12. Whisky
Jack took a sip from his favorite coffee mug and held back the impulse to throw it across the Hub. Everyone had left and he'd tried to make himself a cup of coffee, just like he'd watched Ianto do many times, admiring the man's deft fingers as he prepared the heavenly brew that kept the team going. Yet Jack had not only managed to spill the grounds and burn his thumb, but it was quite possible he'd broken the machine altogether. And his coffee tasted like bilge water.
Maybe he deserved it. Something was wrong, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it. He only knew it was about more than him and Tosh being trapped in 1941, or Ianto shooting Owen in the shoulder. Something had shifted both within him and around him since he'd returned, but Jack wasn't sure what it was. He felt unsettled, uncertain, and anxious. Taking his poor attempt at coffee back to his office, he added a generous shot of whiskey from the liquor cabinet. It was marginally better, and maybe it would help settle his mind.
Reading over the reports Owen and Ianto had left on his desk before leaving for the night, Jack sighed. It was not good. He ran a hand over Ianto's handgun, tagged and turned in despite Jack's protests. Protocol, Ianto had replied curtly, before turning away without another word. Tosh had stopped him on the way out, but Ianto had shook his head and left. He'd been understandably upset about the incident with Owen, but now Jack wondered if there was more to it. If it was something to do with him.
He pulled up the CCTV footage from earlier in the day and watched Owen and Ianto arguing…Ianto trying so hard to convince Owen to follow their standing orders regarding the Rift, Owen protesting over and over. Owen hit him, kicked him, and left him gasping on the ground…and yet Ianto still stood up and pulled out his gun, threatening to shoot in order to stop the doctor. Owen laughed, called Ianto…wait, what? Jack rewound the footage and tried not to flinch…
You have to let Diane go. Like I did with Lisa.
Don't compare yourself to me. You're just a tea boy.
I'm much more than that. Jack needs me.
In your dreams, Ianto. In your sad wet dreams when you're his part-time shag, maybe.
Sad wet dreams. Part-time shag. Jack gagged on his drink, spitting it into the rubbish bin as he stood and started pacing. There had been nothing in either man's report about that particular exchange. Owen had hurled cruel words at Ianto, who had stood strong against them, determined to stop the doctor at any cost because it was what Jack would have done, what Jack had ordered them to do from day one: never open the Rift.
And what had Jack been doing while Ianto had been kicked and insulted at the Hub? He'd been in a 1941 dance hall falling halfway in love with a doomed man he'd just met. Dancing, kissing, and not thinking about anything else, anyone else, not thinking about Ianto. Part-time shag.
Grabbing the whisky bottle, Jack slugged it down so fast he choked, then lashed out at his desk with a curse. How could he have been so stupid, so blind? He'd been sleeping with Ianto for months and genuinely cared about him, yet at the first sign of a pretty face in a World War II uniform he'd forgotten all about Ianto Jones. A man who was so fiercely loyal to Torchwood and to Jack that he'd shot a coworker to stop Owen from opening the Rift and unleashing a potentially devastating threat to the world.
He would have abandoned us there, Jack told himself. And I would have had to live through it all over again to get back to this time, this moment.
And Ianto would have been right, because he understood the consequences of opening the Rift. Unlike Owen, Ianto had seen the bigger picture, the need for sacrifice. He'd been willing and able to make the hard choice-to save the world over saving his coworkers-while Owen had been so wrapped up in his grief over Diane that he'd put the entire world at risk by fully opening the Rift.
Looking back over the report Ianto had turned in, Jack could read between the lines now and see the deep regret and guilt that Ianto felt, bleeding through every word, every sentence. It was a messy, emotional report, very much out of character for their normally unflappable general administrator. But this had rattled Ianto, so much that he'd turned in his gun and left without a word. Jack half-wondered if Ianto would return in the morning.
Jack knew he was a bastard and a heel of the biggest sort. He'd always been, but for the first time in many years he felt it keenly and regretted it deeply. He'd abandoned any thought of what he was doing with Ianto within moments of finding himself trapped in 1941… Is Toshiko your woman? No. There's no one.
No one. He'd told the real Jack Harkness there was no one, but there was. Ianto had been back at the Hub, Jack's home, fighting for him the entire time. Jack had let himself get lost in the glamour and the tragedy of the war, losing hope so quickly he'd latched onto the first thing he could to stay grounded, his namesake. He felt nothing but shame and remorse.
After a few more shots of whisky he picked up his phone and texted Ianto. He needed to do something, say something. Fix it. He only hoped he could.
Owen was wrong.
Ianto was slower to answer than usual.
I knew I should have deleted the footage.
You're not my part-time shag.
Just the most convenient one given we live in the same century.
Jack swore; Ianto knew. Somehow he knew about the original Captain Jack Harkness, and in spite of their open, unspoken arrangement, Ianto was angry. Jack couldn't blame him. It had little to do with commitment and everything to do with Ianto putting it on all the line with Owen while Jack flounced around 1941 shoving his tongue down someone else's throat. God, even Jack could see how wrong that was, by any century's standards.
That's not true, he replied. You're more than that.
The reply was quick.
I don't believe you. Not this time, not anymore.
Jack felt his stomach drop. He had no idea what to do to fix things with Ianto, but he had to try, just as he'd reached out after Lisa Hallett had died. He didn't want to hurt the man any more; Ianto deserved so much better.
Can we talk?
We have more important things to worry about, Jack. Like the Rift.
I'm worried about you. About us.
Don' t be. Jack had never thought two words could cut so deep. There is no us.
Which was when Jack realized how badly he'd screwed up. They'd fallen into bed together with one condition: that it was and would remain casual. Yet Jack felt such guilt, such loss at that moment that he knew it was more, at least for him. Ianto's words hurt, and Jack didn't want it to end this way; he didn't want it to end at all. Ianto had become his rock, had been there for him for months now, even after the debacle with John Ellis, when Ianto had been so angry with Jack's secrets. And now, with one devastating shot, he had proven his loyalty only to be betrayed by Jack.
Jack decided right then and there that he would prove himself. As the leader of Torchwood, as a good man, and as someone worthy of Ianto Jones's loyalty and love.
Author's Notes:
Another one inspired by Taamar, thank you very much! In spite of all the hype about this episode being groundbreaking and romantic, I get the impression (years later) from around here and Tumblr that fans don't think much of it anymore, aside from some BAMF Ianto, who also looks great in purple. At the time it aired it probably was groundbreaking and romantic, but that kiss between Jack and Ianto in the very next episode immediately puts this one into a new perspective, and then you get more Jack and Ianto development in series 2 and 3 that really makes you wonder just what was going through both the writers' and the characters' minds with this adventure. I've addressed it before (in Quite a List) but that was from Ianto's POV and in a different context - they weren't sleeping together yet. This time it's Jack's POV, and I do hope he felt badly. I'm not making some grand statement on monogamy, but the fact that Ianto was fighting so hard for Jack while Jack was, as he put it above, sticking his tongue down someone else's throat. Not cool. And I have one other idea I hope to write someday that plays less with Jack's guilt and more with Ianto's. Thank you for reading!