Meredith was in complete and utter shock. How could this be happening? It was him. Derek. After all these years… She slumped down in a chair in the hallway. After not too long Alex came out. " This is crazy… right? I'm just going crazy?" She asks him thoroughly confused. " I don't know Mer- I'm just as confused as you are. We'll do some tests to confirm it's him… and if it is, we'll figure out an explanation." He couldn't believe what he was saying.
"I mean- I sat by his bedside, I looked at his charts- he was brain-dead. I watched them unhook him and witnessed him die. I don't get it. We had a funeral…. I was in a fog for weeks afterward but he was dead… Oh god- I raised kids alone. I dated again. I'm a terrible person." Alex embraced Meredith, not knowing what to say. Ellie ran down the hall. "Mom what is going on- who is he? Why is he saying that you are his wife?" She began to break down. She had a faint idea of what this could mean but couldn't take in the enormous realization. She was hoping her mom had another explanation… Anything, that this man was crazy or something. All Meredith replied at the time was, "I don't know yet Ellie, we're going to figure this out."
Alex stayed at the hospital to run test with the doctors. He felt they were incompetent and knew Meredith needed confirmation from someone she trusted. It was 1:45am and instead of driving an hour and a half home, Meredith took Ellie to a nearby hotel. She helped her shower and get warm, she helped get the dried smeared blood on Ellie's face and brushed her hair in bed while watching TV. For the first time all night she felt a little happy. It reminded her of when the kids were little. She had so many nights like this. Zola would be practicing her violin while Bailey played on the floor with his trucks. Meredith would take Ellie out of the bath and wrap her in a towel and cuddle while listening and watching her kids. She would brush their hair and put them to bed. Those years were difficult but also wonderful.
As it got earlier and earlier in the morning Ellie finally fell asleep and Meredith thought about everything Derek missed. If this was him, she didn't know how she was going to handle it, or how he was going to handle it. He was always the one who wanted a big family, and he missed it all. Suddenly she needed to see the man again. She kissed Ellie on the forehead and left her a note.
When she got to the hospital, she immediately went to the man's room. She refused to call him Derek until she knew for sure. He was all alone in the room. Alex must still be running tests, she thought. Perfect, she wanted to speak with him alone. She awkwardly crossed the room and sat down next to his bed, unsure of what to say or do. He turned his head slightly, already more than he could move a few hours ago, that was a good sign. She began reading his chart.
"Meredith…" he said in a whispered relief, like he had been aching for her. "Hi, um, I'm sorry I didn't mean to wake you…" She said awkwardly. "No you didn't, I'm so glad you came back, I have so many questions…"
"Well, I don't have any answers… I don't know what's happening, I don't know who you are." She could tell his heart sank. "Meredith, it's me Derek, what the hell is going on. I'm Derek Shepherd; I'm your husband. We have two kids together. I know something awful happened, I know a lot of time has passed but you can't say you don't know me…" He began hyperventilating again. He tried to calm himself before the monitors went off. He didn't want the nurses to come back in; he needed to be alone with her.
"Derek died. Over fifteen years." Even after all that time, saying it out loud still took her breath away. "But I'm not dead- I'm right here Meredith, it's me." She finally allowed herself to believe it; she no longer needed the test confirmation. She began to cry and a tear fell from his eye. She laid down next to him, resting her head on his chest. Now she's really lost it. She dreamed about this moment ever since he died, how could it really be happening.
Alex burst in. "Mer, blood tests confirm, its Derek." He was utterly speechless and then noticed she already knew that. "I'll leave you two alone." As he was turning to leave Meredith sat up. "Take my hotel key card, I don't want her waking up alone. Radisson Hotel just down the street, room 204." He nodded and walked out.
Meredith laid on Derek's chest for a few hours. They were both so content, but he finally wanted some answers to his questions. "After seeing your face, everything sort of came back to me. I remember us, and how I was working in D.C. and got into an accident. I'm trying to put the pieces together. The crash must've been right around the time of my last visit there because all I remember is heading to the airport but I didn't make it. I was so happy with my decision to stay home, it's so unfair." He looked at her. Meredith nodded and began the impossible story.
"It was your last time going to D.C. The night before you told me that you were so happy with me, and the kids, and you never want to give it up, you wanted more. Then you headed out saying you'd be back the next day. I got a call saying you never showed up, you missed your flight and I couldn't get a hold of you all day. That night the cops showed up at my door. They took Zola and Bailey and I to a small hospital where you were declared brain-dead. I took you off the ventilators knowing nothing more could be done and you wouldn't want to live that way. I don't know how you ended up alive and in this hospital bed after all those years. That part I am so angry and confused about."
He stared at her intently as if asking her to go on. She continued, "I mean we had a funeral for you and everything, you were gone. I was a mess. I took the kids and left in the middle of the night. I couldn't be around Seattle anymore, or in that beautiful house haunted by the memories of you. For a year we were gone…"
"How are Zola and Bailey?" He interrupted. He needed to know this first, before he heard all the rest. He knew it would be painful to hear about them growing up but thought it would make it easier to know that they are happy and healthy right now. "They are both amazing Derek. Zola is 21- a junior majoring in Hospital management in Boston at Harvard. Bailey is a freshman at Stanford, he doesn't know what he wants to major in yet." Derek smiled a painful smile. God how are they in college, he thought to himself. "And that girl who calls you mom, di-" he hesitated, he didn't want to know the answer to this, "did you remarry?"
Meredith let out a laugh. "No Derek, I never remarried, barely even dated." He was shocked. "It's been 15 years Meredith, and you thought I was dead…" He trailed off. "Well when the kids were little, there really was no time, and I was so busy with work when they got older, I dated here and there but was never really interested in anybody. I dated Paul for a while but it turns out he was a terrible man… which brings us here, I guess."
"So is that girl..." he started. "Ellie." Meredith interrupted. "Is Ellie Paul's daughter?" He asked. She smiled, nervous to tell him. "No Derek, she is all you." Her smile got even brighter. For the first time she saw him smile as well. "We had another baby." He confirmed to himself through a smile. Then the smile faded. He missed everything about her life. At least with Zola and Bailey he was there for some of it, but he just met her today.
Meredith saw the realization hit him and felt the need to explain. "When I left Seattle with the kids… I was finally starting to figure things out, I rented a house, the kids were in school, and then I realized I was pregnant. I mean the last morning we spent together you told me you wanted more kids, and we got busy that morning." She laughed. "She was my gift from you, and boy was she a handful, but she was the last piece I had of you… that anyone had of you. I was terrified but wanted her so much."
"How was the pregnancy, and the birth? I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you, you did it all alone." Tears began rolling down his cheek. Meredith squeezed his hand. "It was all ok. For my hostile uterus the pregnancy went well. I was so depressed, dark and twisty, the pregnancy made me push on. About three weeks early my uterine lining ruptured, Zola called 911. The birth was tough and scary and part of me wanted to die, but then I saw her and she was so innately you. It was magical. Alex picked us up and took us back to Seattle."
"Mer, I'm so sorry, you did it all alone" He whispered. She squeezed his hand. "I'm so sorry you missed it… so so sorry. But don't be sorry. I eventually got stronger, Alex became like a father figure or an uncle, he was amazing. Bailey, Callie, Arizona, Richard, we formed a family. I had a lot of support from them. And Maggie and Amelia lived with us for a while. I was ok Derek, we got through." He smiled, "I'm glad Amelia was apart of their lives." Meredith nodded, "Derek all of your sisters were a part of their lives. We visited your mom once a year." He smiled. He was amazed at how she handled everything. "So now what?" He asked almost with a chuckle. "Now, I take you home, and you get better, and spend time with your kids."