CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Gig
"Ne, Feitan. You won't leave me, right? Everyone leaves me, except for Momo. But then again, most of the people I know tend to leave me. But you won't leave me, right? You're different, right? Your existence and tolerance of my attitude is what proves it. Ne, Feitan… are you still listening?" Aki wondered, attempting to smile as she slowly stood up and knocked on the door.
"Feitan? You're in there, right? You listening to me… right?" She frantically asked as soon as she felt as if the bathroom was quiet; not even a sound of a drop of water was heard.
"Feitan?" She called again before attempting to open the door, which was surprisingly unlocked all this time.
"I'm coming in. Sorry for barging in Feitan but I—"
Aki suddenly stopped, the tears starting to freely flow down her tear-stained face once again, making her silent sobs gradually turn louder by the second.
"F-Feitan… did you leave?" she desperately asked, her voice raising, mixing with her now loud sobs.
No one responded back, except for the chilly wind that entered from the open window.
Aki's body convulsed as she sobbed loudly, the cold tiles giving her the chills; she just realized how stupid she was for not checking whether Feitan was in or not.
But somehow, she had this strong gut feeling that Feitan was there all along.
"I knew it, I am so fucking stupid. After all that effort to apologize, heck, I know I even sucked, considering that it was my first time to lower my pride to apologize like that. But still… the person I wanted to hear it the most wasn't even present." She bitterly said, as she furiously wiped her eyes.
Aki cried in the bathroom for hours or so, before finally deciding that she needed to get up now or she'll be frozen, as frozen as Feitan's attitude towards her.
She sluggishly returned to her room and changed into her nightclothes before finally collapsing on the bed, staring out the window.
She was at a loss as to what to do now; she has been thinking that maybe, somehow, Feitan may have finally left her for good.
Aki thought that Feitan was different— well, he actually was. She just couldn't accept the fact that he had left her though, especially now that she needed him the most, that she needed reassurance from him the most.
She regretted defending Taka that night, she also regretting being so childish for running away just because of the prank Feitan made.
She regretted not choosing to stay by his side when he himself stood by her.
"Stupid brain, stupid decisions." She sighed, while staring out the window. For some reason, she was having a hard time sleeping now, despite her prone position on bed.
Shifting in bed, she decided to lie on her back. She stared at her bedroom's star-clad ceiling with her eyes still wide open.
She still could not stop thinking of Feitan, and it was already 3AM.
Finally giving up, Aki decided to go see the real stars instead, hoping that somehow, they may be able to lull her to sleep.
Aki went out of the room and climbed towards the rooftop after putting on a black hoodie she found on her parents' bed.
After finding a comfortable spot, she laid down, cushioning her head with her arms as she stared at the night sky.
For some reason, she found the twinkling stars to be oddly comforting, and beautiful.
Tears continued to stream down her cheeks as soon as she remembered what has occurred a while ago; Feitan seemed to be like a drug she can't eliminate from her system.
"Fuck this. This is such a romantic sky, by which I should be happy and with someone watching the stars with me, and I'm in fucking tears." She bitterly laughed as the stars continued to twinkle in response.
Feitan, on the other hand, was making his way to his own 'sanctuary'— his torture prison.
His heart was still beating erratically for a reason he could not decipher, and he was feeling very frustrated for not being able to eliminate the confusing emotions he is currently feeling.
At some point, he blames Aki for making him feeling this way, for making him experience this foreign feeling.
And Feitan hated experiencing things he was not familiar with.
He also couldn't help but remember Aki's crappy apology a while back; he was aware of how badly she apologized, but then again, he still couldn't help but feel his heart being gradually pierced the farther he moves from Aki.
There was a miniscule part of his self that regretted leaving Aki behind, especially after the tremendous effort she had given just to apologize.
He wondered whether he should return and apologize to Aki, but then again, he wasn't one to express his feelings so openly— he was always labeled at sadistic and merciless.
But then again, no matter how mean he may be, he was still human.
Feitan absentmindedly kicked a rock as he decided to just hang out at the rooftop, for a reason he also could not explain why.
His body automatically led its way to the top, by which he laid down, his arms cushioning his head.
He felt strange; his current position was giving him weird feels. But then again, he still continued to lay down and stare at the star-filled night sky, twinkling at him.
For some reason, Feitan momentarily forgot the dilemma he was currently facing and felt a twinge of pain as he thought,
"Stars look so beautiful tonight. But mood is opposite to it."
"Hey Aki, just exactly how long are you going to take? We are just two bands away from performing!" Shiro yelled, banging his fists on the door.
"Hold on! I'm just freaking anxious you know! It's my first time to perform and I still don't know what to wear!" Aki yelled back, clutching her head in both confusion and frustration.
It's been weeks since her failed apology with Feitan, and although she admits that she still feels hurt and all alone, she still had no excuse to just make herself vanish.
Even though she wanted to breakdown and lock up herself in her room until Feitan returns, she herself knows how stupid that would be.
Also, she thought that the chances of Feitan returning home would be close to impossible once she acts all weak and pathetic.
'I just can't give up, now that I've gone this far, now that I've lived this far. Also, our fate would be decided by the sign I asked.' She thought.
"The sign… ah yes, thinking about it makes me more anxious to perform." She laughed bitterly as she finally got dressed and picked up her guitar, heading towards the door.
Shiro was about to throw another fit when suddenly the door opened.
"I'm ready!" Aki announced, dramatically spreading her arms as if they were wings, with her guitar hanging awkwardly on her back.
"Took you too damn long." Shiro silently grumbled as he pulled Aki towards the stage.
"You can't blame me for having butterflies in my stomach all this time."
"Yeah right, just make sure that sign of yours will work. You need to grow up, kid."
"Who are you calling a kid?!" Aki retorted.
Shiro simply shrugged as he briefly remembered what has transpired just a week ago.
One week ago…
"Ne, Shiro. Can I talk to you for a sec?" Aki timidly asked, pulling on Shiro's sleeve as he was busy strumming away his guitar.
"Yeah? Shoot." Shiro responded, putting his palm over the strings as he fully faced Aki.
Aki sat beside Shiro, as she twiddled her fingers; she knew that her plan was stupid and downright unrealistic, but then again, she was left with no other option.
As much as she wanted to find Feitan, by which she desperately did the past few weeks after her apology, she would eventually have to move on and forget about him if ever there was no more hope of them making up.
Besides, she thought, who was he to make her world turn upside down.
But then again, maybe he indeed was someone who could do just that, she thought.
Since, as much as she tries to deny it, she can't help but think that Feitan was now important to her, that what he said or did now mattered.
And she could not understand why.
"Hello~! Aki, I'm still waiting?" Shiro interrupted her from her reverie, waving his hands in front of her face.
"Oops sorry sorry." Aki sheepishly grinned, scratching her head in response, by which Shiro gave her a raised brow in response.
"I was thinking of inviting them both to the gig, then I'd be hitting two birds with one stone."
"I don't get it Aki, who do you mean by them both? You don't mean…"
"Yes. Them." Aki confirmed. "Taka and Feitan. I mean, yeah Taka's been a jerk and all, but I think now's the time to confront him to end this disaster… It's all because of him that things have gotten to be this way. But then again, I feel so stupid for still having feelings for him, hence, the invite. As for Feitan… I don't want to be kept hanging anymore, I believe that I do not have any romantic feelings for him, but I still can't shake off this fear of him leaving me, which is remotely possible since in the first place, I am fully aware that he isn't from here."
Shiro listened attentively while Aki laid out her plan, by which she was a bit shaky all the while she was explaining.
"Okay so… if both or either of them comes, what will happen?"
"If both of them came, then it's all good. I'll be able to make up with Feitan, hopefully, and confront Taka once and for all. If either of them came, it's still somewhat good because I'd still be accomplishing something. But if neither of them came… I guess it's time to be a mature adult and move on. You might think I'm being stupid right now, that I could just move on and forget about dealing with this shit. But still… I can't help but want to feel somewhat hopeful, that there's a possibility that something may be fixed if I wait." Aki mumbled, her eyes downcast.
Shiro patted her in the head in response. Despite the irrational thinking Aki was exhibiting right now, he could still understand where she was coming from— he knew how heartbreaking and frustrating Aki's position was, considering her background as well.
And the least he could do to help his friend was to be her support, and to help her with her so-called plan.
"I know you know what I'm thinking about this plan of yours, but nevertheless, I— no, we will be supporting you all the way. Just remember that you have some awesome bandmates to come home to if the two faggots fail to see how valuable you are." He grinned, ruffling Aki's hair much to her dismay.
"Yeah, and… thanks." Aki smiled warmly.
She knew that even though her plan backfires, she was sure of one thing:
At least she tried.
One week later...
"I just really hope this plan of yours works." Shiro muttered as he stared at Aki, before giving her a big bearhug.
"And don't be nervous when you go upstage alright? Just think of it as regular band practice with people. I know we can do this." Shiro grinned, by which Aki nervously smiled back.
"Yeah."
As soon as their band was called, the group went upstage. Aki was shaking like mad, but she forcefully made herself appear as if she was chill.
'Shit. Please. Give me a sign, Kami-sama.' She thought as she smiled at the crowd and took the microphone.
"Hiya guys! I'm Aki, the vocalist, obviously." She momentarily glared at a group of guys who were pointing at her while laughing loudly. "And we will be performing 'That One' by Kylee. Hell, this song is dedicated to someone I know." She sadly smiled before signaling Shiro and the others to start.
I sit here
And wait for you to find me
I know that
It surely fall into place
I have been
Searching long for that one
When I find you
Trust me I will know
'I'm freaking nervous… I wonder if they'll come.'
I know he will save me
From this awful place
All on my own
Can't be alone
There's gotta be another way
And I've got to find him
Maybe he just might
Find me tonight
Find me tonight
He probably is on his way
Aki looked behind at Kenji, by which he gave her a blank stare. 'Still no sign of either of them', he seemed to say.
And when I look into your eyes
I will fall into your arms
And know that
We were always meant to be
And when you look into my eyes
You'll forget everything
And say that
You will always be with me
Shiro was starting to feel nervous as well, they were now entering the second verse, but still there was no sign of either of the people Aki was expecting.
I know that
You are pro'bly dreaming like me
And I hope that
You might be thinking the same thing
There's that chance
that I will never find you
Then again,
who ever is gonna think that way
Hiroshi made a frown as soon as he was done scanning the room, by which much to his dismay, neither were there. And unbeknownst to the group, Aki's phone was continuously vibrating, by which Taka was sending tons of messages to Aki. He also tried calling her frantically, but to no avail.
Taka actually received the note, hence, he wanted to talk to Aki as soon as possible.
And when I look into your eyes
I will fall into your arms
And know that
We were always meant to be
And when you look into my eyes
You'll forget everything
And say that
You will always be with me
Feitan arrived home and was about to check the fridge for food when he saw a note that was addressed to him. He momentarily stared at it before ripping it off in disgust.
He should still be mad at her, he thought. He never should have made any ties with her in the first place, considering that he will be here for only a short amount of time.
I don't wanna wait no more
I don't wanna be alone
And I want someone to hold me
Aki was close to ending the song, but still no sign of them.
'Should I just fucking give up?' she sadly wondered, gripping the mic tightly.
And I won't give up on hope
But I want someone to be with
He didn't know why, but he was running fast towards the university building Aki indicated in the note; it was as if his body was swiftly moving on its own.
And maybe someday
You will find me
As soon as Aki's hope was swooping downhill, she attempted to search the crowd for the last time, then she broke into tears, a smile on her face.
Her heart was beating so fast that she couldn't believe what she saw.
His heart was weirdly emitting the same beat as hers unknowingly, by which he couldn't fathom why.
And when I look into your eyes
I will fall into your arms
And know that
We were always meant to be
Aki's bandmates finally realized what has just transpired; they themselves could not believe what had happened, but it did. They were shouting joy internally for their precious vocalist.
As if in a trance, Aki locked eyes with him while singing, a stray tear falling from her face.
The last lines of their song came in succession.
And when you look into my eyes
You'll forget everything
And say that
You will always be with me
The song ended with a flourish, by which the audience was asking for an encore. However, the organizers went up the stage, bringing the emcees with them to continue on with the show, much to the crowd's dismay.
Aki jumped off the stage and ran to his direction; she could not believe her eyes but she was sure as hell that the effort was all worth it.
He looked weirdly at Aki as if she was some insane maniac who was coming to get him, but then again, he still couldn't help but feel relief at his decision.
Aki attempted to give him a hug as soon as she stood in front of him, but he stepped back in warning, giving her the impression that she should not push through with what she was planning.
Aki wiped her tears as she gave him a sincere smile; nothing could compare to the ultimate relief and happiness she felt right now.
"You jerk, what took you so long?"
He glared at her in response, although internally he felt warm inside— another foreign feeling he could not comprehend.
But then again, maybe it was worth trying to understand these feelings, he thought, after contemplating upon them for weeks.
Aki puffed her cheeks before beaming at him once again, her cheeks staining red for some reason.
"You don't know how much I missed you, Feitan."
A/N:
Phew! Chapter done! I'd make it longer, but then again, I'd lose the novelty of surprise if that'd happen. XD
Anyhow, I know you all are wondering what the eff just happened, but worry not my dear readers, you will understand soon enough. *u*
To all those who reviewed while I was inactive: I LOVE YOU ALL AND THANKS FOR THE WONDERFUL REVIEWS! I honestly cannot thank you guys; you were the motivation to make me keep going you know. :`)
Ven'aranar Angel: Aww I missed you too, love. n_n
Isella of the wolf tribe: Yaaay~! Thank you thank you. You just made my day you know. ^_^
Miss Ghoulish: Hello! It's been a while, and indeed, it is nice to be back. :D
P.S. to everyone:
I hope I did justice in this chapter. Well… Feiki deserves to have a happy meeting at some point, riiight?
~ Juuno