
"Hand me that cloth," I jerked my chin and Arat obeyed, tossing me the white fabric. I pressed it against the wound on his chest, my other hand reaching for the one on his neck. I was elbow deep in blood, my legs shaking so hard that they were rattling against one another. The man shivered, trying to speak. No words could leave his mouth.
My fingers felt the teeth marks in his neck. Arat was staring at me with tired eyes. I stared back for a moment, transfixed. She was really, really pretty.
Focus! Goddamn!
"I could try…shit," I snapped my bloodied fingers. "I need a match. Something to make a fire…"
"What? He's bit—"
"I know," I snapped my head up. Arat was motionless, her head ducked in defeat. Glancing down at my patient, I checked his pulse once more.
Nothing. I was fondling a corpse.
Angrily, I reached for the scalpel resting on the edge of the table. Without looking, I drove it through the side of the man's head. I let out a breath as heavy footsteps approached and Negan entered the room alongside Simon.
"Goddamn," Negan breathed. I tossed the scalpel aside, reminding myself to clean it later. I'd have to clean the whole damn room, I realized. There was blood everything. There was blood on me - on my arms, my shirt and pants
"I tried," I shrugged, making a face. "He was…bit. It was to late."
"We didn't know he'd been bit," Arat stepped closer to me, glancing over at Negan and Simon. "She's right. There was nothing she could do."
I extended my arms, glancing down at the wet, sticky blood plastered to my skin. When I looked up, Negan was staring at me, his mouth pressed into a thin line. Simon looked saddened, but was keeping to the shadows.
Finally, Negan sighed and said, "Fucking c'mon. Simon and Arat, take Victor's body outside and burn it. Make sure nobody fucking sees - I'll let his wife know about what happened tonight."
I timidly followed Negan down the hall, once again keeping my head ducked. He wasn't at all in a jovial mood, and I saw his grip on Lucille tighten.
This could be just an act.
He can't be mad at you. Arat was right - you didn't do shit wrong!
Negan pushed past a set of double doors. The washroom was spacious, and Negan gestured for me to sit before he handed me Lucille and went over to one of the metal sinks.
"Uh, am I in trouble?"
"Fuck no," Negan grinned. He held a wet cloth in one hand and some soap in the other. Water splattered against the tiled floors as he walked over and sat next to me, raising an eyebrow. "Arms out."
"Why are you doing this?" I winced when he gripped my limbs and began wiping away the blood, rather methodically. The washroom was quiet, and for what seemed like forever, all I could focus on was the sound of Negan wiping the blood from my arms.
"Why would I fucking not do this?" Negan replied, not looking up. I set Lucille on the bench next to me so he could move on to my right arm.
"You tryin' to smash?" I resisted the urge to laugh when he finally looked up and smirked. "C'mon. Be honest with me."
Everything is on the fucking table," Negan licked his lips. "Although, with you? I wouldn't want to fucking piss off Simon."
"I'm not with Simon," I narrowed my eyes. "I'm not 'with' anyone, and I'm not going to be."
Negan chuckled, wiping my arms with more vigor and scooting in closer. I could feel him exhale as he clicked his tongue and lifted his chin.
"What the fuck am I going to do with you, doctor?"
"Nothing," I said shakily.
"I guess what I fucking mean," Negan's movements slowed. "Is what the fuck do I want from you?"
"You want…uh, my enthusiasm?" I cringed. "My wicked sense of humor?"
"What I want is something that you fucking want, too. I can fucking see that shit in those pretty eyes of yours. You look at me the same way you fucking look at Simon. I know your fucking secret."
My mouth went dry. Negan was onto my next arm, scrubbing away. Negan sucked in a breath and said loudly and proudly, "You are a dirty fucking girl. You want both of us!"
He's not wrong.
I tried to pull away, but Negan's grip on my arm kept me seated. He dropped the cloth into my lap, taking a moment to just look.
"Christmas has come goddamn early," Negan laughed. "And here I was, thinking you were so fucking innocent. You want two dicks in the same hole, don't you?"
"N-no," I finally mustered up the courage to stammer. "That's not what…no."
"Oh, so you want both of us, but not at the same fucking time? Damn. That just takes away half the fucking fun."
"I want it," I blurted. "I, uh, do. I think you and Simon are both hot."
"And what do you want to fucking do about it?" Negan unzipped his jacket and shrugged himself out of it. I stared at his broad chest, just waiting for him to take the white shirt off, too. He didn't.
"If you want it, you're going to have to fucking work for it," Negan said. I let out a breath, my fingers brushing across the soft fabric of his shirt before I gathered the strength to press my palms against his chest. I could feel his heartbeat flutter beneath my touch, and my fingers easily slipped beneath his shirt to run across his skin.
Can you be a whore if you've never had sex before?
And now you're surrounded by hot dudes and hot chicks and all you want to do is fuck?
It took me a split second to remember that this was Negan I was kissing, not Simon. Negan was clean shaven. But, like Simon, Negan knew how to kiss. Negan was also larger than me, stronger. He knew what he was doing while I awkwardly flailed and clutched at him like a fucking barnacle.
"I'm going to bend you over and fucking fuck the shit out of you," Negan said against the corner of my mouth. I gripped a fistful of his hair as he caught my lower lip between his teeth, smirking the entire time. I was practically in his lap at this point, and I was trying not to get to ahead of myself.
Your ass is thirsty.
"You're right," I admitted. "I want you and Simon. Both of you."
"Right fucking now?" Negan nipped at my neck, and I pulled away. "Just say the fucking words."
Thirsty, right?
Thirsty enough?"
I don't…I don't know."
"Marry me," Negan said suddenly. I feel silent, still sitting in his lap with my arms around his neck. "That shit you saw today? You won't have to fucking see that again. I'll have Simon go to Hilltop and grab Harlan—"
"No," I said firmly.
"Why the fuck not?" Negan tilted his head to the side. He seemed genuinely curious, not at all angry. "I'll fucking let Simon join in on the fun."
"I don't do that wife shit. I don't like it. I also don't play well with others, and I don't like sharing," I slid from Negan lap, adjusting myself. Negan remained sitting, neck and face flushed. He was staring up at me with longing eyes. It was Simon all over again, I realized. Sighing, I mumbled, "Plus, you said I'm not wife material. Whatever the fuck that means."
"I've changed my fucking mind."
"Out of what? Pity?" I sneered. Negan reeled back in surprise as my tone turned rather vicious. "Oh, look our doctor is poor and ugly and easy."
"Where the fuck did you get that mindset?"
Myself.
"Chill the fuck out," Negan said slowly, raising his hands in a placating gesture. He stood, leaving his jacket abandoned on the bench. His hands snaked their way down my forearms and to my hips. He leaned down and pressed his lips against mine. "I'm not going got fucking force you to become a wife. It's your choice."
"I'm saying no. I'm sorry."