part three. hope you enjoy it, and i hope it explains anna's actions and motives a little. more notes down the bottom.
Anna spends a great deal of time just looking at the list on the fridge. Every time she walks past it, she reads it again. She mostly ignores the first point because, well. They aren't really at that stage yet, are they? Maybe in a few months it can be an absolute thing. But people need to have secrets, so it's okay.
She's still iffy on the sex thing, too, but that one, she's not quite as concerned about. It's way too early for sex to be a thing.
The thing with only ever dating two guys –two guys who usually took it upon themselves to take her out, to treat her – is that she's at a bit of a loss as to what to do. How to 'woo' Elsa. Because she does want this to work. She's too afraid of what will happen if it doesn't.
But she has a bit of an advantage. Sure Elsa's not quite the person, emotionally or sexually, Anna thought she was, but like. Elsa told her, ages ago, that if she had to choose (if she got the chance to choose) that she prefers girls to guys. Anna hadn't really understood at the time – guys were hot! – but now she can sort of see where Elsa's coming from. Girls are soft and warm, all smooth skin and gentle curves. Boys can be, but not always. Kristoff's strong and powerful, and that's pretty cool too. But he's not Elsa and Elsa's not him.
She's also got the home advantage – she sees Elsa everyday. They live together. This isn't going to be that hard.
She kinda feels sorry for Kristoff. He has to put in so much more effort.
She goes out and buys a bouquet of lilies, mostly because they weren't the most expensive and they smell better than roses. She also gets a box of chocolates, but forgoes a card because she's not really good at that sort of stuff.
And then she pauses because like... maybe it won't be enough.
So she turns around and heads back into the shop to get some food because dinner is a good idea. Dinner will help.
She gets some chicken and rice and Googles a recipe for risotto because she's not very good at cooking and this is easy. The kitchen looks like a complete disaster by the time she's done, but hey, she managed to finish before Elsa got home. She lays out the table with an actual tablecloth and opens a bottle of white wine, lights some candles, and waits.
And waits.
And waits.
An hour later, when the candles have burnt low and the food's gone cold, and the curling in her gut feels natural, she finally admits to herself that Elsa won't be home for dinner. It's after 8 and Anna's pretty sure she has a class tomorrow.
Well this was a fail.
She downs her glass of wine in one large gulp, and she blows the candles out to pack them away – or what remains of them – when she hears a voice outside the front door. Two voices, actually, and though she can't understand what they're saying, she knows who it is.
The door eventually opens and Elsa steps through. There's a blush on her face and a small smile on her lips. She closes the door and just leans against it, smiling to herself before she realises that she's not alone.
Anna's heart sinks as Elsa approaches, sort of because Elsa's eyes keep flicking from Anna to the table and back, so it's pretty obvious what she tried to do, but mostly because Anna knows what Elsa just did. She's wearing a pretty dress and looks sunburnt.
"I, uh, got you something," Anna says, desperate to get Elsa's attention off her ruined surprise and onto something else. She goes into the kitchen and comes out with the flowers and the chocolate. Elsa's eyes widen as she gives Anna a tight smile.
She doesn't take them. Instead, she looks away, fiddling with the strap of her handbag. It's pretty obvious what this is, so Anna just puts them on the table. She picks up the plates of risotto and leaves Elsa in the living room while she puts the food away, and when she comes out, Elsa's gone.
Oh. That hurts.
She doesn't want to tell Kristoff. Doesn't want to tell him that he's winning, that he got a date and she couldn't even give Elsa a bouquet of frigging flowers. It's embarrassing.
But he asks her what's wrong because she's not very good at hiding how she feels, and she can't help herself. She doesn't tell him about the dinner because thinking about that part makes her want to cry, but she tells him enough. When she's finished, he just looks at her for a second before saying, "Elsa's allergic to lilies."
How would Kristoff even know that?
She doesn't say that, though. She just bites her lip and mulls over a question. She doesn't really want to ask Kristoff for advice, but... well he's already had a date, so he obviously has some idea of what he's doing.
Of course, his first suggestion is, "Why don't you ask her?"
Anna can't really answer him. It's more than an 'I don't want to'. She's being a coward, but asking Elsa is like saying, "I don't know what I'm doing," and Anna can't do that. Elsa's never dated before, so she's going to be looking to Anna for guidance, yeah? So Anna has to be the best girlfriend in the world otherwise the whole thing isn't going to work, and she can't...risk that.
"Let's go on a date."
With another bouquet of flowers in her hands (not lilies this time), she's smiling at Elsa, who is currently hunched over a textbook. Anna has no idea how she can sit in such an awful position for so long, especially when there's a perfectly good sofa behind her. She cringes when Elsa stretches, her spine popping.
"Anna, I'm in the middle of an assignment," she says. Anna nods.
"Yep. Which probably isn't due for another month, knowing you." Elsa's lips tighten, and Anna knows she's right. "You need a break – your spine needs a break," she says. "So let's go do something fun."
Elsa sighs, but she puts her pen down and turns to Anna. She doesn't say anything for a moment, and Anna's quiet to let her make up her mind. When she does talk, she completely defies Anna's expectations.
"Why did you want to try this?"
Anna looks at her for a moment. She doesn't understand the question.
"Because...it's for the best?" she offers, and Elsa shakes her head.
"No, I mean-" She waves a hand between the two of them. "This. Dating separately before coming together. Why do you want this?"
And Anna's not really sure how to answer that. What answer is Elsa looking for? "I...don't want to lose either of you," she says, suddenly feeling very small. Elsa stands up and makes her way towards Anna, and Anna thinks that yeah, that's right. Now they can go on their date and she can catch up to Kristoff.
But Elsa stops just short of her. Anna holds out the flowers, and with very deliberate motions, Elsa pushes them back towards the redhead.
"I think," she says softly, "That you need to have a talk with yourself, because that...isn't a very good reason, Anna." She says it likes she's not trying to hurt her, like she's trying to be as gentle as possible really, but ouch that still stings. "You shouldn't be with people to make sure they won't leave you. You already know how I feel. You know how Kristoff feels. But if you're only with us so we don't leave..."
She trails off, but the meaning is clear. Anna just nods her head, grateful that Elsa backs off and returns to her textbook. She isn't looking at Anna anymore, which gives her the chance to escape into her room.
Anna wants to cry but she doesn't even know why. It's not like Elsa was mean or anything. She sniffles and wipes her face and steels herself.
She's just going to have to try harder.
"How was your day?"
Kristoff's marinading some fish that he and Elsa had caught that afternoon. Anna'd heard her roommate go out after their conversation, but it had been Kristoff who returned. It wasn't a date, he said. They were just hanging out.
Anna still thinks it's a date.
But now he's here with Anna because he'd wanted to cook for her, so it's just the two of them. He grins at her and wiggles the fish. "Pretty good. Elsa caught this one – I didn't even think the lake had rainbow trout this big." His smile becomes a little wider, and Anna can see the pride in his face.
Maybe she should try fishing again...
He's actually wrapping the fish in foil when he asks, and Anna shrugs and bites her lip.
"I get the feeling..." she starts, "that Elsa doesn't like flowers."
And of course that's a lie but how can she tell Kristoff her woes when he's succeeding? She's not going to cry because she's not going to be weak in front of him.
Kristoff gives a sympathetic frown and pulls her into a hug.
"How'd you do it?" she asks into his chest. His arms feel nice wrapped around her, and she snuggles in a little further. "What did you say to her?"
He leans down and presses his lips to her hair. "I don't think it works that way," he says. "She already cares about you – so much, Anna. She just...needs to know that we care about her too." And Anna feels even worse because when she tries to answer her voice breaks. So she takes a breath and tries again.
"How can I show her I care when she won't let me?"
"I think," he says slowly. "I think you need to figure out why she won't, and see where that takes you."
Tiredly, Anna nods her head. She doesn't say anything else, and they don't move until the timer's gone off and dinner is ready. They don't talk about Elsa for the rest of the night.
Anna's barely awake when she stumbles into her 8am Tuesday lecture on English Words and Grammar. The whole room smells like caffeine, which kind of makes up for the fact that she didn't have time to grab a cup o' joe for herself. One of her classmates, Megara, shoots her a wave that she barely answers because fuck 8am lectures.
She slides into her seat about two seconds before the professor walks in. He's old and slow and horrible with technology, so she's probably got about ten minutes for a power nap before he actually starts the class.
Or, she would have, had Megara not poked her in the shoulder. "Hey, Anna. Doing anything after class?"
Anna's a little surprised by the question, but only a little. She's hung out with Megara outside of class before. Gone to a movie or a club. They're- they're friends. Yeah. Not like, life-long forever-friends, but more like 'hey you got me through this class cheers!' friends.
So she shrugs. "Not really." Coz she doesn't. She's pretty sure that Kristoff and Elsa have a lunch date, which is good because it gives her a chance to brainstorm. She needs to- she and Kristoff, they need to have a date night. And she's still no closer to figuring out what Elsa wants from her. Maybe she'll pick Kristoff's brain. He's better at this than she thought he'd be.
She'd spent all of the previous day trying to think. The apartment was empty because both Kristoff and Elsa had a class, so she'd been able to blast Pentatonix and Google 'how do i make my boyfriend's girlfriend like me?'. It was supremely unhelpful. But, she's still got time to catch up.
"Cool. Wanna get an early lunch then?"
Anna doesn't have time to answer properly because the professor starts the lecture, but she still manages to nod to Megara.
They walk out of the lecture two hours later, tummies rumbling in hunger and minds crying out in pain. Anna's pretty sure she didn't learn a single thing the whole lecture.
It's only early, but lunch is definitely a very good idea. Anna's checking her phone for any notifications when she hears Megara stop walking. She looks up, but Megara isn't looking at her.
"Hey dude, isn't that your roommate with your boyfriend?"
And yeah, it totally is. Kristoff and Elsa are taking advantage of the weak sun, sitting on the lawn and soaking up as much as they can. They have their textbooks out and Elsa keeps stealing all of Kristoff's highlighters. Her laughter reaches Anna's ears, and her heart sinks just a little because why won't Elsa let her do that?
They stop for a second, Elsa saying something to Kristoff. Anna can't hear what she said but it doesn't matter anyway because it all goes to shit.
Kristoff leans forward and kisses Elsa. Her hands come to rest on his cheek and they break away, smiling until Elsa steals another pen.
But that isn't the 'going to shit' part. No, it goes to shit because Anna's too slow in holding Megara back. The brunette springs forward, already swearing at Kristoff and Elsa from across the lawn.
God, how hadn't they thought of this eventuality?
She stumbles towards them. There's only like, three people who aren't blatantly staring at the scene because drama. And it's not like they're unknown, either. Kristoff's on the hockey team. Not that they've been playing much lately – it's outdoor hockey, not ice hockey, so they've been off for winter – but his name and his face are still framed all around the gym coz he's been doing it for years.
Megara seems to have run out of steam by the time Anna gets there. Neither Kristoff nor Elsa had attempted to interrupt her, and it's actually Elsa who stands up. There's warmth in her eyes when she looks at Anna, and it makes Anna just feel like hugging her because that would be nice. But then Elsa turns to Megara and says in a small, but not weak, voice, "This is none of your business."
There's complete silence for a moment before Megara guffaws and points straight to Anna.
"God, you're not even gonna lie about it? Wow, I didn't peg you for a cheater, Kristoff, but-"
"Enough."
It's hard to tell who spoke, and when Anna realises that she was the one who said the word, she surprises herself. Her voice is small, too, but it's weak where Elsa's wasn't. "Don't- I know. We're- this is our business, but Kristoff isn't cheating and Elsa's not being the world's worst best friend, okay?"
She glances down to where Kristoff's sitting, and he gives her this massive proud smile that kind of vanishes because Anna's eyes are slowly filling with tears and she doesn't even know why.
This is so hard.
She walks away, then, or tries to. Tries to storm off but she ends up wiping her face on her sleeve before she's really gone, so everyone must know.
By the time she's left the lawn and rounded the science building, she's exerted most of her energy. She'll need a huge chocolate sundae after this. She leans against the brick wall and wipes her face again, and only has to wait a couple of seconds before the one voice she really wants to hear calls her name.
Without any hesitation, Elsa pulls her into a hug. "I'm sorry if we made you upset," she says. Anna's pretty sure that Megara and Kristoff have followed too, but she doesn't really care because Elsa's holding her.
Anna shakes her head against Elsa's shoulder. "'S not your fault," she says. "I like seeing you and Kristoff happy." And it's true. They both looked so carefree, and it's exactly what they deserve. But... where does Anna fit in? So she swallows her tears and murmurs her fears against Elsa's smooth skin.
"I don't want you to take Kristoff from me," she says, before sniffling again. She lifts her head because she can't bear not looking at Elsa anymore. "But I don't want him to take you away either. How greedy is that?"
She gives a self-deprecating laugh because, wow, it's pretty obvious that she's losing both of them. But then Elsa's arms move from around her shoulders and her hands cup Anna's face. And Anna knows what she's going to do, can see it coming from a mile away, but she can't convince herself it's coming until Elsa's lips actually touch hers.
It's warm and wet and heavy, and Anna reaches out blindly, searching for something. Her hands mess in Elsa's hair, trying to deepen it even when Elsa starts pulling away.
"I care about you so much," Elsa whispers against Anna's lips. "Kristoff cares about you. But you need to take that leap to open up and find out what you really want. Why you want it. And you need to do it for yourself, otherwise it won't work."
"Can't we just go back to how it was?" Anna asks softly. There's more space between them, and the charged atmosphere has changed. This time, she recognises it. "It was perfect then, and it'll be even better now."
Elsa gives a sad little smile, one that hurts far more than it has any right to. "No, it wasn't, Anna."
And then she's walking back to Kristoff and Megara. Anna licks her lips, the taste of Elsa still coating them, and resolves to up her tactics. They'll wait for her to catch up, but for how long? How long until they grow sick of her...her incompetence, and decide that two is better than three?
Elsa and Kristoff leave, and Megara approaches Anna where she's still leaning against the wall. She doesn't say anything, which Anna is extremely grateful for. They have an awkward lunch that gets a little better after Anna's had a chocolate-coated churro, and she manages to forget her relationship woes until she arrives home to an empty apartment.
How the fuck is she going to convince Elsa to go on a date with her?
Maybe, she thinks, if she spends enough money, Elsa won't say no. She immediately throws that idea in the bin because- well, it wouldn't be wasting money, as such, but... she gets the feeling that a huge gesture isn't what Elsa's looking for.
Elsa's said as much. She wants something else from Anna, and Anna's getting the feeling that she's not quite ready to give it just yet. Kristoff's words ring in her mind, but figuring out why Elsa won't let her near is hard.
She manages to go on a date with Kristoff one Friday. They plan to go see a movie afterward, but that ends up being cut because Anna's just not feeling it. It reminds her of the Chinese date, but this time, there's no Elsa sitting next to her. She doesn't understand what Elsa means – they were perfect, dammit! How did that disappear? How did it change?
They're in Kristoff's old pickup, driving home when she thinks of the answer – or, perhaps, the catalyst for such a change.
"Why did you tell me you kissed Elsa?" she asks softly. "Why didn't you just sleep with her? Or why didn't you just...keep it to yourself?"
She gets the feeling she already knows the answer, but she lets him tell her anyway. It isn't quite what she expected, but close enough for her to think she'd been correct.
"I told you...because you deserved to know," he says. His voice is hardly any louder, and it's got a tone that Anna doesn't recognise. Only when he continues does she notice it for what it is: vulnerability. "I...didn't want to cheat. Even if we were sleeping with her, it was something we did together, not on our own."
Anna's stomach seems to bubble and overflow with bile and the food she'd eaten not that long ago. She wants to be sick, but that would be a dead giveaway, so she fights it down.
And then, in a voice so small Anna almost doesn't recognise it as Kristoff's, he says, "I...wanted you to react differently. Tell me you felt it too, maybe we should be doing this differently..."
"You wanted Elsa to be part of this – part of us – then," she concludes numbly. She doesn't ask why he didn't just come out and say that because she knows already.
But then he surprises her by pulling over. He stares out the front window, and he's still staring when he asks, "Why didn't you tell me?"
And all the breath leaves Anna's body in one fell swoop, and she manages to utter out a, "Tell you what?" before Kristoff decides to look at her.
He fixes her with a look that she can barely make out beneath the weak street lamps, and says, "You're not as quiet as you think you are."
Oh god he heard her. Heard them. Anna's whole body has gone cold, her breath coming in little gasps because he did the right thing. She didn't. Why is he even still with her? So she curls in on herself, wraps her arms around her sides and fights down the sniffles, and she says the first thing that comes to mind.
"I didn't want you to stop them."
And the whole world seems to freeze. Kristoff freezes. Anna squeezes tighter as the pressure behind her heart strengthens, and continues because she needs to fill the silence with something. Even if it kills them in the long run. If there even is a 'them' after tonight.
"I wanted her when we- I...did that. She was mine and I was hers and I liked that. I was scared that if I told you, you'd stop me. This. The whole arrangement."
She hears him suck in a breath. "Anna," he says softly, "It was your idea to stop it."
Her eyes pinch shut and she forces out an unsteady nod. When Kristoff doesn't say anything else, it's obvious that he wants more.
But she can't give anything more. It was a stupid idea, and a stupid plan. A stupid decision by a stupid little girl. She can't even recall why she'd ever thought it was a good idea, because all it's brought her is pain.
"I... I'm sorry..." she rasps. Her head falls against the cold window, but she can't seem to feel anything but her swollen eyes, stinging from tears sitting there.
She murmurs those words over and over again, because she doesn't know, anymore, how else to show just how sorry she is. Elsa won't accept any other form. Probably wouldn't accept if Anna prostrated herself in front of the entire school, begging.
Kristoff would be better off with Elsa, if he just dumped Anna and moved on. Anna's the one who just keeps on fucking up.
But then she feels his hand on her knee and him looking at her with a soft half-smile.
"Anna, I'm not angry." His words are soft and they sound like the truth, but they can't be because Anna cheated on him. Cheated and was just going to lie about it forever. "We never...decided on any rules. We never said it would only be 'all or nothing' where Elsa was involved. I...stopped it because I felt like I was betraying the arrangement. I'm not angry or upset with you."
She wipes her nose and sniffles because it isn't supposed to work out like this. It's all supposed to go to shit when someone cheats.
But... Kristoff doesn't think she cheated. He still loves her, and he loves Elsa.
"I don't deserve you," she sniffles. "Either of you."
And Kristoff unbuckles his seatbelt and leans over to Anna. His arm comes to wrap around her shoulder, pulling her close, and it's kinda awkward because of the centre console. "This isn't about who deserves what. We care about you, Anna. But this...hiding...isn't doing anyone any good. You're beating yourself up and...and breaking the first rule!" His words aren't harsh. There's a lilt, like he's joking or sharing an in-joke.
"No secrets," Anna says softly. But, what he's talking about, that- that's not a secret. It's just something she doesn't like talking about.
But the look he gives her is so sad. Maybe...maybe she needs to talk about it.
Is Elsa refusing dates because Anna's not saying something? Why does it even matter?
"I'll try," she whispers, and it's good enough for Kristoff because he places a kiss on her temple and does his seatbelt back up.
Elsa wanted her to find out what she wanted, and why. And Anna knows – has known since the beginning, really, but she's been too much of a coward to face it.
They make their way home and cuddle in bed until it's time for Kristoff to go. She's not able to convince him to stay the night, and she realises, maybe for the first time, just how big the space is when there's no one left to fill it.
She tries asking again, only to fail. And at this point it just...cuts a little harder each time Elsa says no. Hurts a little deeper. Anna knows Kristoff's at the kissing stage – saw it with her own two eyes. And, they have been going on a lot of dates – and at first she could brush it off. But it's been weeks at this point, and if they're not already sleeping together then it won't be long. It can't be long, not if their relationship began with sex.
Elsa's almost to the stage of sleeping with Kristoff, but still refuses a bouquet of fucking flowers? Ouch.
They even have a date that night, so while they're enjoying a nice meal at a local restaurant, Anna gets to enjoy Kraft Easy Mac and a bottle of wine (because she kind of needs it at this point).
When Elsa gets back about two hours later, Anna's sufficiently tipsy, and has had enough time to brood and ponder and make herself sad.
"Why d'you hate me?" Admittedly, not the most eloquent or thought-out sentence; apparently, Elsa agrees, if her frown is anything to go by. It doesn't help that it's the first thing that tumbles from Anna's lips, just after Elsa's put her stuff away and is leaving the kitchen to go to bed.
"Pardon?"
Anna's sitting at the table, finger trailing through the water rings left by her glass. The mostly-empty bottle is next to an even emptier glass, so maybe Anna is drunk, but, ah to hell with it.
"You have to hate me," she says, "Coz if you loved me you wouldn't keep saying no..."
Elsa huffs and steps forward. She picks up the bottle of wine and says, "I'm not having this conversation with you," before screwing the cap on and putting it back in the cupboard. She comes back for the glass, and Anna snorts.
"'Course you aren't," she says. "You like bein' all cryptic and not telling me what you fucking want and goin' off with Kristoff. Betcha only agreed to this so you could have a shot at him-"
She's cut off by the sound of breaking glass. Elsa's dropped the glass and her entire frame is trembling. She's looking at Anna with wide eyes. Anna does a mental victory dance before realising- oh shit is Elsa crying?
She is, and she wipes her eyes as she says, "Is that the kind of person you think I am? The kind that would screw over her best friend to get the chance to screw her boyfriend?"
No- that's not- Swallowing thickly, Anna shakes her head. "Mm sorry. Didn't mean that..." Great she made Elsa angry and sad. Of course Elsa won't agree to a date now.
She tries to fight back the sniffle because she's sick of crying, and she doesn't even deserve to after she hurt Elsa, but she can't help it anyway.
The chair next to her slides out, and Elsa slides in. And she's still crying a little too, but not as much.
"What's the problem, Anna?" she asks softly. "What's so bad that you accuse me of being like that? Why are you so scared of us leaving you?"
Anna wipes at her eyes and tries to catch her breath. Her best answer is, "Ask Kristoff. He knows," because she can't bear to open that can of worms. But Elsa gives a sad frown that's only augmented by her still-red eyes.
"That's a bit of a cop-out, don't you think?" Wha-? "It's not...Kristoff's place to tell me these things. If...if you want us to work out, you need to go that distance too."
She sucks in a breath and then continues. "Kristoff and I are sleeping together."
Anna bites back the little whimper at that, but she's unsuccessful. Elsa looks away.
"I'm not telling you to- to be mean or spiteful. I just... this is the only part not working."
"You're not saying yes!" Anna cries out. It could work, if Elsa only gave her a chance. But she's being stonewalled at every turn. Every gesture ignored. What more can she do?!
Elsa just shakes her head. "You know what you need to do, Anna. You even suggested Kristoff do it. But until you own up to it yourself, this," she indicates between them, "can't happen. I...can't go through that pain again. You're...you're the one who called it quits. If this is going to work, you need to talk to me."
She's slowly building up her courage. She's stopped asking Elsa on dates because she knows why Elsa's saying no. Knows what she has to do but doesn't know how.
She comes home early from class one day. She's got a headache and the lecture's online anyway. The apartment is dark, which means Elsa's either out or taking a nap, so Anna dumps her schoolbooks on the couch as quietly as possible and creeps towards her room.
She pauses outside Elsa's room when she hears a little noise; bites her lip and wonders if it's a good time. She just...wants a hug, really. They don't talk anymore and that hurts. Even now it feels like Kristoff spends all his time with Elsa (which isn't true and it isn't fair, but Anna's insecurities are much louder than her logic).
Her hand lifts to knock on the door but- what if Elsa's asleep. Probably wouldn't gain her any brownie points to interrupt that. So she pushes the door, letting it swing open silently.
What she expected is certainly not what she got.
Kristoff's in there too. With Elsa. God. There's so much bare skin Anna's not really sure where to start – and sheknows she shouldn't be looking, should just shut the door and walk away, but more than anything she wants them again. The two of them, together. And maybe this is how Elsa felt, on the outside looking in, but it doesn't console Anna any.
They're moving together, if it could be called such. They're in the middle of Elsa's bed, and she's sitting on his lap. The way her hips move, it's pretty obvious what they're doing, with or without the nudity. But they're so quiet. Elsa's forehead is pressed against Kristoff's, her hands on his cheeks as she murmurs something to him.
And he has this expression that- well, he doesn't normally look like this. He looks...relaxed. Open. His lips blindly seek out Elsa's, and she leans down and answers. God it all looks so...so soft.
Anna closes the door then, and backs out into the living room. She sits on the couch and thinks about nothing but the way Kristoff looked. Even- even Elsa, or what Anna could see of her.
They're so compatible. Kristoff had never looked at her that way.
May arrives, and with it, warmer weather. They trade their jumpers and scarves for lighter long-sleeved shirts and thin beanies.
She's also given a whole weekend to figure out what to do because, well.
Elsa's dad died.
She hadn't cried when she heard the news. Just sort of... sat there numbly. The funeral is on a Friday, so Elsa's going down a few days early to be with her mom, and not getting back until the following Monday.
Anna doesn't really know much about Elsa's family situation, except the only other emotion she seemed to show was surprise that her mom had bought her a plane ticket. That's good. Means she doesn't have to drive. They – both of them – offered to come with her, but she'd refused.
Her flight is about 6am Wednesday morning. They all fall asleep on the couch together, Elsa in the middle. She still hasn't cried, but she's even quieter than normal.
Anna sets an alarm and actually manages to wake up before Kristoff or Elsa. She wants them to sleep as long as possible so she brings out Elsa's stuff. She dumps the bag as quietly as she can on the kitchen table before returning to Elsa's room to check if she's missed anything.
Elsa hasn't packed her computer. Maybe she'll want it? Anna's not sure – whenever she goes home, she always takes her computer. Then again, she's never had to go home for her dad's funeral, so there is that.
She ends up shrugging and deciding, maybe, to just pull it out and put it on the table. Elsa can decide then whether she's gonna take it. Can always put it away later if she doesn't.
But then Anna gets tripped up because where the frick is the charger? She doesn't bother to stay silent because she's pretty sure that their alarm will go off at any second anyway, but she still tries not to be too noisy as she moves Elsa's stuff around. The charger isn't on top of the desk and it's not plugged in, so Anna starts checking the drawers. It's not in any of them but what she does find is far more interesting. Well. Interesting enough to send her heart lurching and throat burning.
She slumps onto Elsa's bed, hand gripping the ticket that wasn't redeemed. She doesn't hear the second alarm go off, but it must have because she's still sitting there when Elsa walks in, bleary-eyed and confused.
"What're you doing in here?" Elsa asks, sounding more puzzled than angry. Anna starts at the words, before sinking back into the chair. Her eyes fall to the ticket in her hands, and she knows, by the sharp inhalation from Elsa, that she's seen it too.
"I don-" she begins, eyes wide, but Anna looks up and gives a soft smile that cuts off anything she might have said.
"It's okay," she says. "We knew. Not...not before, but after. It was kind of obvious, once we... I... stopped blinding myself." Swallowing thickly, she lets her eyes return to her lap. "I'm... I'm sorry, Elsa. M-maybe you already know, but everything was me." She has to blink rapidly a few times because her eyes have started watering. She's sosick of crying. "I refused to talk to Kristoff, I... ignored your feelings. An' I was- I made the choice to- to kick you out and I'm so sorry for that."
Their eyes meet, and for a fraction of a second Anna has a perfect view of Elsa before it's hindered by her swimming eyes.
She looks away, ashamed.
But then Elsa's moving towards her and sitting on the bed. Her head rests on Anna's shoulder, willowy fingers seeking freckled ones. They stay there together, in silence, until Kristoff knocks softly on the door. Anna jerks up, not expecting the interruption. Kristoff offers a small smile and a, "It's time to go,"
He returns to the kitchen, and Anna feels Elsa squeeze her hand a little tighter before letting go.
"I forgive you," Elsa says softly. She doesn't say anything more.
The drive to the airport is silent. There are few cars on the road, and Kristoff's stereo is broken. Anna sits alone in the back seat. She has a perfect view out the front windshield and, subsequently, at Kristoff's hand, intertwined with Elsa's.
This time, though, it doesn't leave her cold. It fills her heart with something that she can't really name. It's not love. It's not warmth. But it's something.
The airport isn't busy, which means it takes Elsa no time at all to get to customs. She pauses there for a moment, and Kristoff relinquishes his grip on her roller-bag.
"I'll see you guys next week..." she says softly. Kristoff hugs her first, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. The customs officer is watching them because there's no one else around, and the only reason Anna notices is because she's not. Because watching Kristoff and Elsa kiss – properly kiss – feels... like an invasion of privacy. And maybe it's because she's seen them do other things, but it doesn't matter.
And then Elsa's in front of her, pulling her into a hug. There are so many words between them, but this holds none of them. Elsa's head is buried in Anna's shoulder, and Anna almost thinks that maybe she's finally going to cry.
But, her eyes are clear when she pulls away, even if the smile she gives isn't entirely natural. Her eyes are so blue, and so close, and Anna asks a question that she didn't even realise was on her mind.
"Can I... kiss you?"
As soon as she voices it, she has to bite her lip because no, she doesn't get to ask questions like that. Elsa's eyes widen just as Anna feels her heart sinking, but then she does something unexpected.
She nods.
Anna wastes no time in leaning forward.
Elsa's lips are soft and warn, and not entirely her own. There's a foreign flavour – Kristoff – and as much as Anna wants to run her hands through Elsa's hair, press deeper and harder, she knows that now isn't the time or place. There's a wetness on her cheeks, and when she pulls back she realises that it's not Elsa's tears, but her own.
And Elsa just offers a small smile and wipes below Anna's eyes with her thumbs. Then she's picking up her bag and handing over her passport, leaving them behind.
Anna links arms with Kristoff, and they stay until Elsa's completely vanished. She's not crying anymore, but it doesn't matter. This time, the tears were...nice. Good. Not unwanted. She lets Kristoff lead her out.
She has no idea what she's feeling anymore.
They get a message from Elsa a few hours later. She's safely landed, and on her way home. Kristoff responds to the message because Anna's still too sleep-addled to think clearly. As soon as they'd gotten back, they went straight back to bed. It's Wednesday, and neither of them have class.
Anna stays in bed while Kristoff gets up. He's much better at early starts, and better at sticking to routine. She can hear him rummaging in the fridge, in the few precious seconds of consciousness before she falls back asleep.
When she wakes up again, it's a few hours later and probably late morning. Still doesn't wanna get up, but she needs to pee and her tummy's rumbling something fierce.
But, Kristoff's on the couch watching something, so she just kinda collapses next to him. His arm comes to wrap around her shoulders straight away, and he's warm against her.
"Wanna go out for breakfast?" he asks. Not coz he hears her stomach groaning or anything, but just because he's thoughtful like that. So she gives a shrug that definitely leans more towards 'sure', and they both get up to get ready.
Kristoff's still wearing his pyjamas, and Anna knows her hair must look pretty terrible. She's halfway brushing it when she peers into her room, because she's just had an idea for where, exactly, they can go for breakfast.
Except that Kristoff's kinda shirtless, and oh yeah. Anna hasn't been laid in like. A coupla months at least. She puts her hairbrush down and makes her way towards Kristoff because she kinda maybe really wants to uh. Sleep with him. Now.
But she doesn't go straight up to him. Just hovers by the door, biting her lip. Kristoff's already pulled a shirt on before he notices. He sends her a funny look, and for the first time ever, Anna's not really sure how to proceed.
"Everything okay?" he asks, and she gives a little nod.
"Kinda...had an idea," she says. He gives an encouraging smile, so she takes a breath and continues with a, "D'you... wanna have sex?"
Inwardly, she cringes. Who actually asks that? He's always been receptive, open to her kisses. Why didn't she just go up to him and ask like that?
"Anna-"
"I mean, it's been a while," she continues, softly and hurriedly. "For me, I mean. I think- Elsa said you were, um, sleeping together – and that's okay! Not- you're definitely allowed to. But I just... miss doing that too..."
He kinda just looks at her for a second, mustn't be understanding. Yeah, it was a stupid idea. Maybe he thinks it's another like, 'ooh Elsa's gone let's get freaky' but it isn't.
She just... well yeah. Misses it.
But maybe he does understand because he gives a grin and steps forward. His hands cup her cheeks, moving her head so they can meet halfway in a heated kiss. It's hot and desperate, and not really like Kristoff at all.
Anna's not sure where she wants her hands to be. They scratch at Kristoff's chest before descending, fiddling with the hem of his pants. It tells him, more than anything, what she wants to do, and when his lips slide to her throat, hands moving to palm her breasts, she finally unclasps the button and pushes them down.
"Bed," she manages to force out, between Kristoff sucking a hickey into her throat and feeling the weight of him in her hand.
They spend the short distance discarding clothing. Anna's glad she brushed her hair first, otherwise it would get in the way of everything.
She falls back against the bed, Kristoff almost collapsing on top of her. She can feel his dick pressed against her inner thigh, and she kinda really just wants to get into it. It's been so long since she was filled, hasn't even gotten herself off in a coupla weeks because she just hasn't felt like it. Now, though, she's just wet and aching and not close enough.
But Kristoff doesn't enter her. He wraps his lips around her left nipple, sucking and nipping. His teeth trace the tender flesh around her areola, but he doesn't actually bite. He never bites.
Suddenly, Anna stills. Her eyes widen, and he stops to look at her. Kristoff opens his mouth, probably to ask what's wrong, but Anna leans forward before he can and catches his lips. God all she wants is for him to fuck her – push her against the bed and bruise her, make it so she can't walk. Make it so every time she moves for the next three days, she'll think of this.
But... he doesn't like that. He likes... soft sex. Eye contact and little noises and closeness.
And she doesn't want to lie to him, so she shifts so they're lying side-by-side, and then shifts again until she's on top of him. He lets her move without question, but when they finally break apart, that same bemusement is swimming in his eyes.
"I...saw you and Elsa," Anna says quietly. "Didn't stay. Just. Saw how you looked with her. Th-thought we could try that too?" Her voice cracks a little as it goes up with the question. Kristoff smiles, but it's not like. It's not agrateful one. It sort of looks like he's humouring her, which. She's not sure what it means.
At least he's not upset at having been seen with Elsa.
"Anna," he says softly. "We can try whatever you want." He opens his mouth again, like he has something more he wants to say, but he doesn't say it. So Anna just kisses him because if it were important, he wouldn't stay silent.
It's a bit of a fight, at first. Internally. Because like, she... doesn't really do this sort of thing. Doesn't like it very much and she can't even say why. So each time, she gets a little too forward or a little too strong, she has to pull herself back and rein it in. They make out for at least 15 minutes without it getting anywhere, and by the end of it, she's just a frustrated, aching, wet mess.
She doesn't know how to continue. Surely Kristoff would enter her when he's ready? But. She's on top of him, and where his erection once pressed against her ass, she's mostly sure that he's not even hard anymore. Her hips roll against his naval, and she lets out a groan that she promptly tries to bite back because she's trying to be the best for Kristoff, and maybe he prefers her to be quiet.
"Don't hold back," he mumbles into the flesh below her ear. His hand squeezes her as, and she absolutely can't bite back the little sound she makes, or stop her hips from rolling again. As soon as she realises, though, she pulls away a little and just. Presses her head into his chest and wiggles it a little.
"But you like that," she whispers into his chest. "You like it when...when it's not as forceful..."
Kristoff's chest rumbles with a hum, and his hand moves up to rest at her lower back.
"I like it being...slower than you do. I like it with Elsa because...the orgasm doesn't matter. But Anna, just because I like that doesn't mean you have to like it. It doesn't devalue what you do like. Okay?"
She shakes her head again. "Don't understand," she says, and she thinks Kristoff's smiling when he speaks.
"Don't have to," he says. "Just gotta know that I love sleeping with you because you love it. I like doing things together. And just coz I do it a different way with someone else doesn't mean I don't like the way we do it. Bet you and Elsa are different to me and you, too."
That brings a little smile to Anna's face, and this time, she nods. They'd return to kissing and nothing more is said. Doesn't need to be said.
It's the night before Elsa's dad's funeral, and it's the first time she's cried about it. Anna's forced to listen over a stupid loudspeaker with Kristoff, because there's no other way to comfort her.
And Anna almost feels a little...guilty. Because she's leaning against Kristoff as he rubs her shoulders, because the sound of Elsa crying makes her want to cry.
She slowly stops crying, but that's probably more because it's getting late. The funeral is at eleven, and the wake is at Elsa's home afterward. They're just about to hang up because it's past midnight and Elsa needs to go to bed, when she says something that makes Anna and Kristoff pause to look at each other.
"I wish you were here..."
Kristoff rushes to comfort her, an "Elsa...we'll come down if you want," falling from his lips. Anna doesn't say a word, and there's complete silence on the line for few seconds before a fresh wave of sobs ring through. That, and one tiny little word.
"Please..."
They stay on the phone as they pack their bags, mostly because Elsa's still crying and they don't want to leave her like that. And it's more like, Anna stays on the phone while Kristoff packs their stuff. He's ready in ten minutes.
"Elsa, we're going to go now, okay?" he says. The phone's still on speaker, so they both hear her small, still-tearful 'okay'. "We'll see you in a few hours."
He's just about to hang up when Anna makes a little noise. "Umm..." It's enough to make him pause, which is enough to give her time to continue. "I'm... I'm not coming..."
There's a sharp intake of breath, and Kristoff's sending her a what are you doing she needs us look. Ana ignores him and turns to the phone. She flicks off the speaker and brings it to her ear as Kristoff throws his hands up and leaves the room.
"Hey, Elsa, you're off speaker, kay?" Anna says.
Elsa sniffles. "Need you," she mumbles down the line. Anna fights back tears because there's nothing she wants more than to gather Elsa in her arms and kiss her until everything's better.
But that's why she has to stay here.
"You have Kristoff," she begins, and Elsa chokes.
"But he's not you," comes the whisper, and god that hurts. Anna shakes her head even though Elsa can't see it.
"I can't, Elsa. It would be selfish. You don't- you don't need our drama at the moment. And I'll be here when you get back."
There's silence on the line for a few seconds, and Anna can feel Elsa thinking.
"I- whatever we are, it- it doesn't matter," she starts. "I d-don't need you as that. I just need...just need my friend..."
"Elsa, that... that might be all it is, for you. But if I came down it- it would be for selfish reasons..."
"... Fine."
The word is soft and sounds like it's been spat out. Anna's heart sinks. "Elsa, I'm sorry..." She hears Elsa suck in a breath.
"Fine," she repeats, a little softer. "I'll... see you next week."
"You know you can call me any time," Anna offers weakly.
"I know." It's the last words Anna hears before Elsa's replaced with the dial tone. She barely holds herself together because she still needs to see Kristoff off and she doesn't want to be crying.
"Give her a hug from me. Tell her I'm sorry," she whispers. Kristoff kisses her on the forehead.
"I will," he promises. "And... if you're doing this for the reason I think you are... I'm really proud of you."
Anna nods. She hopes she is, too.
She sees him off, stands on the footpath until his truck's disappeared around the corner. She only starts crying once she's back in the apartment, faced with an empty weekend. An empty bed, and... an empty heart.
Maybe... maybe she'll go see her mom on Saturday. It's been a while.
So, wiping her face she heads to bed. This is just one more thing she has to make up to Elsa.
Anna rocks up at her parent's place about mid-morning on Saturday. She'd spent the previous day doing absolutely nothing at all. Elsa didn't call. Kristoff did, just to update her. She'd hung up twenty minutes later, somehow feeling even emptier.
But her mom's waiting with a smile and a hug and has some several-day-old scones she'd made on a whim.
"So my daughter finally comes to visit her poor, ailing family," she quips as soon as they've broken apart. Anna offers a little smile, but her heart's not really in it.
"Hey, Mom," she replies.
It's been a while, she knows, but. Life got in the way, as horrible as that sounds. It's not like- Anna's family is local. Much more local than Kristoff's or Elsa's. And they do say that familiarity breeds contempt.
Plus, her mom is nosy and Anna doesn't like to talk about things. Usually. Right now, she kinda...needs to.
Her mom seems to realise that because she makes a pot of coffee and gives Anna the cat to hold onto and then doesn't say a single word.
It doesn't take Anna long to break, and she tells her mother everything.
She talks about Kristoff and Elsa, and their first agreement. She talks about their differences and similarities. Why she loves them. She tells how she fucked everything up and even now, she's trying to make it better. She even explains Kristoff's relationship with Elsa, because she needs her mother to understand that this time it's different. It's so different, because there's love and acceptance and no... secrets. Except for hers.
By the end of it she's sobbing. leaning against her mother, who just strokes her hair and lets it all happen.
"You've made a bit of a mess, haven't you?" her mom asks once she's calmed down some. Anna nods pathetically. "You're... in love with this girl? And Kristoff? And they... love each other, and you?" Anna nods again.
"But I keep... fucking up," she admits, candid in her words. "They're- Elsa's dad died. He's with her. And I could- couldn't go. How selfish is that?" She looks at her mother with wide, pleading eyes. "I- she asked me to come and I said no. Left her to deal with this on her own..."
A warm hand wraps around her shoulder and tugs her close, and Anna feels soft lips pressing against the top of her head. "I'm sure you had your reasons," she says. Anna shrugs. She did, but are they enough? Will Elsa forgive her?
Sniffling, she wipes her eyes with the back of her hand. "What do I do, Mom? She... she doesn't want to be with me..." Anna finishes quietly. "Hah, I mean... who really would?"
She hears a low hum before her mother answers. "You're wrong, sweetheart. I think Elsa does want to be with you. So much. But she's scared. You asked her to leave. She needs to be sure you're going to give just as much of yourself as she is..."
Anna sniffles. "What happened, before, with him—"
"—Hurt you. And that kind of pain is hard to move past. You lost your spark, your- your confidence. We lost our little girl. But I think that's a side of you that Elsa needs to see."
She's right. Anna knows she's right, has for ages. She just... needed someone to say it out loud.
"Can I stay here for a few days?" she says instead of anything else. Her mom gets it, probably even hears the reason why she's asking, even though she doesn't say it.
The apartment must seem pretty... unwelcoming at the moment.
So she just presses another kiss to her daughter's head. "Stay as long as you need, Sweetie," she says. "It's what we're here for."
She ends up spending the rest of the weekend with her parents. By the end of it, of course, she's ready to leave – family does get a bit... overbearing. It was nice, though. She should visit more often.
She gets a text from Kristoff early Monday morning. They're driving back together, leaving about mid-morning. It means they won't get back until probably close to dinnertime.
In a moment of panic, Anna sends Megara a message, asking if she wants to go see a movie.
It's stupid and cowardly but- no; Anna's going to talk to Elsa. She is. She just... needs a little time to build up her courage.
Megara ends up texting back, saying she can't make it. Well. Anna's almost tempted to stay at her parent's for another night, but that's not fair. She promised Elsa she'd be there when they got home.
Now, she knows she lied.
It's definitely past dinner by the time she leaves her parent's. Her mom gives her a lift because she doesn't have a car, and she's bringing some stuff back with her so buses aren't really an option. She manages to shoot Kristoff a message, because she doesn't...really want him to be home for this. He gets it, and he replies with a, "Good luck. You can do it."
It's enough to get her into the car. By the time she arrives home, she's trembling.
"Ring me if you need anything, okay sweetie?"
Anna can only offer a numb nod. She collects her bag and a box from the backseat, and with a forlorn wave at her mother, makes her way upstairs. Her heart has sunk into her stomach, and she feels like she needs to pee even though she knows she doesn't have to. She can only hope this is enough because...she doesn't have anything else to offer. This is it.
Elsa's sitting on the couch, waiting for her. Oh god.
She dumps her bag by the front door, but the box remains in her grip. She stares at it, unable to look at Elsa. Neither speaks, because they don't know what to say. Finally, Anna breaks it.
"How- how was the funeral?" she offers. Her eyes flick up in time to see a pained expression cross Elsa's face. She doesn't answer.
Instead, she asks, "Did you do a bit of shopping?" There's a hard edge to her voice and Anna can't say she's surprised. Swallowing, she shakes her head and steps forward.
"It's for you," she says, laying the box on the coffee table. Elsa shoots her a look, confused and wary, as she sinks into the couch across from her. Her stomach curdles and goosebumps rise on her arms. She crosses them to provide some small semblance of protection. It doesn't work; especially not when Elsa leans forward and carefully lifts up the lid.
Nothing. Elsa doesn't say anything at first, or do anything at all, really. She puts the lid down, and still staring at the white material in the box, asks in a strained voice, "Anna. What's this?"
It's pretty obvious what it is. It's a dress. More specifically, a wedding dress, with all its lace and puffs and... that's not what Elsa's asking.
Anna shrugs and in a small voice that cracks, says, "It's mine."
Elsa gives her the same confused expression, and this really isn't something Anna wants to talk about, but... but she has to. Elsa deserves that much.
"It's my dress," she says again, voice rising at the end. She takes a shaky breath to steel herself. "I was... nineteen, and my high school boyfriend asked me to marry him. I thought- thought it was love. He was nice and charming and... and I did love him."
She pauses to take a breath and sniffle. Sort of waits to see if Elsa's going to say anything, but she doesn't. And there's more to the story, and Anna needs to say it because if not now, then never, and that's not an option.
So she swallows again and keeps her eyes glued to the dress, even though it's getting blurry and she's feeling lightheaded.
"We got up to a week before the ceremony before he fucked up. I fucked up. Turns out he- he'd been cheating even before he'd asked me. One of the girls who'd always laughed at me about my hair, or... or my freckles. An- and then he blamed me for everything and called off the wedding..."
"Oh, Anna..."
Anna offers a pathetic half-smile and shakes her head. "D'you know the worse thing? For so long I still- I messaged him. Wanted him back. Would leave little notes and hope he saw them. I spent so long apologising..." She looks at Elsa, eyes shining. "He made me feel so inferior. Who would- who could love me, when the guy I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with... didn't."
She breaks then, finally. Her head rests in her hands as she shakes, not-so-silent sobs wracking her. They're rough and harsh, pulled from her lungs reluctantly. "You- you wanted honesty," she manages to force out.
She barely feels the couch shift as Elsa moves next to her. Then suddenly, warm arms are around her, her head buried in a soft chest. Elsa's fingers trail through her hair as she continues to shiver and shake, and it feels like hours before it finally lets up. Elsa doesn't move away, so neither does Anna.
"I'm sorry, Anna," are the first words Elsa says, and Anna's too tired to feel anything about them. "I'm so sorry that happened to you." There isn't a 'but' at the end. No reason or excuses. No telling Anna that she has to move on, or that it's been years, why is she still acting like this? "You... made a choice, and you got hurt," Elsa continues softly. "And that sort of pain leaves scars. Thank... thank you for telling me."
Anna sniffles. "You're supposed to leave me now," she says. Her face is pressed in the space between Elsa's boob and her shoulder, and she never wants to leave. But it's true. Elsa didn't sign up for this shit. It's not fair on Anna to force it on her.
But then Elsa does something unexpected. She pulls away, just a little, and smiles down at Anna. It's not a happy smile, it's more... soft. Encouraging. She wipes away the remnants of tears across Anna's face, and then says, in a voice so small that it barely penetrates the air between them,
"Anna... would you go on a date with me?"
so um. this was supposed to be a three-shot. i lied. there will be another chapter. i just don't know when. i can't end it here but the next part does deserve its own section (mostly because anna's woes deserve their own, too)