CHAPTER 8 – Future Imperfect

"I still don't understand why you've shown me all of this Q," Kathryn said, trying to make sense of so many scenarios and images that would simultaneously haunt and tease her. She was weary and confused.

"Sometimes, the most important words are the ones that were left unsaid," Q advised.

Kathryn narrowed her eyes. "Stop," she demanded with a sudden anger rising in her voice. "Stop speaking in riddles. Stop teasing and torturing me, and just tell me. Tell me why you are doing this."

"I'll show you."

"No!" she shouted. "I don't want to see anymore. I want to stop these games. I'm tired, Q."

"You think we're playing games here?" Q said. "I'm trying to help you, Kathy. For some reason, I care about you and your happiness. I'm trying to get you to realize what you're missing. What you're going to lose."

"It seems to me that I've got all of the information I need." she replied. "All of the decisions I've made so far were right, at least, more right than the alternatives you've shown me."

"You and your crew are alive and well. I'll grant you that. But, how happy are you, really?"

"My happiness is irrelevant. At least, it will be until I get everyone home. So, I'll just keep making decisions the same way I always have, and I'll trust that I will continue to make the right ones. It's the only thing I can do."

"Do that, and you'll surely miss something very important." Q looked at her seriously. "You're not like me, Kathy. You only have this one life to be happy in. You have to make the most of it for yourself at some point."

Q paused and let his words sink in before continuing. "This is the only view I will show you into the future, Captain. And it's for your eyes only. When you're done, just…" He snapped his fingers, and with the next blink Kathryn found herself alone, in very familiar quarters. She looked around and realized that she was next door, in Chakotay's living room.

The lighting was dim, soft music was playing and two once-tall candles had been melted down to shorter stubs on the table. A bottle of wine sat empty with two barely-touched plates of food. Her eyes were suddenly drawn to the brightest light in the room. It was coming from the window. It was Earth.

Kathryn clasped her hand over her mouth. In whatever future Q was showing her, they had made it home. Her joy was interrupted by sounds coming from the bedroom.

"Q?" she whispered. "Q!"

Nothing happened. She raised her hand to snap her fingers but then paused. Temporal Prime Directive aside, Q had clearly sent her here for a reason other than just to see Earth out the window. She lowered her hand to her leg and slowly tiptoed toward the sounds emanating from the back bedroom.

After everything she'd seen, all of the possibilities of her and Chakotay together, all of the personal attachment she had just witnessed, she could only assume that she would find her doppelganger once again in his arms. After all, if they were home then a relationship might finally be possible. Was this the happiness that Q had alluded to? She swallowed hard and peeked into the room.

Tangled in an intricate knot under the covers, two figures were melded and moving as one. Their rocking caused the sheets to rise and fall rhythmically. She could hear Chakotay's deep voice whispering, urging, professing. His head was bent low offering smothering caresses she couldn't fully see through the darkness. A familiar burn smoldered again within her, heat rising from her center.

Kathryn moved closer. This was very similar to the experience Q showed her on New Earth, the one that had admittedly ran through her mind a million times, of what could have been. This scenario, too, had haunted her for years. This was what she knew was waiting on the other side of the bulkhead if she would just go to him and be honest. She licked her lips, deep anticipation continuing to build. She would indulge this living fantasy that may, in some future, actually come true.

From under the covers a hand reached out to grip the side of the bed for purchase. Another wound its way around his neck and pulled him down. That's when Kathryn saw it. Silver. Metallic silver intertwined with slender fingers. The fused bodies under the covers continued to drive into each other with increasing ferocity.

Kathryn gasped and turned her head.

"Oh, stars…" she heard him groan in a husky voice. "Seven…"

Kathryn snapped her fingers. Nothing happened. She snapped them again, and then began to run from the room. Past the dining table, through the living room and out the doors she went. Then, she flew down the hallway ten more paces and into her own quarters, where she collapsed in a heap on the floor.

"Didn't want to stay for the show?" Q asked.

Kathryn's eyes burned at him from the ground. "That… that was none of my business."

"Wasn't it? It was your decisions that lead him there. In bed, with her."

"No. What Chakotay chooses…"

Q interrupted her. "What your lover chose wasn't up to him. He chose you. He wants you. And, he's settling for her."

"You mean… Is this happening now?" She immediately realized her error, since Earth obviously wasn't outside her window.

"Kathryn, it is eight o'clock in the morning. Everyone is on duty. This," he waggled his finger at the wall, "will happen in three months."

Kathryn thought for a moment.

"I had no idea."

Q rolled his eyes. "That's because it hasn't happened yet. Are you having trouble following this?"

Kathryn shook her head. "I guess I just thought he'd wait."

"Wait for what?" Q said, and Kathryn noticed it was the first bit of frustration he had shown all night. "Wait for you to get home? Wait for you to come off of that soapbox you've put yourself on? Wait for you to stop existing by the rulebook and start living? Wait for you to be honest with him?" His voice boomed across her quarters.

"He understands that I have a commitment," she said softly.

"To your ship, your mission, your crew, your coffee. Yes. You have commitments that you keep diligently. And we're all very proud of you," Q said sarcastically. "But, you don't keep your commitments to him, do you?"

"I… I support him in his decisions. I respect his input as a first officer. I want him to be happy."

Q waggled his head back and forth and rolled his eyes. "I'm sure that keeps him very warm at night." Q walked over and sat down on the floor next to her. "Look, Kathy. Kathryn. Captain. You might support and respect and want. But, what do you actually do?"

She frowned and rubbed her forehead. "I cancelled our dinner last week, and I forgot the one last night."

Q nodded. "And the week before?"

"We got called away on a red-alert."

"And the week before that?"

"I don't remember…"

"You forgot his birthday."

Kathryn's eyes snapped open. "I… oh."

"But, worse than all of those missed dinners—" Q began.

"—I'm not honest with him," she finished.

"If you blow him off again next week, or worse, if you make idle chat for two hours and then send him home alone…" Q warned. Then, he pointed to the wall adjoining their quarters and gave her a knowing glare. She swallowed hard, still trying to push away the eventual reality of Chakotay in bed with Seven.

"I don't know what you see in that man," Q admitted. "But, he will make you happy, and I had to take the time to prove it to you. Every choice, Kathy. They all led you here."

Kathryn ran a hand through her hair and stood up. She straightened her uniform.

"Are we done now Q?"

"Yes, I believe we are." Q snapped his fingers one last time, and Kathryn was alone once again. So very alone.