But you let go
'Cause your hope is gone
And every question fades away
I'm woken by something moving against me. I don't open my eyes immediately, although I wonder what in the world it is. The light shifting turns into a violent shake. I groan, trying to figure out why my pillow is being so mean. I cuddle with it, trying to calm the soft object. My pillow stops being soft and..tenses? Pillow don't tense. I smile and rub my face into it, that is until it begins to shake again. This is getting annoying and I growl in frustration. My pillow stops and I sigh. I need to talk to Lucy about this pillow, she said they're suppose to help people sleep longer, not bother them.
I cuddle further into my pillow until I notice its scent. I tense slightly as I realize that I'm not cuddling with a pillow. I have to options; get up and apologize or mess with the victim in this situation like the devil I am.
I choose the ladder
I smile and cuddle even further into my warm 'pillow', I really don't want to move either way, although I know my 'pillow' is praying I do. I get up yawning while rubbing my eyes, "Ohaiyo~" I say in a sleepy voice, and slowly fell back on the ground with a small thud, and lay back down.
"Don't go back to sleep!" I hear someone shout at me. I feel myself being lifted back up onto my butt, my head nodding as I try to stay up. I feel someone shaking me violently.
I decide Killua has had enough suffering and I sit up correctly. "Okay,okay I'm up," I say in a sleepy voice, yawning.
I got up and stretched, popping a few joints here and there. I look up at my 'pillow'. He looks at me with a mixture of annoyance and embarrassment.
"Killua, I need to tell you something."
"What?" he grumbles, eyes remaining on the ground.
"I'm being serious."
He turns his attention on me when my tone changes. "Yeah, okay."
"You," I say with a dramatic pause, "are," pause…I throw myself onto him, glomping the boy. I notice his face turn cherry red at the contact, "the best cuddle pillow ever." I say laughing still hugging him, cuddling into his chest.
"I officially dub thee 'Rin's cuddle buddy'." I state, before getting off of him noticing his rosy red cheeks.
"Rin-"
"The Fourth Phase of the Exam has just ended," I voice suddenly announces, cutting off the albino. "Will the applicants please return to the starting point at once! You will be given one hour of extra time. If you do not return during this time, you will fail the exam! Furthermore, you are not allowed to exchange tags after reaching the starting point. Anyone caught swapping tags will be disqualified!"
"Sorry 'bout that. So what were you saying, Killua?" I asked looking at him apologetically.
"No never mind," he says. "Besides, why are you saying sorry, it wasn't your fault." He laughs and says in a cheerful voice, "You're definitely weird, though." I pout as he said. "Lets pack our stuff and go."
I look at him weirdly, then remember what the announcer said. I start packing my stuff into my bag and and throw on the pack, as killua only picks up his skateboard, his only luggage.
"Let's go, Rin." Killua says and motions for me to follow him to which I gladly comply. I forgotten the location of the starting point long ago, anyway.
"Why weren't you sleeping in the tree like you did the other night?" Killua questions me.
"No reason," I lie with a shrug.
"Okay...why do you sleep in trees?"
"Reasons," I say simply.
"Tell me," he says in a demanding tone.
"Why should I?"
"Because you owe me that much after I took that bug off of you last night."
I sigh in defeat. "Fine, but you're going to laugh at me."
"No I'm not."
I look up at the clear blue sky. "For one thing I'm closer to the stars, which I love. They're so beautiful and shimmery. And on clear nights, you can see them perfectly. Also, a friend of mine used to do the same thing. She was also climbing a tree and liked to stay in it for a while. I asked her and she said because she wanted to be closer to the heavens. She said the closer she was to them, the less space between her and her parents. In a way I kind of adapted it. It's like I'm closer to my dad."
"You miss him?" Killua asks.
I nod my head. "Yeah. I really do want to see him again. He left so suddenly and I've never seen him since. I know he's out there, though. He told me that if he would ever go missing, I should look for him in the places he's least likely to be."
"Mmm, yea-wait, what!?" he exclaims with a confused expression.
"Look, the boat," I announce. I quicken my pace, rushing towards the target, putting my hood and hair up. Killua chases after me, still shouting questions that I know I won't answer.
We arrive at the starting point with a lot more time than I thought we would have to spare. Po-something, Bald Dude, Geezer, Pin-head, and Joker had already arrived before us and were spread out in front of the boat. Leorio, Pika, and Gon haven't arrived yet, which worries me to no end. Joker is here… So does that mean Gon didn't take his tag?
I start worrying, wondering if I should have went to look for him, instead of staying with Killua. But then I remember what he told me on the airship, how my job is to make sure he stays alive, no baby sit him. 'Besides, he would have wanted to get it on his own.' I think, trying to stay optimistic.
"Then we will now check the tags of everyone here!" A loud lady exclaimed as she walks off of the boat with a clipboard and a pen. "#44 Hisoka-san," she calls, making Joker show all four of his tags. He had #384, #80, #281, and #118. He didn't have Gon's tag or his own. So Gon did take his tag, he just hasn't arrived yet. Relief flood through me as I come to the conclusion. I hope Pika and Suits are with him as well.
"#406 Rin-san," the lady calls out, snapping me out of my thoughts. I make sure my hood is secured and reach for my tags, pulling them out of my pocket and showing them to her. She marks something down on the clipboard as Killua chuckles at me.
"So seven applicants have passed? Oh?" As if on cue, Leorio, Kurapika, and Gon walk out from the forest.
"Gon!" Killua and I call in unison, relieved that he has arrived in time.
"Ah, three more arrive at the last second," Loud Lady says and starts to write more stuff on her clipboard as Killua and Gon gave each other a thumbs-up. I hug him.
"I was worried," I say.
"But I'm fine," he say with a smile. "You weren't doubting me were you?"
"Pfft, of course not."
"And now for the last few members…" Loud Lady says, calling out their names one by one and writing down more stuff on her clipboard. Once she is finished, she clips the pen onto the clipboard and starts to speak. "These ten applicants have passed the Fourth Phase of the Exam!"
"Hello, Rin-kun," Netero says, sitting down in front of a huge sign that reads: "Heart"
"I'm going to be honest, my plans for the final stage, we have one contestant and I would like you-"
I cut him off, "Wha- why are you cutting me off?" I say, disbelief and panic filling me. There is no way I've come this far just to be dropped, plus what would Ging do. He probably won't give me any information if I ditch his son half way.
Netero stares at me then laughs. "No, no you are far too talented to be taken out," he said before sipping his tea. "I would like for you to become a Hunter."
My black and pale blue eyes widen. "Wha-why wouldn't that be unfair?" I ask him, stunned by the sudden request.
Netero chuckles at me once again. "But isn't there a better choice, like Joker or Pin-head? I'm sure they are both stronger than me?" I question, naming the people I know can beat me in a one-on-one match. "Especially that Pin-head. I get bad vibes from that dude."
Netero shakes his head. "They may be stronger than you, but they don't have what you have. You will make a better choice."
I became even more confused as he explains. "What do I have that they don't?" I ask, pulling on some black strands that came loose in the front.
"That is something you have to find out. Now from here on I declare you, Rin, as a Hunter," he says as Jelly Bean pops out of nowhere, handing me a wooden box, Jelly Bean smiles at me.
"This is your hunter's license," he explains. "With this, many things you couldn't do when you didn't have a the license is now opened to you." I open the box with excitement only to deplete staring at it, my Hunter's license. I'm a bit shocked that is classifies me as a female. I guess things like this don't go unnoticed, just unmentioned.
"What's wrong, aren't you happy?" Netero ask, noticing the frown that has formed on my mouth.
"It's not that I'm complaining or anything, but this is really boring, just getting my license. Can I at least watch the fight, that I won't be able to join."
"Of course," he says, gesturing me towards the door. With this, I run off with glee out the door, not before shoving my license into my back pants pocket.
"Well, gentlemen. Did you get plenty of rest?" Netero asks. "This hotel is owned by the Hunter Exam Selection Committee. The place is all yours until the battles have been concluded. For the Final Phase, we will be holding a one-one-one tournament," Netero explains as a guard in a tuxedo rolls a board with a cloth covering it over to where Netero was standing. He uncovers it, making all of the applicants gasp or show some amount of surprise.
I knew the Final Phase would contain some kind of fighting, but this was also unexpected. Either you person pass, or fail. 'I hope it's the former,' I think to myself as I study the board. All of the remaining applicants, including me, are all standing in a line, a couple meters away from Netero and the board.
"So only the last person standing passes?" Leorio ask, coming to the same conclusion that I had.
"No," Netero answers. He was probably going to continue, but I interrupt.
"Then the person who ends up at the top fails?" I question.
"Precisely, Rin-kun." Netero says, grinning. "One win is all you need to pass. The losers move up the bracket, while the winners are removed from the competition. As Rin-kun said, only one person here will fail." Netero say, making all of the applicants understand. The only people who probably didn't understand at that point was probably Leorio and Gon.
"One win? I see," Gon see, nodding in understanding.
"And here is the bracket," Netero says, pulling off a piece of paper at the bottom of the board and revealing who was going versus who. Pokkle (his name) and Killua, so whoever wins the fight between Boldie and Gon will go against Pokkle.
"Impressive, right? After all, everyone has at least two chances to win," Netero states after everyone had a moment to soak it in. Most of the applicants still looked displeased, though.
"But some people, like #294 and #405, get five chances," Pokkle points out. Oh, they really do have a lot of chances.
"Why didn't you use a balanced bracket?" Geezer (Bodoro) ask, clearly displeased.
"A question that must be on everyone's mind," Netero says. Eh, not really. "This bracket was assembled based on your performances throughout the entire exam. Those who performed better received more chances," he explain. Ah, so Gon did pretty good.
"That doesn't sound right," Killua blurts out, probably displeased that Gon ranked higher than him. "Can you explain how you scored our performances?" Killua ask. Yep, he's definitely mad.
Netero smirks at him before abruptly shouting, "NO!"
"Why not?" Killua retorts back, probably jumping at Netero's sudden outburst. I held back my laughter. Barely.
Netero laughs. "Your scores are classified information. So I can't tell you everything. But I can explain our methods. First, we consider three major criteria: physical strength, mental strength, and overall impression," Netero starts to explain."For physical strength, we use an aggregate of agility, flexibility, endurance, and perception. For mental strength, we use an aggregate of resilience, adaptability, judgement, and creativity." Oh yeah.
"However, this information is only used as a reference point. After all, you were strong enough to advance to the final phase. However, we are most concerned with your overall impression. This refers to any intangible factors not previously mentioned. You could consider this an evaluation of your potential as a Hunter. And we also incorporate the opinions of your peers. That was our process." He finally finished his long explanation. My brain felt like it was overheating. Way too much information.
"The battle rules are quite simple. Weapons are allowed. No cheating. If your opponent admits defeat, you win." Pretty simple. "However! If you kill your opponent, you will be immediately disqualified. All remaining applicants will pass, and the exam will end. Are we clear?" Silence. "Then, we shall begin the Exam's Final Phase."
The first fight was Boldie vs Gon, which I was not particularly happy about. Can Gon really beat him? He looks strong. They both step forward into the space for the fight.
"I will serve as the referee. My name is Masta. Best of luck." The referee, Masta, says and nods to the two applicants.
"Hey, good to see you again.," Hanzo says, smiling at the referee who looked shocked. "You were tailing me during the Fourth Phase."
"You noticed?" The referee asks.
"Naturally…I'm assuming each applicant was assigned an examiner for the Fourth Phase. Well, I'm sure everyone else noticed," Hanzo says, making me nod slightly, not visible though. But mine's went missing at times, or maybe I just lost him. "You have my thanks. My rank was higher because your reports on me were accurate. Though the outcome was never in doubt!" Hanzo says smugly, turning around and smiling. Oh. Another guy who's full of himself and likes to show off.
"Y-Yeah…"
"Moving on, I have a question for you," Baldie says, pointing at the referee.
"What is it?"
"We only win if our opponent surrenders, correct? It doesn't matter if we knock them unconscious. No KOs allowed, either?" Baldie ask.
"Yes. That is correct." Oh, that little crafty old man. There's a small chance that any of the remaining applicants will surrender that easily. Gon, being the most stubborn one of them all. Trust me, I'd know. I'm a bit scared at the thought. When we were on the airship, he kept going to the ball until he exhausted himself. I hope he doesn't show the same stubbornness here, well, maybe not to that degree.
"Now then, it's time to begin." The referee backs off as the two get into their fighting stances. "Begin!"
Gon immediately jump far behind Baldie, creating distance between them that didn't last long. Baldie catches up to Gon, not even a second later, chopping him in the back of the neck. This causes Gon to fall face first onto the ground. "You did well for a kid," Hanzo say as he fell. My eyes widens, and I reach out for him.
"Gon!" I cry out subconsciously, that being the second time I blurted out something even though I didn't want to. I force the arm that reached out for Gon down and start to shake. The room instantly went quite, noticing the two males fight and Killua's eyes darted over to me.
Not being able to say or do anything I pull my hood down even further over my face, and walked into a shadowed corner, blocking all the noise. I have to control my emotions before something happens. 'Gon is okay, he'll be fine. Gon is strong, you don't need to interfere.' I repeat this in my head several times.
When I finally calm myself down, I decide I should finish watching Gon's match. My head snaps up in surprise when I hear someone say, "I surrender." I look up to see Baldie walking off away from an unconscious Gon. Before I can do anything, he was put on a stretcher and taken out, to what I hope an infirmary.
I rush over to where the people are taking Gon. I'm blocked by a man in a suite and glass, a guard. "Where do you think you're going?" he ask me with a raised brow.
"To go with Gon, he's hurt!" I exclaim, staring at the man.
"You are not allowed to leave."
"WHAT!?" I narrow my eyes at the man. I let out a low growl, anger boiling inside me. Could he not see that Gon was on the ground bleeding? Why the hell will I just let them take him away?
"You will be disqualified i-"
"LIKE HELL IF I CARE!" I scream, taking the guards arm and twisting it. He is taken by surprise and I force to the ground. I press my foot against his back and pull at his arm, sure to remove it from his socket. "YOU HONESTLY THINK I'M JUST GOING TO LEAVE HIM?"
"Rin!" a voice shouts.
Baring my teeth I look over in the direction of the voice. "WHAT!?" I yell, anger pumping through my vein. I only stop when I see Killua eying me, a step away.
"We are all angered that this, we understand how you feel," he says. "But you need to stop. We are all holding back the emotions we are feeling. I swear I would go to him in a heartbeat, but we can't. Do you really think Gon would want you kicked out because you worried about him?"
The question seems to kill the beast that was raging inside me. I let go of the man and take a step back. he looks as if he's about to throw a punch my way, but Netero stops him. I mumble an apology and head towards Netero. 'I'm going to Gon, and there is nothing that you can do to stop me.' I look at him with these words printed on my face.
He nods, knowing now that I have my Hunter's License , I can't be disqualified. I start walking towards the door, not looking back at the rest. I immediately sprint towards the Infirmary. As soon as I reach it I start to compose myself, not wanting to flip a table after I see him.
I slowly turn the knob and head towards the bed that held Gon. Looking at his state like this made me sick. His arm was broken, his face filled with bruises, scratches, and marks. I put my hands over the smaller cuts and bruises, a pale yellow glow under them, and start to cast the spell Angel healing.
This is a small spell that I have perfected while living with Iris. Thinking of Iris, I can only pray that nothing will happen to my new friends as it did to my first. After healing him, I walk out, knowing if I were to stay there, I would miss out on something big. "Bye bye. See you in a few," I whisper to him as I walk out the room.
As I entered the room, Killua was making his way to fight Pin-Head. I walk closer to the wall, and prayed nothing bad would happen.
Once the fight began Killua takes his hands out of his pockets and slowly started to walk towards Pinhead. Killua took a few steps towards him as the Pin-Head continues to stare at him with that weird face of his. "It's been too long, Kil," Pin-head says, his voice as weird as his appearance.
Killua's eyebrows narrow as Pin-Head reveals needles out of his head and face. Once he takes them all out his muscles started to change which revealed a completely different face and long, raven black hair. Killua's eyes widen at the man's new face and he gasped.
"Aniki….."Killua managed. He could barely talk. He's Killua's brother?
Fresh sweat starts to bead down Killua's face.
"Hey," his brother said simply. "I heard that you cut up Mom and Milluki." I remember that he told me and Gon about that on the airship.
"I guess," Killua says with a small but shaky smile on his face.
"Mom was crying," his brother continues, head tilting to the side.
"Anyone would cry if their son did that to them," Leorio say angrily. Even I can tell by Killua's stories that his family isn't 'everyone'.
"Tears of joy," he finishes. "She was so happy to see that you'd grown up. But she was worried about you leaving home, so she asked me to check up on you. What a coincidence. I didn't know you wanted to be a Hunter. I'm trying to get a license for my next job." He adds and I made a 'tsk' sound.
"There are no coincidences in life. That would be a lie," I whisper.
"I don't really want to become a Hunter. I just felt like taking the Exam," Killua respond quietly.
"I see…that's a relief. Then I have some advice for you," his brother said, and the tension in the room increased if that was even possible. "You're not cut out to be a Hunter. You were born to be...a killer. You're a puppet of darkness, without passion. You don't want anything or wish for anything. As one who lives in the shadows, you can only feel pleasure when people die."
An image of Killua killing those two applicants on the airship flashed inside of my head. But it also reminded me of how he stopped once he saw me, and how he confessed to me that he hated killing. "That's how Dad and I raised you. What would you accomplish by becoming a Hunter?" His brother finishes. I wanted to yell at Killua, tell him that his brother was wrong, but words fall short once I looks at his expressionless face again.
"True, I don't desire to become a Hunter. But… I do have something I want…" Killua said. I could see his droplets of sweat fall onto the floor.
"You don't."
"I do! There's something I really want!" Killua raises his voice at his brother, which surprised me. A second ago is was sweating bullets, now he is yelling at him. It actually makes me feel better, seeing him stay strong at a time like this.
"Tell me what it is that you want," his brother demands, waving his hand at Killua. He put his head down again, not even able to speak. "What's wrong? There's nothing you really want, is there?"
"That's not it!" Killua screams immediately. He calm, his face softening after the sudden outburst. "I want to become friends with Gon…" he pauses and looks around the room. His eyes landed on mine, and it made my heart stop for a moment, so sincere, "and Rin. I'm sick of killing people… I want to become friends with Gon and Rin, and to live a normal life…" He says quietly
"That's impossible. You'll never be able to make friends," his brother said, crushing Killua's dreams with two sentences. I realize my fists have turned white from clenching them so much, and they start to draw blood. "Your only concern when you meet someone is whether you should kill them. That's how you were trained. You just don't know how to classify Gon because He's too dazzling for your eyes…..and him," he looked over to me, not even noticing my sudden appearance.
His older brother looks back down at Killua, not even bothering with me. "You don't actually want to become friends with them." His brother began tormenting Killua again, and I started to shake. I feel it from him. His aura is attaching himself to Killua.
"You're wrong…" Killua whispered.
"If you stay with them, you'll end up wanting to kill them one day. You'll get the urge to see if you can end them or not," his brother continued, as Killua's clenches fist, starting to shake. "Because you have the soul of a killer." I could hear Killua breathing from where I was sitting. It is shaky and strained, he was afraid. I take in a breath and stood up abruptly.
"Kil, huh? That's a good nickname. I think I'll use it," I say and manage a smile, my hood covering my face. I put my head up, hood sliding off slightly just so you can see my eye, and glared at the older brother. "Hey, Expressionless Freakface! Yeah, I'm talking to you!" I shouted once he turned his head back over to me. "I don't care if you're older, smarter, and probably way stronger than me and Kil! You have no right, no right at all, to take control of his life like that. He will make his own choices! He'll create his own fate!" I scream at the older brother, his face remaining impassive. "And when he does, I'll be sure to be there to tell you that you were wrong, you stupid prick." I spat at him, making Leorio and Pika gasp.
"And Kil, I can't believe you. The Kil that I know doesn't ever take crap from other people, even if they're his friends. The poison he's pumping into your brain makes me sick. You want to become friends with Gon and me? Man, you're more weirder than I am. We're already friends, you idiot!" I practically screeched, making him look over at me with his eyes even wider.
He put his head down, his bangs covering his eyes. He manages a small smile and mouthed the words, 'Thank you, Rin'
"Really…" The older brother says, looking from me to Killua a couple of times. "That's no good. You really do think of him as a friend. And Gon thinks of Kil as a friend as well…" The older brother pressed his index finger to his chin in thought. "Okay, I'll kill them both." He decides, putting his index finger up in the air. Killua gasped, his face contorted into fear.
'Wait, what?' I think as I start to shake. His older brother takes out four needles and put them in spaces between his fingers.
"A killer doesn't need friends. They'll only slow you down," he says and turned away from Kil, taking a few steps towards me.
"P-Please wait! The match is still…" one of the guards say and ran up to him, but is cut off when the older brother throws three needles at his forehead. The guard's face started to change just like the older brother's did, but he cries in pain and fell to the floor. He continues to walk towards me, but Pika, Suites, and Baldie step in front of me protectively.
"This won't do," he says flatly. "I need a Hunter license to do my job… But if I kill them, I'll fail, and Kil will pass automatically. Oh darn, the same thing will happen if I kill the two kids." He pressing his index finger to one of his temples. "I know! I pass the exam before killing them. If I wait until after passing the exam, I can kill everyone here and still keep my license, right?" He asked Netero.
"Yes, according to the rules." Netero answers.
"Did you hear that, Kil? You have to beat me if you want to save Gon and Rin. Will you fight me for your friends' sake? You can't do it. Because you're more worried about whether or not you can defeat me," his older brother says, slowly walking back towards Killua. Once he was close enough, Kil gasps and looks up at him. His brother raises his hand so it was level with Killua's forehead. "And you already have your answer: 'I'm not strong enough to beat my brother'. 'Never fight an enemy you can't beat'. I drilled that into you…" He says, his hand getting closer and closer to touching Kili's forehead.
Kil tries to take a step back, but immediately stopped once his brother speaks. "Don't move! If you move an inch, I'll assume the fight has begun. And if our bodies make contact, that will also mean the fight has begun. There's only one way to stop me. You know what that is. But don't forget… If you don't fight me, your dear Gon and Rin will die." His hand only inches away from Kil's face. Kil just stares up at him, his eyes wide and shaking.
"Take him out, Killua! We won't let him kill you, Gon, or Rin! We'll stop him, whatever it takes! Let him have it!" Leorio tries to encourage him, to no avail.
He bows his head, away from his brother's touch and turns over to me. He smiles weakly one last time and turns away from me the moment he spoke. "I surrender. I lose…" Kil said, making his brother retract his hand.
I didn't listen to the rest of what his brother says as he leans down and whispers something into his ear. Kil's eyes were blank, which made me feel emptier than I normally am. I hardly even recognize him. He didn't seem like, well, Killua. Everything seeme a to fast-forward and before I realized it, Bodoro has recovered and the match had begun against him and Leorio.
The moment it starts, though, Kil appeared behind Bodoro, his fingers sharpened. I couldn't even react as he stabbed Bodoro in the back with his hand, effectively killing the poor man.
The committee immediately disqualified him, and he starts to walk towards the exit. My feet start to move on my own, something I probably couldn't do if I willed them to myself. I run after him, reaching my hand out as he opens the doors and walks through them. "Killua…" I whispers as my eyes glaze over him. It took me a half a second to snap out of it and a second to run after him.
I had finally caught up with him, and turn into a shadow I try to mix with his but something prevents me from doing so, like a barrier or wall, But this isn't out of trust issue's, Something is forcefully not letting me connect with his. I quickly go to the nearest room, having lost Killua after the third try and laugh dryly as my conscious slip into darkness.
Omake
Killua woke up to a strange yet wonderful warmth. Gripping his hold, tight on whatever it was.
"Nng…" He heard a voice. He opened his eyes to see Rin. No hood, hair flying everywhere, cute face. He blushed slightly, then followed on of his arms that were wrapped around her, and her arms around him.
He blushes again about to get out of their position until he heard another moan, "Ngn…" He looked at Rin again, and it was her releasing the moans. He smirked thinking he got some dirt on her until he realized why she was moaning.
He was squishing her breast, yes her boobs. He immediately let go trying to untangle himself from her only for her to tighten her grip. He only sighed giving up with one thing going through his mind, 'Soft….'