I slept the most of Sunday. The hangover was surprisingly manageable in comparison to some of my others. Eating a giant, greasy bacon and egg roll at lunch time really helped. I found myself waking up to get involved with Pansy and Daphne's blow by blow of what happened the night before. Unsurprisingly, I missed most of it hiding up on the roof with Draco Malfoy something I wish I could stop thinking about.
"Padma Patil and Stephen Cornfoot?" Daphne wheezed between giggles. "Merlin she must have been drunk."
"And regretting every second of it this morning," Pansy sighed gleefully. It was a little disturbing how much she enjoyed other people's suffering.
"Alyssa where did you go? You missed everything!" Daphne bounded over to my bed where I was still lounging. It became too painful to leave the covers as the day wore on.
"I went for a smoke," I said absently, rubbing my tired eyes and looking forward to tomorrow when I wouldn't feel like a heard of centaurs had trampled me – and yes, I've still had worse.
"I don't remember seeing you at all before I left," her frown was worrisome but from Pansy's teasing I was pretty sure she was hammered the night before and even if I'd been glued to her side the entire time she wouldn't have remembered.
"Draco left early too," Pansy interjected. She sat at the vanity table and started brushing her hair – a habit I was beginning to notice she did when thoughtful.
"Pansy please tell me you're not still pining for him," Daphne groaned, plonking herself on my bed despite the fact her own was a few feet away. I took a guess and thought that this was what friends did and decided to go with it. Though it was a bit of a squash with the two of us. "He's horrible to you – to everyone really, and –"
"I'm not pining," she snapped, putting down the hair brush. "It's true I've… doted on Draco for years despite our fling ending in fifth year. I'm finished with hoping for a future with him Daphne ok? That doesn't mean I still care, that I still worry about him."
"I know Pans…" Daphne's voice was soft and compassionate and I wondered again why on earth she was put in this house. She had such an awareness of other people's feelings it was mind boggling.
"I saw him on the balcony anyway," I decided the best course of action was omission and half-truths. "Only briefly, but he seemed fine."
This seemed to appease Pansy who went back to taming her thick tresses. They went out later to meet the boys in the common room but I declined their offer to join. I'd had enough excitement for one weekend and was much more comfortable curling up under the sheets to read and wait out the rest of the day. Tomorrow, classes will begin and things will try to go back to normal.
And for most of my life, that's precisely when everything does the opposite.
The morning was a flurry of movement. My roommates dashing around every corner of the dorm to make sure they looked perfect for our first day. I was ready a good half hour before them but instead of going back to my book I gave-in to the impatient glares and put a touch of make-up on and used frizz-ease charms on my hair.
My small group split then, Daphne went to Divination, Pansy to Herbology and I went to Charms. It was probably going to be the only class I'd have without either one or both of them so I decided to enjoy walking myself up to the third floor.
On reaching the classroom I immediately noticed Blaise and Theo sitting in the back row. I was about to sit down – away from the pair, alone – when Blaise called be over to them. Sighing internally I climbed the four steps to where they sat and slid into the booth directly in front of them.
"We missed you yesterday," Blaise said, leaning forward on his elbows. "We were suffering the hangovers together to ease the pain."
"I found that simply sleeping it off works too," I couldn't keep the dry note out of my tone. "Did you enjoy your night?"
"He enjoyed Mandy Brocklehurst just fine," Theo quipped. The shadows under his eyes gave me the impression that he still may be suffering from Saturday's drinking.
"Ah Mandy," Blaise sighed contently. "Tragic name but a beautiful rack…"
"Charming," I snorted and couldn't hold back a chuckle.
"Where'd you end up?" Blaise ignored my dig.
"Balcony. I needed air from all the hormones that radiated off you."
"Funny… Draco said almost the same thing," Nott smiled crookedly. "You weren't getting air together were you?"
Luckily I was saved for a group of students and professor Flitwick entering the classroom. The class turned out to be rather small, not surprising really as charms would probably be on the same difficulty level as History of Magic. Students tended to go for the easier subjects such as Herbology or Divination. The class consisted of a miss-match of houses, leaning slightly heavier on the Ravenclaw side. Not surprising as over fifty percent of Ravenclaws use time-turners to take more classes, they were probably in all three at that very moment.
Just before the door shut a final addition to the class snuck in, with a quick apology to the half-goblin professor he slid into the last available bench – mine.
Pulling out my books and quill I started to relax. This was my comfort zone.
Forty minutes later we'd been given an assignment and grouped into pairs. I found myself once again confronted with another challenge for myself. Partner-work was unavoidable in all my years at Hogwarts yet I'd always found an easy way around them. I'd tell said partner that I'd do all the work and they'd still get half the credit. It was safe to say it was rare that my offer was declined.
As we practiced the Impervius charm – making a sponge repel water – I took a breath and decided to speak to my almost-tardy partner.
"How was your summer?" I asked in what I hoped was a bright tone.
Michael Corner sent me a startled look but recovered good-naturedly. "Uh… fine despite everything. You?"
Lie. Otherwise you'll sound like a psychopath. "Fine too."
We continued practicing for a charm a few more moments – I got it on the third try but I simply reversed and repeated it so I didn't look like I had.
"So how does this work then?" Michael asked.
I frowned in confusion. "How does what work?"
"The partnership. Are you going to offer to do my half of the assignment like you've always done?"
My stomach sank. Well, there goes that plan. "I don't know what you –"
"You think no one sees you, Alyssa Blackthorne but I've noticed you over the years. You try so hard to remain unseen and have become so good at it that you really started to believe you're invisible. You mastered this charm five minutes ago yet you're pretending that you're struggling. You could probably do this assignment with your eyes closed." He was right. Merlin it was terrifying being seen. I'd never known what it was like to truly engage with a member of his house. "I'm Ravenclaw though," he went on. "So I don't allow others to do my work. I –"
"If you could let me get a word in," I cut-over him. "I was going to ask to compare schedules so that we can meet in the library to do it together." I wasn't going to let him walk all over me.
His eyebrows rose, his hair was even darker than Theo's, almost black. Longer than most guy's, it curled slightly at the ends, around his ears and neck. His eyes were a light green. "Really?"
"Unless you actually do want me to do the whole thing and just felt like lecturing me –"
"No, no. I meant it."
"Alright then." That was easier than I thought. "Are you free Thursday evening?"
"I'm pretty sure."
"Ok. Good." I turned away from him before thinking better of it – spinning to meet his curious gaze once more. "And for your information, I wasn't pretending to struggle with the charm, I was mastering the counterspell."
He grinned at me, showing off two perfect dimples in his cheeks. "I apologise then."
Nodding an acceptance I returned to my work, silently trying to sooth my frayed nerves.
By the time the class ended it was lunch time. As I walked with Blaise and Theo I couldn't quite get my interaction with Corner out of my head. He was nice to me. A little overbearing, sure but perfectly polite. As a Slytherin I was used to automatic malice whenever I spoke to any of the other houses, it wasn't something I felt I could change so I just accepted it. Other Slytherins reacted by returning that malice with more of their own. I didn't want the attention so I just let it wash over me.
Corner on the other hand didn't seem bothered with the house prejudices either giving me the impression that maybe my musings on the train had been right. War had changed everyone and perhaps it was for the better.
I just needed a chance to test my theory.
I was still deep in thought as I filled my lunch plate before Daphne pulled me out.
"Alyssa?"
"Hmm?"
"Have you been listening to anything I've said?"
I looked up at her, noticing finally that all eyes were on me bar two. Draco refused to look up from his meal giving me the stern hint that our interactions the other night were to be completely ignored. I couldn't find it within myself to care.
Feeling a little apologetic I answered. "Honestly, Daphne, no. Sorry I was lost in thought."
The others chuckled but she took it well. "Well, now that I have your attention, can we please be enthusiastic at your luck?"
"My… luck?" that was one word I'd never ever associated with myself.
"Your Charms partner?" She lowered her voice to a whisper. "Michael Corner has to be one of the sexiest guys in our year! Those dimples…" her tone was wistful. "And you get to spend quality time with him."
Uneasily, I glanced in Theo's direction. Since my conclusions the other night I'd been trying to gage reactions from him, half-hoping that the alcohol in my system made me imagine his feelings for my roommate. Nott looked away from us and down at his food, his knuckles instantly turning white around his fork.
Damn… I didn't imagine it.
"I guess," I replied cautiously. Considering him again in my mind I did see the appeal. Bright green eyes, dark hair, good height. Tall dark and handsome plus the dimples did really make him that bit more attractive.
"You guess?" Her voice was back to normal if not a louder volume. "Sometimes, Blackthorne I swear you are a machine rather than a teenage girl. So when are you seeing him next?"
"We're meeting in the library to work on Thursday."
Pansy leaned her chin on her hand, waggling her eyebrows at me. "And will work get done? We all know about that arithmancy section… perfectly situated out of Pince's eye line."
"Work will get done I assure you," I tried to keep the impatience out of my voice. I much preferred it when Pansy wasn't bothered with my existence. "Can we talk about something else?"
"Fine," Daphne allowed grudgingly and started asking about the syllabus for each of our subjects for the year. Blissfully out of their questioning I retreated back to my own thoughts, this time remembering to interact in the conversation now and again to avoid any further attention.
It was nice to get back to classes. I felt like my life was finally getting some structure back. My six N.E.W.T. subjects were turning out to be difficult, requiring a lot of work to stay on top of them but I felt I could manage. Two years ago not keeping up wasn't even a posibilty. This year, however I managed it I'd actually formed a resemblance of a social life which took a strangely large amount of time to upkeep. Not that I minded. It was… fun having people to walk with to every class. I thought I'd find it suffocating. I had Blaise and Theo for Charms, Pansy for Transfiguration – a budding relationship that I was never quite sure whether or not it existed. Daphne took Care of Magical Creatures with me, surprising since I didn't think anyone would go near Hagrid's class within my house. I'd always liked the gentle half-giant and it was fascinating to watch his half-brother help him contain the more dangerous magical beasts we'd studied. We all took both Defence Against the Dark Arts and Potions and that left Alchemy; a class that only Draco and I took.
I usually walked to that class alone.
The weekend came relatively fast, the days a whirlwind of new information and note taking. I was pleasantly relieved when Friday evening came, so much so that I decided to relax in the common room with the others. I usually avoided it, though I was... almost comfortable with my new circle of acquaintances, the exposure to the rest of the house was almost too much for me.
I sat next to Daphne, enveloped into her and Pansy's conversation. They knew I was more comfortable listening but still included me which I appreciated. Eventually, they began arguing about some price of hair potion in the latest Witch Weekly issue. Smirking a little I stood up to retrieve the issue, act as a referee and call out the correct price when I bumped into someone.
Stumbling back slightly I stared into the dull brown eyes of Miles Bletchley, a fellow seventh year and chaser for the Slytherin Quidditch team. At least he was before the war started.
"Sorry, excuse me," I mumbled and tried to slip past him. He side-stepped me however, blocking my path.
"Well look who's finally decided to crawl out of her shell," he grinned showing startlingly crooked teeth.
"I don't know what you're talking about." Knowing there was no chance to get past him I simply stood my ground, staring stonily at the teen and waiting for him to finish picking on me.
"You know, it's funny. All of us serving the Dark Lord would talk about your Father. Admiring his skill and cruelty… yet no one ever mentioned his daughter… of course his –"
"Don't." My tone was black. I would not talk about him with a stranger.
"You're a ghost. Forgettable and disposable. Tell me how does it feel that no one will ever remember you? You could die tomorrow and people would barely flinch."
"Enough."
Bletchley's eyes looked over my shoulder and I spun around to see Draco Malfoy standing a few feet behind me. His eyes the colour of steel as he stared daggers at Bletchley.
"What are you playing at Malfoy?" Bletchley hissed. I noticed a few of the others were watching us, curious of how this would pan out. "She's a nobody."
"Piss off Bletchley," Malfoy acted as if he hadn't spoken. "Your stench is annoying more than it usually is."
"Why would I care what you say? You're Dad's in Azkaban. You have no power to lord over us anymore."
"I don't need my father to hex into the far wall," his pale lips tilted into the coldest smile. "Bit of a shame if you couldn't try out for the team this year."
Bletchley's eyes narrowed and lowered to the golden Quidditch captain badge on Malfoy's robes. Blaise and Theo had stood up too and taken slow steps to stand behind Draco. He was out numbered and out played. It was easy to see why nobody had ever messed with the blonde wizard during his years at Hogwarts.
Mumbling inaudibly Bletchley pushed past me, shouldering me hard enough to stumble again. Draco scowled until Miles' form disappeared into the boy's dorm.
Releasing the breath I'd been holding I looked at Theo and Blaise. Draco had already returned to the couches as if nothing had occurred.
"Thanks," I said, not being able to stop the blush at all the fuss. "I could have handled it though."
"But you don't have to," Blaise said easily. "We stick up for our own."
I didn't know what to say, and the lump in my throat probably would have stopped me anyway. Instead I returned to the two girls, gathering up my books and using my wand to send them back to sit on my bed.
"Where are you going?" Daphne asked softly. I couldn't bear to meet her gaze.
"I need a fag."
"Are you – "
"I'm fine," I cut her off. She didn't seem convinced so I threw her a small smile. "Really."
Summoning my coat I left the Common Room casting a number of cloaking spells encase I ran into Filch. Not pausing once to catch my breath I jogged all the way to the fifth floor.
On reaching my destination I sat down, my breath laboured from the run. Taking in the view of the grounds I lit up, ignoring the sense of Deja vous that was quite overwhelming.
Especially when I felt a second presence standing behind me.
Not looking away from a parliament of owls that were hunting in the white light of a near-full moon I held the box of cigarettes out behind me, not flinching when he took one or when he sat down next to me. I couldn't bring myself to be disappointed that I wasn't alone. Solitude was becoming vastly overrated and it had only been a few days.
"Wanna know how to blow a smoke ring?" I asked casually, showing him what it was during my next exhale. The silvery loop shimmered and dispersed a few feet from my mouth.
I swear I thought I could hear the smile in his voice. "Sure."
Despite my mind furiously trying to make sense of the changes happening around me, for those next few hours all I felt was peace.