A/N: Hah! Progress!

This forest must hold some personal grudge against you.

Not only you found out it changes its appearance at will, but you're also pretty sure you aren't high anymore. Somehow, it feels like flashbacks will continue to happen regardless of your rate of hallucinogenic grass consumption. Ordinary laws of physics and common sense here are treated as some short of sick joke that nobody gets. To sum it up, your surroundings changes at whimsical bursts of fuck you too.

Eventually you stumble around a body of water – lake? River? Just a sliver of water? Why the scenery can't decide what does it wants to be?!

Who knows because you sure don't.

Aaand there goes your hopes at being sane again. Welcome back madness, my old friend. Glad to know you weren't gone for too long. I didn't miss you, to be honest...

Sigh. Whatever...

Anyway, let's think about the important stuff: how are you supposed to meet her again at wherever you were when you both parted ways?

Damn.

And what the fuck are you supposed to offer a yordle that is known for being hella crazy? How will you appease somebody you barely know?

Shit.

Maybe giving her a ride wasn't so bad. But your pride doesn't feel like letting you become a glorified yordle mount.

So what now?

This is taking you nowhere. It's better to start to mark the threes with your claws so you will be able to come back in a week. It happens that after a couple of days spent with useless brooding and counterproductive cussing, your wandering leads you to Bandle City. Great! Maybe here you will find something to bribe her. Lulu doesn't seem too attached to physical belongings, but it doesn't hurt to try.

It's hard to navigate at a town designed for midgets, but you manage to browse through some shops without bringing the whole thing down. You can't say most places you visited escaped unscathed (what issued some unnecessary problems, but nothing that you couldn't intimidate others in your way out of it) but at least you didn't end up stepping upon a lousy fur ball or having them for lunch.

So far so good, if it wasn't for the fact that besides some useless trinkets - and you think, females are supposed to like to wear shiny things, right? It should be reassuring, but really, it isn't. Anyway, your few coins aren't worth anything that promises to seal the deal with her.

You brainstorm at what you could buy to convince her, and comes to a great realisation. What about something you can do for her? You never were too prone to pay attention to the others champions lives, but you recall pretty clearly how Tristana once mocked Lulu for being banned from Bandle City.

She transformed the gunner into a cupcake and almost crushed her, not before threatening to eat her. If Rumble hasn't somehow managed to save Tristana's sorry ass, you are pretty sure the gunner would end with some missing limbs. Heh, that was fun to watch.

After you recover from your giggling fit, you decide your plan of action and set off to meet the fae sorcerer again.

.

.

.

As expected, to go back to wherever you met her isn't hard. It is nearly impossible, in fact. Hard would be easy next to the hell that is to navigate through a forest that doesn't give a fuck about logic. It takes some days of a frustrating walk for her to find you.

Yes, your incompetence to navigate in this place is so great that Lulu spotted you first.

"Having fun in the Glade?"

Well, it's not like you can enjoy your self-hatred without being interrupted, so you decide to put your so brilliant idea in action.

"So it is how this place is called? The Glade?"

"Yep"

You just don't feel so certain if your idea is really a good one...

"How do you manage to guide yourself in this place?"

"Oh silly, I don't. I just go around and enjoy it"

"Really?"

Her fairy companion seems to disagree, but you really don't understand a single word of whatever it is saying. You assume it is what Pix means based on its body language. You hope you are right. It is so hard to trust your judgment lately...

"So, I brought this. For you."

You couldn't be more awkward than you are right now even if you tried. You gave her a cheap hair clip and pendant, because you are desperate aaaand that's all you were able to buy with the few coins you scavenged from those guys at Shurima's ruins. And you are really bad at sleight of hand when you can't hide stuff in, you know, scales.

She proceeds to examine your offerings, but she doesn't seem pleased.

"Ooh, it's cute. And useless."

And she throws it away. You feel outraged, but it's not like you disagree with her. But you don't fail to notice that despite her harsh words, she pocketed the pendant. The hair clip wasn't so lucky.

Well, it is time to gather you courage to tell her what you hope will lead you somewhere in this negotiation.

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but you were banned from the city, isn't?"

She merely raises an eyebrow (what is hard to notice due to her hat) and doesn't look impressed with your statement. Aw. Well. Here goes nothing.

"I was thinking that I would have your help if I manage to take you there unnoticed."

"And how did you plan to do so?"

"I can, let's say, smuggle a yordle. Here, take a look…"

A pointy, sharp smile is the only warning she has before you bag her in your leather purse. After some struggle, you notice that yes, she fits, but her hat doesn't. You pick it up from the ground, brush it and hide Pix inside of it before wearing it.

Yessss… Perfect!

Muahahahihihihehehe…

She interrupts you with complains about her treatment and points out how she would like a more comfortable seat than this. Well, beggars can't be choosers, and it's not like you have another options of transport for her.

"Lead the way, lil lady"

"Pix can do it. I'll see what I can do here to make it cosier"

You free the pesky fae and after what you assume is empty threats, it cooperates with you.

"Hey, my wand!"

"Oh, right. Sorry"

It's weird how easy it was to apologise to her while you pick it up and hands it. Unfortunately, she and the wand don't fit well in the bag, so you offer to carry it for her. She laughs at your resulting ensemble. After all, it isn't every day that the butcher of the sands goes around wearing a silly mage's hat, an undersized wand and a suspicious bag. After some healthy dose of humiliation and teasing from Lulu and Pix, you set on your way.

Your walk out the Glade till Bandle city is filled with the uncertainty of the effectiveness of your plan.

Now, you can only hope.