Chapter 10

Later that afternoon

The Boathouse

By the time Scott and Hank finished chatting in the hangar bay and Scott returned to the mansion, Jean had already taken the children back home. Before going home himself, Scott decided to take a detour to the video store to grab 'The Man In The Iron Mask' because Jean mentioned she wanted to see it. He also picked up 'Mulan' for Rachel; something to keep her busy while he made his apologies to his wife.

Scott turned the key to their front door, and hesitantly stepped inside. He saw little Nate sleeping in his baby seat in the living room. He could also hear Jean and Rachel in the kitchen, and smelled the aroma of cupcakes. It was obvious the two females in his life had spent the last hour or so baking.

He made his way to where his wife and daughter were. Before he could say anything, Rachel sensed him and said, "Daddy, look what ah made!" She showed him several finished red velvet cupcakes in front of her. Jean gave him a shy smile, obviously not holding a grudge for his less than charming behaviour since the night before.

"Wow, sweetheart! All by yourself?" Scott asked Rachel, but returning Jean's smile.

"Umm… yes!" Rachel lied, shamelessly.

Scott laughed. "I'm sure they're delicious." Scott pulled out the video he rented for Rachel from behind him and said, "Look what I got for you, sweetie!"

Rachel gasped with childlike exuberance. "Is that fo' me?!"

"Yes, but it's only a rental. We have to return it, but it's all yours for the next couple of days," Scott said.

"Can ah watch now, daddy?" Rachel asked. Scott had hoped she would.

"Sure, come on, I'll turn it on for you. But just keep the volume low because your brother's sleeping, okay?" Scott said.

"My brudder's always s'eepin'," Rachel mumbled. This earned her a chuckle from her mother who then started on the dishes.

When Scott came back into the kitchen, Jean had her back turned to him. He wasn't quite sure where to start. So, he decided to dive right in.

"I've been unfair to you, Jean," Scott started.

His wife turned around, a sad smile on her face, and said, "Are you ready to talk about what's been bothering you now?"

Scott ran his hand through his hair, causing it to become even more unruly than it already was. It was a habit of his whenever he was a bit flustered. "I took out my frustrations on you and I have no excuse. I'm so sorry."

Jean turned off the faucet and walked into her husband's arms, embracing him. "I'm sorry too, Scott. I know what you saw with me and Logan last night… hurt you."

Scott reluctantly nodded. Admitting he was hurt made him feel vulnerable. But he thought back to Hank's words about telepaths wanting openness and knew he was right to acknowledge it. "You did nothing wrong, Jean. I was the one who overreacted."

"Why did you?" Jean asked.

"I saw the way he looked at you. He wants you. He's very much attracted to you-"

"I don't want to sound vain, Scott, but he wouldn't be the first. Just the other day, the electrician who came over to fix our lighting was brazenly flirting with me in front of you… Sure, you glared at him behind your glasses, but you got over it the moment he left… What's different with Logan?" Jean asked.

"What's different is that I see a mutual attraction between you two," Scott said, sighing resignedly.

Jean looked like she was about to deny it, but instead, after a pause, said, "I've never lied to you, Scott… At least not with anything serious… So, I won't deny the fact that yes, I'm attracted to him…"

Scott tried his best not to react to Jean's confession, even though it felt like a punch to the gut. Scott nodded, not trusting himself to speak.

Jean continued. "But that's all it is, honey… I don't love him. Yes, he intrigues me, but I don't want him, not in that way."

"You just said you were attracted to him, now you're saying you don't want him?" Scott asked, a dubious look on his face.

"There's a difference, you know. Just because I find him attractive doesn't mean I want him to tear my clothes off and have his way with me-"

"Thanks for that mental image…" Scott muttered.

Jean chuckled. "I'm serious, Scott. There's no other man for me but you. You are my best friend, my lover, my husband and the father of my children. Why can't you trust in my love for you?"

"It's not that I don't… I do, but-"

"Do you trust me to remain faithful to you, Scott?" Jean asked, interrupting.

"I do, but-"

"There's no 'but', Scott. You either do, or you don't," Jean argued.

"I know you would never be unfaithful to me, Jean. You're too honorable for that. That's not what's bothering me…" Scott paused.

"Then, what is?" Jean asked.

"Although I know you would never cheat on me… A part of me wonders how long it'll be before you'll want to," Scott whispered.

Jean couldn't have looked more shocked if someone doused her with freezing cold water. Scott immediately regretted being so candid with her. But it was too late. Jean stepped back, hurt written across her delicate face.

Scott felt awful. But he couldn't backtrack. "Jean, I'm sorry-"

"No, don't be sorry, Scott. If that's how you really feel, then…" Jean trailed off. She sat down on one of the chairs, looking like she was trying to gather her thoughts.

"Please try to understand where I'm coming from, Jean," Scott pleaded, unable to stand the hurt look on her face. "As far as I remember, I went from being a friend, and barely one at that, to being your husband over night. I've loved you for so long, but I have no memories of you loving me until I woke up in that hospital. I have the life I've always wanted and it's like waking up to my wildest dreams… But I don't recall anything I've done to deserve all this. I stay up late at nights long after you've fallen asleep and just wonder… Why do you love me?"

"How come you've never told me this before?" Jean asked.

"I don't know… I was trying to fake it until I made it, I guess?" Scott said, shrugging. "Seeing you with Logan, seeing the attraction between you two… It brought home the fact that deep down, I'm still only twenty-two years old and a part of me feels like a kid… a boy. And you deserve a man."

"And that's what I have," Jean said.

Scott continued as if he didn't hear Jean. "And I figured that's what attracted you to Logan. He exudes confidence. He doesn't hide that he's attracted to you and I imagine that flatters you. He's got danger written all over him, and I figured that's exciting to you, especially being married to safe, old, boring, predictable me. But they're my insecurities, my problems, and I selfishly made them yours as well."

"I had no idea you felt this way, Scott," Jean said.

"In many ways, neither did I. I certainly had never put my feelings to words before… But seeing you with Logan just brought everything to a head, that's all," Scott said, his shoulders slumping slightly.

"You're right, those are probably the reasons I find Logan intriguing, but you couldn't be further from the truth if you think it has anything to do with you or what you perceive are your shortcomings," Jean said.

She reached for Scott's hands and held them tightly in her own. "Do you want to know why I love you, Scott? I love you because I can be myself around you. You never criticize the way I look, talk or do things. You've always supported me, no matter what. You always rush home from teaching because you prefer to start an early evening with me and the children. You love my parents, sister, niece and nephew and are always there for them at the drop of a hat."

Jean continued. "I think I can count on one hand the number of times you've used foul language in front of me in the last sixteen years… And never in front of the children. You don't remember, but you've protected me time and time again, with your own body when necessary. You spoil me rotten, always cooking for me, doing more than your share of the chores, buying me gifts even when there's no occasion.

"Really?"

Jean nodded in acknowledgement. "You always make me laugh… even when you don't mean to. We can spend hours talking or not at all and it's the best part of my day, just being with you. It doesn't matter what you have on your plate or what plans you've already made, when the children or I need you, you drop everything for us. I need you to know that it's not you who needs to compete with other men… They're the ones who could never compete with you."

Scott didn't answer for several seconds. "… I hadn't realized how much I needed to hear that, Jean… I just wish I wasn't so bland and boring… I heard Logan call me 'upright' last night. And he certainly didn't say it with any admiration in his voice."

"You were eavesdropping?" Jean asked, an amused look on her face. Scott just shrugged, not bothering to deny it. "Scott… Do you know what prompted you to retire from the X-Men?"

"The professor mentioned something about not wanting to face you if anything ever happened to me, so he convinced me to quit," Scott said, relaying his conversation with the professor the day before.

"That, my love, is an overly simplified version of what prompted you to retire. It was four years ago, and I was pregnant with Rachel. I had already retired from the team, but you were still very much active and was their field leader. I wanted nothing more than to ask you to quit, but I knew you loved it so much and leading the team was such a defining part of you. You and the team were on a mission to rescue Storm and several of the students who were attacked here on the grounds and kidnapped by a group of Genoshan Magistrates…"

"Who?" Scott asked, looking confused.

"I'll explain another time, sweetheart. Long story short, you were hurt badly on that mission. One of the buildings there toppled over and you were crushed by some heavy debris. I felt your agonizing pain through our psychic rapport. I knew you were injured severely but being so far away I had no idea to what extent. The fear, panic and stress I felt almost caused me to lose Rachel. I bled severely and was rushed to the hospital-"

"My God! No one ever told me that! I almost lost you and Rachel?!" Scott asked, shocked to the core. Just the thought of losing either one of them was enough to make him sick… but both!

"Obviously, we came through it. Anyway, the professor really didn't have to do much convincing to get you to retire. You told me at the hospital that day that nothing was more important to you than your family, not even the X-Men," Jean said.

"I had no idea…" Scott whispered.

"My point is, Scott… If you think that you're boring, think again. You've led a lot of the professor's most dangerous missions. I've seen you go charging into life and death situations more times than I'd like to remember. You're the bravest man I know… Just because you're not dangerous for the sake of being dangerous, doesn't mean I find myself wishing that you were. What I want is for you to come home, safe and sound every day, and back into my arms."

"You make me sound like a paragon," Scott said, jokingly.

"Trust me, I also have a whole list of your faults… But I'll save those for another day," Jean said, smiling. "Scott, you don't need to feel threatened by Logan. At the end of the day, there's no one I would choose over you."

"You have no idea what that means to me, Jean… Thank you," Scott said. "Umm… Jean, what did you mean earlier when you said we had a psychic rapport? What's that?"

"It's a psychic link between you and me. After Rachel died… grown Rachel, I mean… We were so devastated. We both suffered tremendously and there were times when we didn't communicate so well. We were so consumed by grief."

"I can only imagine."

"But of course, we also wanted to be there for each other and to comfort each other. So, I suggested establishing a psychic link between us. It allowed me to always be privy to what you were feeling and vice versa. It was also an open link of communication. We could telepathically communicate at any time. Distance was not an obstacle because the link was never severed."

"Why don't we have that now? What happened?" Scott asked, really liking the idea of being so intimately connected with his wife at all times.

"When you got into your accident, I felt your shock and pain like it was my own. But it only lasted a moment, then I lost all connection with you. I've never been more scared in my life. I had no idea if you died. In fact, a part of me feared you did, because that's obviously one of the things that would sever a link as strong as ours. When you woke up in the hospital, our psychic rapport was gone, it probably has to do with you losing your memory, although I can't be sure," Jean said.

"Can we get it back?" Scott asked.

"I could try to re-establish it… I'm just worried it might cause some unforeseen problems. Your brain injury hasn't fully healed yet…"

"I want it back… Please, Jean? I want that connection with you. I would find it really comforting to know whether or not you were okay at all times," Scott said.

"Are you sure? Your thoughts would be completely open to me, as mine would be to you. You're a very private man by nature. Are you ready for that, Scott? When I originally established our link, we had already been a couple for over a year, and we'd already been through so much together…" Jean said.

"I have nothing to hide from you, Jean… I want it," Scott said.

"Alright then," Jean said, slowly putting her index and middle finger at Scott's temple. She moved slowly, probably giving him a chance to change his mind, but he simply sat there patiently, eager for her to get started. "This might feel weird at first."

At first, nothing happened, and Scott wondered if Jean was having some trouble. Then suddenly, a deluge of feelings and images invaded his mind. It was like a dam was broken, and for a moment, he wasn't sure which thoughts were Jean's and which were his. But when the initial rush settled down, the newly created link wasn't intrusive at all. It was like a gentle presence in the back of his mind.

But what completely floored Scott was feeling everything his wife did at that very moment. He felt nothing but the unconditional love she had for him. It wasn't a love of obligation or pity. It was a love that reflected his own. It was one thing to know how Jean felt for him because she told him so, but it was something completely different when he experienced it himself.

She shared the same fears he did. She was scared of losing him, just as he was scared of losing her. It made Scott feel even more embarrassed of how he acted the last day and a half. He could read Jean's thoughts as if they were his own… And he knew without a shadow of a doubt that Jean couldn't live without him, just like he couldn't live without her. Logan wasn't a threat… He never was.

"Now do you believe me?" Jean asked, obviously seeing the realization dawn on her husband.

"I umm… I don't know what to say… I could never have imagined something like this…" Scott said, unsure how to describe his feelings.

"I wonder if I shouldn't have done this sooner, it might have saved you some angst," Jean said, smiling at her husband.

Scott laughed. "Perhaps, but I understand why you didn't. But I'm glad we have it back now. You have no idea how comforting it is to know you're so close… even when you're not."

Jean gave her husband an amused look. "I think I have an idea…"

Scott smiled at his wife, leaned forward, cupped her cheek and kissed her passionately. "I love you, Jean. I'm sorry I acted like such an ass. I think it goes without saying, my biggest fear in the world is losing you… the children… my family."

"It's my biggest fear too, Scott… But let's not dwell on it. If we do, it'll consume us. Let's live for the here and now, for our children and for each other," Jean said.

"I couldn't have said it any better," Scott said, smiling and embracing his wife. He pulled away and noticed a mischievous smile on Jean's face. "What is it?"

"Nathan's sleeping…" Jean said, playfully.

"Yeah, so?" Scott said, not quite sure what Jean's point was.

"And… There's still at least an hour left before Rachel's movie is finished…" Jean's face fell slightly when Scott still had a blank look on his face. "Honey! We have our psychic rapport back… don't try resisting it… Now, read my mind."

Scott did exactly as Jean instructed… Then he blushed from head to toe as he saw exactly what images she had in mind. Scott grinned at his wife. "Let's just lock the door this time, huh? I think I've reached my embarrassment quota for the rest of the century."

"You think you're embarrassed? You're not the one who has to listen to Peter's mental laughter every time you bump into him!" Jean said.

"Well… I suppose now through our psychic link I'll have to hear it too," Scott said, jokingly.

"Good… we're in this together," Jean said, grabbing Scott's arm and leading him to their bedroom.

"I wouldn't have it any other way."

To be continued…

Author's note: If you guys are interested in the full story surrounding Rachel's birth. Check out my story, A Hundred Splendid Summers. It's part of the House of Summers series. It's the chapter titled, The Choices We Make. Cheers!