So, after watching "San Diego", I think it's pretty obvious they are not gonna go down this route. I mean *real* Jess is definitely hopeful, *this* Jess has a lot of doubts and questions Nick's feelings (as I am sure many of us have done this season, sadly). But yeah, I wanted to keep writing what I had in mind since the beginning, and I hope you find it plausible. I also hope you can find Nick's POV relatable, 'cause I definitely do. And yes, I'm planning to finish this before the finale airs, otherwise I am sure I will be heavily influenced.

Again, thanks for the feedback! You have no idea how much I appreciate it. :)

IV.

Their heads are cold from the water and they both feel kind of sober now. He uses a red towel to dry his hair, and takes a white one for Jess. He gets closer to her when she is also done, and throws it playfully on her head. Nick very well knows he should just leave it there and let Jess do the job herself, like the big girl she is, but he can't help himself, so he moves his hands to the sides of her head and starts rubbing lightly, fixating his eyes on hers in the process.

Jess is totally smitten by the sweetness of this gesture, and she forgets for maybe too long about her plans, about her fears. Suddenly his hands on her do not feel threatening, and his heart does not feel distant. The smile appearing on her face is soft, free of any kind of worry.

"Thanks." Her voice is barely audible. Weak, as her knees.

Nick's hair is still wet, and drops of water are going on an adventure underneath his shirt. And yet, that is not why he's shivering. That is not why his breath is short. It's that he just can't stand it, the sight of her! Her dark hair is wet and sneaking out of the towel in locks, the make up on her eyes is a little smeared, her cheeks are as pink as usual. She is so sweet, and he wants her. He wants her now.

But damn it, this is too much.

Instinctively, he lowers the towel on her eyes to cover them, as self-defense. The thing is, he needs a break from her. He needs a moment of privacy while he has a little internal panic attack. His eyes widen and he can feel it, it's just back. Not exactly wanting her, that's old news. As it's old news how affectionate he feels towards her. But it's the combination of both, affection and lust at the same time, in the same moment. That's what's freaking him out. That's forbidden.

"Nick?"

He can't see it, but her eyebrows are furrowed even though her lips are curving up.

"You should shower first," he says at last. Getting away and leaving her there, with a white towel on her head and two tingling hands at the end of her arms.

The knocking at the door startles her. Not that she is sleeping, 'cause she definitely can't right now. But she isn't expecting it all the same.

"...Come in?"

Nick opens the door slowly, and she starts sitting up.

"What's wrong?" She takes her glasses from the nightstand to look at him, to read his expression in the dark, but it's not easy. He turns up the light, and her eyes are immediately bothered by it. She groans.

"I need to talk to you, now," he says firmly. He definitely had a lot to think about while in the shower.

"Now? It's like 5 A.M., dude?"

"I know," he says while coming in, "but you told me we would talk about you moving out this evening and you haven't touched the subject once. Not even once. So I guess I have to force you into it." She looks away, knowing he's right, but also knowing she really needs some sleep right now.

"Nick, I really want to talk to you about it, I just didn't get the chance."

He raises his eyebrows and his hands, as if trying to show her that he is innocent even though he is about to shoot. "Look, is it possible that you maybe didn't want to get the chance?"

She covers her face with her hands, she already has a headache. "Do we really have to do this now?"

"YES!" his answer is immediate, and frustrated. He points at the boxes that she has already filled with her stuff. "I mean what the hell are you doing, Jess? You are just making life-changing decisions in the span of a few days just like that? Without saying anything?"

"Well, I'm sorry if I take decisions by myself, Nick. I thought I had stopped asking for permission when I left my parents' house years ago."

He rolls his eyes. "Oh, come on!"

"What?!"

"Just tell me! Tell me what is happening! I mean why-", he takes up a weird elephant-shaped lamp from one of the boxes. "WHY is THIS here?! This stuff should just stay hidden in some corner, as it happens in the rooms of people who are NOT moving out!"

She gets up at that, she is getting annoyed. "That is actually one of my best creations."

"And what about THIS?" This time it's an 80's wig.

"That's actually a pretty fun story," she says amused, forgetting for a moment she is supposed to be mad at his outburst.

"Oh yea? Nice!" He approaches another box, this time next to the bed, near to where she is standing. "Oh, look! It's a rat!"

"WHAT?" she flinches.

"Just kidding, it's just nonsense, like all of this!" She sighs in relief, but then her nostrils are flaring up at his behavior.

He picks up another item. "Oh and what do we have here? A very ugly hat!"

She steps forward and snatches the object from his hands. "Are you done?"

"Are you?" he retorts. And he is so angry. His face is dark, his breathing uneven.

She's holding his gaze, defying him, and her hands are squeezing the hat he was criticizing just moments ago. She is sure now that she has made a mistake by waiting the entire day to talk to him, and she realizes there might never be a perfect moment to tell him, as she wished instead.

The warm feelings and the smiles have now given way to tightly tied knots and frowns, and she can't help but think that this is exactly why she should leave. She feels like joy can so easily turn to misery when she has to deal with this man, and she is tired of that. She is tired of how much her happiness actually depends on him. What she doesn't realize, though, is that he is mad exactly because his own happiness depends on her, as well. And she is acting like she doesn't care.

"Fine. I'll tell you." This is it, this has to happen now.

Nick's features soften a little, and he is almost scared. He is there, waiting for an answer, hoping he can make her change her mind afterwards.

"I'm leaving because of you," she says after a few moments. So his mind starts racing, he shakes his head, his eyes scrunch tight. "What?!"

She takes a deep breath, her eyes still defying. "Yes, Nick. You're the problem, this-" she points at him and then at her "is the problem."

He doesn't say anything, he is still not sure where this is going.

Her face is serious, so serious that it doesn't even look like Jessica Day. And she is saying it now, "I still love you." She is saying it firmly, like it's a matter of fact, pressing her lips together afterwards. And it's almost like she's saying "I hate you," because she kind of does at the moment. She hates that she is still there, after three years, pining over him. She hates that she is there at 5 in the morning having to tell him that she can't bear to live with him anymore. That this is too much for her. She hates him so much that she doesn't know if she wants to kiss him right now or bite him and make him bleed. That is just how much her feelings are overlapping.

She hates how he's swallowing at her words before what she assumes will be a full on rejection.

But Nick doesn't say anything. He simply stands there, shocked, with his eyes on hers. Then a frown appears on his forehead, and he looks around in the room, as if he is searching on the walls for an explanation of what is happening. But, well, there is none. So he shakes his head one more time, covers his face with his hands, and takes a deep breath.

All the while she is looking at him confused, thinking she would really like to know what is happening in his head. But then he is looking at her again, and he doesn't seem confused, nor helpless, nor sad, nor curious. He is mad. So... awesome, she thinks, 'cause that's two of them.

"You still love me? Where the hell is this coming from?"

"Excuse me?" she raises her eyebrows and the ends of her mouth in disbelief.

He walks past her, then turns around, then comes back to her, but this time he is closer. "Yea! I mean, since when? How? And why exactly is this leading you to move out? How does that even make any sense?"

"Wellll maybe because when you love someone, you really don't wanna see them with someone else."

"But I broke up with Reagan!"

"So?"

"What do you mean so? SO I ask you again, how does this even make any sense?"

She still has that stupid hat in her hands, and she could rip it right now. This is not how she imagined this moment. She thought they would be all cute and hug and she would forever keep the best memory of his best friend-turned to boyfriend-turned to ex-turned to best friend. But no, he is mad about this.

"Okay so I ask you now, how should the fact that you broke up with Reagan affect any of my decisions? Like I can just, I don't know, come back to you and be your rebound. Uh, no thanks!" She waves her hands at him slightly and throws the hat away in the action. Then she walks past him and out of her room, she is definitely not getting any sleep tonight anyway.

He follows after her. "Oh you gotta be kidding me."

"Yes I am, Nick. All of this is a joke," she says sarcastically. "I am kidding you, at 5 AM, hungover, and I am having so much fun!" Jess is in the the kitchen now and opening the fridge to get her a glass of water. Her mouth is super dry from all the alcohol and, well, now the talking/yelling.

He puts his hands on the side of the kitchen island opposite to her, exasperated. He takes a deep breath. "So what you're saying is that you just wanted to get it off your chest," he says calmly, his turtle face making an appearance. She nods. "And so you just wanted to drop the bomb on me and leave, thinking it wouldn't affect me in any way."

She hesitates, then takes one big sip of water, then swallows. "Does it?"

And she is so scared to ask, because she never really wanted to let herself hope. But she is doing it now, she's doing it and she wants to stop doing it but she can't.

Nick walks around the kitchen island, then up to Jess until he's standing right in front of her. He takes a breath, then two, and then softly says: "Of course it does."

Some kind of force is pulling her closer to him now, but she fights it with all her might, and she knows that's for the best when she hears him say but. "But this is so sudden, and I had to stop myself from feeling that way about you a while ago," he says, and she can feel her eyes burning. She looks down and nods. "Yea, that's what I thought."

With her glass still in her hand, she turns away from him to walk back to her room. All the while she is avoiding his gaze for obvious reasons, but she is positive about the fact that if she just holds the tears back for a few more seconds, she will be able to go silently cry in her room without him noticing.

"Where are you going?" he calls after her, and he is frustrated because she is not making things easy for him, that is for sure.

She turns around and purses her lips, showing him her red eyes. "To my room, Nick. I think we've both said enough-"

"I haven't." His hands are not splayed over the island anymore, but curled up into fists. "You wanted this!"

"What are you talking about?"

"This, us. Being friends again. I was never enough for you, Jess!"

She is rolling her eyes now, she can't believe he's bringing this up again. She walks up to the island, angrily putting her glass down. They are both leaning forward on the longer sides, facing each other. "When? When have I ever said anything like that? You keep saying this to me, while all I do is support you and tell you you're great!"

"You broke up with me over this. You broke up with me." He uses his hands to be more clear, as if that were necessary.

"That was mutual. You," she points at him, mimicking him, "you... also... broke up... with me." She separates each word to be more clear. Again, as if that were necessary. "If time travel were possible, then okay, we could both change facts and make you win this argument. But that is not possible, you cannot change facts."

"Time travel is actually technically possible," he retorts. She is not amused. "And I'm sorry, but I just went with the flow back then, and you know it," he adds. "I mean the thought of leaving you wouldn't even cross my mind, no matter our differences, but you were so sure! I didn't really have any choice!"

Jess brings both her hands to her forehead, as if trying to help her brain carry the heavy load of this conversation. "Why are we even arguing about this now? It's been three years."

"Because that's what we do, Jess, we argue!"

Her mouth is curving down. "Yea, we do," she says nodding. "We do and that is exactly why I should leave. I don't want this, Nick. I mean we are hungover and making big decisions about our relationship, we clearly haven't learnt much," she chuckles at the absurdity of all of this. "So um... I hope we can finally say this conversation is over." Her muscles relax a bit as she lets go of the argument, and of him.

Nick's mouth is open and dry. He's looking at her and he knows this is real, but he can't believe any of it. He might be tired but he is pretty sure an 'I love you' should not have this sort of follow-up, especially when he knows, now, that that 'I love you' is so not one-sided. What the hell is wrong with them?

She scratches the right side of her nose a bit before she speaks again. "I'm leaving on Monday afternoon, I hope we can say goodbye properly before then."

And finally, she can go cry herself to sleep.

Thoughts? :)