Oh boy, chapter 12. Time to make a mess again! I need you guys to bare with me a little. Because this chapter was EXTREMELY hard for me to write, even if I don't go into too much detail during the difficult parts. But it needed to be written as well, because in order for this story to get the closure it needs, something big had to happen for the ending to workout the way I want it to. (Because, yes, dear friends, I already know EXACTLY how the story will end huehuehue) but I hope you guys enjoy chapter 12 and feel free to like, review / send me feedback as always!

MASSIVE TRIGGER WARNING FOR THE FOLLOWING: VIOLENCE, SEXUAL ASSAULT.

"I can't believe how well everything's been going." Anger is in disbelief as he takes his seat, "I mean, we even got solid Christmas gifts a few days ago. We didn't hate a single thing we got!" December 31st. It's approximately 2:17 PM. The past few weeks, since Halloween, have been so relaxed. Amanda's been too busy with cheer to blur the lines further, Riley's grades have improved. And since the Tegan an Sara concert, which all of the emotions are in agreement that it had been a religious experience, Riley and Carissa have been on three more dates! They even exchanged Christmas presents on Christmas Eve!

"I know, like, this has been amazing!" Joy is wearing the brightest smile today, "So, I think we should ask her to make it official tonight. You know, at midnight? We already promised Carissa a New Years kiss! So I think we should ask her right after the kiss at midnight! All in favor?"

There's an "Aye!" That's shouted in unison.

"Well." Sadness begins, "What should we wear?"

The emotions turn to Disgust who is ready, willing and able, "It's gonna' be surprisingly chilly tonight, so I was thinking those skinny jeans mom got us for Christmas with that black studded belt we kinda' sorta just took from Carissa. Then a black cami, our leather jacket with the fabric sleeves and hood- our beanie, and our green docs. And maybe a little bit of some eyeliner and mascara. After all, it's the holidays! We should fluff it up a little." But wait, "Oh! And maybe that black choker we made by snipping a part of an old pair of tights."

"Subtle, but sexy, Carissa will love it!" Joy is so positive of that.

"I hope she melts when she sees us." Fear is twiddling his fingers, "She always manages to turn Riley into a puddle, but I wish we were better at that!"

"We are good at it!" Joy will argue with much enthusiasm, "Carissa is just way better at hiding it." She'll turn her attention to the main screen. It's of Riley's laptop screen. She's currently answering asks on her blog and responding to a few direct messages. She's quite content and relaxed with a hot chocolate and some left over Christmas cookies, "It's hard to believe how far we've come sometimes."

"...I know what you mean." Fear is a little more than proud, "Years ago Riley couldn't even say the word lesbian without panicking. Now she runs one of the most popular LGBT blogs on Tumblr and is giving others advice and organizing events for San Fran Pride. It's...really beautiful."

Anger agrees, "She really is such a good kid. She's watched the world shit on her so many times, yet she still finds the will to give back to others. She's become so strong and confident, it almost brings a tear to your eye."

"It certainly does for me." Sadness is removing her glasses as she speaks just to wipe her eyes, "I'm really proud of her, guys."

"We are too." Says Disgust, refusing to look away from the main screen, "We are too."

It's a phone call that draws her attention away from the computer. The caller isn't in her contacts, but it's the correct area code. Though reluctant, Riley will pick up, "...Hello?"

"Hey, uh, it's Austin."

'What the fuck, hang up on him!'

'How did he get her number?!'

She'll push her laptop further back on the bed and sit up pretzel style, "...How did you get my number?"

"I bombarded Jensen for it. You got to me back during the Halloween party so even though Jordan broke up with her...so did I."

"Great. Why are you calling me?"

"What I did at the party was wrong and I never apologized for it. And I still feel really shitty for it."

'I don't trust this.'

'Let's just hear him out.'

"I was kind of drunk that night and yeah, I get that's not an excuse, but it was really gross." He'll sigh, "I swear I'm not looking to be friends or anything. I've been going to therapy."

'...He has?'

'Guys I really don't trust this.'

'...Let's just hear him out, okay?'

"Therapy? For real?"

"Yeah, and it's been helping. But anyway, last session he was telling me how in order for me to succeed in my future I need to start ending things without regrets...and I would feel bad if when we graduate in June, I haven't apologized or got closure. That's all I want."

Riley is in disbelief, but she's surprised to hear it because, "...Yeah, um, aha...closure would be good." She actually agrees.

"So, I'm sorry for being shitty at Carl's party and I'm sorry for...getting with Jensen, though I'm probably going to call Jordan up for that one...she swore to me they weren't legit and I was hooked so I believed."

"Well, that's Jensen for ya'." Strangely enough they're both laughing together.

There's a quick silence before he adds, "...She still trying to sabotage you and Carissa?"

"...Yeah. She's liked her since middle school. It's no big deal, really. She'll find someone. I'm sure it's not easy for her and I don't hate her for it." She actually does hate her for it, but just to be safe, she won't reveal too much, "We're graduating soon anyway, so it won't matter soon."

"Yeah, yeah, exactly." He'll cough, "I'll be at the party tonight, so I'll talk to Jordan then, I guess. But maybe we can...put this in the past, both have a good time tonight. You with your girl and me with weed I'll probably buy off of Jordan, aha."

"...Sounds good." She'll smile, though she's a little skeptical, "...Well, thanks for calling, but uh, I gotta' shower and get some stuff done. So...I'll talk to you whenever."

"Yeah, yeah. Of course. Peace, Riley." He'll end the call, drop the phone onto his desk. Just behind him is Jensen, arms folded, "That's Jensen for ya'? She ain't no prize herself. Don't even know why you're so into bagging her in the sack, honestly." She'll laugh.

"Whatever." He'll turn in his seat, "So? Did you get what I needed?"

She'll smirk, pulling a small baggie out of her pocket.

"Sweet." He's bouncing with delight, "So how does it work? And how long does it take?"

"You just gotta' pour it in her drink. When she isn't looking." She'll lick her lips, checking her makeup in the mirror as if none of this matters, as if it's not a big deal, "Depends on the body. But she's a skinny little thing, so probably between 30 seconds to ten minutes. Give or take."

"What's your plan with Carissa?"

"I'm gonna' play nice, see if I can at least get a friendship going for now." Austin is so very naive. Jensen doesn't play nice. It's full on war. At this point? It's no longer about getting Carissa's attention. Because Carissa time and time again has reassured her that she will never want her. Now? Her goal is to hurt her. Her goal is to break her. Her goal is to destroy her and everything around her, "Wait until about 11 PM. By then everyone else will be too high or drunk to notice anything."

"Our girl looks hot tonight!" Disgust claps her hands together while leaning back in her seat, "Carissa won't know what hit her."

Fear isn't so okay brushing past the phone conversation from earlier as Riley can be seen on the main screen in front of her full length mirror pulling on her leather jacket, "I don't...think we should trust Austin so easy."

"Look, I know he's been an asshole in the past. But we're graduating in a few months!" Disgust is sitting up now as she makes sure Riley is adjusting her beanie just right, "So my point is this: Austin has nothing to gain from doing anything else. In a few months everyone that we've spent years in school with will be off to bigger and better things. Colleges and big careers in state and out of state. Most of these people we'll never see again unless we actively choose to. And we know Riley likely won't keep in contact with anyone other than her close knit group and Carissa."

Disgust may have a point, but Sadness will quietly raise her hand and clear her throat, "...I see where you're coming from, Disgust, but we shouldn't trust so easily. Fear is kind of right."

"Ugh! We promised Carissa that we would work on our trust issues and that's what we're doing!"

"But that doesn't mean we should abandon what our gut tells us!"

Joy will raise both arms up, "Okay, everyone stop fighting. Yes, we should trust better, but I think we ought to give Austin a chance. He didn't even say he wanted to hang out tonight. He said maybe we'll see each other and both have good times- separately. If something happens, we'll handle it okay? Nothing's going to happen because we'll be careful."

"I hope you're right, Joy." Because Fear can't seem to brush past the gnawing feeling in the pit of his stomach.

By the time Riley arrives at the party it's about 8:37 PM. She's pushing through the crowd where she'll come to stand behind Carissa and wrap her arms around her waist, "Hey, gorgeous."

Carl and Amanda, who had been talking with Carissa break their conversation immediately. Carl greets her with an ayyy girl. While Amanda? Well her smile seems to fade when she watches those arms preform that romantic little gesture.

And Carissa is grinning, "Hey, you." Before turning around to face her potential girlfriend, "Wow, you look cute." A wink, "I might have to do more than just kiss you at midnight."

"Oh yeah?" The smirk is prominent as she leans in close with parted lips for that kiss.

But before she can, Amanda seems to...rudely break the attempt, "Get a room, guys!"

Carl tries to play her comment off as if it's merely a joke, "I dunno, man, I could go for a show!"

Carissa rolls her eyes, "Not on your best day would I let you watch us, Carl."

But Riley knows that tone of voice. Amanda was...being malicious.

'See? Your bad feeling probably wasn't about Austin at all...because it looks like Amanda is going to act up around us again.'

'What do we do?'

'Let's just follow what Carl said months ago and ignore the bad behavior and the flirting should she attempt it.'

"So I bought a bunch of those party popper things for midnight." It's spoken as Carl is opening another can of beer, a Budweiser, and pouring it into a red cup, "I thought that would be kinda' fun."

Riley appreciates his enthusiasm, but she'll laugh with a snide little comment that is most certainly not untrue, "I really don't think anybody is going to be sober enough to even know what the fuck to do with one of those once you hand them out."

"Well that's the fun of it!"

Carissa will lean down to kiss Riley's cheek, "Well, I'm outta' beer and I need a smoke- so I'll be back okay? Carl where are the Blue Moon's?"

As she's stepping away, Riley notices it again. That look of jealousy on Amanda's face. it's getting harder and harder to ignore. The focus is broken when Carl yells to Carissa, "Should be in the bottom drawer of the fridge in the basement! You can bring some up for the cooler right outside if you want- you're the only one drinkin' em'."

Finally, Riley will take a seat at the table just beside Carl. The gesture is enough for him to waggle his eyebrows at her, "So? You two are sealin' that little midnight kiss? Are we a couple again?"

Riley will sit up, cheeks turning red with a grin.

"Eh?" And playfully he'll nudge her arm with his elbow, "Eh?!"

She'll laugh, "...Well, I mean, I'm planning to ask her then, yeah. See if she's ready to tie the knot with me. It's been going really well."

"That's awesome, Riley! I'm so glad you two are getting things patched up. I've missed our dank hang outs."

It's weird, though. Where Amanda is usually a busy body, talking up a storm that's filled with words of encouragement...she's silent. Not uttering a word. And in truth, it's making Riley very uneasy. She'll stand with a dull sigh, "Well, I'm gonna grab a beer. I'll catch up with you guys in a bit." She steps away without a word.

It prompts Carl to turn to Amanda and shake his head, "Okay, what is your problem? You just made her feel like shit."

"Nothings wrong." She'll argue.

"Really? Because that girl is literally buzzing that she's finally getting back together with Carissa and you look like you're nothing but offended by the idea."

"Because she's moving so fast I just don't want her to get hurt!"

"Oh, don't gimmie' that bull! They started patching things up in August and it's gonna be January of the new year in about three hours. They're taking it slow if anything!"

"I'm just protective of Riley! Can't I be protective?!"

"Girl, this isn't protective, it's possessive."

Amanda's jaw will drop. She shakes her head in anger, standing up abruptly, "I'm not doing this with you, Carl." She's making a B-Line for the front door.

But Carl is following her, "Not doing what? We're not even doing anything!"

Out the door they go when she'll use a potential subject changer, "Is this because you're still in love with me?! Suddenly you're policing how I act with my friends 'cause you want me back?!"

But he's not bothered by what she says and so he'll be brutally honest with her, "I was never in love with you. I was dating you when I was thirteen, fourteen years old. I didn't know what the fuck love was. So I can promise you it ain't that."

Maybe this strikes her a little too hard. Because it reflects her currently conflict. Amanda's left unable to speak. Lips parted and eyes watery.

"...Fuck- sorry, I- I said that in a shitty way, please don't cry. I hate when you cry I didn't mean to-"

"I'minlovewither." The truth bomb is finally dropped.

But here's the difference. It's just as shocking for Carl. Because he knew damn well Amanda had the hots for Riley...but he didn't think for a second it was love. And that's not even the half of it, she's about to completely blow his mind, "Wh...what? Did you just say you're...in love with Riley?"

Her lips will quiver, pursed up so tight as she nods her head just a little. The tears are ready to burst.

"...For how long, Amanda?"

And much to his shock, "U-Um-" She takes a breath, "I dunno-h...maybe...two years-h? Just about-h-?"

What the fuck? He's in disbelief, "But...I mean- okay, obviously the past few months you've been acting weird because of your feelings. But you- there were no signs before then, why all of the sudden is it- how did you hide that- what the hell changed?"

"...She made love to me."

Made love, that's different than regular sex and honestly, Carl doubts that it was anything other than sex because, "...You guys were drunk."

"...I wasn't-h-"

"...What?"

"I-I knew she was drunk a-and I-" She'll sigh, "D-Do you remember back in eleventh grade during spring break when we all slept over your house?" She pauses, "I heard her and Carissa talking in their room when I went to the bathroom and I listened in because I heard my name..."

"Listen, I know she's your best friend, but, since we're playing the who would you bang game let's go beyond celebrities...Amanda?" Carissa takes a swig of her beer that she passes to Riley. "I don't even have to think about that one." She takes a sip, "She's hot. I would absolutely fuck her." She laughs, "Especially in her little cheer uniform? Like, ugh, I bet she sounds great when she's moaning." "Dude, could you imagine tag teaming her together? That would be so hot." "Oh, definitely." "And she's got a great ass." As Carissa finishes off the bottle. "And like, call me gross, but her tits are huge I just wanna' put my face between them and just." Now both girls crack up as Carissa politely points out, "You're so drunk." "You are too!" "I know and that's why I'm in total agreement about her wrack."

"I-I knew she thought I was attractive. I-I knew for a long time. And I started thinking she was cute in tenth grade when she cut her hair and discovered herself because...sh-she got so confident and happy! It was so nice to finally see and I was so proud of her-h." And another truth bomb, "So the night of that party...I pretended to be drunk. Because I knew she was...drunk enough to make the mistake-h. She'd told me that she thought about having a rebound hook up a-and I didn't think she would just pick me unprovoked. S-So I remember everything-h!"

Carl forces Amanda to sit down on the stoop with him, and he leans in close, listening intently.

"And she was s-so good to me-h- asking if she was hurting me-h if I was okay-h- she warned me before touching me s-so I wouldn't be caught off guard and we took it nice and slow. A-and I almost chickened out-h- I asked her are you sure you want to? Are you sure it's okay too? A-and she wanted it, she made it clear-h. She doesn't remember most of what we did at all, but we...we did it together-h-" She'll cover her face in embarrassment, "I-I came twice but the second time-h- we came together-h and I told her I love you as I did it! A-And she said she loved me too-h- a-and deep down it just hurt more because I meant it a-and I know she meant it as a friend. B-because before she passed out she said-h-"

"Mhh, fuck, baby, that was good." She's grinning with delight, "I swear y'made me ssee starss when I came." Her speech is slurred, her eyes are hardly open, "Nh'you're such a good girl, 'Manda. You're family to me." Her head will drop right atop Amanda's bare chest, "Promise we'll be best friends f'rever, m'kay?" She passes out shortly after.

Well and truly, Amanda is crying hysterically now, "I-I can't hide it anymore because we had sex a-and I stupidly set myself up for heartbreak a-and I dunno' what to do, Carl! I-I actually thought I might have a chance with her-h-!" right against his chest she will cry, "I-I'm in love with her-h-h." She's doing her best to breath, "...I'm in love with my best friend."

He pats her back, kisses her hair, "It'll be alright, Amanda...it'll be alright."

Riley opens a can of beer from the cooler before she returns to the table only to find that both of her friends have vanished. There's a pause before she turns around and accidentally bumps into Austin, who's walking in the opposite direction, "Oh- shit, I'm sorry, I didn't see you."

"Nah, it's cool I was just gonna' go outside." The plan is clever at least.

And Riley falls for it, "Oh." Her beer can is dropped on the vacant table when she's bending down to pick up an object, observing it carefully. She stands again, "Guess I bumped into you a little too hard, aha. You dropped your wallet."

"Oh, shit, thanks." He stows it away in his back pocket, "Listen, it'll be midnight soon enough, how about a let the past stay in the past toast?"

'Bro, we said we'd give you closure and we did. Why do we need to toast anything?'

She picks up her beer can, giving an awkward sort of smile.

"Come on, Andersen, just humor me." He'll waggle his eyebrows, "...To moving on?" And he'll raise his cup.

Riley will shake her head, raise the beer can up and tap it against the plastic before taking a swig, "To moving on."

"Awesome." He'll smile, taking one more sip, "Listen, really quick, before I let you go-"

'Why is he talking so much? I don't care about anything he's saying.'

'He needs to shut up.'

'...Guys, I feel kind of tired all of the sudden.'

"How's Jordan doing? I can't find him anywhere and I wanted to talk to him. Did he not come?"

Out of nowhere, she finds her vision beginning to cloud. Everything looks almost...out of focus. She'll close her eyes for a second, "I'm sorry, what'd you say?"

"...I said did Jordan not come tonight? I wanted to talk to him and apologize, but I can't find him."

"Oh- sorry, uh." She takes a minute, rubbing her eyes with her free hand, likely smudging her makeup, "I think he's...just...he's just out-" She puts her beer can on the table, grips the chair she's standing beside for dear life. She's swaying where she stands, hand pressed to her face. Sound is muffled, dizzy. So...so dizzy.

"Riley?" He steps closer, "Hey, hey, you okay?"

She'll begin to lean forward, knees bucking a little.

"Woah-" He'll put his own cup down, "Woah, hey-" And he'll catch her before she can fall over, "What's going on? Are you okay?" He's already directing her across the room, the intention is to bring her upstairs, "Come on, let's get you away from the noise and get you some water."

She'll nod. But there's still a bit of a moral compass within her...she can still comprehend a little bit. And something in her gut is telling her that something isn't right. That was her first beer. There's no way that she's drunk enough for her to be nearly passing out.

They'll end up in Carl's bedroom, where he'll shut the door behind them and carefully place her on the bed. He doesn't say a word, and his expression changes.

The only thing she sees now, is a blurry hand waving in front of her face. She doesn't say a word, but continues to slouch, swaying and blinking slow.

"Oh, boy. You are gone, baby girl." He'll laugh, "You are way too easy."

Finally she finds the will to speak, if just barely, "What-hh...What-hhchyou' put-h in my drink-h." She is hardly functioning, motor skills are being forgotten.

"Oh, nothing that'll kill you. But it'll make you cooperate."

Though it doesn't show, she's terrified right now, "Thefuck-h j'you give me-h."

"Stop talking." He'll sit right next to her, "You fucked me over, Riley. You fucked me over and humiliated me. I lost everything. So now? I'm going to humiliate you." One hand will push her down onto the bed.

But the smaller form, bless her heart, is still trying to put up a fight. Flimsy arms will come up in front of her, attempting to block him, "Dho...dhon't." Nearly blacked out.

The hands are pinned down, "I already told you. I'm getting what I wanted." How disgusting his smile will be when he watches those eyes close, barely able to stay open. She's essentially passed out, well and truly. He leans down, lips pressed to her ear, "I'm going to fuck you. And believe me: it's going to hurt."

Carl spent over an hour and a half comforting Amanda outside. It's about 11:40 PM when they return inside. Carissa greets them, "Hey- is she okay?"

Amanda will rub her eyes, "Yeah, yeah I'm okay." She'll laugh a little, "I'm just PMS-ing hardcore."

Carl doesn't want anything else to be made awkward so he's willing to back Amanda up, "Yeah, she went manic outta' nowhere, but we talked and now it's good." But he'll change the subject anyway, just to be safe, "So where's Riley? We got like fifteen minutes or so before you guys gotta' make this party gay."

Carissa laughs, "Asshole. And I dunno' I've been trying to find her, I figured she was with you guys."

Amanda looks to Carl, "...No. No, she wasn't with us. But Jordan's outside so she's probably with him. Come on let's go see."

The trio will take off, headed outside where they find Jordan chilling out with a few friends, "Yooo, finally. You guys coming to bake?"

"Riley's not with you?" Carissa will inquire.

"No, I haven't seen her all night. Haven't left this spot."

The three will eye one another before Carl makes the choice, "Amanda, give her a call, Carissa, let's ask around. I don't think she'd have left."

11:50 PM. Everyone is crowding into the living room waiting to watch the ball drop, while Amanda steps out front to give her a call, "...Hey, Riley. I know you never check voicemail's, but where are you? We're all looking for you. Just call me back or text me, sweetie."

Carl and Carissa are breaking through the crowd when they find Jensen sitting on the couch alone, laughing at her phone. It doesn't take a genius to know that what she's doing is on purpose. So they'll both walk over, "Okay." Carl begins, "What are you laughing at?"

It's a sadistic sort of gaze she flashes. And she'll have the audacity to turn the phone screen to them, it's a livenow stream, "Revenge."

And to their horror, it's exactly what's happening up in Carl's room

There is no hesitation once the footage is processed. Carissa is running up the stairs with Carl right on her tail, "Go, go now-" He says, just as the count down to midnight can be heard from the living room. But, she'll slam the bedroom door open so hard it'll nearly break it of its hinges. It's even more horrifying in person, even if he comes to an abrupt halt with a, "What the fuck?!" by Austin.

The rage. The seething rage. The absolute seething rage, it explodes. She walks right over, a single hand burrows itself into his hair, forcing him to his feet, pants unbuttoned and all. She will throw him against the wall with every fiber of her being, "You little bastard!" Her body pressed against his, "You sick bastard!

At this point Carl is at Riley's side, "In my bed." He says. Full on panic. He turns to the other, eyes Austin, "IN MY FUCKING BED!" He's going to be sick he can feel it, "Riley- Riley get up, come on it's okay- Riley!"

But Carissa is unforgiving. Her hand wraps around Austin's neck. And he will gag, he can't breathe, "I'm gonna' kill you, Austin." Teeth are gritted. Their noses are touching at this point. Carissa has lost it and she wants him to suffer, "I'm gonna' kill you." Kneed right between his legs, she'll watch him fall to the floor, "I'M GONNA' KILL YOU! I'M GONNA KILL YOU!" A swift kick right in his stomach, "YOU BASTARD!" And again, "BASTARD!" And again, angry tears pouring down her face, "BASTARD!"

Carl doesn't stop her. In his mind, Austin deserves this, his focus is on waking Riley up. Finally, she stirs and she is so clearly out of it. Pupils dilated and all, "Mhh...Carl?" Still barely functioning.

Carl sits her up, "Come on, we're here, it's okay." The commotion is enough for a few kids to make their way upstairs to see what's going on. But his friend is currently undressed from the waist down, so he's quick to take his jacket off and place it over her, "Hey, hey, hey! Everyone downstairs! Downstairs, now! Pack your shit up and get out! Party's over! Go!"

By this point, Amanda comes running in, a hand covers her mouth. Though she's witnessing the aftermath, it doesn't need to be explained. It's very clear what's just happened. However, she'll go running to Carissa's side first, "Carissa! Carissa stop!" She's attempting to pull her away.

But Carissa is stronger, completely ignoring her as she continues to straddle the savage beast beneath her, punching him clean in the face, "YOU LITTLE BASTARD! I'LL KILL YOU! I'LL KILL YOU! I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU!"

"CARISSA!" She somehow finds the will to pull her back. But it's her words that will get to her, "You'll be no good to Riley if you're locked up when she needs you most!"

The punk is breathing heavy as she comes to stand. She'll run her fingers through her hair. Then it registers again. She turns around, Riley's awake. She'll run to her side, "Baby-" Hands pressed to her lovers cheeks, "Baby. Baby-"

Riley's whimpering, quiet and slow, "It hurts really bad." And once again, she's passing out.

Carissa draws the girl against her chest, holds her close, gently rocking her, "...I'm gonna' be sick."

At this point Carl is on his phone, he wasted no time, "Hi, uh, I'm at a party at my house and we just walked in on a kid from my school sexually assaulting my friend...she's really out of it, I think he gave her something...yeah she was passed out when we walked in and she only just woke up...her pupils are dilated she needs to go to the hospital."

Austin, groans in discomfort, attempting to sit up. But it'll be Amanda who pushes him right back down, "You don't move. Stay on the floor and don't move." She turns to Carissa and the two will eye each other with somber gazes. Nobody knows what to do. If nothing else, at least it won't be long until the sound of sirens can be heard outside of the house, and the authorities and paramedics will collectively come running up he stairs. It's a sickening scene to walk in on.

But what's to become of their girl?