Finding his way back to her chapter 3….
Lucifer rolled over and pulled Chloe tighter into his arms, pushing his nose into her hair and inhaling deeply.
Lucifer sighed as Chloe snugged back into his arms. He softly kissed her neck making her give a soft giggle.
"It's time to get up." He whispered into her hair tickling her side as he pulled her even closer.
"Nooooooooo." She whispered back. "I don't wanna and you can't make me." She tried to pull away to snuggle deeper into the covers.
He yanked her right back and began to tickle her even harder.
Her soft musical laughter filled the room, "Stop it, stop it!" She exclaimed loudly, laughter bouncing off the walls. "I am sleeping, you can't make me get up."
She startled him when she rolled over and climbed on top of him and started to tickle him back.
"Stop." He said breathlessly, "I'm sorry … I'll stop."
She grinned down at him, blond hair wild and flowing. The light behind her giving her a glow and his heart stopped. "I win." She said still laughing.
"Yes, you do." He said softly smiling back up at her. "And I win because I have you."
She gave him a flashing bright smile before leaning back down to kiss him sweetly.
"But you don't really have me do you." She whispered as she sat up.
Slowly the glow behind her disappeared until the room was dark. Her smile had slid off and there was a sadness filling her eyes.
Lucifer felt the panic begin to set in his bones, "Yes I do, you are right here." He said going to grab her arms but his hands slid through her like she was mist.
"No... you left me." She whispered as a tear slid down her face. "Now I am lost forever... you will never have me."
She began to fade away and Lucifer reached for her again, "No, I came back... I want you." He said brokenly.
She shook her head before she faded away completely her voice the only thing left on the air.
"It's too late." She said into the darkness that was surrounding him.
-/-
Lucifer sat up in bed covered in sweat and breathing harshly. He could still smell her scent, feel her in his arms. He could still hear her voice echoing in his room.
He put his face in his hands taking a shuttering breath, it had been 3 days since he had seen her.
She had left while he was talking to Ella telling the Captain that she felt sick. She didn't answer her calls or text and he was lost.
He had tried to go over to her house the night before but Maze had answered and refused to let him.
Instead she had pushed him out and followed closing the door behind her.
"She is really not feeling good, plus..." Maze paused.
Lucifer looked at her lost, "What?" He asked.
"She is trying to ... I don't know... to get ready to face you I guess." She said. "Give her time, she said she was going back to work tomorrow... she said she wanted to meet all of us after work to figure how to find the piece."
Lucifer nodded slowly, "Tomorrow, OK. Did she say where?"
Maze nodded, "She asked me to set it up so we all met at Lux."
Lucifer gave another slow nod, "Ok, I will let Amenideal know."
Maze gave him a soft smile, "It's gonna be ok, just give her some time ok."
Lucifer gave a head nod back, "Ok... I was gonna go see the Doc anyway... I am sure my reception with her will be less then warm also."
Maze gave him grin, "Ohh the Doc's mad, I told her you came back. Good luck."
Lucifer rolled his eyes at her, "You need to learn to mind your own bloody business."
Maze smiled and leaned against the door, "She's mad but I think if you talk to her you can get her oin your side."
Lucifer raised an eyebrow, "My side?" He questioned.
Maze gave an evil smile, "Operation get Chloe back."
Lucifer choked in his own spit, "Get Chloe back?" He asked.
Maze laughed as she opened to door to slip in, "Yes, cause you left like an idiot now we have to fix your mistake." She finished and closed the door in his face.
Lucifer turned to walk away, getting Chloe back was not what he had intended when he came back. It's so far from what he had intended... but now that Maze had brought it up he could not help but wonder if it was even possible.
After talking with Ella, he still questioned if it was right but all of Ella's talk of free will and his hope's up.
Maybe his father had put her there for him, but it was her choice... her heart that had chosen him.
Maybe he could have her... love her. He laid back in the bed coving his eyes, the sweat still clinging to his body.
Maybe she had been a gift from his father. Maybe his father was trying to make amends for what had happened. But he could not stop the fear from creeping up that maybe it was too late.
Maybe his leaving had caused to much damage.
Chloe was already so hurt from others, it had taken months to get her to open up and he had never hurt her before.
This time he was the cause of her pain. It might be to late, and his dream backed up those feelings.
He signed and crawled out of bed walking to the kitchen to get a drink. He looked at the clock... 6am. Bloody hell, it was to early but he knew after that dream, sleep would not come back.
So, he jerked his head back swallowing the contents of the glass he poured in one gulp.
He filled the cup again and slowly sat at the bar, before closing his eyes and putting his head into hands.
This entire situation was fucked up, he wasn't even 100% sure of what he wanted.
No scratch that... his heart knew what it fucking wanted. It wanted her, hell his body knew what it wanted.
It craved her, he could still feel the impression of her body against his from the last time he held her. Like a muscle memory and it felt wrong not to have her.
It was his bloody mind that kept throwing in the doubt... that this was not real. That it was a trick.
He quickly grabbed the cup and swallowed the contents of the glass in one gulp again before throwing the glass against the wall and watching it shatter into a million pieces. For one split second he felt peace in watching something else break the way his heart had.
Then the feeling of pain and doubt came rushing back. He sighed putting his head back in his hands on the counter top.
This entire situation was fucked up.
It was the sound of the elevator ding that broke him out of his misery. His head snapped up to see the door open and a Chloe walk out.
Another fucking dream he thought to himself, what would this Chloe do to break him.
He watched as she walked from the elevator to stand in front of him across the bar. Yet he didn't say anything not wanting her to disappear again. So instead he waited to see what was going to happen. The only sound was the elevator door sliding closed quietly.
He watched her watching him, this Chloe was one of sadness and hurt. Yet he could see her resolve and strength in the way she stood. And he jumped slightly in his chair when she spoke.
"Lucifer." She said softly.
Lucifer sat back in his chair slowly, this Chloe was real. She was here in his apartment and he did not know what to say. His heart and head still fighting. So, he slowly cleared his throat.
"Chloe." He said back softly.
She crossed her hands on the bar and looked around the apartment, "Everything is back to the way it was …. Before." She said quietly, not saying before you left. It hung in the air, both knowing what she meant but refusing to say it.
Lucifer gave a slow nod, still not knowing what to say. Why had she come after 3 days of silence? What was she going to say next? He crossed his arms over his bare chest, suddenly wishing… for probably the first time in his existence he had on more than a pair of low riding pajama pants.
Chloe finally looked back at him biting her lip, "We need to talk."
Lucifer closed his eyes, waiting for her to tell him that she couldn't help him anymore. Waiting for her to walk out again. Waiting for her to take the little pieces of his heart that were left and throw them to the wind.
"I have been thinking and I will help you Lucifer. I don't want anyone to get hurt and if I can help…. If I can stop it, I will do anything." She looked away, as if the site of him was more then she could take.
"But…." She bit her lip again he watched as a tear slowly slid down her cheek. She took a deep breath and when she looked back and caught his eye, his breath caught in his chest and he waited for her to kill him. "But we need to be separate… I need separation. We can't be…... we can't … we just can't." She took another deep breath. "I need you to stay here…. on your side of town. And I will stay on mine…. When we need to work together we can do it here. I will come here."
Lucifer slowly stood up and really looked at her, on the surface she was standing up and her chin pushed out like she was ready to face the world… to face him. But he could see under all of that and she was hurting. He could see it in the small twitch of her eye. In the way she kept biting her lip and the tightening of her fingers on the counter top.
"Separate? We are partners… partners don't usually work separate." He whispered. He watched as she shook her head no.
"We were partners… WERE. Not anymore Lucifer. Never again." She said softly.
Lucifer closed his eyes, "You don't mean that. We work together Chloe, that's what we do. That's how we figure things out."
Chloe looked up at him pulling herself up to look into his eyes, "Not anymore. I will help you but then we are done Lucifer…. Forever." She took another deep breath the whispered, "After this I never want to see you again."
Lucifer sat back down hard on the chair and he knew in that instant his heart won. His heart and body won. He would never leave again, he could care less if Chloe was put there by his father. He wanted her like his next breath. It was one thing for him to walk away, to have the control of coming back. But to hear her say that she was done… that she never wanted to see him again.
NO! He could not take that. He would not survive that.
He looked back up at her, "And if I refuse to leave LA again. If I tell you I am staying here. That I want to work with you again."
She looked at him with slightly narrowed eyes, "Then I would tell you LA is a huge city, you can stay if you want. We don't hang out in the same places or with the same people."
Lucifer shook his head, "We have the same friends and I messed up but I am trying to make amends. I just had dinner with Ella and the Doctor. They are mad at me but we are working things out."
Chloe gave him a ghosting smile, "That is your choice and theirs. And you can have them as friends. We don't have to all hang out at the same time. We can still be separate."
Lucifer shook his head harder, "And Maze, she is my family and you live with her." He said with determination.
Chloe gave another sad smile, "I will move out and you can have her back also."
"You would give up a friend and your home to stay away from me?" he whispered brokenly, his world imploding each time she pushed away what she said.
Chloe gave him a small shrug.
He looked right in her eyes, "and Trixie? I talked to both Maze and the Doc and they said she missed me…." He looked down and said softly, "I miss her also." He didn't realize how much he meant that until he said it out loud. He missed the little demon almost as much as he missed Chloe. Her laugh…so pure and light. He had missed all of them so much.
He looked up at Chloe who was slowly shaking her head, "You left Lucifer, not me ... not Trixie. And you hurt us both more then you will ever know…and it's my job to protect her. I don't even want her to know that you are back. I haven't told her and I have no plans to. I want you to stay away from her."
Lucifer slowly stood and turned and walked away to look out at the city and found that he could barely breath. The city was hugged he felt like he was in a prison… a prison of his own making.
"And if I refuse what you are saying…... if try to win you back." He asked softly. "I want you Chloe… I …. I made a mistake." He turned back to look at her. She was still standing at the bar but now her arms were wrapped around her middle tightly and more tears were streaming down her cheeks. "I want you Chloe, more than my next breath. I want you…. I need you." He whispered brokenly.
Chloe shook her head softly, "It's too late." She said so softly he barely heard her. "I …. I can never trust you again."
He watched as she slowly turned and walked back to the elevator pushing the button to go down. To go away from him. And he was stuck in that spot, watching her walk away this time. When the doors slid open she stepped inside and slowly turned back to face him.
She saw him standing in front of the windows, light coming over the horizon framing him like an angel. The most beautiful she had ever seen and she knew that if she didn't walk away right now, she would give him everything and he would have the power to destroy her. He could take everything away with one word, with one look. She was already broken, she could not be lost.
She pushed the button to go down and said softly, "I will help you Lucifer, I promise…. Then we are done."
He watched as the doors closed on her and slowly stepped back against the window and then slid to the floor. She had walked away and he felt like his world was fading away into nothingness. He slid his head into his hands, breathing harsh painful breaths. He could not lose her, he couldn't.
He was so lost in his grief, in his pain that he didn't see the light behind him brighten. The warmth seep into his bones to warm his freezing body. He didn't see the bird landing on the railing behind him with a tear failing down its beak.
He would not lose her, he would fight. He slowly stood as new resolve filled his body, he would get her back and never leave again. He just needed a plan.