CHAPTER 4 – Thirst
Having little choice but to acquiesce, and virtually no hope of sleeping after their first trip, Kathryn reluctantly agreed to see more of whatever Q purported that she needed to see. After a swig of fresh coffee and a few moments to collect her thoughts, her guide once again whisked them away with a snap. And now, he was leading her with leaded steps across the scorching hot sands of a desert planet.
"Where are we?" she asked him. This time, Q was dressed in layered cloaks in a mock-attempt to keep the blazing sun off of his skin and the coolness in. She was still in uniform.
"Almost there."
"Almost where? I've never been here before."
Q stopped and turned to her. "Three years ago, you sent Commander Chakotay on a mission. One that resulted in his shuttle crash-landing on a hostile planet. He was captured by the Vori. Do you remember them?"
Kathryn nodded, wiping sweat from her brow. "Yes. They forced him into training and fighting their war with the Kradin. It… it changed him. It tortured him for months afterwards."
"And you blamed yourself."
"I…" Kathryn was about to contradict him but she was quickly learning that Q understood her innermost thoughts. "Yes. I blamed myself."
"What exactly would you have done differently, Captain?"
Kathryn thought for a moment. The hot sun, pounding on her back. She felt as if she were roasting alive, but Q seemed cool and steady in his omnipotent garb. "I was going to go with him on the shuttle. On that mission. But something happened and I decided to stay on Voyager instead."
"Something?" Q pressed.
Kathryn sighed. There was no use hiding from someone who apparently knew her better than she knew herself. "Chakotay and I, we weren't on the best of terms at that time. We had just come out of an uneasy alliance with the Borg to get us past Species 8472, an alliance we didn't exactly see eye-to-eye on."
"And…" Q waved his arm. The repeated gesture was beginning to irk her.
"And I didn't want to spend that much time alone with him."
"If you had set aside your petty argument and gone, you would have been at the helm of that shuttle. You'd have crashed on the next planet over in the system instead of being captured by the Vori."
"This one?"
Q nodded and continued walking. He led her into an outcropping of rocks against a hillside. At the base was a small opening, a tunnel, and she crouched down to head in behind him. From inside she could hear labored breathing and soft words. Around the next corner the light began to fade but she could make out the faces of two very familiar people.
"Kathryn," she heard Chakotay say. "Kathryn, you need to wake up now."
Kathryn looked back at Q. He put his fingers up to his lips and whispered. "Watch."
As she followed Q's instructions, Kathryn saw a version of herself laying on the floor of the rocky, red-stoned cave. Her double was pale and bruised. Her uniform was soiled and torn. Dried, sticky blood was caked to her hairline and the front of her exposed tunic. Sprawled open on the floor was a backpack. Empty ration bags were strewn about along with several emptied hyposprays. Next to her, partially underneath her, was Chakotay. He was stroking her hair and gently trying to nudge her back to consciousness.
"Come on Kathryn," Chakotay urged, squeezing her upper arm.
"Mmmm…" Kathryn began to stir. Her parched lips pulled apart to ask the only question she was capable of understanding that she needed to ask. "Voyager?"
"Not yet," Chakotay said. "But soon." He shifted his weight underneath her and tried to support her to a sitting position. "You need water, Kathryn. Can you drink?"
She shook her head slightly. Her voice was a strained whisper. "No. You."
"I've had some. Please, drink," he urged, lifting the foil bag closer for her to see. "You need to keep your strength up."
"Chakotay," she whispered. "Keep it. Leave me. Go find water… you'll die here too." Her breaths were growing more labored with each passing second.
"There's plenty more, Kathryn," he said. "I transported an emergency ration container before the shuttle was destroyed. Remember? I keep telling you." Her tired eyes were searching the room for the supplies. "It's behind that wall. Now drink."
He lifted the silver pouch to her lips and poured the liquid slowly and carefully so as not to waste a drop. She lapped at it gratefully, swallowed painfully.
Q looked to his companion. She didn't tear her eyes away from Chakotay as he helped her doppelganger. "He's lying," she whispered. "There aren't any more supplies are there? That was his last bit of water."
"You are correct."
"He should leave. She's… I'm going to die here, aren't I?"
Q nodded. "You sustained internal injuries during the shuttle attack. You're quite the fighter though, been going for almost two days now. But, despite his best efforts, you will die in the next few minutes."
"And Voyager?" she asked, afraid of the answer.
"Arrives four hours too late for him."
Kathryn felt a swell of grief wash over her and her eyes began to sting. "He should have kept it for himself," she whispered.
"Agreed, he would have survived if he had. But, love makes people do strange things."
"Love?" she asked with sudden surprise.
"Uh… yes."
"Chakotay doesn't love me," she stated matter-of-factly.
At that, Q snorted. "Right. He just sacrificed his life on the minuscule chance at your survival because you're his captain."
Kathryn looked at Q blankly and then turned once more to watch as Chakotay scooped her counterpart's limp body into his arms. The commander began to rock her gently back and forth, tears weeping from his eyes and streaming down his face.
"I don't want to see any more of this."
Q snapped his fingers.
Back in the calm, coolness of her room, Kathryn slumped into a chair and ran her hands over her still dusty face. Q offered her the mug of coffee which she quickly waved away.
"Whenever you're ready," he said.
Kathryn shook her head. "I want you to leave."
Q rolled his eyes. "I told you, you need to see everything."
"This is disturbing Q. Personally, deeply disturbing. And if I find out you're just doing this to torture me…"
"I have better things to do with my time than torment you, Kathy. Now, you trusted me before so just keep on keeping on and we'll get through this quickly. Besides, I know you're not one to quit in the middle of something you started."
She glared at him.
"No one dies in this next one," he offered with an irreverent shrug.
She snatched the mug from his hand, took a quick gulp and then nodded.