Make Me Feel Broken

There was nothing inside her – no emotions that she could find. The only thing Darcy wanted was to hide away and speak to no one. It was bad enough that Ashley and Matt had been at the hospital. It was bad enough that she was living with Jon. She'd heard Jon talking on the phone to a handful of people, telling them that it would probably be best not to visit. Who would want to visit her anyway? She didn't have many friends.

Despite how drowsy she felt and how much pain she was in, Darcy all but ran into the bathroom when they got back to Jon's house. She slammed the door shut behind her and dropped onto the tiles. Her legs outstretched and her arms hanging limply by her sides. Her head dropped back against the wooden door as every part of her face throbbed.

"You can't hide in there forever," Jon told her through the door. "You better not be having a shower. The doctor said to leave it for a day or two. Do nothing." He knew not to ask her questions. She couldn't answer them. She didn't want to answer them. "Don't hide for too long."

Her chest heaved as tears started to drip down her cheeks. It physically hurt to cry but it was even more exhausting mentally. Crying wasn't something she did. It only made her angrier that her emotions were getting the better of her. Every sob caught in her throat. It was too pain to let them out. It hurt just as much to repress them. Lifting a hand to her face, intent on wiping away the tears, she was reminded of how tender it was and whimpered.

She wasn't in there for very long – as much as she wanted to hide, the longer she did the more her she was letting her emotions show.

Her hand rested on the door handle for a few moments before she finally pushed it down, walking into the living room. Jon was sitting on the couch, leaning forward with his elbows resting on his knees. He'd been staring at the bathroom door.

"Saraya wants to come see you."

Darcy stared at him blankly, her vision slightly impaired because of the swelling in her left eye.

"I told her not to but she said she's going to anyway."

Darcy sat down on the couch. Her throat throbbed, her eye stung and breathing wasn't exactly easy. The last thing she wanted was for Saraya to see her but she couldn't speak to protest.

The weight on the couch shifted, Jon's hand slowly moved to her knee. Her leg moved, crossing over her right, he pulled his hand back to his side.

"I know you can't really... But you're going to have to talk eventually."

"Oh, love," Saraya pouted when she saw the state of Darcy. "I should have waited for you."

Darcy made no movements, just stared straight ahead as Saraya squatted down in front of her and held both of her hands.

"I'm just gonna head to the store," Jon said as he walked up behind the couch. Saraya looked up at him but Darcy didn't shift. "I won't be long." He leant forward and placed a soft kiss to Darcy's head before leaving.

Darcy let out a shallow breath upon hearing the door closed and finally looked Saraya in the eye. The pain in her eyes was caught immediately by the Brit who smiled sadly.

Tears started to form in Darcy's eyes as the previous night started to play in her mind again. She was no stranger to scared but she was not used to helpless. Never in her life had she been in a similar situation. Any fight she had gotten herself into had been against girls who weren't all that much bigger than her and then she had been able to defend herself.

"It's okay, Darcy."

The temptation to just crawl into a ball and cry was almost too strong to deny – the only thing stopping her was the sharp pain sent through her upper body whenever she moved. Part of her wanted Saraya to sit next to her and hug her but that would hurt too much, as well.

"Just-" Darcy started to speak, regretting it immediately. "Ray," she breathed out with a cry. It wasn't long before she was sobbing.

Saraya looked at her helplessly; shaking her head as she tried to think of any way that she could help.

True to his word, Jon didn't spend too long at the store. He knew that Harry wasn't going to show his face again – that was if he had even been discharged – but there was no shaking the nagging feeling that something was going to go wrong.

Saraya left shortly after Jon returned, knowing that Darcy needed her rest but also because it upset her that she was unable to help in anyway. There was no removing Darcy's pain or the bruising from her neck and face, and there wasn't any means of taking back the mental scars she had clearly attained.

It had been more than 48 hours since Darcy had had a cigarette; her last cigarette had been about an hour before her match at the tapings. Her injuries had quickly prompted the doctors to discourage lighting up another but, after spending two nights under their watch, she was finally about to get some relief. She had developed a headache, was feeling drowsy, irritable and anxious and she was hungrier than usual. All could have been attributed to the attack but Darcy knew that she needed nicotine.

Jon was sitting outside on the balcony so Darcy decided to join him. Everything was done painfully slowly but she made it outside and to the wooden seat with minimal pain. Once in her seat she tried to discretely reach forward for the pack of smokes on the table, but Jon was watching her closely.

"What do you think you're doing?" he asked, snatching the packet away. She stared at him, trying to convey a message to him that she needed one. "If you can hold a conversation with me right now without running out of breath or looking like you're in too much pain I'll give you one."

She didn't look away from him but she didn't open her mouth to speak. There was no point in causing herself the pain when she knew she couldn't meet his task.

"Go back inside, Darcy."

Finally drawing her eyes away, Darcy did as she was told. Being so close to a cigarette without being able to put it to her lips was not helping her mental state at all.

"You two have been sharing a bed?"

"Would you recommend the couch instead?" Darcy asked in a hoarse voice.

5 days later and she could speak without too much pain. Moving her neck the wrong way still resulted and, while the swelling had gone down, her eye was still surrounded by a yellow bruise. As she had expected, her nose ring had shifted so she decided to take it out instead of having to deal with it.

"No, Ray is right... That's a little weird. He could have slept on the couch."

Darcy looked between Ashley and Saraya and shrugged. They were sitting at Saraya's kitchen table waiting for a pizza to be delivered.

Saraya asked, "Did he make a move on you?"

"No," Darcy said in her most uninterested voice. She didn't feel it necessary to tell that that every night she'd slept in his bed she had cried herself to sleep and he had rolled towards her, dropped his arm over her waist and tried to sooth her back to sleep. That couldn't be classified as him making a move. Right?

"It'd be a pretty dick thing for him to do given it's only been a week since-" Ashley's comment was left in the air as the doorbell rang. Saraya jumped up to answer it. Darcy turned to her friend and sighed.

"I haven't heard from Harry yet."

Ashley's jaw dropped and her eyes widened. At the look, Darcy slouched down in her seat.

"I just need to talk to him; everything's going to be great," Darcy continued in a weaker voice, watching Ashley's face transformed from confused to horrified.

"No, it's not," she argued quickly and loudly. "Darcy, you're kidding yourself. Look what he's done to you..."

"It wasn't – It was my fault I lied to-" Darcy fought back, closing her eyes as her growing volume caused a pain to shoot through her throat.

"It was his fault. You wouldn't have lied to him if you weren't worried he'd be angry. None of this is on you," Ashley rested her elbows on the table and leaned closer. She added in a nonchalant voice, "And, if anything, this just means you and Jon can finally get together."

"I don't really think that's appropriate," Darcy deadpanned, pushing back her seat so she could stand up and leave. She only went into the bathroom but she made sure that her exit was dramatic enough that Ashley knew she'd crossed a line.

The reflection staring back at her still shocked her. There was little she could do to change anything that had happened – she'd realised as much – but maybe if she had just told Harry that Jon was straight in the first place-

"It would have happened anyway," she muttered to herself, turning slightly so she could see the outer corner of her left eye. Even through all the bruising around her eye, the tiny scar from her eyebrow ring stood out to her.

She was quickly learning that she wasn't as indestructible as she had thought herself to be.

Jon came to pick her up after dinner and hadn't failed to notice the less than stellar mood that Darcy was in. Granted, she was never one for bubbly and the previous week had seen her even less enthusiastic than usual. He was expecting Darcy to come back happier after spending some time with the girls but he was mistaken.

Darcy ventured outside for a cigarette as soon as they were back at his house. In the past 12 hours, she had nearly smoked an entire pack.

Jon started to speak as soon as he opened the back door, "He kept calling you Harley-"

Darcy cut him off, "He and my uncle are both firm believers that you should only be called the name you are given." She cringed following a harsh cough. "My mum named me Harley."

"Your name is Harley?" He asked, genuinely curious. It was always fascinating learning something new about a person – especially one who had been living with him for almost 5 months.

"I changed it 3 years ago," she explained. "Switched my first and middle name. I am now legally Darcy Harley Quinn."

"You were named after-" Jon said through his laughter, only for Darcy to cut him off again. This time she was almost snarling.

"No. I came first. But I've gone by Darcy since people started making that connection."

It was around the time she started middle school that Darcy realised that her name was not solely hers. At first it had been okay, only a few kids catching on, but by 8th grade every single kid knew that Harley Quinn was a comic book character and they liked to bring it up whenever they got the chance. Darcy had no problem with comic books – in fact the Tim Burton's first Batman was one of her favourite movies – though being likened to such a character didn't please her.

"But Harlequin was okay?"

"Only because ROH made it happen. Harlequins were servants, they were funny agile and generally tried to fuck up their master's plans until eventually they became the outsider hero of their own stories. I was The Briscoe Brothers' harlequin – supposed to be anyways."

She smiled at the thought and wished that she had been able to play that character. It had been fun while it lasted and it was different to anything she had ever seen before – keeping in mind that she only started watching wrestling 4 years earlier. It was definitely different to the lack of character she had on NXT.

"I'm gonna pitch it to Keirn."