As Harry stared up at the Hogwarts, the crowd parting around him, he sucked in his breath. He could do this, he could walk over the places where so many had died, and where he had lived. Hermione and Ron stood on either side of him, trying to support him, and failing miserly.
Ron put his warm hand on Harry's shoulder, causing Harry to turn around suddenly. "You okay?" he asked hesitantly. Ron had always been the emotional one, as much as he tried to deny it. Hermione looked at Harry, eyes soft with pity.
Harry said nothing for a moment longer then acceptable, "I'm fine," he muttered. He was sick of those words. He was sick of everything. He stared back at the school, with its swirly towers and majestical feel. He remembered the original wonder and awe he had felt when he first saw the castle. He remembered how his first thought was, it's so much bigger then my cupboard, "bigger then my cupboard," he murmured out loud.
"What?" questioned Hermione.
"Nothing," he replied ducking his head in embarrassment. "Come on," Harry forced himself to move forwards, he could do this. As he walked forwards, Ron and Hermione trailing behind him, his shoulders drooped more and more and he felt as if he was carrying a thousand bricks on his back. Why did he come back? Oh god, why?
"Harry?" He heard, "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," he snapped back to Hermione. In silence, the trio got into a carriage with Ginny and Luna, who waved hello.
Ron and Hermione stared at the threstrals at the front. "So that's what they look like," whispered Ron, staring at their leathery black skin and their hollow empty eyes. Ron looked back at him, as did Hermione, their eyes filled with something like horror. "I'm sorry we didn't believe you," he rasped, eyebrows pressed together. Ron's face was pale and almost no freckle in sight. Hermione nodded along with Ron.
Luna giggled, "Notice they don't apologise to me." Harry squirmed in his seat, uncomfortable. Luna always said the truth no one wanted to acknowledge.
Ginny glared at her brother, until he muttered "Sorry," to Luna.
"It's fine," Luna replied, seemingly staring into Ron's soul, "Nobody apologises to me, expect Ginny and Draco," Harry jerked a little at Malfoy's first name, but Luna most interpreted as protest, so she added, "And you Harry-"
"Malfoy?" Hermione asked for Harry. Ginny scowled at the name, but Luna smiled.
"Oh yes, Draco is ever so nice," Luna said dreamily, "He plays for me, you know, all sorts of things..."
"But why does he apologise to you?" Hermione interrupted.
Luna looked down from the sky, which she had been staring at, "For not being to get me out of the prison, of course." Hermione fell into silence at the answer, a strange look on her face.
Every time the carriage hit a bump in the road, Harry's back slammed into the the sharp edge of the carriage. The others had leaned forwards a tad to compensate, but Harry leaned back, relishing in the brief pain. As if summoned by the thought, Luna turned to look at him, eyes ghostly but free of judgement. She didn't say anything, but Harry could tell she was bothered, because she reached over and gripped Ginny's hand tightly.
The carriage fell into an uncomfortable silence, the two couples shifting closer to each other, leaving Harry staring at his hands. The rest of the carriage ride, Harry's mind with filled with thoughts of what Luna had said about Malfoy. What did he play? Sports? No, that didn't seem like it. Music? Harry couldn't think of snobby Malfoy playing an instrument. Actually he could, but only because Malfoy had been forced, Harry couldn't see the blond playing an instrument for fun.
When they finally reached the castle, Harry's body filled with dread and self loathing. The soft murmuring that had buzzed in Harry's ears disappeared.
Death, so much death. Death had a certain smell to it, almost sweet but so so horrible. Harry glanced around him, looking at all the bodies. Looking at their dirty face, their torn clothes. He stared at their empty eyes, and all he wanted to do was scream. They were only children. THEY WERE ONLY CHILDREN.
He saw their blood, seeping on the floor, he saw their friends and their family standing over them, no, sagging over them, barely staying up. He heard their sobs and their cries. Each one stabbed into him like a knife. This was his fault. He could had been faster, smarter, and they wouldn't be dead. He saw the Weasley's standing over a body. Fred. Merlin, no. Not Fred. Fred who had always been so nice to him, who had never pranked him and even included him in some of his pranks. Merlin.
He saw Mrs. Weasley collapsing, he saw Ron unable to move and worst of all he saw George. He saw George sobbing over Fred's dead body, his face holding the expression of pure despair.
Next to Fred lay Tonks and Remus, their hands reaching towards each other, limp and bloody. The last Marauder was dead. His father's legacy was dead. What was Harry going to do with Teddy? What was he going to tell the toddler when he grew up. "If I had been faster, your parents would still be alive, but I wasn't, so sorry."
Harry ran. He couldn't do it anymore. He ran and ran and ran till he reached the astronomy tower, he ran until he was right the edge of the exact window Dumbledore had fallen out of. And he screamed. He screamed till his throat was bloody and sore. He screamed till he couldn't and then he started crying, violent, wet tears. He looked out over the edge of the window, looking down to the ground. Years of quidditch made him used to the heights. Still crying, he wondered what would happen if he just let go. If he just fell.
He stayed like that for as long as he thought he could before Hermione and Ron went looking for him. He wiped his face, and put on his Gryffindor mask. Brave and trustworthy. But oh the death.
"Well at least we know it's gonna be better then last year," said Ginny humorously. All four looked at her, "Oh right, you weren't... sorry," Ginny blushed.
"It's fine," giggled Luna, kissing Ginny on the nose.
Hermione nodded determinedly, "Come on guys," she persisted, pulling Ron towards the door to the great hall. As the five of them walked through the door, Harry stared at the ceiling in awe, just as he did every other year. After a summer of not seeing it every day, it was extraordinary. Luna and Ginny separated with a kiss, and the four Gryffindors walked to their table, glancing at all the empty spaces once filled with students now gone. There was so little people. It's your fault.
When everyone sat down, the first years were sent in. Harry wanted to enjoy seeing their eyes light up in awe at the ceiling, but he couldn't manage it. Looking up at the teacher's table, he saw Mcgonagall looking out at all the empty spaces at the tables, just as he had been moments before. Slughorn brought out the sorting hat which opened its mouth as soon as it was sat on the bench.
Oh you may not think I'm pretty,
But don't judge on what you see,
I'll eat myself if you can find
A smarter hat than me.
You can keep your bowlers black,
Your top hats sleek and tall,
For I'm the Hogwarts Sorting Hat
And I can cap them all.
There's nothing hidden in your head
The Sorting Hat can't see,
So try me on and I will tell you
Where you ought to be.
You might belong in Hufflepuff,
Where they are just and loyal,
Where in the war last,
they fought hard and true,
many only to be caught in a blast
Or yet in wise old Ravenclaw,
Who used every trick they knew,
To save limb and lives,
Not even asking for a thank you
Or perhaps in Slytherin,
The only house to protect all the little ones
Using all their cunning and determination
In which they have tons
Or maybe good old Gryffindor
Where dwell brave of heart
Who fought along side us all
Even though it wasn't very smart
Remember dear children
No house is better then the other
For everyone fought
Even if it was a bit of a bother
So put me on! Don't be afraid!
And don't get in a flap!
You're in safe hands (though I have none)
For I'm a Thinking Cap!
Everyone one in the great hall, sat solemnly throughout the song, thinking of the lives lost. Harry felt himself grow more empty as the song went on, and glanced over at the Slytherin table. Malfoy was sitting alone, separate from the other Slytherins who seemed to be looking at him with disgust. Good, he deserved it.
When the song ended, a hesitant applause began, before ending awkwardly. When the first name was called, echoes of clapping still rang through the hall.
"Sarah Abbing!" She walked up slowly to the bench, before looking around and slowly walking faster.
"Slytherin!"
For the first time since Harry's first year at Hogwarts, nobody booed as the first Slytherin was sorted. After all, Harry supposed, the remaining Slytherins had gathered the first and second years from all houses and protected them. Harry didn't have huge grudges against the house itself, but rather the former king of Slytherin, Draco Malfoy. He actually had thought the treatment of Slytherins was unfair, almost being a Slytherin himself.
"Terry Moths!" The boy walked up confidently to the seat, and sat down with a plop.
"Gryffindor!"
Harry didn't bother to applaud, but noted the boy look positively thrilled to be sorted into Gryffindor. Right away the boy searched for Harry, before spotting him and waved nervously at him. Harry didn't nothing but stare.
Had that happened the year before, Hermione would had scolded, and forced him to be nice, but being now, she did nothing but look at him with pity and worry.
Harry had a permanent scowl stuck to his face for the rest of the sorting and meal. He never noticed a certain Slytherin staring at him with curiosity, rather then disgust.
/*/*/*/*/*/*
Mcgonagall turned to the 8th years, her grey hair tucked under her witches hat. Harry respected Mcgonagall, in fact, she was somewhat of motherly figure to him. "8th years will be in a special dorm, as there are so little of you," she nodded to each of them, "You will be paired with one other person to share a room with. You are not allowed to complain nor switch roommates. Your roommates were chosen carefully to fit both people."
Harry honestly didn't care who he was paired with, as long as they didn't bother him.
"Hannah Abbot, you will be with Parvati Patil, Ernie Macmillan with Terry Boot, Ron Weasley with Seamus Finnigan," Dean groaned, but the teacher's knew about their relationship so Harry suspected that he knew they weren't going to be together.
"Sorry, mate," Seamus said to Dean, before ruffling Ron's hair. Ron laughed, before looking over at Harry guiltily. Harry heard him try to say something, but pretended he didn't hear him.
Mcgonagall started again, "Hermione Granger with Padma Patil, Pansy Parkinson with Susan Bones, Dean Thomas with Anthony Goldstein and finally Harry Potter with Draco Malfoy." Harry really should have expected that, life seemed to hate him. "If anyone has any questions, you may ask them now," no one said anything, not even Hermione, "Okay then. The other professors and I tried to mix up the houses as much as possible, as we would like to promote inter house unity. Please try to be a good example for the younger students. I'm sure you all we become all like family over the year," Mcgonagall finished with a flourish.
Harry turned to Draco, who was scowling at him. Parkinson seemed to be comforting him, as the two boys continued to glare at each other. She finally followed Malfoys gaze where she saw Harry staring back. She practically growled at Harry before dragging Malfoy out of his chair and stomping after the other students, who were following Slughorn to their rooms. Harry was about to follow when Mcgonagall called out to him.
"Potter! Please come here for a moment," she called, "I hope you understand why I place you with Draco," When Harry didn't reply, she continued, "I know of your 'rivalry' but I also know that you would never judge someone for their past, as you forgave Severus. I feared that if I place with someone else they would torment and bully him; I am trusting that you won't." She lifted one eyebrow sternly, teacher glare activated.
Harry nodded, "I won't."
"Good," she replied, "Go catch up with your fellow students then," Harry nodded once again before turning to jog after the other 8th years. "Oh and Potter," he heard her say, "Thank you."
Harry scowled, he was so sick of people thanking him, he knew what they really thought, what was true. He should have just been faster.
/*/*/*/*/*/*
Harry looked around the 8th year common room again, unable to believe it. Even in the dim light he could see how amazing it was. It was empty of people, all the others must have been in their room sleeping. Looking around, Harry sighed, this was much better then Grimwauld Place. The walls were a deep purple, with the Hogwarts crest on each wall. The couches and chairs were all white or black. However, the ceiling was the most impressive. It was much like the Great Hall's ceiling but painted like the sunset instead.
"Luna painted it," Hermione said from behind him, "It's charmed to change as the actual sky does." Ron must already be in his room, sleeping, while Hermione stayed up to wait for him. He had gone to the astronomy tower after his talk with Mcgonagall, just to look out and wonder. If it was this late, he must have been gone longer then he thought.
"It's amazing," He replied, believing completely in the words he was saying.
"Isn't it? And impressive spell work as well." Of course Hermione would pay attention to the spell work, rather then the art itself.
Harry was already finding it awkward talking to one of his best friends, he couldn't help but remember all those looks of pity that loomed across her face almost constantly. "I'm gonna go to bed," he mumbled, "Night 'mione."
"Good Night Harry," She replied softly, looking away from the ceiling to him, pity dancing across her face.
Harry looked back at her, before he entered his room. She stood alone in the middle of the empty common room, frizzy hair pulled into a bun, looking up at the ceiling with her arms crossed, a sad expression on her face. Her soft red sweater and black jeans seamed rather depressing in the dark light. Harry couldn't help to feel horrible about how he treated her. He heard her sigh and saw her shoulder slump after she thought he had left. She uncrossed her arms and walked slowly into the room she shared with Padma, her soft footsteps harsh in the silence.
Harry entered his room, to find the bathroom door locked and steam coming out through the cracks in the door. Quietly he got undressed and put on Dudley's old clothes before getting into the bed that was clearly his, as it had a red cover and the other had green. He rolled onto his side, wincing at the slight pain he felt when doing so. Staring at the light purple wall, he thought about how weird it was going to share a room with Malfoy. Not horrible, but weird.
He shifted onto his back and saw the ceiling was painted the same as the common room. Staring at the starry ceiling, he drifted off into a restless sleep.
A long while later, who knows how long, he faintly heard Malfoy come out of the bathroom and quietly get into his bed.
The blond and the brunet soon both fell into a sleep riddled with nightmares and terror.
/*/*/*/*/*/*
So thats the next chapter! Is it too long? Is it too short? Please please tell me, i would appreciate it so much. Also, if you see any spelling error, feel free to point that out too. And i'm looking for someone to be my beta maybe? So if your interested please tell me
Much love,
me