Caleb's POV
I lay awake in my bed. Sleeping wasn't successful. I must have woken up at least two or three times at night. I look around the room. A lot of the faces are unfamiliar, except for two of them. I didn't pay much attention to their names. I heard some here and there but I still cannot assign names to these faces. I look over to Tristan; he has drool over his face and is muttering something. Anahita is sleeping like a silent shadow. Only the smallest sounds of exhales come from her bed. Thank goodness nobody snores here. I glance at the glowing green numbers on my digital clock. It is 3.30 am. I catch the smallest bit of movement outside the door.
I really need to put an end on this sneaking away habit. I decide this is the last time. I am much too curious to let this go. I get up and stuff the pillow under the quilt. Old trick, but it works. I lace my sneakers quietly and go outside the door. I decide not to do the tiptoe walk; it would look extra sneaky then. I walk outside the door normally and quietly.
I go outside the door and walk to the junction of the corridor, the place where it branches off. Two people are standing there, the first being Jeanine Matthews and the second being Alev, the instructor. Alev is somewhat nervous. Anyone would be, if they were talking to Jeanine Matthews. The conversation goes somewhat like this:
"I expect you have got the simulation equipment ready. The initiates are to be tested tomorrow and any signs of divergence are to be brought to my notice."
"Yes madam, I will report them to you."
"You know the consequences of not following my orders. The last time is not to be repeated."
"Yes ma'am." Alev says a bit sheepishly. He seems to squirm almost guiltily under her words.
I look at my watch. It is 3.45 am on 5th July. This may be required for later use.
Divergence? Consequences? What are they? I think about divergence, its literal meaning is to deviate from a path. It could also mean non-conformity. I don't know what kind of path or conformity is being talked about here. The consequences of not reporting so called 'divergence' seem to be really deep. Alev must have not reported divergence earlier and it appears he got away with it narrowly. I know that these words will consume me until I find answers.
"I expect vigilant, careful and discreet reporting."
"Yes madam, I will report any signs of such behaviour to my superior." Alev says a bit jumpily.
I speculate who Alev's superior is. It seemed like he handled the initiation department singlehandedly. Maybe someone else will administer the simulation tests tomorrow. Alev said yesterday that the simulations would be provided in the last stage of testing. Why this change now? Maybe this change has a connection to divergence. Alev seems to be totally under Jeanine's control. In other words, he may be Jeanine's pawn. I don't think he will answer my queries on divergence correctly. I could try Quaestiones but anything put up on a public platform can be traced to its origin by an expert programmer, no matter how many times it is encrypted. Heck, even Alev could do it himself and then I would be a dead guy for sure.
Alev walks closer to the left corridor. I hold my breath and move closer to the transfer dorm wall, making sure no one can see me. Alev walks off into the Erudite born dorm. I walk into the dorm and look around to see that nobody else's eyes are open at this inopportune moment. Unfortunately as always, I have been caught.
"What were you doing there, man?" Tristan whispers.
"I'll tell this to you later. Sleep now and don't wake anyone else up." I whisper-reply.
"What were you doing, at ungodly o'clock?" I murmur eager to change the topic.
"Same goes for you, mister. I got up to get a drink of water." He replies.
"I got up to go to the washroom." I say.
"Go to sleep, you're drunk." He says a bit out of control.
Going to get a drink of water is the most clichéd excuse possible. Why did he say that I am inebriated? I need to interrogate him tomorrow or technically today. The same would apply to me and I am not looking forward to it. What sort of explanation could I possibly give?
I brush those questions off. Tristan isn't my mom that he would be able to catch lies easily. I could just hold my stand of going to the washroom but I know it won't be true since the washroom is inside the dorm and he saw me entering from the outside of the dorm. I wonder what I shall say to Tristan in the morning. I don't think he should be trusted with this secret. After all, I knew him only for a day. With these thoughts I go to sleep once again.
A loud alarm rings from Jeanine-knows-where. I fling my pillow in a random direction, hoping to shut that down. After a futile try, I get up from my bed and look at the clock. Oh no, it is 8.15 am. I look at Tristan and decide to wake him up. I shake his shoulder.
"Five more minutes, mom." Tristan replies sleepily.
"Hey Tristan, your ears must be really bad if you think of me as your mom. Look at the time now."
"Shut the freaking alarm off!" He says and tosses his pillow randomly.
He decides to look at the time now. He curses and goes into the bathroom, grabbing a towel, toothbrush, toothpaste and some clothes. I do the same. I enter the bathroom and splash water on my face. I try to tame my bedhead frantically but it opposes taming with equal resistance. My hair cannot seem to decide which direction it wants to point toward. I grab the comb and do my hair. I really regret sneaking away. I don't want to be late on the first day of initiation.
I get out of the shower and put my clothes on. I enter the dorm and see that the other initiates are in the advanced stages of getting ready, that is they are tying their shoelaces. My hair is still dripping water. I tie my shoelaces hurriedly and wait for Tristan.
Tristan comes in with dishevelled hair, wet from the shower. I wait for him to say something but he must not be in the mood to talk.
We walk towards the main hall silently, the weight of not making initiation hanging over us like a leaded shadow. Alev is already present in the main hall.
"Initiates, you are requested to make a line and go into the simulation room."
What is this? Lower Levels? Why is he telling us to make a line? Anyway, all the transfers and Erudite born get into two separate lines, an invisible barrier separating them. The Erudite born line leads the front and the transfer line joins it from the back. I glance at the beautiful girl with hazel eyes and short hair. She wears thick-framed glasses. I need to ask her name someday and no one is talking to her that I would know her name indirectly. She is really short, five-two maybe, just like Beatrice. Alev walks beside the line; he wouldn't want to be mistaken for an initiate.
The simulation room is the same glass doors with an eye symbol. The whole of Erudite seems to have glass doors. I wouldn't be surprised if the apartments have glass doors too. The room is separated into two halves, with one side having benches and the other side must have the simulation equipment. The two haves are separated with a wooden door this time. I stare at the wooden blanket, awaiting my fate.
Aster, my Aptitude test administrator is overseeing the simulations. She has a kind smile on her face as always.
"Good morning initiates! Those of you who do not know me, I am Aster McKenzie, head of the simulations and sera department. I am going to supervise the simulations today." The initiates mumble a good morning, not used to such enthusiasm in the morning.
Did her eyes glance over to me for a millisecond? If so, she pretends not to recognise me in front of the other initiates. The Erudite born are baffled as to why a simulation test is being given in the first stage of initiation. I can hear some muttering and discussion. The Transfers look nervous, but it is a typical before-the-test nervousness.
"Listen up; this information is going to help you in this test. Mrs. Aster, you may go on." Alev says, glaring at the talking Erudite group. The talking ceases immediately.
Aster clears her throat and takes a deep breath.
"This system will measure your ability to make sense of your surroundings. Your emotions, instincts and past experiences will be pitted against your intelligence. You need to think in new ways to pass this one. This equipment is more intuitive than the Aptitude Test computers. The simulations will invent new situations in accordance with your emotional and mental state. Those who fail to produce satisfactory results will be marked negatively."
Most of Erudite teachers' dialogue consists of threats. I don't think these threats are empty ones. Especially if they are given by Jeanine. I think Aster must be Alev's superior. I reflect on the conversation between Alev and Jeanine once again. This must be the simulation they were talking about. This must be a new experiment in the initiation process.
The names are called alphabetically. I know I am going to be the ninth or tenth person on the list. The first one, Anahita goes up. She must be regretting her name, which begins with an 'A'. She gives a smile to Tristan and walks into the room. She is out within ten minutes, her face resembling a person who has just seen a ghost.
The second one, Andrew goes up. The name feels weird, almost as if Dad was beside me. I shake my head. I don't want any family-based simulations to come up for me.
I sit on a bench, not paying attention to the names once again. I sit there with my eyes closed. My mind doesn't want stimuli-overload right now. I shut my ears down and sit there.
"Caleb Prior, you are requested to enter the simulation room now." Aster says sternly.
This isn't exactly a request. The choice of saying yes or no was taken away from me as soon as dropped my blood in that bowl of water. The bowl seems a million years away, the choice made reviewed in my head a thousand times. Erudite is my only reality now.
"All the best, Caleb" Tristan whispers with a thumbs-up. I mutter a 'thank you' in return. I never paid attention to the religious aspect of Abnegation but I remember God and utter a silent prayer.
I enter the room and look around. The room has a computer and a bazillion electrodes coming from it, wiry plants growing from a plastic and chrome flowerpot. The room resembles the Aptitude Test room with a haunting similarity. The only differences are that the walls are not covered with mirrors and the computer has more electrodes spouting from it. This room must be the stuff of nightmares. I can imagine myself waking up after dreaming that the electrodes have strangled me.
"You may take a seat here." Aster says. She seems almost robotic, not a smile, not a kind word.
I sit on the uncomfortable plastic chair. Aster plugs some of the electrodes onto my forehead. She brings out a large plastic needle. I never minded needles much when mom took me out for immunisation when I was a kid. This needle looks like something you would stab an Amity horse with. I even read about horses and what sort of antibiotics they get. Silly me.
I stare at the serum inside the injection, no need to look at the needle. The serum is a cloudy white, intended to exploit the deepest recesses of my brain. Aster injects the needle into my jugular vein. The serum must be an intravenous one. I ignore the sharp stab of pain by imagining mom giving me a small sugar candy after an injection. Mom only did that when I didn't cry. Mom had her quirks in some aspects. She wasn't the perfect Abnegation mother. The image makes tears come from my lachrymal glands instead of cheering me up.
I clear the image of mom and my brain finds of something else to think. My stupid head focuses on horses. The simulation pulls me under with the vague images of horses and injections still in my mind.
I stand in a field of grass. I can hear a stream rushing behind me. A mysterious man clad in black, eerily similar to the man in the Aptitude test. He comes near me and drags me near a tree.
"I had told you that I would make you pay." The guy says with the fire of vengeance dancing in his tone.
He strangles my neck, making my face a mixture of red and purple. I clench my hands in a vague punch. I am asphyxiated and the man is squeezing harder. I don't know how to think, the man's hands are so real and fatal. I bring my hand upward, intending to punch him but my mind feels sluggish by the lack of oxygen. My hand swings down limply.
I know that I will black out when the pain gets too much to handle. The blackout may be any moment now. I try to calm down but my mind is in a heightened state of panic. Black spots appear on the edges of my vision and spread rapidly. I look at the scene for one last time and after that, everything is black all over.
I don't know how long I spent in the unconscious state. My eyes open and my hands automatically travel to my neck. There seems to be no pain in my neck and I don't see any bruises. It comes to my mind now that the whole thing was a simulation, it wasn't real. My mind rationalised everything now, when it was too late.
Okay Caleb, you botched this one up. I am swimming in a pool of shame and regret when the simulation throws the next curve ball at me.
I stand in a claustrophobic metal box of a room. The room is very small, six metres by four metres maybe. The ceiling almost hits my head. The room is really messy, with cables, blocks of wood, nuts and bolts and whatnot lying on a plywood table.
I decide to take inventory of whatever is on the table. I am sure I need to use them in one way or another. I see a flathead screwdriver, some nails, a two metre long wire, nuts and bolts, a plank of wood and a piece of bread? What is it with the teachers putting one thing which doesn't fit at all? Am I supposed to eat it? Or feed some birds? My thoughts are interrupted by half of the metal floor giving way.
I grab onto the edge of the floor. I look beneath me. I am not acrophobic but the scene below makes my heart crawl into my throat. The sight below me is pure black, with a vortex of still deeper black emanating from the centre of the whirlpool.
The table spills its contents onto half of the floor. Why did they design the sim to be so frustrating? I am angry at myself for not standing on the other side. My hands are starting to burn now. I grab the cable and make a clumsy one-handed loop with it. I throw the cable around like a lasso, fervently hoping for it to catch onto something. After a few futile tries, I chuck the cable into the vortex with frustration. Maybe calming myself down will make the sim move on.
Around twenty seconds pass. I calmed myself down but my arms may pop out of their sockets any moment now. I think frantically, how am I supposed to make use of the other things? I look around for the piece of bread but it refuses to show itself.
I glance below but the vortex exudes pure, unadulterated terror. This almost looks like what the gateway to hell would be. I close my eyes and suddenly mom appears behind my eyes.
"Dear, there are situations in life where you need to go with the flow or fight against them." Mom says with a smile.
Go with the flow, she said. I may jump into the hole right now or I could try to get out of it. The tools provided seem useless but the whirlpool is frighteningly scary. So, I take a leap of faith and let go.
The inside of the vortex seems even darker than the outside, if that is possible. I can feel my pupils dilating as far as they would go, desperately searching for a sliver of light. I go completely blind, not able to distinguish arms from legs.
It is said that the whole life of a person flashes behind their eyes just before death. The same happens with me, my mind refusing to believe that I am in a simulation. I feel like a third person in my life, just viewing the story, not able to make changes to the plot. I regret my choice right now and think it was nice living for sixteen years.
I suddenly find myself on solid ground. The relief I felt was like a cool drink of water after three days of thirst. The light stings my eyes. I thank mom for that piece of advice. I thank the Creator for making moms the wisest beings in the world.
I stand in my Abnegation room. I am clad in my blue clothes. The feeling is surreal; I never expected anything other than grey to be visible in my old house. I stare outside the window; the sight is exactly the same as I remember from my room.
Dad enters the room; he says nothing about my blue clothes. He narrates an article that the Erudite printed in the newspapers.
'Hoarding Supplies in the Name of Selflessness?' His voice takes an irritated tone.
Dad gives his opinion on the article, repeating old habits.
"The journalist at the Erudite publishing house apparently found a secret warehouse but doesn't care to supply a picture."
"He says the foundation of Abnegation principles have been built on completely shaky ground."
"The people of Abnegation seem to show how nobler-than-thou they are, in front of others. In their homes, they must be no better than the factionless who are completely destroying the system from the inside." Dad talks like a snobbish Erudite reporter.
"What do you think, son?" Dad has a habit of giving his opinion as well as asking the opinion of others.
Time to be diplomatic here. One of my first reasons of transferring to Erudite was to put at rest the rumours concerning Abnegation. I need to defend them subtly, so as to not look like a 'Stiff'. The reply is in my head but this may hurt Dad.
"The Erudite must be partly, although not completely true in their article." I say without a hint of emotion.
Dad must think that his own son has betrayed him. I know it must have seemed rather heartless when I said that. I have a sudden desire to burn these blue clothes. With every passing day at Erudite, my family appears to drift farther away from me. I sit on my bed, moping and doubting myself.
The simulation ends. I reckon my family wouldn't recognise me, if they come on visiting day. The 'if' condition applies yet again here. I don't pay attention to whatever Aster said, I just saw her moving mouth. My brain refused to take in its surroundings, given the shards of painful emotions it has to sort through.
I sit near Tristan. He sees my pale face and decides to not initiate any conversation. I could kick Jeanine right now if I knew Erudite initiation would be so painful. The first day and I am a bundle of ticking anger, waiting to explode at any moment. The simulations are so strange here; they put you in hypothetical situations and force you to make hypothetical choices which have no effect in your real life. All this is done in the name of testing.
I know I am rambling endlessly now. I construct a mental wall, not daring to cry in front of the others. My face is an emotionless mask which would look pretty scary to anyone who doesn't know me. Even Tristan shifts a foot away and goes near Anahita to talk. She is not crying, her face is normal but she is uninterested in the conversation.
People move into the room one by one. Everyone looks traumatised while coming out. Half of the initiates have red eyes. The average time of every sim is about ten to twelve minutes.
I think about the last situation. I know it was to determine where my loyalties lie. Aster said that I would have to fight against past experiences. My past experiences were to stay out of the discussion and defend Abnegation vehemently when required. This one was certainly different. I defended Erudite and stayed neutral for Abnegation somehow.
It is Tristan's turn now. I give him a smile and a thumbs-up. He walks into the room. The wooden door is closed. I wonder what my time was. I sit near Anahita, hoping to distract myself from the simulation.
"Hey, Anahita" I say in a neutral tone, not wanting to fake too much enthusiasm in such a grim environment.
"Hey, Caleb" Her usual Amity joy is missing. That proves she is human and not high on peace serum.
"Did you, by any chance, time how much time I took to pass the sim?"
"Your time was eleven minutes, fifty seven seconds."
"Thank you so much. Tristan is taking a bit longer, eh?"
She doesn't reply. I never learnt how to initiate intelligent conversation. I punch myself (mentally, of course) and shift away from her seat.
Tristan comes out, his time being near to fifteen minutes. His face is pale. Alev reminds us that we need to face the entrance test shortly.
"So Caleb, what happened yesterday night?" He asks the million dollar question.
A/n- Sorry for such a long hiatus. Anyway, off to the title mystery! The chapter title was taken from 'Welcome to the Black Parade', one of my favourite My Chemical Romance Songs. A round of applause to BookGirlMusicNerd for guessing that. This chapter title will be revealed in the next one. You can expect an update every 5-7 days now.
Thank you for reading the story,
TheVibrantNight