They find themselves at a 24-hour McDonald's, sitting next to each other and eating greasy cheeseburgers. Anna hadn't had dinner, and Elsa had been too stressed over her roommate's disappearance to eat.
They don't say anything. There's not much to say; they've already said it. Maybe later, but not now. Now, they're just savouring the others' presence. It's enough that they're pressed close against each other, no room between them. Sometimes Anna looks like she's about to start crying again and Elsa's not quite sure why. Anna fights it down and Elsa doesn't know the cause of it all until they get home.
"Thanks for that," Anna says softly. "Night..." And then she turns around and enters her room, leaving Elsa to stare after her for a second until her head catches up.
She hasn't completely made the connection, but obviously Anna feels like it's... what? Pity? Sympathy? But that's not true!
Elsa actually has to go into Anna's room because by the time her brain has caught up, Anna's just about to jump into bed.
"Do- do you wanna stay with me tonight?" she asks. Anna bites her lip, and Elsa can already see how much she does, but also how much she doesn't want to move too fast. "I really- I missed you," she continues. "Even though I'm... back home... I still need you..."
It doesn't take them long to get comfortable because even though Elsa's bed is smaller than Anna's, it just means that Anna has to hug her to stop herself from falling off. Their heads press close together, and their bodies even closer.
Elsa doesn't fall asleep – can't. Not because Anna's there, because she's honestly been the most comforting thing all weekend. Just having her arms around Elsa gives the blonde a sense of peace.
No, it's actually because Anna doesn't seem at peace. She closes her eyes and sporadically moves closer until finally Elsa can't take it and she asks what's wrong.
"I just... I never apologised," she says softly. "You needed me, at- at your dad's funeral and I couldn't do it. I was scared and I thought it was what was best but it wasn't because- because you sounded so sad, an—" she cuts off with a hiccup. She's working herself up but Elsa doesn't want to interrupt her. So, she just rubs her back and stays quiet. "I don't deserve you. You put up with all of my shit and for what? More shit? You and Kris are so good, and- and I reckon I'm good with him, too, but that was before you. Compared to you I'm shit. And I'm the common factor because you and me? It- why is it so hard?" Anna moves her head to gaze her tear-stained eyes into Elsa's. "Why is it so hard?" she repeats.
Elsa doesn't have an answer for that, and perhaps it would be cruel to make one up. So she just says, "I don't know..." and nuzzles her face into Anna's. She's right. Why is it so hard? They love each other, right? And love makes things easy, and perfect, and work. Except not this time.
So she just squeezes her a little tighter. "I don't know," she repeats. They don't fall asleep for a long time.
It's slow going at first, for obvious reasons. But, they try. They try really hard and it takes a little while but soon they do see some improvements.
Elsa takes her hand one day, about two weeks after their talk. They're on their way to class – separate classes, but they still walk all the way to the science block before they have to part. Anna has mixed feelings about this building. She always hopes Elsa will kiss her, like she did here, last time. It's only a fantasy, but a good one.
Except for the fact that the little bit of contact only makes Anna more desperate for intimacy. Not necessarily sex (though she still remembers how Elsa was. How soft and slow and fulfilling it was, sleeping with her), but just... more. Hugs and cuddles and handholding and laughing. Anything to be closer to Elsa again.
They start spending a lot more time around each other. Gone are the days of avoidance. Anna rushes from class so she can meet up with Elsa at the library or the coffee shop before heading back to the apartment.
Meg comments on her good cheer one day, and when Anna admits, shyly, that things between her and Elsa are improving, she actually beams and throws her arms around Anna in a one-armed hug.
"That's fantastic, Anna!" she says – whispers, really, because her mouth is right next to Anna's ear and anything louder would be overkill. Anna lifts her arms to wrap around Meg's waist, and she rests her head on her shoulder. It really is. Having the support of her best friend – only friend, really, aside from those she's dating – is actually... helpful. Like she's not alone. She has someone else she can talk to if she wants.
She can't hang around long because Elsa's waiting, but Meg doesn't seem to mind. "Save some time for me!" she says, throwing a cheeky smile and shooing her friend away. Anna turns around a little to wave at her.
"Of course!" she says. "You're my best friend!"
She's determined to get sex right, at least, with Kristoff. It shouldn't be suffering like it is, but each time they try it seems to barely last five minutes and just ends up leaving them both upset and unsatisfied.
So she buys a huge packet of variety condoms and they mutually decide that the super thin ones work better.
And they they just go at it.
Anna's on the bottom, looking up at him the first time he comes, but she's nowhere near her release. It doesn't work for her like that, so she rolls on her hands and knees and stays there. He goes to pull out but she just says, "Don't," and makes sure he doesn't actually go anywhere. He leans over her, fingers finding her clit but doing next to nothing for her. Maybe it's because he's still soft and it feels weird.
She moves a little, and he does go hard, but even when they both manage to orgasm, it doesn't feel good. She shudders, but they're not big, full-body quakes. The muscles contract for a few seconds before they fade and she kinda wants to cry because it's not working.
"One more time, c'mon," Kristoff says. "Try it my way."
So she does. She trusts him, even when he turns her around so she's on her side and he enters her from behind. It's the first time all day that he makes any noise of pleasure, and maybe that's what she's been missing. His pleasure.
Mostly. It doesn't- it makes something in her flare, but only for a moment. One of his hands presses softly into her clit while the other one massages her breast, but he's moving too slow inside her, so she starts moving.
When he comes for a third time, they still don't have the same equilibrium. They're dancing different dances to different tunes and she doesn't know how to make it better.
Sometimes... no matter how much you want something to work, it doesn't...
But no. She can't believe that. Won't. She and Kris, they'll find their groove again. She just has to hope.
The first time Elsa and Anna kiss, it's completely unexpected. When they start they don't seem stop and everything about Elsa, from her taste and her smell to how she feels pressed against Anna's body, it makes her want to give more. Give everything.
They're in front of the TV watching some stupid movie. Santa Claus Conquers the Martians. It's probably not supposed to be funny but every little thing cracks them up. It's a literal 'so bad it's good' film and Anna's enjoying the hell out of it.
They finally start calming down, letting out low sighs interspersed with little chuckles. Anna, still smiling, turns to look at Elsa just as the blonde does the same. She wants to tell her what an awesome idea it was, but she finds her breath catching in her throat.
And then Elsa's leaning over and kissing her, warm and sweet, and the only thing that runs through Anna's head is how she has to respond. Her hand comes up to rest at Elsa's cheek as they move closer and closer. It's so warm. Elsa's warm, and there's this heat, building in Anna's stomach and in her chest.
When Elsa's tongue softly probes her lips, mouth opening just a little more to enter Anna's, she feels like she could burst. By the time they part, out of breath and gasping, Elsa's on Anna's lap and Anna's possibly crying she's so happy. If she is, Elsa doesn't mention it. She just kisses her more.
This is perfect.
Anna's on cloud nine. Even though they didn't go any further, it's perhaps for the best. This is already such a huge step. And it opens the gate to even more. More handholding, more hugs. Even... even more kisses, which surprises Anna far more than she's willing to admit.
Kissing Elsa is amazing. Kissing her back is heaven.
It makes her want to scream from the rooftops; tell everyone that she's dating this wonderful woman. When she's invited to a frat party, it's the perfect opportunity.
Anna almost doesn't tell Kristoff, only because she wants to go only with Elsa. She hasn't really had much of a chance to hang out with her alone. Some girl bonding time and all that. Girlfriend bonding time?
But then, keeping secrets has always, always backfired. Going behind their backs, even though there aren't technically any rules about what she's doing, has backfired. And Anna doesn't like the feeling it brings. She wants to be able to go out with Elsa and not worry about Kristoff finding out. So, she brings it up to the both of them about a week before the party. Kristoff's playing Forza on the Xbox, and he kinda just gives a her a look that says, why would I be interested in that?. Which is fair enough, Kristoff doesn't really like going out. Plus, he has a hockey match the following day, so the last thing he needs is to be hungover. He'd rather stay home with his video game or go out fishing. Anything where he's on his own. Or at least, somewhere quiet and peaceful.
Elsa, though. She might like to come with.
Anna has to actually repeat the question, though, because her girlfriend is completely frazzled, bent over an assignment of some kind. And maybe the party will be a good sort of. Celebration. For handing it in. But when Elsa answers, there's actual pain in her eyes when she declines.
"I can't, I'm so sorry, Anna. I just- I have this assignment, and another one, and the professor has decided to move the exam up one week so it's next Monday and—"
"It's okay, Els," Anna interrupts. She ends up having to calm her down when Elsa works herself into a bit of a tizzy, and it's not really her fault but she tends to obsess. Anna's heart sinks when she finishes, because it's finally settled in that she won't be able to go, and that's disappointing.
But then Elsa pipes up, asking, "Why don't you take another friend?"
If Meg were the kind of person to squeal, Anna had a feeling that she would have.
"Oh my god! You can't get in without an invite – I'd love to go!. How... did you get in?"
Anna shrugs. "Some dude. Herbert, I think. Something like that."
"Hercules?"
"Sure. I helped him in gym class once and, I dunno. He wanted to invite me. I don't wanna go alone – and I totally owe you a party – so why not?"
Meg smiles. All teeth and dimples. It's nice.
They end up going to the shops that Thursday night to try and find decent outfits. It's a toga party but Anna has nothing – not even a spare sheet. Meg is surprisingly prepared.
"Eh," she'd shrugged when Anna asked. "I like Greece." That' a good enough answer, apparently, and they spend most of the day getting Anna's costume organised, along with jewellery and other shit. By the time the party rolls around that Friday night, they both look amazing. Meg's got like, this wonderful reddish-auburn hair and that, plus the flower crown and very-short-but-not-too-short dress makes her look. Well. Anna doesn't know the word but she knows she likes it.
They rock up and the only toga themed aspect is the clothes. Everyone's already in the beer and vodka, and there's some pretty contemporary dancing going on in the living room. Anna tries to pull meg into a dance first but she refuses until she's had at least three shots and a glass of something fun. She makes sure Anna matches it, too, so before long, they're both well on their way to getting buzzed.
They're on the dance floor in ten minutes.
Anna doesn't recognise the song, but she's also had very little time of late to watch TV or listen to the radio. Whatever it is, it's bass heavy and thumping. Already she can feel the alcohol going to her head (perhaps she should take it easy?), but it sort of doesn't matter. Not when Meg comes up behind her, hands on her hips and starts grinding.
Oh damn, Anna absolutely doesn't need any more alcohol. She has no idea how long they stay in the same spot, just moving together as they share space and air and heat. Meg's hands roam, not enough to be improper but certainly enough to light Anna's skin on fire. She twists at some point so she can face her friend, and at the same time Meg's arms come to rest on her shoulders. The songs change, from thumping dance beats to bass-heavy club songs, but Anna barely hears them. Somewhere in the back of her head, she knows there's a beat, and she knows she's following it, but there's so much more stimulation happening right next to her.
They break a few times for drinks – Anna tries to drink water every other glass, and is mostly successful. Meg is absolutely outdrinking her, and each time she does, she has a bigger smile, and a lighter voice. Anna slows down, if only so she can better appreciate it.
It's hot – both temperature and otherwise – and it doesn't feel like they've been out for more than forty minutes (though a glance to her phone confirms it's close to two hours holy fucking jesus how did that happen). It's no surprise they can't keep it up for much longer before they finally have to break away completely from dancing. Anna's exhausted and really, really hungry. Meg's disappeared, though Anna has a feeling she knows where she's gone. She grabs a drink first, because all the dancing has made her pretty parched (for something other than vodka). When she returns, Anna finds Meg leaning against a wall about ten minutes later, chatting to the host of the party. Anna's forgotten his name again. It doesn't matter. He's not what has her attention.
She just stands back for a moment, just watching her friend. It's rare, seeing Meg engage in other people. The woman is a bit of a loner – loud, but introverted where it counts. She's actually smiling at whatsisname, and when she notices Anna, it only widens.
"Anna!" she cries out. She opens her hands and beckons Anna forward, spilling half her drink at the same time. "Come say hi to Hercules!"
Oh yeah. That's his name. Stepping forward, a half-smile on her face, Anna lets Meg's arms come to wrap around her in an almost-hug. She's able to face Hercules and send him a wave and a, "Hey, man."
He returns the wave, just before glancing over the tops of the girls' heads. He must say something about mingling or welcoming other people. Anna's not listening because Meg, despite being fully conscious, is hanging off her like a dead weight.
They've been here for like, three hours at most at this point. And most of that was dancing. How much had she had after they'd split up? Anna can't even imagine how much Meg has had to drink (and Anna's getting the feeling that it's not because the alcohol is free that Meg has had so much). Meg adjusts her body just enough so that she's leaning, back against the wall, with Anna standing just in front of her.
"Hey..." she says softly. Anna has a sudden urge to know what she's thinking. She doesn't ask, though, because then Meg falls forward enough to rest her head on Anna's shoulder. "I wanna go home..."
It's an unexpected change, but once they start moving Anna can certainly see why. Meg can't walk straight at all – she keeps leaning into Anna, one arm around Anna's shoulders and another around her own stomach.
It's even more of a struggle to get her home. They, stupidly, walked. Well, perhaps not so stupid because Meg has to stop to throw up at least three times. Anna holds her hair from her face and rubs her back. Makes little cooing noises of empathy and runs to get serviettes, right into the very same 24-hour McDonald's she and Elsa had had their first date-not-date. Eventually she's just throwing up bile, but it still makes Anna sad to see.
"Had a bit too much, huh?" she asks softly when she's all puked out and they're sitting on the sidewalk to let Meg catch her breath. The poor girl just nods glumly.
"Feel like shit," she says, voice raspy. She's sounding a little more sober, but she definitely is going to need to get some water into her.
"How many did you have?"
Meg just shrugs her shoulders. Anna nods. There's not much more to talk about. "Let's get you home..."
At least Meg's home isn't much further. She lives on her own, which means she doesn't have to worry about waking up anyone else. Anna puts her on the bed and then goes to the tiny bathroom. There's a cup there, thank goodness, and Anna fills it as much as she can without spilling. Gives it to Meg and demands that she drinks all of it while Anna finds some clean clothes.
By the time she turns back to Meg, most of the water is gone, which is good enough at this point. Anna has to help Meg get changed, but she kind of expected that. Plus, it's not like she's never been in this position before.
At least Meg's just wearing a toga...
And actually, Meg has surprisingly cute pyjamas. Anna can't help the little smile when she notices the owls plastered all over the pants.
She fills the glass up again for her own drink, but she makes sure it's full when she puts it, along with a sleeve of ibuprofen, on Meg's bedside table.
"Night night," she says, heading for the door. Meg's voice stops her.
"Stay...?"
She's peeking out from under her covers, eyes sleepy. They're wide enough to see the trepidation there. Anna hesitates for a second before putting her bag down. It's only early. She's got time, and truthfully... she wants to.
So she does. Within moments she's sliding into the sheets next to Meg, toes wiggling against hers and faces lining up on the pillows.
Meg leans closer, hand coming up to rest on Anna's waist as they look at each other. Meg's got some hair in her eyes, and without even thinking as she does it, Anna lifts a hand to brush it away.
Maybe Anna's imagining things, but it kind of feels like Meg leans into it. Her eyes close and she leans just a little closer. "Thanks... Anna..." she says softly, just as her breathing evens out.
Anna stays until Meg's fallen asleep and after. She can't find it in herself to leave straight away.
Elsa's not getting a lot of study done. Her mind keeps wandering, mostly to Anna, but also to other things. Their lease is coming up, for one, and still, no one has a plan. For another, Kristoff's in the living room playing video games and she's already had to ask him to turn it down like, three times already. He does, but somehow it feels like it's just getting louder and louder.
... It's mostly Anna on her mind.
She wishes she could have gone, too (and at this point she probably would have gotten even more study done because at least then she wouldn't be wasting the time she had set aside.
Anna's probably having a blast. Elsa hasn't had much time to spend with her yet, and this honestly would have been the perfect opportunity. Kristoff wouldn't have come, so it would only have been them two.
Though, her track record with parties is really shit. The last time she was anywhere near club music and grog, she'd had to call Kristoff at some ungodly hour of the morning to pick her up. That whole night had been stupid.
She'd been stupid, if she's honest with herself. Picking up randoms. She doesn't even really have clear memories of the night, which only makes it worse because she knows it was entirely consensual. She'd just had to simultaneously agree to sex and also drink enough to block out most of it. Only stupid people do shit like that. She's pretty sure there was a joint, somewhere in there, but she doesn't know if she took it.
Even so, that's still stupid. Having sex with people she didn't know who were also in the habit of getting high. Jesus christ, what was she, a teenage rebel? She should have called Kristoff hours earlier, while she still had her wits and her intelligence.
Wait.
Elsa closes her eyes and tries to focus on a specific moment. At the club, drinking and dancing – grinding, really, on anyone who comes near. Pushing away a skeevy dude but then letting a pretty brunette with amber eyes tug her close, hands on her hips and squeezing. Sandwiched between her and a dude, all smiles. She remembers climbing into an Uber, sitting between her two new friends. Gasping as a hand slid into her shirt and lips found her own. Making out with the chick before stumbling inside their apartment. Eating her out just as the boyfriend slid inside. He hadn't stayed there long, entering his girlfriend minutes later.
He didn't have a condom on.
Oh fuck. He didn't have a condom on.
Elsa's on the pill – has been for years to deal with stupid fucking periods. That's not why she's concerned.
Stumbling from her room and out to meet Kristoff, she ends up collapsing on the couch with her breath coming short. It's harsh and loud, ragged spurts that are just not enough, and Kristoff (for all his obliviousness) actually notices. Elsa doesn't hear his game pause but she does feel his arms around her shoulders. They seem to calm her, but it's not perfect. His hand, rubbing circles onto her back, kind of is. She's still panicking, but it's enough for her head to clear and for her to get her bearings.
"I didn't- I wasn't safe," she stutters out eventually. The words are broken up by sobs and tears, streaming down her face and turning it a splotchy red. Kristoff, when she can finally focus on him, is staring blankly at her. He doesn't- he doesn't get it.
"When- when you came to p-pick me up. That couple. I was- wasn't safe..."
The colour drains from Kristoff's face, and that's enough to send Elsa into another spiral because oh shit, this isn't just about her. Her idiocy could ruin Kristoff's life. Could... could ruin Anna's...
Kristoff clears his throat. The cough cuts through the air because apparently this game's pause menu doesn't have music, but it's his words that make her flinch.
"I- we haven't. We've been safe."
Elsa has to swallow more tears before she can answer because he's wrong. "Not- not all the time. Is Anna...?"
Kristoff looks away. "She'll be fine. We don't really- unless you and her—?" Elsa shakes her head, and Kristoff runs a hand through his shaggy hair and breathes out a sigh of relief.
"Okay. This is okay, Elsa. We'll deal with this as it comes." He waits for her to look at him before he continues. "First of all, we need to get checked out. We'll do it as soon as possible, okay? Just... what are we going to tell Anna? Are- do we tell her?"
Elsa releases a low breath. "She... doesn't know. That I did that. I don't- what if I'm fine? I don't want to worry her over nothing.
"It's up to you," Kristoff says. "Whatever you think is best..."
At that, Elsa's finally able to offer up a slight smile. It doesn't quite reach her eyes, still red-rimmed. She leans against him and rests her head on his shoulder.
"It's going to be okay," he murmurs, arm wrapping around her shoulders. "We'll all get through this together. No matter what, we're here for you."
Kristoff's first hockey game of the season actually falls on the very next night. Elsa and Anna plan to take him out for pizza afterwards, regardless of who wins. Watching him play is always a treat, and it's not like they're not going to be supportive. They get dressed in the team colours and Anna's super excited, even if Kris and Elsa seem a bit subdued.
But that's okay. Anna has more than enough cheer to make up for it.
She'd sent Meg a text that morning, asking how she was feeling. She'd gotten back a curt, "fine. still hungover", and then a few hours later, another saying, "wow that was bitchy. sorry :( feeling a lot better now. thanks for getting me home. xx"
That was more like it, and it just made Anna's mood even better. Everyone is happy and healthy and that's all that matters.
The game doesn't start until 6, which gives them plenty of time to get there. Elsa finds herself dressing up, perhaps a little more than necessary. The way Anna had smiled and shyly held her hand, it totally made it worth it.
It's hard, trying to limit contact though. She and Kristoff had done some research, and from what they'd found, kissing was still safe. Even so, Elsa only gave her a peck instead of a full-on kiss.
Anna honestly didn't look like she minded.
They walk, hand-in-hand, to the hockey oval. Don't get fantastic seats, all things considered, but that doesn't really matter – not when they can still see the puck and distinguish the players. Kristoff, when his team finally enters the pitch, spends a good ten seconds scanning the stands for his girls. Elsa and Anna both jump to their feet to wave, and then sink low in embarrassed giggles when he sends a kiss their way.
The first half is relatively tame because it's the first match of the season and everyone is just trying out their team – getting a feel for competitive hockey, and not just the practice sessions. They cut to half-time with only one point each, which makes it just a little more exciting because now the teams are going to be desperate for a point.
Elsa stays in her seat while Anna ducks to the bathroom, ensuring no one steals their seats. She's on her phone, posting a picture of the game to Facebook, when Anna returns.
Only, she's not alone.
Her friend – a girl, and the same one who'd ripped into Elsa and Kristoff on the lawn that day – is standing next to her. She's not acting shy or anything, but she doesn't seem all that comfortable being around Elsa. Without warning, she sticks a hand out.
"Sorry. About that day. I get it now."
It's a surprise, but Elsa's not the type to hold a grudge. She smiles a little and takes it. "All good."
The girl introduces herself as Meg, and though she isn't especially quiet, when she does speak it's more to Anna than anything. The game starts up for the second half, and everyone's attention is snatched away. Anna's hand comes to squeeze Elsa's, and they're probably some of the more vocal fans.
Of course, Kristoff's team wins. They played the best, and Kristoff loves the game. He always gives it his all. The dinner is, obviously, a celebratory one, and even though it's supposed to just be the three of them, no one has an issue with Anna inviting Meg.
If they do, they keep it to themselves.
They all go to a pizzeria the next suburb over, just because they have the best bases and the topping doesn't taste like shit. It's this gourmet independent place, and they order two pizzas plus garlic bread and dessert, just because it all tastes so great.
Meg's actually a really nice person when she's not yelling, as Kristoff and Elsa discover. She's fun and engaging, even if she keeps looking at Anna – as though searching for confirmation that she's doing okay. They're sitting together on one side of the booth while Kristoff and Elsa are on the other.
They drove Kris' truck, which means they have to drop Meg home. Elsa can't help but stare after Anna as she walks Meg to the front of the brunette's dorm building. She's just... interested in Meg. She's the only 'outsider' who knows about their odd relationship. It's not like they were overtly lovey-dovey with each other , but still...
Elsa looks away as Anna releases Meg from a hug. The last thing she wants is to get caught staring. Anna's all smiles when she returns to the car, which might be why she doesn't fill the rest of the drive with idle chatter. It's not until they're almost at the apartment when she pipes up.
"Hey, Kris, are you staying the night?"
Elsa's eyes widen and she's glad she's in the front seat when she glances at Kristoff. He already knows what she's thinking, because he says, "Nah, not tonight. I'll see both you girls tomorrow, though."
When they pull up, Elsa just leans across the center console and gives him a peck. "Thanks," she whispers in the time it takes Anna to get out of the car and to his open driver's window.
Anna's much less reserved when she kisses him, but that doesn't mean it strays into graphic territory. She's got a lovely blush on her cheeks when she pulls away, and Kristoff has to actually clear his throat.
"Yeah," he says, still coughing. "I'll see you tomorrow."
He hangs around long enough to see them get into the building, but after Anna's pressed the lift button and turns back, he's already sped off. That's okay.
Anna sidles closer to Elsa and loops their arms together. Elsa turns her head, mild surprise written on her face, which is only taken advantage of when Anna kisses her. She presses their lips together, insistent, and Elsa allows it because the last thing she wants to do is stop.
It's the ding of the elevator that makes her break it, and she shoots Anna a sheepish smile. Anna returns it, and she doesn't initiate anything else in the lift.
They live on the sixth floor, out of eight, but the elevator is super old and clunky so it takes twice as long as it should. When Elsa clears her throat and says, "So. Meg." Anna has enough time to smile before having to add a verbal response.
"She's awesome, isn't she?"
Elsa nods, more non-committal than actual agreement. Anna's not wrong, but she's kind of missing something.
"She's very friendly," she says instead.
"Yeah..." Anna's word is soft, and she's frowning thoughtfully. It doesn't seem to be the sort of thing Elsa needs to respond to, so she doesn't. She simply observes Anna instead of trying to continue the conversation.
There's nothing else that needs to be said. Not yet. Perhaps in the future, but right now, all Elsa does is stand next to her girlfriend and rest her head on her shoulder.
Kristoff and Elsa have to go to the clinic on Wednesday, mostly because there's no available appointments any other day. Elsa's supposed to go to school and work, but this is just too important.
Kristoff comes and picks her up. Elsa's actually almost out the door when Anna comes out of her bedroom, hair a mess and rubbing sleep from her eyes.
"Hey," she says. "Where're you off to?"
Fuck. Elsa hadn't expected to see her this morning. "Oh, Kris and I were, uh, just going out. I thought you had school today?"
Anna nods. "Yeah. It was cancelled, so I was just gonna catch up on some TV or something."
Elsa nods, and she's gotta be shifty as fuck. But Anna smiles and tilts her head. "Are... you gonna go? Don't wanna be late."
"Oh! Yeah. I'll uh, be home later. Have- have a good day, Anna."
"You too! Have fun!"
Elsa's not going to, but the sentiment is appreciated. Enough, actually, that she's got a teensy little smile on her lips. It's nice that Anna hadn't asked to tag along, but... maybe that marks a change, or something. They don't all have to be included in everything, or something. If Anna wants to go on a date with Kris, Elsa's not gonna force herself into it. She's sure Kris won't do that, either.
She still feels guilty as all hell, but- she's going to tell Anna. No matter the results, she's going to tell her. She just... wants to wait for them. It's something Anna definitely deserves to know, but why mention it when there's really no news yet anyway?
The drive to the clinic is silent. Kristoff's radio is still broken. At least it's not too far away.
They're given forms to fill out on arrival, and the questions are a lot more personal than Elsa had expected. She's gotta figure out her cycle, and talk about whether she's ever been pregnant and-slash-or had an abortion. They want to know when the unsafe sex have happened, and whether she's slept with anyone since.
Kristoff's gotta fill out the same form, but it doesn't make him as upset as it seems to make Elsa. She doesn't want to have to be here. The fact she is means she fucked up bad – at least to her. God, if her dad could see her now...
... He'd probably be holding her hand and helping her as much as he could.
She'll have to go back and visit him soon. So much has happened. She needs to think of him as proud of her. She's sure he would be.
The actual exam is much less invasive than the forms seemed to be. They're let in together, and while it's a little embarrassing, talking about her body in front of Kristoff, the trade off is that he has to do the same.
Plus, isn't it things like this that make relationships stronger?
They're both given a blood test, which is great except they can't expect results until Monday-Tuesday next week at the earliest.
Going without sex isn't hard. Explaining to Anna why she doesn't want it is not quite as easy. She's positive Anna will respect her not wanting to go further, but the problem is that she does. She wants to feel and touch Anna again because her girlfriend deserves all kinds of happiness, and part of that is sex. Now that the both of them are 'out of action', as it were... well, Elsa knows how that feels, not being included. Anna, if – and when – she realises, she's going to feel left out.
All Elsa can really do is make Anna feel as loved as possible, even without a lot of physical intimacy. She can still kiss her. Hugs and hand-holding are totally allowed. It's just sex.
And it's not like they're doing that anyway. If it comes up... well, what's putting it off for a few more days gonna do?
Anna's on the couch, talking into her mobile when Elsa walks through the door. Her arm is aching, but at least there's no evidence of a blood test, aside from a small bruise. Damn, why does her skin have to be so pale? But, it's only very minor. She's already decided, if Anna asks, that she's not going to lie. She's just going to say, "I had a blood test."
But Anna doesn't ask. She grins widely at Elsa, turning back to her phone briefly. "Hey, Meg, gotta go. Elsa's home. Yeah, you too. Talk to you later. Bye-bye!"
She gets to her feet, moving towards Elsa and smiling. Elsa opens her arms and pretty much falls into her girlfriend. She's so tired, suddenly. And Anna's so comfortable.
"Mm gonna have a nap..." Elsa decides, eyes closing. Anna's hand comes to rub at her back.
"You look exhausted. Got a good workout, then?"
Elsa opens her eyes slowly. Huh? "What—" She's interrupted by a yawn, which only makes Anna let out a giggle. "What workout?"
"Oh, well. A quickie in the car is a lot harder than it looks."
Elsa actually lifts her head.
She's almost offended at the suggestion, but Anna's smiling – and not a pained smile. A happy, cheeky one. God this is confusing because some part of Elsa is positive Anna should be annoyed at the idea of her sneaking out to have a quickie in the car. Not only that, but a quickie when she's not putting out to Anna.
But then... that's not the kind of person Anna is. Elsa tips her head forward again. "Nah. Didn't feel like it. But... I miss you. I, er, do you wanna have a nap with me? I miss you." She's repeating herself; damn she really is tired.
Anna bites back a shy smile.
"Sure. Lemme just grab my pjs."
Elsa uses the time to shoot a quick text to Kristoff and get mostly dressed. She's changed her shirt but Anna walks in just as she's struggling to get into her pants. She watches for a second, and the last thing Elsa wants to do is make her stop. Being watched by Anna is different to Kristoff. Elsa's already starting to regret this idea.
How is she supposed to keep her arms to herself, let alone her lips or her hands or her fingers?
They lie there for a while, facing each other. Elsa's eyes keep shutting, but they always flutter open before too long.
"You should sleep," Anna murmurs to her. She lifts a hand to caress Elsa's face, and the action reminds her of her drunken friend after that party.
Her stomach twists in a way that isn't very pleasant, but she's not sure why, because at the same time her heart flutters a little.
Elsa smiles and leans into her hand. That must be it because Anna can't help but return it. Leaning forward, she presses her lips against Elsa, encouraging her to release a little groan.
Before long, Anna's lying on top of her, chests pressed together and lips fused. It takes a real struggle for Elsa to twist her head, gasping. Her arousal is completely obvious, in the flush of her cheeks and peaks of her nipples. Gasping for breath, she has to lower her eyes away from Anna, away from her blush and her chest, so she can say, "We- we should stop..."
She doesn't want to see Anna's expression. She's still ridiculously turned on, but she can't do this.
Anna slides off her, sitting cross-legged and staring at her lap. Elsa's eyes shift to the ceiling as she breathes out as silently as possible.
"Sorry..." Anna says softly. It barely manages to cross the suddenly gaping schism between them. Elsa rolls over and crawls to her girlfriend; presses her head into Anna's stomach and wraps her arms around her.
"It's not you," Elsa replies, voice muffled. "I'm just- I just need time."
And that's not a complete lie. Elsa does need time. She needs to wait for her test results, and she needs to figure out a way to tell Anna. It's not the fact that she slept with someone else that's terrifying. It's the fact that Anna's the only one who doesn't know. That's not going to go down well, but maybe Elsa can still limit the damage. Waiting... waiting for the results gives her an excuse.
"...Okay..." Anna's voice is still low, and from her position Elsa isn't sure what she's thinking. But then a hand comes up to brush at her hair, and she knows Anna doesn't care. Knows she's not angry. "Okay."
Elsa's counting the days. She survived yesterday. That leaves four days to Monday. Unfortunately, two of those days are a weekend and Elsa's got zero idea for how to survive them.
That's all before she realises that she's spending time with her girlfriend and with her boyfriend and she doesn't have to survive.
Saturday, Kris has another hockey match – though, this time Meg joins them right from the beginning. Elsa takes special note of the way Anna lights up when she catches sight of her friend. It's actually... nice to see, though. Anna's been sad for too long. If Meg makes her happy, then Elsa's not going to stop her.
Plus, it's not like she's not keeping her own secrets.
So she just smiles at Meg, even as Kris looks at them all, oblivious, shooing them to hurry up and get to the field.
Of course, he disappears not long afterwards because he's gotta get changed, which leaves Elsa, Anna, and Meg to find seats. Anna offers to get drinks, but Elsa waves her off.
"Go and get good seats."
There's a curious feeling in her chest – neither good nor bad – when Meg's arm loops through Anna's and she drags her in the opposite direction.
Some part of her already knows where this is going to go, and that same part doesn't care.
She just wants to see Anna happy.
They find decent seats overlooking the home goal. And, well, Meg really finds the seats. Anna's kinda surprised that there are a couple left because all the ones surrounding them are taken.
"Eh, I know a guy," is all she says.
Which. Cool. Anna doesn't have a chance to prod her about who it is before Elsa returns, three corn dogs and two drinks in hand.
"I figured we could share the drinks. No one's got any cooties, right?"
Anna notices her wince, as soon as the words are out of her mouth. She doesn't say anything about it, but that is an awfully odd reaction to have. She doesn't have time to mention it because Elsa's handing her a corndog and taking a seat.
The game begins not long after, and it's even more exciting than the last one. Kristoff's team is playing so much worse than last time, it's almost unbelievable. Are these the same players? And it's not even the team as a whole. Kristoff just seems distracted. Anna still shouts at the top of her lungs, trying to encourage them, but it's completely futile. Or, rather, her voice is lost amongst the hundreds that cry over the top of her. She barely hears Elsa and Meg, and by the time halftime rolls around, she's certain she's going to lose her voice.
She never noticed how much Meg and Elsa didn't talk until she's not there to fill the silence.
"So, Els," she starts, voice raspy and- yep, that's definitely pain. "Meg's into ancient religions. You're a gal of science, talk."
Elsa raises an eyebrow at her, and Anna shrugs. Thank God Meg's there to try, though. She snorts and says, "Ancient mythology, Anna. It's only a religion if there are actually people who still believe it."
Poking her tongue out, Anna retorts, "Please, I've heard you. You dream about Hades. 'Rockin' Bod Hades,' you called him. Hair of fire but that's not what sets you alight—"
"Shut up!" Meg interrupts. "I'm pretty sure you mistook Hades for Aphrodite. Easy mistake to make. Though, you could have been projecting. Sappho's got a special place in her garden for you."
Anna's face erupts in a bright blush, but she ends up just poking her tongue out. "Fuck you," she says, but there's no real malice in her tone.
"Love you too~"
And all through it all, Elsa remains silent, just observing.
They go out for dinner again, though the girls eat less this time. Something about the corn dog isn't sitting right with Anna. Maybe it's food poisoning because her face is really warm and her stomach won't settle. She gets an iced chocolate and it actually makes her feel a little sick.
It only gets worse when Meg sits next to her. She can't focus at all on the conversation, unless Meg's talking – if she is, it's all Anna wants to listen to.
As a result, she doesn't spend much time talking. Elsa and Meg seem to get on really well – better than Anna would have thought – and watching them interact makes her unreasonably happy. More than a "Hooray, best friend and girlfriend get along" should.
It really doesn't take long to figure out the rest from there.
Before long, the championship hockey games are upon them. Kristoff has to travel to Chicago, which is great, except it's not like Anna or Elsa could easily accompany him.
That's fine, though. It's almost a blessing in disguise, because well. Kristoff's moving up in his hockey career, and it also gives the girls some time to spend with each other, without worrying about neglecting him.
It's just... because they're such a small uni, and the hockey team has never made it past regionals before, they want the players to arrive as soon as possible for test games and interviews and trials for funding.
He's got two days to get everything sorted before he flies out, and with the help of Elsa, they actually get it done in time. Because it's such a great opportunity for the uni, too, they're willing to pretty much give him the rest of his credit points. He'll take an exam, of course. Whether or not it will make any difference is another matter.
Kristoff flies out late Monday night. They didn't hear back from the clinic, so it's almost a stressful dinner just because both Kristoff and Elsa are so on edge about it. Anna orders two pizzas to be delivered and they each have a beer. It'll wear off before they have to drive to the airport.
It goes really well, and Elsa pretty much forgets about her boyfriend leaving for god-knows-how-long and the fact that she still doesn't know if she's safe. At least, she forgets until Anna brings it up.
And Elsa can see why she would. They haven't had sex since before Christmas – good lord, that's like, almost six months at this point – and she knows Kristoff's been avoiding it, too. So when Anna brings up the idea that maybe they could possibly just have a nice time together before Kristoff has to leave, it physically hurts Elsa to turn her down. They can be safe with Kristoff, but it would be suspicious if she asked Anna to suddenly use a dental dam.
She's got an excuse. She just says she's not ready for that yet. But the way Anna's face falls makes Elsa's own heart crumple in her chest.
The clinic should ring tomorrow. It's that thought that convinces Elsa to lean forward and say, "How about... we plan something nice for tomorrow night?"
It brings a smile to Anna's face, so it's totally worth it. "Can we do a breakfast, too?" she asks softly, and it's like Kristoff isn't even there when Elsa nods.
"We can."
"Guys, I haven't even left yet. Come on." Kristoff sounds annoyed, but when the girls finally break eye contact and look at him, he's smiling. There's no hint of anger or sadness or malice. When he has their attention, he just continues with a, "I don't have to leave for another couple of hours. Let's just spend it together."
They do.
Elsa and Anna get up way too late for breakfast, but it's actually just the right time for a nice brunch. They ended up sharing a bed, just because by the time they'd gotten back after dropping Kris off, they'd been exhausted. Elsa had just followed Anna into her bedroom and they'd collapsed there, on top of the covers and still fully clothed. She'd woken up first, but had zero will to move.
Really, it's only her phone, ringing from her handbag still on the kitchen table, that prompts Elsa to move.
The poor thing is almost out of juice, but there's just enough battery for Elsa to listen to the voicemail left by whoever had tried to call her. That, if nothing else, succeeded in actually waking her up.
Hello, Miss Arendelle. If you could contact us on this number, it's in regards to your test results. Thank you.
Oh god.
Returning to her own room, she sinks down onto the bed. Plugs her phone in and almost rings them back, but not quite.
She has to find out eventually. There's no two ways about it. But what- what if it's positive? She'd tried not to think of this but now that it was here... how was she going to break it to Anna?
Swallowing, she taps the screen, returning the call. Presses the phone to her ear and ignores the bad thoughts because she doesn't know, and they're only going to make it worse. Whatever happens next, she'll deal.
"Um, hi," she says, when the phone connects. "It's Elsa Arendelle. I had a missed call from this number regarding some, um, tests I had done last week...?"
"Oh, Elsa! Yes, hi!" the voice, a girl's, on the other end of the line says. "This is just a call regarding your test results. If you could make time to pop down and see us—"
"That won't be necessary," Elsa interrupts. "What was it?"
"Oh." The girl clears her throat. "I'm sorry, I can't actually give out information over the phone. I'm sure you understand."
Elsa pinches her eyes shut and leans forward a little. "Please," she says. "I really, really need to know. I'm with my girlfriend all day today and she doesn't know yet. Can't you just make an exception? I can give you all my details if you want. Please..."
There's silence on the other end of the line for a moment because the girl clears her throat. "If I do this, you mustn't say anything." She says. Elsa agrees emphatically. "Okay, so the results came back negative. You're all clear. Of course, you should still be using protection where possible, and always know where your partners have been, but in the here and the now, you're fine."
Elsa's stopped listening – barely hears anything after the word 'negative', actually. Her hand is covering her open mouth and she knows she's tearing up. Blinking rapidly, she sucks in a breath.
"Thank- thank you so much," she says, spirits so much higher than she would have thought possible. "Just, thank you!"
She hangs up and just sits there for a moment, hands holding her phone in front of her chest. This- this isn't what she expected. She'd been preparing for the worst outcome – now, with the best one at her feet, what was she supposed to do with it?
That question is actually really easy to answer. She returns to Anna, who's still out like a light, and presses her face into a freckled tummy. She smiles when Anna lets out a little noise, and moves her head to be closer to Anna's face.
She really wants to kiss her, so she does. It's how Anna wakes up, soft lips pressing into her cheeks and around her face.
"Mmm good morning," Anna murmurs. She isn't given a chance to say anything more because, now she's awake, Elsa just wants to kiss her properly. If they didn't already have plans, it could very easily have progressed even further; this time, though, Anna's the one to pull away. Elsa's not sure why until she hears someone's stomach rumbling, and she knows for a fact it isn't hers.
"Come on, then," she says, grinning mirthfully at the sound. "Food time. My treat."
They find this nice little cafe that has an all-day breakfast. They get two English breakfasts – one each – though Elsa swaps her hash brown for Anna's tomato. Anna prefers potatoes, and this is absolutely the day for making her girlfriend happy.
"What do you say we make that really nice risotto and have some wine and maybe... have an evening together?" Elsa asks. She doesn't look at Anna, but she hopes her meaning is clear.
It is.
"You mean, like... trying sex again?" Anna asks. Elsa offers a little shoulder shrug that definitely leans more towards a 'yes' then a 'no'. It's enough of a sign for Anna to say, "I would- yeah, that would be really great."
Elsa smiles at her plate before it vanishes. She needs to tell Anna, now. Tell her about the test and the sex with other people.
"Anna," she begins, lifting her head, "I need to tell you... something..."
She's not looking at Anna. Or, rather, she started to, but something else caught her attention. Anna turns in her seat to follow Elsa's gaze, though it doesn't actually help with any confusion.
"Elsa?" A young woman with dark brown hair and warm honey skin is staring straight at Elsa. She takes a few steps forward, a smile on her face. "Wow, you- you look great. How... how have you been?"
"Marisol?"
The last thing Elsa wants to do, while she's on a date with Anna, is engage with the woman standing in front of her. Maybe Marisol can sense that because she backs off a little.
"Sorry, I won't, er, intrude. I just saw you and... well, after how things ended last time, I wanted to come over here and apologise. Perhaps take you out for a coffee one day?" She glances at Anna and adds a, "Strictly friendly only. I don't- well, yeah. I don't want to interrupt."
She goes to turn away, but Elsa shifts forward a little. "Wait—" She bites her lip and looks at Anna, who just gives a confused smile. "How about I give you my number? We can... I don't know. Plan a coffee for later this week?"
Marisol gives an an energetic nod, and, still smiling, hands over her phone for Elsa to programme her number into it.
Once she hands the phone back, Marisol doesn't linger. Elsa and Anna go back to their breakfast, but it's a little subdued. Elsa's heart is racing and she's not sure how to slow it down. It doesn't help when Anna says, "So... what did you need to tell me?"
Her face is so open. So innocent. Elsa can't destroy that right now. So she smiles, even as her heart sinks, and says, "Nothing. Everything's fine." At least that second part isn't a lie.
The rest of the brunch passes in slightly awkward conversation. It's tense, where it hadn't been earlier. More from the interruption, rather than because of who or how it was interrupted in the first place. Elsa doesn't want to go home with the atmosphere like this, so she suggests going for a walk. No where in particular, which is fine. They end up buying ice creams at this little boutique parlour, and it's actually Anna who suggests checking out the free exhibition on the Quarternity Glaciation because she knows Elsa's into that kind of thing. It's actually a perfect way to spend the afternoon – out of the heat and learning about ice ages. Though, it means that by the time they get home, just after three-thirty, they're both completely wiped out.
Kristoff sent them a message while they were out – he'd sent it to Anna's phone, though, which was why they hadn't received it. Anna collapses on the couch as she reads it out loud. It's all the typical things; how he's doing, what the his new, temporary place is like. How the whole team has already found the pub. Anna replies for both herself and for Elsa, though she makes sure to tell Kris not to text to her phone next time. She couldn't be trusted to reply, evidently.
Once it's sent, she stands back up and puts her phone on the kitchen table next to Elsa's. "Els, today was amazing, but I'm ready for a nap, I think."
Elsa smiles at her as she pulls her in for a hug. "Well, maybe we should rest. Recharge. We have, hmm, big plans tonight."
Anna's completely on board with that idea.
It's a fantastic idea, really, until they sleep away the entire afternoon, and Elsa wakes up in a hot sweat. The last thing she actually wants to do is stick to her girlfriend – yet – so she rolls over to get up. Shower is a must at the moment.
Anna grumbles, but she eventually gets up too. Dinner won't cook itself, after all. Elsa's just soaping her left leg (she's already shaved her right) when her phone goes off.
"Hey, could you get that?" she shouts. "It's probably Kristoff."
She hopes he's sent a picture because she's already forgotten where he's gone. Though, knowing him, it's probably a, "cool place. room has a shower-bath. i don't like their coffee". He's a bit shit at texting.
When she doesn't hear back from Anna, she assumes it is a picture, so she hurries up and finishes shaving. Dries her hair using the hairdryer because sex with wet hair is actually more uncomfortable than it should be, and puts on a semi-formal dress because it's easier to take off than pants, and plus, it looks prettier. She probably should wear a bra with this one, but she kinda doesn't think it'll be needed. Maybe next time she'll have prepared better, and have like, a nice bra and panty set or something. That'd be a nice surprise.
Either way, she steps out of her room with a giddy smile on her face. Anna's chopping shallots, and the fumes have made her eyes so red it looks like she's been crying. It's adorable.
She doesn't realise something's wrong until Anna doesn't look at her.
"Hey... what's up?" she asks, more hesitantly than she probably needs to. Anna glances up at her for a second and she looks more upset than onions would make her. She gives a sniffle and then picks up a phone – Elsa's phone – and throws it to her.
"You tell me."
Elsa doesn't move for a second. She wants to ask Anna again, but that's only because she's terrified of what's going to be on her phone. It was- that was her message tone. It's not like the clinic was going to text her some private information. So what's up?
Apprehensively, Elsa unlocks it. The first thing to pop up is a message. It's not from Kristoff.
Oh shit.
Hi, Elsa. It's Marisol. Hope you had a good day. I meant what I said earlier – I would really like to grab a coffee with you. I realise that you don't owe me anything, especially after we kind of kicked you out. I am sorry about my boyfriend. Well, ex-boyfriend. You were drunk and that was... wrong. We were both clean, but I do understand if you wanted to get checked. There's a really good clinic of 45th and 11th, if you want. Anyway, I hope you have a good night. Hopefully... talk to you soon?
Oh my god.
"Well? Were you ever going to tell me? Tell us? Jesus christ- oh my god. This is why you kept saying no... this- you kept this from me?"
"I was always going to tell you! I swear!" elsa cried. "I got a call back from the clinic this morning – I'm all clean, I swear. I was going to tell you over breakfast but then Marisol came and..."
"And you chickened out. Jesus Christ. And what about Kristoff? You put both of our health at risk, and what, we didn't even deserve to be told?"
Elsa doesn't answer for a second. Her mind's a whirl, but that's enough. Her silence speaks more than she even could, and Anna stumbles back as though Elsa had physically struck her.
"He knows, doesn't he? He already- you told him, but you didn't tell me?"
Her voice has gotten terribly quiet and Elsa feels tears spring to her eyes. She could lie, say Kristoff didn't know... but then, Anna would find out the truth. These things don't stay hidden, and if Elsa lied now, would their relationship survive?
So, she closes her eyes and nods. "He- after it happened, I called him to pick me up. You and me- we were still... fighting..."
"But you didn't... you didn't put him at risk, did you?"
Elsa's actually crying now as she gives a pathetic nod. She should have worn a bra. Tonight's going to be fucked no matter what happens. Fucking- fuck everything.
"L-last Wednesday. We went to the clinic to get tested. They called me this morning to s-say it's clean..."
Anna doesn't respond. She just looks away. When she finally does talk, it's directed at the floor and so quiet that Elsa almost misses it.
"I need to leave."
She leaves Elsa standing, lost, in the living room. And it's true – Elsa has no idea what to do. How to feel. It's like her whole heart has frozen, and the only thing that she can feel is this mounting dread, spreading out from the center of her chest.
It's only when Anna's reaching for the front door, backpack on her back and another one in her hand, that Elsa manages to whisper out a, "Please don't go..."
Anna cocks her head a little, but she doesn't completely turn around. Elsa watches as the tension on her shoulders seems to deepen.
"I can't be here right now."
"Please—"
"No!" Anna whips around, braids flying. Her face is a splotchy red-and-white, and there are obvious tear-tracks down her cheeks. "I am so... angry right now, Elsa. What's the first rule? 'No secrets'. I believe you and Kristoff made that one. And yes, I kept my previous relationship to myself, for too long, I'll admit. But, it wouldn't hurt you. It couldn't hurt you. But this- this is my health you put at risk. Physically and- what if the result had been positive? What if you'd caught something? Would you have ever told me? What if you'd shared it with Kristoff? Would I never be able to sleep with my boyfriend again?"
Elsa doesn't answer. Can't answer. She's got her own tears, but unlike Anna, she's completely lost her voice. Elsa's powerless to stop her as she picks up her bags and opens the door.
"So, like I said. I can't be here right now. I'll see you around."
And with that, she's gone, and Elsa's left standing in the living room all alone. She slips to the floor, shoulders heaving as her body's wracked with sobs. Her eyes sting from the salt spilling from them.
She falls asleep there, cold and alone.
Anna has only a vague idea of where she's going. She's got her keys, which means she's got the spare to Kristoff's place. But- she doesn't think she could go there right now, either. Just the thought of them hurts. Not because of what Elsa did. It's more the fact that she didn't think Anna was important enough to tell.
Without even really being aware of it, her feet carry her to a familiar building. Her eyes are still a little blurry, and her face is stupidly sticky, but for the first time since seeing that text, her heart feels a tiny bit lighter.
Unlocking her phone, she goes into her favourites and presses a contact. It takes a few rings, but when they finally answer, Anna just wants to hold onto the sound of their voice.
"Meg!" she says into the speaker. Her friend can probably hear how mucousy her voice but Anna begins speaking again almost straight away. "I'm out the front. Can you... let me up?"
"Of course!"
Meg's dorm is locked with key cards, so Anna's forced to wait on the front stoop for Meg to come down. She puts on a smile, but it's futile. Just seeing her friend makes her want to burst into tears again.
She doesn't, but it's a struggle.
She's ushered into the elevator, and then after that, into Meg's dorm. It's a mess, and Anna watches in silence as Meg awkwardly kicks some underwear underneath the bed. She grabs Anna's bags and puts them in the corner, and then leads Anna to the bed. It's like, the only place to sit down.
Except Anna doesn't sit. She bursts into tears and leans into Meg, who shuffles back enough so Anna's head is in her lap. She brushes her fingertips through Anna's hair and doesn't say a word. Eventually, Anna just spills everything anyway.
"It's so fucked, Meg," she says softly at the end of the story. She's stopped crying by now, and has switched to staring at Meg's knee, drawing little shapes with her fingertip. "And- and do you know the worst of it? It's that I'm the fuck up. You're- you're always there for me. You my best friend and... I like you. I like you but I'm still in love with them, even though it's painful. Why... why do the people I love hurt me? And they say they love me but it's always so painful.
She lets out a sigh and closes her eyes. They open, surprised, when she feels Meg's hand holding onto her own – onto the one that had been fiddling with her knee. Twisting so she 's staring straight up into Meg's face, she realises that even upside down she can see a little flush in her warm cheeks. Meg doesn't move her head, but her eyes glance to the side as she says, "I... won't hurt you, Anna..."
Anna's breath catches in her throat. She rolls onto her knees, and says, "What?" with an air of such disbelief that it almost looks like Meg couldn't stay silent if she tried.
"I won't hurt you, Anna," she replies. Her voice is soft, but there's a definite conviction to her words. She stares defiantly at her friend, as though expecting a challenge.
"Meg..." What can she say to that? She's not a moron. Anna's seen the looks. And she knows her own feelings. But... "I can't, Meg. You're my best friend. I can't."
As much as she, as they, might want to... it's not possible.
Anna doesn't return home for three days. She does shoot Elsa a text, just so she knows she's safe, but she makes sure to end it with an, "I'm still mad. I'll be home when I'm ready."
When she does finally return home, it's because Meg had convinced her to go and talk to Elsa. Now's the time to fix things – while Kristoff is away and after they've both had a chance and think about what they each wanted.
Elsa is waiting in the living room. The TV is on mute, and when Anna walks through the door, clutching Meg's hand for dear life, Elsa's eyes immediately jump to that piece of contact.
But she doesn't say anything. She just clears her throat and offers a small, "Hi."
Anna stops, and the door swings shut behind her and Meg. "...Hi..."
They make their way in to the living room, sitting across from Elsa. Her eyes are drawn once again to Anna and Meg's clasped hands, and once again, she says nothing about it.
"I want to apologise," she starts off saying instead. "I'm so sorry, Anna. I should have told you earlier. I was afraid. And stupid. I shouldn't have done something so stupid—"
"Elsa," Anna interrupts softly, "I'm not – and I never was – mad that you went out and got laid. I'm upset that you...told Kristoff, but you didn't tell me. And... and you probably told him as soon as it became important for him to know, but that means you never thought it was important for me to know. That's- that really hurt me."
Elsa nods. "I know I should have. Please believe me that I was always going to. I just... wanted to wait for the results before I did." She glances at Meg, and Anna's heart seizes. She knows what Elsa's going to say. "You guys, uh, admitted it?"
Wait, what?
Anna's expression must reflect her surprise and confusion, because Elsa squirms and looks away. "It was pretty obvious," she starts, obviously uncomfortable. "I noticed Meg first, but then you started showing and... well, yeah."
"Nothing happened," Anna says, letting go of Meg's hand and stepping forward. Elsa's eyes widen, surprise evident, and that hurts a little because did Elsa think something would happen? That Anna would go out and seek that sort of comfort as soon as her partner did something wrong?
"Oh. But you... you didn't come home."
Anna's lips twitch in a small smile. "Because I was angry at you, you doorknob. But you keeping this secret... it hurt, but I did the same thing to you. I guess we're even now."
Elsa's eyes turn to Meg. "Meg...?"
"I'm sorry, Elsa," Meg says. "M-maybe I should go..."
"Wait—"
"I'll- I'll see you around, Anna..."
She doesn't stop.
A week before Kristoff is due to come home, the girls get a message from him. It requires a phone call because he's shit at texts and the won't be home in a week. something came up is kind of unacceptable.
The actual reason is pretty great.
"Er, so... what's the NHL?" Anna asks. The phones on speaker and Elsa shoots her an odd look. National Hockey League, she mouths, and Anna could have facepalmed because that was pretty stupid.
"It's like, the main hockey association," Kris says. His voice is a bit hard to understand through the phone. Gosh, he's only been gone like, two weeks and already Anna misses him. "Their drafts are held in June, so starting next week they want me to go around and network with some of the teams. Interviews and... things..." He sounds a little unsure.
It's completely awesome. "This is where careers start," Elsa says, already grinning. "Go out there and kick ass!"
Kristoff lets out a dry chuckle. "Yeah, I suppose. I just... is it okay with you guys? I don't know when I'll be back, exactly..."
Both girls rush to reassure him, and though it takes a little while, eventually he seems to understand that they just both so proud and so happy for him. It really is the start of something great.
It's weird, Anna thinks sometimes, having a friendship on top of the relationships. Like she doesn't have enough time to go around. And Meg is... everything's the same, but it's a little different. Now that they know there are feelings, but they're choosing not to act on them. After she'd run out from the apartment, Anna managed to get her to at least talk about it, to lay down her thoughts in no uncertain terms. And even though Elsa knows there are feelings, she's totally, 100% supportive of their friendship.
"I trust you, Anna."
Meg is still a little freaked out by the whole 'multiple partners' aspect of it. It takes another three conversations with Elsa to hash out the whole thing. But it gets better and easier. The three of them would occasionally hang out, all together, and that seemed to help.
The first conversation they'd had together had made Elsa and Anna realise that 'no secrets' was actually a really shit rule, and the list on the fridge is taken down to prep for some major reworking.
"So, what's it gonna be, then?" Anna asks as Elsa crosses out rule number one with a sharpie. "I mean... we're really bad at following rules, but that probably means we do need them..."
"What about... 'communicate'? I've been online. Some forums. And they all say that the key is to communicate because secrets is so subjective. Your ex... well, to me, you were keeping a secret. But to you, you were just... not talking about something painful."
With a nod from Anna, she writes in the new rule.
Though, it doesn't really stop there. There's other rules they need to have, like always tell the other person where she's going, and if she's not going to be home.
"I could ask you to text me where you are, but I trust you," Elsa says one day. Anna pokes her tongue out and finds it promptly covered by Elsa's mouth.
"Eww!" she cries, breaking the kiss. Elsa pouts, and it's definitely not gross for Anna to kiss that away.
There's a new rule about sex and being safe; physically, intimately, and mentally. So if that means they sometimes use protection and other times don't, that's okay. If that means they're clean so Elsa and Kristoff have unprotected sex, but Anna wants to use condoms, that's okay. She's not on the pill and doesn't want to be, so they have to make arrangements for that.
They haven't told Kristoff about the changes yet. He's so busy that every time she's tried to call, he hasn't been around to answer, and texts are ignored for days at a time. It's understandable. He's probably exhausted and busy. Anna doesn't blame him. It's just frustrating when she wants to let him know that she maybe likes someone else, too, and they like her, and the rules have been updated. He's missing out on so much.
So, Anna goes on dates with Elsa, and hangs out with Meg, and sometimes they all spend time together. It's obvious that there's no romance between Elsa and Meg, but the fact that they might actually be friends, even with everything weird between them, it's... well, it's a nice feeling.
For the first time in a very long time, Anna isn't scared of being alone.
Maybe she's got more self-esteem now – a therapist would probably say that she's finally seeing her true value, or some shit like that. It's hard, though, knowing Meg likes her – and liking her back – but still having to put on this façade. They're not going to do anything, not without talking to him first, but there are definitely conversations that stray a little too close to flirting.
At least Meg understands. She gets it, the non-monogamy thing. But it seems that she maybe – definitely – wanted a different outcome. An outcome where she could be with Anna while Anna dated Elsa and Kristoff. Meg isn't interested in anything with them.
Just Anna.
With everything going right in her relationships, it's no wonder that Anna's libido skyrockets. She's horny like, all the time. She rubs one out for three days straight before it seems to subdue. Only a little. It's almost like a craving. Oral doesn't do it for her anymore, either. Elsa's strap-on gets a lot of work.
Both Elsa and Meg come to the rescue when she gets really bad food poisoning, too. Meg basically lives there for a whole week because it turns into the flu, or something. Either way, Anna's always feeling bloated and sick and it takes the combined efforts of Meg and Elsa to make her feel pretty. Even when they find her eating a whole carton of durian ice cream. They don't manage to pry it away from her before she'd eaten most of it.
It's not one of her prouder moments.
"This is what happens when we eat disgusting ice cream flavours," Meg scolds her one day while they're out shopping. Anna's shirts don't fit anymore so, while yay my boobs are getting bigger, it's also a boo I have to buy clothes and also I'm putting on weight. Meg is completely unsympathetic. Elsa tags along because she can't turn down an opportunity to tease Anna, and also because Kristoff returns in a couple of days and she wants to get something nice to wear. She's completely exhausted her closet of 'semi-formal-not-entirely-casual-but-not-super-nice' clothes.
Anna's browsing some t-shirts and doesn't even notice when Meg and Elsa vanish. It's only when they return, making a beeline for her in a way that's both urgent and reserved that she notices. She holds up a shirt in front of her torso, frowning because either it's gonna fit just right at the top and be too big around her tummy, or it's perfect around her stomach and too tight for her boobs. Pants are actually even worse. Every thing's uncomfortable. And great she's kinda horny again.
"What's up?" she asks. They don't answer straight away, which is honestly what has her on guard. In fact, they actually look at each other before Elsa steps forward.
"We just, um. Have a question. Don't get mad, but... are you... late?"
Anna frowns. "What?"
"Like, your period..."
"I know what it means," Anna says, rolling her eyes. "I just- why are you asking? Why does it matter? None of us have penises."
Elsa shrugs. "Kristoff does."
At that, Anna glares at her. "Not that it's your business, but we've always used protection. Unlike you." Elsa's eyes widen, and as Anna realises what she's said, her stomach drops. "Oh my god, I- I didn't mean that, Elsa. I'm sorry—" She feels tears spring to her eyes. Where had that come from? Elsa and Meg share another glance before they both step forward and hug her.
"It's okay, Anna," Elsa says softly. "I know you didn't mean that."
"Yeah," Meg pipes up. "It's just... the weird food. The huge libido spike. The weight gain. And... you haven't had your period? Everything points in... a very specific direction..."
"But we were safe," Anna insists. "It was shit, unfulfilling sex no matter how many times we tried, but we had a condom on!"
Meg breaks the hug so she can look at her girlfriend. "Did you... change it each time?"
Biting her lip, Anna shakes her head.
And then she bursts into tears for real because this can't be happening. Everything was going so well and- this is the last thing she needs. There's exams and they need to renew their lease or move out soon and Kristoff's not even back yet.
"I'm sorry," she eventually whispers. "I'm sorry I keep fucking everything up."
Meg shakes her head emphatically as Elsa murmurs out a soft, "No..."
They both just hold her until she's calmed down. She doesn't end up getting any clothes, but Meg disappears for a few minutes while Elsa takes Anna to the bathroom to clean her up a little.
She comes back with a little bag with a pharmacy logo on the side. They go home after that, trying to ignore the test as best they can because it's more effective if she does it first thing of a morning, but Anna doesn't care. It's obviously late enough that it won't make a difference.
It doesn't.
Anna goes to bed as soon as the result appears, and just asks to be alone. There's not much more Meg or Elsa can do, so they let her have that.
Kristoff comes back a week later. He's all smiles and tan and it looks a little odd because he's all smiles and tan. But, everyone's just happy he's home.
Anna hasn't told him yet. Neither has Elsa.
It had been her idea, actually. It's not keeping a secret. It's just not the kind of news you break over the phone. 'Hey, boyfriend. Remember that terrible sex? Yeah, well, surprise now I'm pregnant. Cheers'.
Elsa had been the one to suggest waiting until he got back. Neither Meg nor Anna had found a reason to argue against her.
And maybe, actually, that was another good reason to wait. They've kinda gotta break it to him that Meg's sort of part of everything. Or, that she could be.
Kristoff comes back looking very different, and Anna actually can't believe how much she's missed him. She hadn't really thought of him while he was gone, but there was a lot of other stuff going on. It's actually overwhelming, how much she realises she's missed him while he's been away.
Elsa lets her kiss him first because it probably shows on her face, just how much she needs it.
He's the father of the little life growing in her. She needs him right now.
An airport terminal is the wrong place to spill everything, so they all kind of just hug each other. Meg had stayed home – "Not my business," she'd said. "Let me know how the news goes, okay?"
Anna had just nodded and hugged her, before jumping into the passenger seat of Kristoff's car to go and pick him up.
"So," he says once they're all in the car, his luggage in the boot. Anna's in the front seat, playing with his hand. "What did I miss?"