Meredith remembers the night the cops showed up at her door like it was yesterday. The night Derek died. Derek, her soul mate, the love of her life. The man she finally chose to be happy with. They were supposed to be together, forever. They were Meredith and Derek. The next year zoomed by in a daze. She barely remembers the funeral, collecting her two small children and doing what she did before she had Derek, she ran. It wasn't until she had settled in a rental that she realized she never got her period. Thinking back to their last night together, and Derek saying he wanted more children made her lose it all over again. They moved again. She finally stopped accounting her nausea, to the stress of her current life and took a pregnancy test.
In those endless minutes waiting for the results, she tried not to think of Derek- but to this day, that is still impossible. She got her answer. All at once she was angry, upset, excited, ecstatic and morose. She of course wanted another piece of Derek, but it was so unfair that he couldn't be there- that she had to do this all alone. The birth was tough but Ellis Shepard was flawless. She looked just like him. She had pushed everyone but her kids away from her and didn't realize how alone she felt until she saw Alex.
He brought them home where they belonged. She began working again, lived with her sisters for a few years and life moved on. Zola, perfect as always, excelled in school and could do no wrong. She was the easy one, always pleasing everyone, the "perfect" child. Bailey, he reminded her so much of Derek, smart like him, kind and caring, and even though he was still young, she could already see Derek's dreaminess in him. She knew she would later be in trouble when girl started liking him, but when he was young, he was barely any trouble.
And then there was Ellie. She had quite the personality. Brilliant beyond belief, and unlike Bailey who inherited her blonde hair, was the spitting image of her dad. She had his dark, wavy hair, and his eyes, and his smile. She was rambunctious, and always getting into mischief, Meredith had her hands full for sure. Her high IQ got her into more trouble than a typical child of her age and was always getting hurt. She was giving Meredith Grey gray hair well before her time. She never said it out loud but thought of Ellie as a "gift" from Derek to keep her busy.
Life kept moving; she somehow managed to make a huge name for herself in surgery while never missing a piano recital, ballet recital, or soccer game. She kept her mind off of Derek and had the support of her "family." The family she built for herself. Her fellow surgeons and her kids. Zola basically lived with Callie and Arizona since she was so close with Sofia, although half the time Sofia lived with them adding to her brood. Alex was the perfect uncle/father to her kids. And then there was Bailey and Richard and her sisters. Annually they would visit Christina in Germany. They were all shocked how quickly Ellie picked up the language- it was then they discovered her photographic memory, just like Lexie.
With her hectic life, she was shocked she had time to meet Paul. He was never a replacement for Derek, Meredith knew nobody could fill that spot, but he was so sweet to her. Things moved incredibly slow, it was months before she introduced him to her kids. Zola and Bailey immediately bonded. Meredith remembers thinking how strange it was that Ellie never felt that bond and how she always clung around her when Paul was around. She wasn't complaining, she and Ellie were always close, and she was still so young, the baby- Meredith loved that Ellie clung to her and never wanted her to grow up.
Eventually, however, there were bigger signs that something was off. Ellie would have bruises on her arms and legs or red marks on her face, one time she even had a small burn. But Ellie was always rough while playing and even before Paul was around she had bruises from playing.
Still, Meredith is her mother and should've known. She will never forgive herself. That night she immediately sensed something wrong. Paul seemed agitated- more agitated than normal with his upcoming election. Ellie, energetic Ellie was in bed. After taking her temperature, Meredith cuddled up to her tiny, helpless 7-year-old that reminded her so much of Derek and saw her wince in pain. The amounts of bruising scrapes on her body nauseated her.
Ellie finally told her the truth through deep sobs. Meredith ran downstairs. She hit Paul repeatedly, tried kicking him out but he refused. She called Alex, who was over in minutes and had Paul pinned while she helped screaming Ellie. Zola and Bailey huddled in the corner. The cops came and arrested him. She never forgave herself for that. After sleeping with Ellie countless nights, assuring her how much she loved her, trying to make up for the hate she had endured and enrolling her in therapy, they finally moved on. She was determined that her children would not be scared from their childhood. And she was successful.
Zola successfully graduated high school with top honors and moved to Boston for College. She missed her but was so happy how successful she was being. Bailey luckily stayed a little closer but was still a few hours away. And just like that- it was just her and Ellie alone in a big house. Amelia and Maggie had moved out long ago. They had been in and out of "strays" since but the strays dwindled over the years. Meredith always wanted a full house so this was strange. Some nights it was just them, Ellie was definitely her person. She loved Zola and Bailey more than anything but her and Ellie clicked on a level beyond mother and daughter. Ellie had yet to know it, but as much as she could see Derek in Ellie, she also so herself, a little dark and twisty, and that was ok. Some nights they would watch movies and veg out to pizza and sweets watching surgeries, other on nights residents and attending's fighting with their significant others would spend the night and the house would be filled again, like a dorm room. Ellie would sleep with Meredith like old times.
That day, Ellie had tennis practice. She was going to states later that week and there was big talk of scholarships. Ellie was a prodigy- effortlessly good at everything she did. She was the talk of the town. Meredith usually drove her to practice but got pulled into an emergency surgery. She kissed Ellie goodbye and told her to text her with what she wanted for dinner. Her surgery went flawlessly- there were talks of a Harper Avery Award. She was heading to the Attending's lounge to shower when Chief Bailey sprinted her way. She was frantic. "There's been an accident." With those words Meredith went into panic mode. She lost Derek, she could not lose anyone else. She sensed it was one of her kids. As horrible thoughts raced through her mind she finally began listening to what Bailey was saying.
Her ears ringing, she finally made out "Alex picked up your phone… Ellie was in an accident.. Paul was drunk… She is ok,.. Harper Avery…. We didn't want to interrupt it… She's at Macedon Hospital." With that Meredith sprinted. She drove the fastest she's every driven, tears running down her face. How could she let him hurt her again?
She was so relieved to see her ok, but she looked like a mess. Soaking wet with matted down hair from the blood on her face, her arm in a cast, glass in her hair. They embraced and Meredith never wanted to let her go. Not only did she almost lose her person and her daughter, but she also almost lost the last piece she had of Derek. Ellie always made her think of Derek, even more than Bailey. There was something about her that was so innately him. God she missed him. She sensed him more than ever now. She never really believed much in spirits but maybe he was protecting Ellie tonight. The thought of that made her feel warm inside.
They were about to leave when Ellie ran to a room and began talking to a man lying on a bed. Black hair, long beard, you could barely even see his face and still she was drawn to him. Ellie walked back over to her and she felt the need to know who this man was. That's when a voice that she thought she would never hear again spoke. Sending chills down her spine, she heard the man exclaim her name. With a simple "Meredith!" she froze in her tracts. The simple exclamation of her name, in his voice, like the man was suddenly remembering after all these years. Nobody said anything; Meredith was too shocked to move.