Chapter Six: A Tale of Innocence
To say we stumbled back to the castle three hours later was an understatement. The group's tolerance to fire whiskey was admirable considering our age but those glasses turned out to be our downfall, we quickly lost count of the drinks we consumed and come home-time each of us was pretty wasted.
Theo was scaling the eight foot wall as we went, deciding to continue the walk from that vantage point, Daphne giggling the entire time and threatening to not catch him if he fell. Pansy was thoughtfully strolling ahead, her quiet and dreamy demeanour matched with the frequent stumbles the only indication of her intoxication.
Blaise took up his usual spot to my left but decided a few metres into the walk to throw an arm over my shoulder. I didn't shrug it off – I was told by Daphne that he was an affectionate drunk and quite honestly I didn't mind the extra warmth.
I pulled my box of cigarettes out of my pocket and lit it earning a strange look from Blaise.
"What?" I asked him. Turning so I wouldn't blow the smoke in his face.
"Just a strange habit for a witch," He remarked. I could feel his deep voice as a slight vibration against my shoulder. "What started it?"
"Got drunk a few times at Muggle bar after my Father's funeral," I answered casually. "Met a guy there who introduced me." Yes… that had been an interesting night.
"Can't say I see the appeal," he said when I accidently spilled some embers on his sleeve. He removed his arm and patted it down.
I couldn't help but giggle. "Sorry."
"Hey Blaise!" Daphne called, she was currently attempting to coax Theo down, her arms outstretched, beckoning him. It wouldn't take him long to give in. "Pansy's gonna fall soon, mind giving her a hand."
With a deep sigh and an annoyed glance in my direction which only made me laugh harder, Blaise jogged to meet the tipsy girl, easily slipping a hand around her waist to aid her balance. I put the fag to my mouth once more but froze mid-inhale as someone else took Zambini's place. I made sure not to break my stride, I wouldn't give him the satisfaction that his presence affected me. Nor would I offer him some of my smokes, I was done making the first move here, done being confused at what was going on. He could either throw me a bone or deal with the cravings, I'm sure they're pretty strong tonight after the alcohol.
"I'll talk to Blaise," he voice was low but I doubt any of our inebriated company could have heard him.
Now that I had the bone I couldn't help but get flustered, blushing in the cold evening air. "Good. A – About the staring, it was just something Blaise said, I don't really think you –"
"I'll work on that too," his tone was matter-of-fact, the sentence caused me to stop in my tracks.
Draco Malfoy actually watched me?
"I pride myself in the ability to read people," he said, turning slightly to face me. He was quite close, I couldn't help notice, his dark coat radiating waves of heat and a touch of cologne. "My Father said know your enemy and to not even trust your friends so I ended up training to read friends and enemies becoming the distrustful bastard I am today." I couldn't help but smile in agreement which I don't think he appreciated.
"You don't make any sense to me. Your every reaction doesn't comply and you don't fit into any of the usual moulds."
"If you wanted to get to know me you could have just asked," I replied dryly, starting to walk again. "I think by our shared moment a few weeks ago you would have realised that I'm pretty straight forward –"
"You were drunk."
"I'm drunk right now."
"Alright, then what's the real reason behind you coming today. More to the point; what was in that letter that changed your mind?"
The smile slipped from my face. He noticed far too much. "That's probably the only thing I will not tell you. Anything else –"
"But –" He began to try again before mercifully Theo called out from ahead.
"Land ho!" He cried before bursting into a fit of laughter.
I took in my surroundings realising we'd just about reached the entrance hall doors.
"Draco," Blaise turned, half-dragging a near comatose Pansy with him. "Remember last week when you lost that poker match and you said I had your marker?"
"Yes…" Malfoy looked as if he wished he couldn't.
"Well I'm calling you on it. We're finishing the night off in your room.
"Fine," he allowed though the admission seemed strained. When they'd turned back to go in the doors I felt a cool hand on my wrist but before I could question it had slipped the fag of my fingers and into his mouth.
"You know, you could not be an over-privileged git and ask nicely for it."
The bastard simply answered by blowing smoke in my face.
In Hogwarts the head boy and girl were given their private quarters. Despite not holding this title Draco had managed to also be in the possession of one. I was surprised McGonagall allowed it at all but being Quidditch Captain and prefect along with there being far less students in Slytherin this year must have forced her to see things his way, not to mention the fact that Lucius had probably paid someone off years ago.
The room was situated a few doors down from the entrance to the other boys dorms. We received a few odd looks as we staggered through the Common room which only made us laugh harder. There would be talk the next day but none of us seemed to care.
Draco's bedroom was exactly how I guessed it would be – not… that I imagined it or anything. The double bed was simple and crisp with no extra blankets or unneeded pillows brought from home. His desk was tidy, not a quill out of place with a neat pile of school books in one corner, stacked in order of size. There was nothing personal about it, no pictures or momentums that he's lived a life full of friends and family.
Blaise threw himself into the loveseat by the fire, beckoning me to join him. I obliged willingly, I felt myself sobering a little and the chill from outside had begun to seep into my bones. I popped my shoes off and pulled my legs under me, it was surprisingly easy to get comfortable there.
Pansy curled up in the second loveseat across from ours, Draco taking the spot beside her and Daphne took the single couch perpendicular to us. Theo was more than happy to sit on the ground, leaning against the blonde girl's legs.
Draco pulled out glasses and a bottle of fire whiskey and placed it on the coffee table before us, Theo instantly leaned forward and began pouring generous glasses for each of us.
"We should play a game!" Daphne said brightly, causing Pansy to stir and sit up, the brunette eyed the glasses warily.
"We're already drunk Daph," Theo chuckled at the girls enthusiasm.
"It's not the only reason for drinking games," she pouted and I knew that she'd get her way. "Let's play for the heck of it."
"What did you have in mind?" Blaise groaned, picking up his glass and draping an arm over the top of the couch behind me.
"How about a simple game of truths?" Daphne grinned in quite an evil way.
"Truths?" I asked, a nervous pit began to build in my stomach.
"We're Slytherins," Theo said. "Lying is our second language. So how can we know whether or not it's a game of truths rather than a game of who can most convincingly bullshit."
"I might have something," Draco said, he got up and went to his bedside locker pulling out a small box and returning to his original seat. The box reminded me of –
"Are they Berty Bott's Every Flavoured Beans?" Pansy asked, peering closely at the small tin piece in his hand.
"Sort of. Each sweet has the tiniest of drops of veritaserum." We all shrunk back. "Nothing that will harm us, or even force truths that truly matter to us. Just something to make sure everyone's on the straight and narrow."
There was a pause where everyone seemed to weigh up their options. I myself found the whole idea terrifying but on looking up from his hand I realised Draco was staring at me, almost daring with his eyes. He said he couldn't figure me out and here was a perfect opportunity to get me answering his queries.
"Nothing too personal?" I hedged. "Like only embarrassing stuff we'll be forced to answer."
"I swear." Draco's tone was final, and I believed him without question. "We'll make that part of the rules."
Quickly standing and leaning over the table I grabbed the box from his hand, spilling a few of the pills into my palm I popped one into my mouth, washing it down with fire whiskey and holding my hand out to Blaise.
"Fine… though I'd like to state now that I don't think this is a good idea," he then took a truth bean from my palm.
"It was my idea," Daphne sighed copying his actions, followed by Theo. I put the rest back in the box, handing it to Pansy who took one, washing it down with that little too much alcohol that told me she was nervous. Draco was last, smirking at me as he swallowed making me want to gulp.
"Now what?" Daphne asked. "How do we know its working?
"Is it true that you shagged Anthony Creswell to get into the Slug Club party in sixth year?" Theo half turned to the girl behind him.
Daphne answered as casually as if she was talking about the weather, almost not knowing the words were spilling from her mouth. "Only if you count oral sex in the clock tower as actually shagging, especially considering it lasted under six minutes and as long as I got to wear my new dress robes I really don't see why… oh… Merlin."
Everyone burst into laughter, including myself. This girl was becoming more and more a hero in my eyes. Daphne turned pink, the colour somehow suiting her hair as she buried her face in her hands.
"Now that we know it works… my turn," I was full sure he'd lay a question on me so I was surprised when Blaise's dark eyes rested on Pansy. "That Dark Arts class last year, when Longbottom was about to get tortured because he wouldn't do the exercise and the Carrows got a jinx to the face that sent them into the far wall… was that you?"
Pansy scowled. "Yes," the answer seemed to be pulled out of her. "I didn't give a shit about Longbottom, I just thought it was sick using crucio on first years. I do not get off on other peoples screams."
"What about that time you turned Lavender Browns skin purple?" Daphne asked.
The well-known devious grin returned. "Those screams of pain are completely different and that cow used that 'p' name so she fucking deserved it."
Realisation dawned on Theo's face. "Hey! I took the fall for that hex! I served a week of detention for it!"
"Of course you did," Pansy shrugged. "I had a date that night – I couldn't serve my own detention."
Theo had opened his mouth to counter when Daphne placed a hand on his shoulder.
"My turn," Daphne's mouth quirked into a worrying smile. "This one's for both Pansy and Alyssa. Have you ever fantasised about… Harry Potter?"
"Yes." Pansy and I said in unison.
It wasn't like pure veritaserum, I noticed, where it feels as if jagged hooks are pulling the truth out of your chest in the most painful way possible. This was more like it gave you a push to say the first truthful word that pops into your head.
There was a chorus of choking and spluttering from the men around us.
"Good," Daphne looked relieved. "I'm not the only one then."
"What?" Theo gasped. "Fantasies about Potter? Are you barking?"
"He's really not bad looking," Pansy said casually. "Nice body."
"Great jaw," Daphne added.
"And those eyes," I found myself adding to the list.
The boys looked scandalised, which made me want to laugh out loud.
"But –" Blaise attempted to interject.
"Next question!" Daphne called. "It's your go Alyssa."
I bit my lip in thought. I had a question from the very beginning but was biding my time, seeing what the other people's questions were like before I asked. None of them came close to my own but with no other ideas and the alcohol fuelling my courage I decided to just go for it.
"Mine's for Draco," I was surprised my voice sounded unaffected by nerves. "Why didn't you kill Dumbledore?"
The sudden silence was suffocating. The entire group stiffened, their gazes uneasily shifting to the Malfoy heir. He himself hadn't moved but a sudden stillness came over him that made me regret my choice. I met his gaze however, not backing down.
"That's a bit personal, Blackthorne," his voice was hard and emotionless. "Rules state I don't have to answer it."
"Fine," a tiny portion of me was relieved that I got a do-over. "I'll just –"
"I didn't say I wouldn't answer it… just that I didn't have to." I frowned at the blonde wizard, unsure what he was getting at. "If I do answer it then I get a personal answer in return."
"Like what?" I couldn't hide my distrust. He was more conniving than Pansy.
"Well it wouldn't be something you'd enjoy confiding. And it obviously won't be a sex question –"
If it were possible, the tension in the room got even more awkward.
"Why not?" I asked curiously, not understanding my peer's reaction.
"Well…" he seemed to pause to find the right words. "Isn't it obvious?"
My confusion deepened and I looked around at the others who looked a little embarrassed. Not for themselves though… for me.
The realisation struck home and I laughed, quickly smothering it behind my hand.
"Oh! You all think I'm a virgin," I chuckled again. "Of course you do. It makes sense really…"
I could literally feel the wheels in Draco's head turning as he watched the chuckles subside. Before I could question him as to how to proceed with the game he began talking in that familiar listless way the rest of them had under the truth bean.
"I didn't kill him because I didn't have it in me. He was surrounded by death eaters, wandless and quite frankly, scared. What's more he didn't look at me like the monster I was to let all Voldemort's followers into the castle instead… he looked like he had pity on me. Like it wasn't my fault. I don't know how anyone could have cast a curse on an old man like that. So Snape ended up doing it for me. Ended up working out I guess…"
His eyes seemed to have glazed over as he told us, clouded with pain and regret that made me want to move closer to him. With his features so soft he looked like something out of a book; wounded but beautiful.
Those musings disappeared the second said eyes returned to rest on me. Oh no.
"Well then giggles, I guess it's my turn. Tell us how your innocence was lost."
I glared at him, wishing I'd pretended to be what they all thought. A spark of irritation ignited in my gut. He really thought I was a scared little virgin. Focusing on the irritation rather than the embarrassment made it easier to start speaking.
"None of you have sisters," I began, regarding each male in the room. "You don't understand what it's like being both female and a pureblood. From the moment I could walk and talk I was raised to breed. Be the perfect wife to my pureblood husband and provide him with an heir to continue the family name. When I turned sixteen my Father's friends started to take notice of me. Their eyes watched me as I entered and exited our manor. I would later overhear them complimenting my father on how nicely I was growing up and how I'd make a good match for some wizard. Wizards who are a 'good match' are usually ten years our senior by the way.
"It made me sick, their eyes on me. I stopped feeling like his daughter and more like his thoroughbred mare. So during our Easter break, when we went to our families holiday home in France, my Father left me and Mum to go on business – looking back on it now he was probably doing Voldemort's bidding. Anyway, the night he left I went out to a local Muggle pub, got drunk and met a French Muggle. I convinced him I was eighteen and went home with him. I… how did you put it again? Lost my innocence that night and just for good measure I returned the next night and every night until my Father came home."
I expected them to look horrified, but they didn't. A little shocked, sure but the girls I could see understood. They knew what it was like.
"And though he didn't find out right away, I felt empowered. I'd degraded myself, tainted the perfect specimen he planned to auction off to the most suitable suitor to improve his status. Even when he did find out…" I couldn't hold back the shudder. I prayed they didn't notice it. "It was still worth it."
My tale was followed by silence. Understandable really, there was nothing to say. I focused my gaze on my Fire whiskey, watching the amber liquid churn as I tilted the glass. I could almost hear their minds trying to wrap around what I'd said and I braced myself against the looks of pity.
Being pitied terrified me almost as much as it pissed me off.
Unable to stand the quiet a second longer I downed the rest of my drink, the burning sensation long gone as the hours passed. Careful to focus on foot placement I stood, I'm embarrassed to say I may have swayed a little.
"I'm tired," was all I said though. "I'm going to call it a night. I'll see you all… whenever." With that I turned my heel, tightening my fists in concentration to make it to my bed without falling.