The weather turned out to be beautiful on Saturday afternoon. The group decided to sit out on in the grounds as Pansy planned, their only slightly welcome tag-along – me – doing her best not to feel and act awkward. When I came up to the Great Hall with my new roommates, Tracey Davis' eyes bulged slightly and when she thought I wouldn't notice began whispering furiously to Pansy. Zambini's dark chocolate eyes scanned me curiously, his full lips pursed as I refused to meet his gaze. Nott's eyebrows rose slightly. Neither boy voiced any opinions. Malfoy didn't spare me a glance and just continued his breakfast as if I wasn't present.
All going well then, I thought.
I didn't say much, only when asked a question did I speak up from either my food or fiddling with the hem of my skirt. Not that that was often as it was only Daphne who made any real effort in including me in the conversation. I'd planned on bringing a book but didn't want to appear rude when with company. It really wasn't something which I was accustomed to – company.
It wasn't until we all were stretched out on the green that the boys and Tracey took any real notice of me. I was lying on my back, my arm thrown over my eyes to shield them from the light as I listened to the others discussion.
"I really don't understand your love of history Draco," Nott sounded exasperated. "Why you would be willingly do it for another year after it being shoved down our throats for five is beyond me."
"I never said I loved it," Draco tone made the 'L' word sound disgusting. "Just that I was good at it. It'll be by far the easiest N.E.W.T. for me to sit because I have an aptitude for it."
"Careful Malfoy," Zambini piped in from somewhere to my left. "You're actually starting to sound intelligent."
"We all know he is," Pansy was always the first to defend the Malfoy heir. "Just because he doesn't show it off like that Gryffindor tarte doesn't prevent him from being the second smartest in the year."
"Speaking of," Nott interjected Pansy rant. "Look who else had the idea to soak up the sun.
Resting my arm back to my side I tilted my head side-ways to get a look at what were possibly the most popular group of witches and wizards in the world. Harry Potter sat amongst his girlfriend Ginny Weasley and his best friends Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger. The girls were laughing at something the elder Weasley had said causing Granger to stroke his cheek affectionately to ease his frown. Potter himself seemed rather subdued, not surprising considering what he'd gone through. No one had come out of the war untouched, but being at the centre of it had definitely changed him.
"They make me sick," Pansy's hiss interrupted my musings and I wanted to sigh in irritation. "Pawing each other in plain sight. It's disgusting."
"They're morons," Nott agreed. "Showing off around the school like they were the only war heroes. Like they didn't have the help of the entire Order of the Phoenix."
"I heard they did most of the leg work alone," Daphne interjected softly causing my opinion of her to rise further. "What with those horcrux things."
"I still don't see why it makes them the centre of everything around here." Malfoy's voice was almost dripping in venom. "It doesn't give him the right to lord it over us, act like they're better than us… gloating because they were on the winning side –"
"I don't think they are," there was a pause where it took them a moment for them to locate the voice. Hell, I knew where it had come from and the words had slipped from my mouth. I'd returned to my original position with my arm over my eyes yet I suddenly felt the weight of their stares on my form was much worse than getting blinded by the sun. "Gloating that is…" as if explaining would somehow redeem myself. Well, goodbye actual social life, it was nice knowing you...
"What do you mean?" Blaise's voice was hard and defensive.
"Well, they're only hanging out like we are, they haven't confronted us even though some of us actually fought with the people that killed their friends and family." I was actually grateful that I couldn't see their reactions to my words. "No abusive or derogatory comments which is what I define as gloating. I think they're – like us – just trying to get past it."
"Sticking up for them are we?" Tracey's tone was threatening but I couldn't bring myself to care. I just hoped Daphne would still talk to me after this social suicide I'd managed in less than five minutes. "I didn't realise there were Potter lovers in Slytherin."
I forced myself not to grit my teeth against the house prejudice, instead sat up and gazed at each of them neutrally. My tone became just as rational as Malfoy's had earlier when speaking of his subject choices.
"I don't like him," I countered. "I don't even know him but I think I…" I searched for the right word. "Respect him. It takes balls to do what he did, help or no help, Gryffindor or not and looking at him now, I don't even think he's paying attention to his friends, let alone a few of his rivals fifty yards from him. And as for being the centre of everything… they only are because people keep talking and gossiping about them every-time they come into view." I gave them a wry look making their guilt of my last point clear.
Their gazes flickered back and forth between myself and Potter. I myself kept my gaze trained on the cold, grey stare of Draco Malfoy, daring him to contradict me. Just when I thought he would he turned away choosing instead to slip into ignoring my presence once more.
There was quite a lengthy pause that followed, I felt the others felt a little awkward, uneasy that Id suddenly spoke four times the amount I had to them in five years. Blaise, the only one who'd kept his eyes on me was the first to break the silence. His mouth spreading into a crooked grin which made me a little uncomfortable.
"I liked it better when we spent the days fixing and nights drinking," his change in topic was noticed but appreciated by all. I was surprised they didn't ask me to leave, let alone continue as if the conversation had ended and we'd moved on to another topic. Let alone that I might just have won the argument – against Draco Malfoy no less.
"You'll be glad to hear then," Pansy's grin was wry. "That there's a session being held tonight for seventh years on the fifth floor. A final farewell to the summer before the hangovers will start affecting our classes."
"Sounds good to me!" Daphne seemed as relieved as I was that the others hadn't turned on me. "I'm pretty sure I have a quarter bottle of mead left."
"How you can still stomach that shit after the last session I'll never know!" Nott chuckled, earning him a death glare.
"I wasn't that bad!"
"So the rumours about you and Fletchly in the broom closet didn't derive from the body shots you –"
Daphne launched herself at Theo, her furious slaps cutting whatever he might have said short and causing the rest of the group to laugh and… surprisingly that included myself.
I hadn't planned to attend the end of summer shenanigans, but being at the receiving end of one of Greengrass' glares I quickly got on board. Merlin knows how Theo resisted them daily. After grudgingly agreeing to the celebrations of our seeming 'last night of freedom' I returned to reading my novel until the unnerving consciousness of four eyes drilling holes in me caused me to look up.
"What now?" I asked, unable to restrain the irritation in my voice.
"We're leaving in a half hour," Daphne stated.
"I know. I said I'd go didn't I?"
"Well, aren't you going to get dressed?" Pansy asked impatiently.
I stared at her for a moment, quite unsure how to frame my answer. Slowly, I lowered my gaze to my jeans and t-shirt ensemble. They were good-quality, the best comfortable clothes an old, pureblood family fortune can buy. An uneasy feeling seeped into my chest before meeting Parkinson's gaze again. Without thinking about it I began pleading her with my eyes.
"Don't even think about it." Her retort was black.
"But –"
"I'm not showing up with you looking like that. Get dressed. Now."
"I –"
"And while you're at it put some bloody make-up on."
Twenty-four minutes later I left our dorm in attire that only scraped by Pansy Parkinson's expectations. I ditched the jeans for a tight bandage skirt and tights, my loose t-shirt partially tucked in. With an enlargement charm the neck draped off one shoulder showing the black strap of my bra. Ankle boots caused each foot fall to clatter and Pansy took over my attempts at make-up so I was wearing much more than I was comfortable with. Daphne said I looked effortlessly sexy while Pansy just sniffed saying she'd have preferred to have more time with me.
We met the others in the common room, the boys lounging casually on the leather sofas, all in different shades of black and grey apart from Malfoy's bold choice of a rich, dark green shirt that made his grey eyes look silver.
I couldn't help but notice how attractive the group was. I wasn't joking when I said Pansy got a nose job, her once youthful baby face and slightly turned up nose had lost the fat and straightened – whether charmed or not I'll never ask. She wasn't the most beautiful girl, but she made the most of everything she had, her bronze toned make-up causing her eyes to look brighter, her moistened and glossed lips fuller. The heels she wore made her legs look impossibly long, I couldn't help but be envious. Being amongst the tallest girls in our year made it near impossible to wear shoes that pushed me over six foot.
Daphne's blonde hair was gently curled and tousled, her cherry red lipstick picking up the colours in her tribal-print dress that clung to her lean figure. Theo's dark brown hair was jelled to appear perfectly untouched his eyes were dark blue, with almost indigo flecks in the strange light of the common room. He was the shortest of the three but easily out-bulked them, his shoulders broad and where his cobalt shirt was rolled at the sleeves you could easily make out the lines of muscle in his arms.
Blaise was known as one of the most attractive in our year. His Italian heritage matched his dark skin beautifully. A lot of people would consider him reserved though they were amongst the population of the school that had never seen him pull his easy smile and charm that had any woman putty in his hands. His lean chaser's build was covered seamlessly with a black polo neck, giving him that exotic, European look that most girls dropped their panties for.
Draco Malfoy on the other hand was a different story. He would have definitely been the most handsome perhaps in the entire school were it not for his personality. Where Blaise had charm, Draco had biting wit that could slice anyone into shreds. Malfoy didn't smile, he smirked. His hair was so blonde it looked white in the sunlight, his skin would be an almost unhealthy shade of pale did it not match his bone structure and colouring so completely. His eyes were piercing and cold, the shades seemed to change by emotion alone giving a whole new meaning to the many shades of grey.
All the information zipped through my mind in a matter of seconds forcing me to feel incredibly self-conscious. I never cared about my appearance, it seemed pointless because no one ever looked at me. Suddenly I found myself surrounded by some of the most attractive people in the school, it felt like someone hovering a giant spotlight over my head, bringing me into deep focus as the definite ugly duckling.
Draco was the first to stand, he met my gaze briefly but remained very much intent on being ignorant of my presence.
"About time," he sighed heatedly. "Let's get this over with."
"Couldn't agree more," I said and couldn't hold back a smile. Go figure myself and Draco Malfoy having an opinion in common. His silver eyes bored into mine before he turned in the direction of the exit.
"Cheer up," Blaise fell into step beside me, Daphne giving me an assuring smile before catching up with Pansy and Theo a few metres ahead. "We're attending a party not a funeral."
"No, that was last month." Blaise stiffened, his eyes uncomfortably meeting mine before he noticed my smirk. He laughed then, the sound deep and warm.
"Black humour. I approve." He said as we began out ascent of the grand staircase. "You look good by the way."
"Thanks," I ordered the blush to not rise to my cheeks. No one complimented me outside my mother. Ever. I really didn't know how to take it.
"What's made you decide to come out of your shell?" The question had obviously been on his mind. It was most likely on the entire group's mind but Blaise appeared the only one with enough gall to voice it. I respected that, especially how easily the abrupt question left his mouth. Unfortunately that didn't mean I had an answer for him.
"People change… I guess." Was about the best I could do. He seemed to understand the words that lay beneath it. War, death, loss. It was with everyone for those last few months.
"I get it."
The rest of the walk we remained quiet, not an uncomfortable silence thankfully but there wasn't much left to be said after that. On reaching the correct corridor on the fifth floor we were met with the stiff form of Malfoy, who seemed to be staring holes in the blank stone wall.
The Room of Requirement ceased to be a secret after the war, what with the entire Order using it to hide before the battle it was no wonder that at least a small number of that mass of people talked. It was bound to be heavily guarded by Filch once classes start. Merlin knows what a bunch of horny teens could get up to in a secret room that magically locks and disappeared from the inside. But for now it was the perfect location for a party for strictly older students from all the different houses.
That was possibly why I was confused that Malfoy was staring at it as if it were the devil incarnate.
Cautiously, Pansy placed a hand on his shoulder. "Draco? Are you –?"
Her touch seemed to jolt him awake and he instantly shrugged her off. "I'm fine," he hissed menacingly. And right there was a perfect example of why more girls were more afraid than in love with him.
Closing his eyes, Draco walked past the stretch of wall three times, his fair brows creased in concentration. There was an unusual ripple of stone before ornate double doors materialised before us. Not giving us any chance to doubt him, he immediately pulled open the heavy portal and disappeared inside.
The room was perfect. Two large fireplaces were set ablaze making the room warm and comfortable. All of the four house banners hung from a high rise ceiling adding an arrange of colours in the room. It reminded me of the great hall, but instead of tables that separated us into our painful prejudices there were tables covered in bottles of alcohol, plastic cups and straws. Couches sat in all corners. Students sat on the floor around them as well as in them, playing drinking games, talking, kissing and laughing. The best part? Everyone looked the same. I couldn't tell a Gryffindor from a Slytherin and it was the greatest feeling. I couldn't help the wondrous grin spreading across my face.
This was fantastic.
"Starting to see what you missed?" Daphne asked from my right after noticing my expression.
"You did this every night?" I breathed.
"About three times a week. Though someone pulled out all the stops for this one."
I couldn't disagree. In the corner of my eye I noticed Draco making a bee-line for the drinks table without even a glance back at his friends. Blaise's heavy sigh brought my attention back to him.
"He hates this room," he admitted. His dark eyes trained wearily on his best friend. "It's where the vanishing cabinet was all through sixth year."
It clicked then and I suddenly felt a smothering wave of pity for my blonde classmate. This room reminded him of the worst mistakes he'll probably ever make in his life and from the looks a few of the other students he passed, they knew it too.
"Well," I spoke soft enough that I half-hoped Blaise wouldn't hear me. "We better make sure he doesn't get intoxicated alone."
Blaise and Daphne grinned and I followed them through the masses of celebrating classmates.
Surprisingly enough, I was enjoying myself. It took a few fire whiskeys which Blaise was adamant on replenishing when I was barely near finishing. But I felt my guards drop a little and with their hold loosened I began to notice things.
For example, I understood how Theo could take a Daphne glare. On first glance and meeting him he came off cold and awkward but once his inhibitions were lowered he was one of the most laid back people I ever met. Nothing truly phased him whether it was Blaise's teasing of Malfoy's heated insults. They literally washed over him. Also the fact that he practically glowed when Daphne gave him any attention what-so-ever was quite telling. This was a little distressing for me actually. Do I tell Daphne about my observations? I was unaccustomed to friend protocol as it was, let alone when other people's relationships get involved.
Blaise and I soon realised that we had similar senses of humour and I found myself laughing out right at some of the tales he told, both of us knowing that anyone else would have found them vaguely disturbing.
It was Pansy that surprised me most of all. Once surrounded by a social seen such as this she became vivacious and bubbly rather than her usual obsessive and conniving. Flirting and socialising with anyone that came near to her eyes alight with new gossip she heard about the different couplings going on in the room.
It took a good hour and half to notice that Potter and his pals were actually in the room with us and something warm spread in my chest that the group hadn't even remarked on their presence.
Eventually though I needed to get some air. Realistically, I wasn't accustomed to this many people talking and drinking all at once. There was honestly too many conversations to listen in on and surprisingly enough, many people wanted to chat to me. The alcohol buzz giving them all the courage and boldness they needed to voice Blaise's previous questions, it was answering this for over the twentieth time that drove me out the balcony doors.
It was freezing, the late summer temperature dropping as we passed midnight. There was a bitter wind swirling around the building from this height, causing me to shiver and cast a brief heating charm. I was disappointed to note a few couples had the same idea but were using the fresh air for other activities. Blushing a little and turning my gaze away from them my eyes rested on the edge of the roof two stories above me.
Now that would be the perfect place for solitude –
Movement caught my eye and I turned as a small wooden door appeared off to one side if the balcony. Cautiously making my way towards it I gripped the bronze door knob, pulling it open to reveal a ladder shooting straight up towards where I wanted to be moments earlier.
The room is always equipped with the seekers needs.
Smiling excitedly I began ascending the ladder, forgetting to shut the door in my haste. Reaching a trap door at the top, I hoisted it open and climbed out. Revelling in what was perhaps the most perfect place in Hogwarts I'd ever been in. The view was stunning, stretching out to see miles of the Forbidden Forest. The Owlery could be made out, perched on its small hill. Hagrid's hut was smoking steadily about a mile in front of it. Looking to the right I could see the Quidditch pitch and the left I could just about see the edge of where the lake began. The clock tower, the stone circle, it could be seen from this single vantage point. I gasped in a cold breath and sat in what had just become my new sanctuary. Absently, I pulled a box of cigarettes from my boot and lit one, taking a deep drag and releasing. I relished the light-headedness that came with it, watching as the silvery smoke swirled across my vision. For a moment I could pretend I was someone else –
"What are you doing up here?"
Malfoy's voice sliced through all illusions and musings. Startled, I dropped the cigarette, the glowing red tip fading into blackness as it fell.
"Shit." Was all I could say, as I turned to frown at him. "See what you made me do?"
He was no more startled than I was as it registered what had been in my hand. "Are you smoking?"
"No, I just light cigarettes so I can throw them off a castle roof. Of course I was smoking!" I was a little miffed that my solitude and peace had been interrupted, otherwise I wouldn't have dared speak to him like this. In my right mind I would have simply stared at him mutely until he went away.
"But that's –"
"A Muggle habit. I know," I sighed, running a hand through my wind-swept curls. "I just like the way it makes me feel."
He didn't retort for a moment, I felt is eyes on me as I pulled out a fresh one, lighting it with the end of my wand I inhaled and exhaled.
"How does it feel?" He eventually asked sounding honestly curious.
With the draw I felt less uncomfortable with him staring and suddenly feeling bold I turned to him. With a smirk I held out the box to the Malfoy heir.
"Want to give it a go and see?"
I expected him to decline. Make an insulting comment about Muggles and me picking up their filthy habits before leaving. Instead, I was completely shocked to see him reach out a pale hand to take one out and hold it between slender fingers.
"You put the brown end –"
"I know how to do it," he sniped back, cutting me off. At least I knew that it was indeed Malfoy standing before me and not someone on polyjuice potion. Smoothly he placed the white and brown stick between his lips. They were pale, I noticed and thinner than normal, but sloped beautifully beneath his nose.
Merlin, I must be drunk.
Lighting it with his hand he held it in his mouth for a beat then inhaled deeply before exploding in a fit of coughs and splutters. I schooled my features, knowing it would do me no good if I laughed as I wanted to. The Malfoy pride was infamous in the wizarding world and I had no interest in witnessing it first-hand.
"Why would you willingly do this to yourself?" He wheezed after the coughing subsided.
"The coughing stops once you get used to it," I said shrugging. "At least you're doing it right."
His weary gaze slid from me as he gazed at the scene around us, I could see the same wondrous look no doubt was on my face moments before though his was much more restrained.
"Too claustrophobic for you too?" I asked, relaxing back on my elbows after swallowing another drag.
"Something like that." Was the only answer I got. "I usually enjoy these things more."
"The drinking and fornicating?"
Was that a smirk? I thought before the blank expression returned. "Yeah. It's different now."
"I wouldn't know." I answered honestly.
I felt his gaze on me, it was a heavy thing. I felt it more than any of the others – a tingle down my spine and the hairs raised on the back of my neck. "No you wouldn't. So what made you decide that you'd give it a go?"
"I didn't want to actually, Daphne coerced me."
"She never would have before and I'm talking about more than just this party."
I opened my mouth to give my usual answer, the rather vague and philosophical 'people change' sprang to my lips easily. Instead, I inhaled another lung full of smoke and released, feeling so light that I finally allowed myself one completely truthful answer.
"You probably read in the prophet… My Father… he was killed in the final battle. Kingsley Shaklebolt hit him with a jinx so strong he went through a window. They were on the fifth floor."
Unable to meet his gaze any longer I turned back to the amazing view and on raising the cigarette to my mouth I noticed the slight tremble to my hands.
"Derrick Blackthorne was a fucking monster," I croaked. "And I thank the war that killed him every day… even if that makes me a monster too." I shook my head, unsure why Malfoy had yet to speak but trying to still the tears that threatened to spill onto my cheeks. "I couldn't have friends. I couldn't expose them to him so that he could use them to get to me. So I stayed detached." I shrugged lightly. "He's gone now so I can finally do whatever the hell I want; drink, smoke, enjoy myself. I hope he turns in his grave and hundred times over."
Draco swallowed, appearing to have lost his voice for a moment. Absently he raised his own cigarette to his mouth, inhaling gingerly and omitting a light cough, a huge improvement from his last try.
"Fathers are dicks," was all he said and I knew he understood.
We remained on the roof into the small hours of the morning, until Draco got the hang of smoking and we both could drift off in lightness of alcohol and nicotine.
Wow. Long enough chapter, please don't expect this every time… I'm exhausted.
Give us an ol' review there if you're liking what you're reading, especially now that you've had a better look into our heroine's past.
Thanks for reading!