CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

Alienum Affectum

"I am so sorry for taking up your time and waking so early in the morning. I will be taking my leave now."

The couple at the doorway were shocked, both of their mouths agape at how Aki handled the whole situation.

But little did they know that she was slowly breaking down the farther she was getting away from the apartment.

Little did they know that Aki started to run and shed heavy tears as she ran faster towards home, wanting to do anything more than to bury herself in her pillows and cry herself to sleep.

Little did they know that someone was watching them from afar, and has witnessed every single detail throughout the whole ordeal.

And strangely, he had a smile on his face.

"Ne, ne, Aki, are you sure that you're alright?"

Momo was perched on a tree branch dangling upside down, with her legs latched on the said branch for support. She was staring at her best friend who was comfortably seated by the foot of the tree she was in. Apparently, Aki was busying herself by burying her head in the books ever since the break-up.

"Yes, Momo-chan. I'm just a little bit stressed out by this pathophysiology I'm supposed to make. This is due tomorrow and I haven't even started anything yet… to think I have around three diseases to complete." Aki replied, brows furrowing in concentration.

Momo, however, was unconvinced. She herself knew that despite how hard Aki tried to hide it, no matter how strong she made herself appear to be, deep down inside, she was still hurting.

After all, break-ups always have an effect on someone, no matter how serious or otherwise the relationship may be.

She also knew that Aki definitely gave it her all in trying to maintain the relationship with Taka, even planning to forgive if only he made the effort to deserve to be forgiven.

Not that cheaters should always be forgiven, but still…

"Hmph, fine." Momo pouted, before finally disengaging herself from the branch, landing gracefully to the ground with a somersault.

"If you're so busy making that pathophyshenanigan whatever of yours, I'm paying a visit to your band mates. They obviously would be more willing to give this poor maiden some attention, unlike some heartless best friend of mine." She sobbed with fake tears, making her earn a grimace and look that clearly states, 'really now?'.

"Alright, I'm sorry Momo-chan but I really need to finish this report. I'll make it up to you later by treating you to lunch, how does that sound?"

Inwardly pleased, Momo smiled.

"Alrighty, see you later!" She enthusiastically waved before running off to the music building.

Now all that's left is for her to pay Aki's band mates a visit, since obviously the said girl did not open up to them about the break-up.

It's not that she had the right to tell them herself, well, since she was not involved in the issue anyway (being the sister of one of the girls Taka cheated on doesn't count); she also knew that it was not in her place to say, even though Aki was her best friend.

But still, with the way she was acting, it was as if Aki was trying to shut down her emotions completely by burying herself in schoolwork. An admirable trait to have, yes, but she still knows that it is not healthy for her to do so.

After all, exhausting yourself to forget would only make matters worse, not to mention it would give tremendous strain to one's body.

In all honesty, the person Momo should be going to should be Feitan, since he clearly holds a special place in Aki's heart, although she does not know in what way, but still, his presence is significant to her best friend no matter how much the said girl tries to deny it.

But then again, she knew that Feitan was one to not pry into other people's business, let alone talk to other people.

Even though she was the best friend, that does not mean that Feitan should try to warm up to her too.

Hence, that only leaves Aki's band mates.

"Okaaaaaaaaay…. now where the hell is that studio again? If only I paid enough attention to where Aki-chan used to practice, none of this current dilemma would've happened", Momo mentally slapped herself in the face.

As she was too busy trying to find out where the room she was looking for could be, she suddenly bumped into something.

Or rather, someone.

And that said someone does not seem to be pleased at the initial exchange.

Not that there would any pleasant exchanges to be done, to begin with.

"Oww what the…?"

"Fucking hell, watch where you're going, woman! This isn't any place for you to space out and act like a lost puppy!"

'What did he just call me?' a vein popped on Momo's forehead, hands twitching with murderous intent.

Calling her a woman, instead of her name (even though she knows that it can't be helped since obviously the person she bumped into does not know her at all) was one thing, but insulting her by saying how she was like a 'lost puppy' certainly did not sit well with her.

Especially if you take into consideration her height.

Nope, definitely not like a lost puppy at all.

Glaring at the person before her, she realized that he was tall as well, and had black spiky hair and golden eyes.

Golden eyes that seemed to seethe with fury.

"What did you just call me?" Momo sweetly asked while cracking her knuckles, her smile twitching.

The said man merely raised his brow.

'What the actual fuck? This chick doesn't seem to be afraid of me, now that's something new. The only person who could stand her ground aside from this woman is Aki.'

"I called you a lost puppy, got any problem with that?"

Now that was the last straw.

As unique as Momo could be, she also had her limits to being sane and understanding.

That is why she didn't think twice and never regretted it when she jumped and tackled the said rude stranger to the ground.

"GET OFF ME!"

"LIKE HELL I WOULD! HOW DARE YOU CALL A GORGEOUS WOMAN LIKE THA— OW!"

"HA GORGEOUS? YOU MUST BE DREAMING! YOU'RE NOTHING LIKE THAT. FUCKING HELL, YOU'RE MORE LIKE A GORILLA WOMA— WHAT THE FUCK!"

"Now, now, Sakura-kun, that is not the proper way to treat the lady is it? Now get off Aki-kun's bestfriend before I tell on you." Piercing blue eyes glaring daggers into the man in question.

The two stayed frozen on the ground, surprised by the sudden interruption. Momo, upon realizing how surprisingly intimate their compromising position was in, ended up punching the said main in the jaw, her face burning in embarrassment.

"Ow! What the— Did you see that?! Did you see what she did?! How can you call this thing a lady?" Hiroshi grimaced, immediately getting off the girl while his left hand was occupied nursing his gradually bruising jaw.

"Hmph." Momo flipped her hair in response.

Shiro looked at the two in curiosity, and wondered how they got into a fight like that in the first place, considering how they haven't even met or spoken to each other before. As silly as it may seem, he had this sudden urge to tease the two by shipping them together.

Not that he will tell them of his plan of course.

Disguising a laugh with a cough, he turned to Momo. "Why hello there, Aki-kun's best friend. It's a surprise to see you around this area."

Momo, finally regaining her composure, replied. "Momo is fine. I just came here to… possibly ask some advice regarding my best friend. I mean, I know it's not in my place to say this, but I'm just really worried for her, and there's no other person I could ask since Feitan is obviously out of the question, no matter how close he may seem to be to Aki-chan."

Hiroshi snorted, earning a glare from two pairs of eyes.

Trying with all his might to roll his eyes at the rude comment made by his band mate, Shiro turned to Momo.

"I guess this seems to be an important and long matter, ne? Why don't we all go inside first to talk this out?"

"Sure!"

After an hour and a half of explanation and bickering between Momo and Hiroshi…

"Ne, Momo-chi, I understand how worried you are about Aki-kun, but honestly, this time around, there is no one who could help her get up and move on but herself. Feitan may be one thing, but still, at the end of the day she would listen to no one despite how many times we try to give her advice. I know that burying yourself in schoolwork is bad if done in excess, but at this point there is sadly nothing that we can do but to support her from the sidelines." Shiro stated, sipping a cup of tea.

Hiroshi rolled his eyes and added, "Besides woman, even if you are her best friend, you just can't butt into her issues like a nagging mother. Jfc"

"What did you say?" Momo smiled, her right hand balled into a fist and ready to strike.

Shiro, upon sensing the threat and tension between the two, inwardly sighed and mentally banged his head on the wall.

"Now, now, children— *coughs* friends… let's not get into a fight, shall we? I hate to say this, but I agree with Sakura-kun in—"

"It's HIROSHI. Hi-ro-shi damn it!"

"—Hiroshi-kun in the fact that you should not get involved. Aki-kun won't learn how to fend for herself if she always ends up depending on you. Don't get me wrong, it's admirable how the both of you can depend on each other with such a good friendship, but sooner or later she would need to branch out and grow on her own. She will soon be an adult after graduation and will have to learn the ways of being an adult. And learning how to cope independently, making mistakes and using that as a lesson, is part of growing up. As sad as how Aki-kun's history may be, at this point in time, we really have nothing else to do but silently wish her well and support her as much as we can, but at the same time not trying to dictate to her what she should do. Let her make mistakes and learn from it."

"Mmmm… fine then."

Momo sighed; she could not deny the fact that the two band mates were actually right. As worried as she may be, at this point, she really shouldn't get involved and try to baby her best friend.

Because this time, since Aki made a big decision for herself, this would start as her debut into entering young adulthood.

And that includes being independent of one's actions and learning from it.

"Don't worry, Momo-chi, she'll be fine. Aki-kun's a strong girl, and smart, no matter how often she may make mistakes. She always bounces back, and I'm pretty sure that this time around she'll end up standing again stronger than before." Shiro smiled, patting the said girl on the shoulder.

"I guess you're right. I just hope that everything goes well with her. But oh, please don't tell her that I told you guys, I don't want to be like some gossiper best friend. It's just that… I'm just really worried about her and could find no one else who could possibly give proper advice, considering the limited amount of friends Aki-chan has." She frowned, Aki definitely needed to have more friends.

But then again, quality over quantity, she thought.

Before Shiro could reply, Hiroshi butted in.

"Yeah yeah we get it woman, now get the hell out of—mmph!"

"I'm sorry for my friend's bad mouth, Momo-chi. But rest assured, your secret's safe with us." Shiro smiled, before turning to Hiroshi with a look that says, 'one more peep out of you and I'll tell the whole world what happened to you in first grade'.

"Tch."

Rolling her eyes at Hiroshi, she replied. "Yeah, thanks for listening to me though, even though a certain someone shouldn't be thanked because he's being an ass."

"Mmmph!"

"Anytime, Momo-chi, anytime." Shiro smiled.

"Stupid girl, what you doing?"

"I'm studying. I have a test coming up tomorrow and I don't want to fail." Aki replied, paying no attention to the said torturer. She was currently scribbling notes while simultaneously reading the material she had on her other hand.

Feitan narrowed his eyes at the girl, but then decided not to reply instead.

He has seen everything on how she broke up with her boyfriend, and was inwardly pleased at her, since he was able to see yet another frown in her face. As twisted as it may seem, he really loves it whenever Aki was in pain, but at the same time, he feels a twinge somewhere inside himself whenever he was the cause of it.

But this time around, she definitely was in pain for a matter that was finally not with him involved.

It's not that he felt uncomfortable with fighting with Aki or anything, it's just too much of a hassle to deal with womanly problems, he thought.

After all, he sees females as people who do pointless things.

He remembers Machi, for one, who never fails to always look into a mirror and fix herself before going out on missions, applying what people call as 'lip gloss' before going out.

Really, he doesn't understand the purpose of make-up when all it does is add weight to the face.

He noticed that Aki herself uses make-up, but only in minimal amounts (since she's in the band, eyeliner is always a must), and secretly, he honestly prefers her without it.

Not that he'd voice that out of course, since he was not one to say such let things, let alone notice them.

But for some reason, the passing thought slipped into his mind unknowingly.

Moving back to the subject of his curiosity after inwardly grimacing at himself for thinking such thoughts, he proceeded to stare at Aki through the corner of his eye, by which the latter seemed to be completely oblivious that she was being observed.

'Foolish girl learn to step up herself huh', he thought, somewhat pleased.

At least now she wasn't a pushover, he silently added. Feitan hated weak people, sure, he saw Aki as physically weak, since he was able to immediately kill her in a split-second with one strike, should he decide to.

But he never thought of Aki as someone who was weak and often depended on others.

Sure, she always bawled at him and did unnecessary things, committing a lot of mistakes along the way, but still, at the end of the day, she always ended up learning from them and standing up again.

There was something about her that still kept her going despite all odds, he thought.

And for some reason, he found the said fact completely acceptable.

Feitan could not understand his current emotions himself; he honestly feels as if he is now a mess no thanks to a certain girl. Never has he felt so low before, and somehow, he felt ashamed for turning out like this just because of a prolonged interaction with someone who was not a member of the Genei Ryodan.

He felt out of character, like a stranger who was a far cry from being the emotionless torturer he was known to be.

He was to be feared, but Aki completely negated that fact by actually having the guts to fight back at him, much to his dismay.

And to make matters worse, he gradually got accustomed to her antics over time and started tolerating it. He berated himself for succumbing to such a state, to actually be someone who could accept another, despite his extremely cautious and sinister nature.

The stare turning into a menacing glare, he felt all the more confused at the girl. She was no one special; she did not have any significant traits aside from the fact that she has a backbone and can cook well.

And yet how was she able to turn someone as morbid as him into the person he currently was?

How was she able to give him a lot of foreign emotions all at once, overwhelming him in a domino-like effect?

How did she make him feel as if he can actually be and act so… human?

Gritting his teeth from the frustration of not being able to understand the situation himself, he stood up and approached the girl, who was still busy taking down notes.

Aki was deep in concentration and did not notice Feitan approaching her with a glare.

At least, not until he flicked her on the forehead.

"Ow! What was that for?!" Aki winced at the red mark forming on the center of her forehead, turning her attention to the cause of her pain.

"Nothing, stupid girl. You just annoying."

It took almost all of Aki's willpower just so she wouldn't roll her eyes at him. "Well, I'm sorry for being annoying. As much as I would like to argue, I really can't right now. I need to study."

He narrowed his eyes at the girl.

Surely, he wasn't stupid. Aki has been putting off this act ever since she broke up with Taka. And although he was pleased at how things turned out, for yet again another reason he could not fathom why, he also felt no in the least happy about the current aftermath of the break-up.

Which was another cause of his frustrations, considering he did not know the reason why he felt as such.

But then again, he would not dare to speak it up or ask the girl in question, since he was not one to open up to another, especially if it can be something considered as a weakness, since he could not explain the reason for having such emotions himself.

In short, he was screwed and he could not do anything about it.

And Aki's current disposition was not helping him one bit.

"You cook dinner or no more lessons."

'What is his problem? A moment ago everything was silent and peaceful. Why is he bothering me like this now?' she inwardly sighed, though she could not deny the fact that she seemed a bit happy now that Feitan seemed to be 'warming' up to her (if getting irritated and nosy could count as warming up).

But then again, she could not help but still feel pain from the break-up.

It was true that she felt proud of making such a big and mature decision, and doing the right thing in regards to relationships for once. To actually stand up for herself and leaving someone as significant as Taka was definitely a feat for her.

However, that did not mean that it did not cause her pain, or that it did not have any effect on her.

Although she knew that she did the right thing, she could not help but feel somewhat broken, considering how awful her experience was in actually catching Taka in the act. Sure, her friends were there for her, hell even Feitan and his disturbing antics turned out to be some sense of comfort for her, but then again, this was her first relationship, and moving on will definitely not be easy for her since she doesn't know what to do and how to act.

A lot of questions actually popped into her mind after she ran back home to cry. How can she move on? What would she do now? How will her routine go about now? All left unanswered, even though almost two months have already passed.

Two months have passed, and yet she still felt as if the break-up was still fresh.

It's not that she doesn't want to move on, it's just that she doesn't know how.

As dense as Aki may be, she wasn't stupid. She knew that Momo was being more fussy over her as the days pass by, Feitan was becoming terribly annoying and more observant of her than usual, her band mates knew that something was wrong with her even though she has not said a word to them about the break-up.

It's not that she couldn't tell them or did not want to tell them, it's just that she couldn't bring herself to, since deep down inside she knew that they knew.

She knew that burying herself with schoolwork and exhausting her body and mind by studying was doing her no good, despite the fact that it became her form of compensation for the hurt she felt.

She knew that she would continue to be stuck by her current situation if she did not do anything about it.

She knew that somehow, sooner, she would have to change her ways and stand up again by bettering herself.

But then again, she does not know how. As helpful as Momo could be, she still knew that no one could help her move on but herself.

But… how?

Turning back her attention to Feitan, she regarded him for a moment, taking in all his features; at how his eyes seemed like slits now since he was glaring at her, at how his face mask obscures almost half of his face, leaving no room for her to see whether he was grimacing at her or not (by which he most likely was, she thought, since his eyes were definitely oozing with murderous intent), at how his hair seemed to be so perfect right now, and yet all spiked up whenever he wakes up in the morning.

She realized just now that despite everything that has happened between them, Feitan was still a man.

Or teenager.

But definitely male.

Sure, she noticed how physically fit he was (especially during the first awkward moments they had with each other during the first few weeks he started living under her roof), but never paid it any attention since she was too busy ogling and wasting all her time and effort on Taka.

But after gathering her thoughts and reflected on it, her mind finally registered the fact that Feitan was definitely male, and significant to her, although she still could not comprehend what his existence to her entails.

She still could not understand how she felt for him, or what it was.

Is it regard, perhaps? Or acceptance?

All she knew that it was a foreign feeling that continued to confuse her to no end, now that the thoughts she for so long never paid attention to started rushing back in properly like a dam being overflowed with water.

She wondered how dense she was to realize this fact just now.

She also wondered if he knew about the confusion she was feeling, or if he did the things he was doing to her just recently because of her change in attitude.

Did he notice her sudden defense mechanism after the break-up?

Was he observing her because he knew how he is now affecting her?

Sure, she told Feitan about her break-up (despite the man being already aware, since he had witnessed the exchange between Aki and Taka himself), but she never said anything else, how she felt, never asked for advice, after he replied with "Don't care".

It's not that she expected Feitan to say anything comforting, it was just the fact that he acknowledged it that made her feel content with his less-than-satisfying answer.

But then again, she wondered if Feitan's sudden change in reaction towards her had anything to do with the foreign feeling and confusion she was having now.

She still felt pain from the break-up, but after making this sudden realization, it made her all the more confused.

Slowly dropping her pen, earning another glare from the said man, she wordlessly stood up and was about to move towards him.

Until Feitan did the impossible.

He suddenly grabbed Aki's wrists in reflex, his body thinking that she was a threat and needed to be eliminated.

He grasped her wrists tightly, earning a slight wince from the said girl, who did not say anything but continue to stare at him in confusion and awe.

He narrowed his eyes, not understanding either why he grabbed her wrists in the first place. Sure, it was for self-defense, but he could've dodged instead or vanish from her sight.

But why did he actually initiate physical contact with the said girl?

The endless questions continued to plague Feitan's mind, making the torturer wallow in anger and frustration, clouding him from being aware of his environment at the moment.

Aki, oblivious to the fact that Feitan was currently at an internal war with his mind, ignored how painful her wrists were at the moment, and looked down at their hands.

She noticed how hers was painfully smaller than Feitan's, despite the fact at how the man himself was on the short side.

She felt the callousness of his fingers, and how they seemed to graze her skin in a foreign but not uncomfortable way; of how her nails were perfectly manicured as compared to his blunt ones.

She noticed the paleness of his skin, and compared it with hers. Although she had fair skin, it still would not compare to how porcelain-like Feitan's was.

With Feitan still having the internal struggle after stressing out for the dilemma at hand for so long, his grip loosened on the girl. Aki absent-mindedly moved her right hand to his to compare its warmth and size, and placed it on top of Feitan's hand, gently grasping it before looking up at the said man.

She did not know why she did such a bold thing, it's just that her body did it without thinking. It may be out of curiosity perhaps; ever since realizing everything a while back, she was filled with nothing but confusion, and she definitely wanted her unanswered questions to be answered.

To hell with it, she thought.

Feitan, upon feeling the foreign sensation of another person's warmth on his hand, widened his eyes a millimeter, staring down at Aki who was still looking at him with awe and confusion.

He suddenly felt another feeling shooting up within his system, for reasons he could not determine why. He did not know whether he should be pleased with this fact or not, but all he knew was that it did not feel entirely unacceptable, which frustrated him more, making him feel somewhat disgusted with himself.

This girl was turning him into someone he did not know anymore, he thought.

And he was sure as hell that he was not happy about it, but at the same time, a devious side within himself can't help but be curious all the more with the current emotions he was feeling.

He did not understand what power Aki had to turn him into this, into a pathetic ball of confusion.

Laughable, he thought. Having himself live in a foreign dimension for so long turned him into someone foreign to himself as well.

While struggling with his logic to just push the girl away and break her arm for having the galls to touch him, curiosity still got the better of him.

After all, he was still human, and humans were definitely curious by nature.

Narrowing his eyes more, his hand shot up to Aki's cheek and pinched it hard, wondering how it would feel.

He noticed how soft her skin was, despite her having lack of sleep from staying up all night studying.

He noticed how wonderfully blue her eyes were, as if they were colored like the depths of the ocean, on how long her lashes and how prominent they were, despite the fact that she did not use any mascara over it.

He finally noticed how Aki was not bad looking at all, and would be a perfect doll to add to his collection of corpses in his own little torture room.

Aki felt surprised by the sudden actions of Feitan, but made no move to correct it. It was the first time he initiated physical contact after all, and she was smart enough not to oppose it, considering how she now realized how confused the lad must be as well, which was evident through his strange actions.

She did not move, as if encouraging him to feed his curiosity more as much as he was feeding hers. Still clouded with anger and confusion, he abruptly let go of her cheek and proceeded to cautiously reach for her hair, wondering how it would feel.

Aki stood still as Feitan slowly stroked her hair, the latter surprised at how soft it was. He narrowed his eyes once more as he stared into Aki's face, grimacing.

Until his eyes wandered to her lips.

Feitan was no fool, he knew how humans shared intimacy, and honestly, he did not understand why such acts should be done.

Doesn't kissing give potential danger to transferring illness and whatnot to another? Besides, it felt unnatural and disgusting, he thought.

But now, he did not understand why he was slowly deviating from that reason anymore. The confusion he was feeling was aggravating him to no end and was not helping him either.

He did not know why he was acting so out of character now, at why he was entertaining his curiosity, but he could not help it. He did not know if it was natural of him to act humanly now, after being so emotionless and rigid for so long.

Hell, not even the Genei Ryodan was able to make the notorious Feitan become this way.

But for some strange reason, the girl was able to do so.

Before his thoughts would wander elsewhere to the point of no return, he shifted his attention to their hands, by which Aki currently had hers on top of his.

With neither saying a word, he squeezed hers without warning, wondering what kind of foreign feeling would stir up within him now.

He soon felt the same foreign sensation he was feeling, feeling somewhat annoyed but not completely unacceptable of it.

Aki was surprised at what Feitan did, and finally snapped out of it, wide cerulean-blue eyes meeting jet-black ones.

Feitan, glaring at her before returning his attention to their hands once again, tried entwining his fingers with hers and wondered if the feeling would remain the same.

It did.

As soon as he thought that this was now too much to comprehend and how angry he was at himself for succumbing into someone like this, and before Aki could finally voice out the many questions she had in mind, he suddenly let go and disappeared, leaving her in a worse state of confusion than she was earlier.

So did the warmth she felt from his hand just moments ago.

A/N:

Thank you for all the reviews! As promised, this chapter was longer and it was honestly very hard for me to write. I was at a loss on how I could portray Feitan handling these foreign feelings of his without breaking out of character (for some reason I still feel that I have somewhat messed up though, but oh well, Feitan naturally has to act in a foreign manner to foreign feelings I guess /slapped).

I will be trying to update as much as I can, especially since I now have my own website up and running (by which I might be posting more author updates over there). Please do pay it a visit: (Shameless plugging, yes, but if you like dark stories and poetry, you definitely must have a look! *u*)

*flies away to Sasori*

~ Juuno