Chapter Two

'WAZZAAHHHH!'

Jim jumped out of his skin and turned to see Michael laughing hysterically at Jim's expression.

'WAZZAAHHHH!' echoed Dwight, obnoxiously directing the cry at Jim.

'Too far, Dwight – God, it's Jim's first day, stop acting like an idiot,' snapped Michael. Dwight immediately fell silent, looking sheepish. Michael turned to Jim.

'Ready for the tour, Jimmy boy? Then we can get you on the phone to one of our new clients and see whatchu got.'

'Sounds great,' said Jim. Although Michael's choice to give a fresh client to a salesman on his first day was questionable, Jim felt pleased; assuming he made the sale, he could make a good first-day impression. Indeed, Dwight and a couple of others didn't appear too pleased by Michael's decision. Dwight's eyes flickered between Michael and Jim jealously and, for the second time in two minutes, he stood suddenly.

'Er, Michael – may I speak with you in your office?'

'No, Dwight, just say it here.'

Dwight hesitated, and glanced pointedly at Jim.

'Michael, how is it fair that Jim is given the new client? I've been working here longer than him –'

'Are you sure?' muttered Jim sarcastically.

'And you have faith in me, I know you do. As Assistant Regional Manager –'

'To the,' corrected Michael.

'– when distributing a new client to a salesmen, you have to ask for my approval –'

'No I don't, Dwight, cut it out,' snapped Michael. He paused to regain his composure and his next words came with forced calm.

'Jim has to start somewhere, OK? It's only a small client, it's nothing to get wound up about. I don't see anyone else making a fuss.'

They lapsed into an awkward silence, eventually broken by Pam.

'Michael, I can show Jim around if you like, I know you must be busy.'

'No, Pam, just get back to reception, your phone's ringing.'

Pam paused and looked behind at her silent desk.

'Erm … no it's not ringing.'

'Pam come on, Jim needs to get the right feel of the place, he needs laughter, and man talk, and I need to get him excited to work here, and only I can give him those things.'

Jim stared fixedly at the floor. In fact, he was pretty sure Pam could give him those things. Well, except perhaps for 'man talk', whatever that was. And while he would forever prefer Pam to Michael as his tour guide, he didn't want to get on the wrong side of his boss this early on.

Fortunately, further discussion was not needed because Pam's phone really did ring; unfortunately, that meant Michael was his tour guide. With a triumphant 'Aha!' Michael led Jim forwards with a little dance.

'This is our sales team. Sales team, this is Jim. You've already met Dwight, of course. Here we have Phyllis –' he indicated a large woman in glasses and a pink flowery cardigan, who smiled at Jim. 'Aaand Stanley the Manley, the office rapper, of course, loves a bit of hip-hop.' A middle-aged black man with a walrus moustache and tired eyes nodded slowly to Jim and turned to Michael.

'I'm not a rapper, Michael, why would you say that?' he asked in a deep, slow voice.

'Modest as ever, Stanley. How are the sales going?'

'Fine,' Stanley sighed.

'Great. Moving on.' Michael hurried through the gap between Phyllis and Dwight, nearly knocking a plant over.

'Here we have Devon on the phone, and Meredith. Meredith, say hi to Jim,' he said. A red-headed woman grimaced. Devon sat behind her, unshaven and middle-aged. Opposite Meredith was an older man with a patch of grey hair. He whipped off his glasses as they approached. 'And Creed, who's in charge of … erm … what do you again Creed?'

'Great to meet you, Jim,' said Creed, shaking Jim's hand and apparently not hearing Michael's question. Michael frowned at Creed but didn't say anything. He moved forward to an area behind reception, in which four people sat. Jim saw Pam watching. He grimaced at her and she grinned back.

'This is our accounting department,' Michael told Jim. 'We have Oscar, Kevin, Angela and Tom.' A tanned man smiled; a large guy with a flabby chin merely chomped on a candy bar and didn't seem to notice them; a small blonde woman looked up and back again, uninterested; a young man in glasses, who looked dejected for some reason, looked up.

'Weird guy, Tom,' Michael muttered to Jim. 'You'll do well to get a word out of him. Oscar's cool, Kevin just eats all day, Angela's kind of a biatch. I'm joking, of course,' he added hastily, realising what he was saying. Jim just felt bemused by the way Michael treated his employees with such rudeness, but he kept his mouth shut.

'Moving on.' They passed through a door behind Stanley, into a kitchen area. 'This is the kitchen, and the men's room on the right, or the women's room if you, y'know – swing for the other team.'

'Er – why would a gay guy use the women's room?' asked Jim, perplexed.

'I never said that,' muttered Michael. 'Don't put words in my mouth Jim, OK, or I will fire you.'

Jim froze and stared at Michael, who looked dead serious.

'I'm joking! I got you good! God, Jim, you need to grow a sense of humour if you're gonna work here! Haha!'

'Oh there's nothing wrong with my sense of humour,' muttered Jim, but so Michael couldn't hear.

'And this is the Annex,' continued Michael, passing through the door at the other end. 'This is … never mind, nobody cares about Toby … works in HR … Corporate bullcrap,' he added scathingly. Toby spun round in his chair but Michael ignored him. Jim grimaced at him. They reached a corner, where a young, dark-skinned woman sat. 'And here's Kelly Kapoor, customer relations, adding a touch of Asian spice to the office. Kelly, this is Jim, new in sales.'

'Hey,' she said.

'Hi Kelly.'

'And that is pretty much it. The break room is through there. It is ten o'clock, so I will get you on the phone and you, my friend, can start shifting paper.'