Did you know that, because I have a steerage ticket, most of the ship is off-limits to me? I did not know when I purchased the godforsaken thing, but I suppose this would be obvious to anyone but me. That is my life, more or less. One step behind, out of the loop, constantly making mistake after mistake, then just wallowing in self pity instead of trying to fix anything.
But how can I fix this? How can I hope to find Viktor now? He probably hates me, and when we get to New York and finally reunite he- no. That is not Viktor. I may be a fool, but I am not foolishly ignorant.
Though, unless he finds me, I will end up having to wait a whole week to speak with him again. This might be tricky. I do not even have confirmation that he is on board yet and torture myself with the prospect that he is not, that I have made a terrible mistake and he is still in Paris, knowing it is too late to stop me from leaving without him, and no way of explaining why he stayed until I was already in New York searching for him. And so I will have sent both mine and Phichit's lives into disarray for nothing. I suppose we should have tried to make time for each other during the previous month, at least to discuss this significant event in our lives and actually plan it together properly. Viktor Nikiforov and planning tend to not appear in the same sentence though.
I will just have to hope he runs into me at some point. But Viktor does not even know what class I am in because why would he assume a professional athlete travels in steerage? He is probably wandering from room to elegant room above my head searching for me, thinking I have abandoned him in such a cruel manner.
I have to think of something else to write about before tears ruin the ink in these pages.
Despite his initial inhibitions, Phichit seems to be having fun. Even though it is terribly cold, he spends a lot of time on deck- talking, socializing, already making friends and I admire him for that. Sometimes I see him playing with children, and other times he stares out to sea, coat and scarf flapping in the wind and eyes sparkling. I know he is excited, and sometimes I cannot help feeling excited with him. Whatever happens, at least I will have Phichit when we stumble into our new world- that is one small saving grace.
When the cold weather drives Phichit inside, he spends his time in the general room with either our new cabin mates or myself. Sometimes he goes alone if I am not up to seeing people. A lot of people like him and he finds it easy to make new friends, even as a foreigner with little understanding of French and none of English.
He has also taken to photographing anyone he can with his little portable Brownie camera. The portable camera the size of his skull. He bought it in a little Kodak print shop some years back, and when he is not skating he is tending to his little machine, cleaning it and taking it out to look for more people and scenery to photograph. He has already gone through one roll of film since buying it and is well into his second because of this trip. He does not know most of the people he photographs, but that does not seem to be a problem in the slightest for him. I suppose this may be the only chance for a lot of these people to have their picture taken, given that the majority are poor immigrants with little to their name, and dare I say a few may even be seeking asylum from horrors in their home country.
It seems children are the most eager to have their photograph taken, which is understandable. In fact, I feel Phichit is inspiring many to save up for their own little cameras.
If I talk to anyone I am not rooming with, it almost certainly will be the Nishigori family. Not only is there so much I need to catch up on, but it has been a while since I have been able to have a real conversation in Japanese. Phichit is good at looking after the girls whilst we converse.
The business went under and they had to sell their ice rink, so they were telling me. A crying shame; that ice rink had been in Yuuko's family for generations now. They, however, used the money to travel here and hope to work their way back up in America, at least with the hope that the girls can run a similar business again one day, even if Yuuko and Takeshi might not again. I hope I can help them out in any way possible in that endeavour. What a present would that be, huh? Their own brand new ice rink.
I will have to get better at skating then.
Our new cabin-mates are an interesting pair. Travellers, so they were telling us, practically nomads and just looking for somewhere to settle down. Ji Guang Hong and Leo de la Iglesia have more stories than our week together will allow, from nearly dying in the Karakum and Kyzylkum deserts, to fighting a bear in the Carpathian mountains to playing for a passing Austrian nobleman.
The bear one might have been a tall tale however, though it would explain Guang Hong's scar, I suppose. It's a shiny pink mess across his chest, jagged and ugly and something I suspect could only come from a bear claw. He seems unwilling to talk about it though, the time I did bring up the subject, and it had been Leo who explained the story of the bear.
I know not to pry further.
They are both good friends of mine now, or will be. We have all spent one night together and already Phichit has taken Guang Hong under his wing, in a way, and is making plans for when we arrive in New York. Leo has explained that they will be moving west as soon as possible, but hopes to write and keep in touch.
Maybe we will see them again. When we tour America.
...
Minami's notes:
The camera Phichit bought cost the equivalent of one dollar in French Francs, and surviving photographs have been included and captioned in the centre and back of the book.
...
...I suppose I will have to draw Phichit's photographs out at some point. And yes this is the kind of pace I'm hoping to keep up. Work must come first though, but after that it is fics. I also want to add Emil/Sara as a side pairing in this, because it's my fic and I like the pairing and have a storyline for them, but I'm also worried about the backlash I might receive because of it. I don't know.