Don't Mess With Caeldori

"I'm just saying that Caeldori needs somebody to go camping with her." Subaki leaned forward in his wooden chair that sat opposite to the one Kamui rested in. A table with a teapot and two blueberry muffins resting atop its white covering was in between the two friends.

Kamui had invited Subaki to his quarters to discuss the Caeldori issue, but unfortunately for Kamui, Subaki was adamant in his desire to be the catalyst of his daughter's marriage.

"Subaki, I don't want to say the same thing again and again, but," Kamui finished rubbing his temples in frustration. "I'm not interested."

"Why not? She's quite beautiful you know, and I think you should step in before that Hisame punk does." Subaki scowled as he looked to the side. "I swear, that miscreant is always sneaking quick glances at her."

"Why does everyone hate Hisame? He seems like a nice fellow." Kamui grabbed a muffin off the table.

"He unnerves me. He has this thing with pickles and-" Subaki was interrupted by Kamui, who was speaking while the taste of berries filled his mouth.

"P-Pickles?" Kamui fought the urge to laugh, as he preferred not to spew chunks of blueberries on Subaki. He finished chewing while Subaki threw him a disgusted look.

"Yes, pickles. I've heard rumors that he sleeps with one too." Subaki snickered with a smile plastered on his face.

"Lay off the guy." Kamui shot him a glare, then shifted his focus to his bookshelf. A book stuck out from the holder like a sore thumb, and it had an image of a skull and crossbones on it. He had a sneaking suspicion that Caeldori had snuck that book into his room, in the hopes that he would read it.

"Why are we discussing this?" Subaki asked while pouring himself a glass of tea out of the metallic holder. "Back to the matter at hand, I need you to go camping with Caeldori today."

"Why can't you go with her?" Kamui asked before glancing to the entrance of his room; he weighed the pros and cons of sprinting out the door.

"Because she specifically requested that you come with her. Not I, or her mother. You." Subaki finished sipping his tea as he raised an eyebrow at Kamui. "Think about how devastated she'll be if you didn't go with her."

"Fine." Kamui groaned as he stood up; his focus shifted to everywhere that wasn't Subaki's face, including the chandelier attached to the ceiling. "What time do you want us to go camping?"

"You'll spend the night at a predetermined campground near the Kingdom of Izumo. Any questions?" Subaki stood up as well.

"What happens if Caeldori gets kidnapped by rogue Nohrian soldiers?" Kamui threw out the wildest possibility he could think of.

"I'd be very disappointed in your skills at guarding someone." Subaki began to walk out the door; Kamui walked behind him into the warm air outside. He followed Subaki down the wooden ladder and noticed a man training in the central yard.

Hisame stood in the exact same spot that he had stood in yesterday, and was repeating the same motions as if time had never passed. The only difference was that he was stabbing a training dummy with a spear instead of a sword.

"Hello, Hisame!" Kamui called out; he waved both of his hands in an effort to catch his attention. Hisame turned his focus from the bruised training puppet to Kamui; a beautiful smile crept along his face as he dropped his sword.

"Hello, Lord Kamui," Hisame stated before he strode towards the prince.

"Please, just Kamui is fine," Kamui spoke as the sun beamed above them, which sent metaphorical piles of heat onto everyone outside. This did not affect Kamui, given that his new white armor was relatively light. He needed the ability to perform fancy flips and rolls during combat, after all. Hisame, on the other hand, felt as though he would collapse at a moment's notice due to the baggy sleeves of his armor.

"Isn't today your birthday?" Kamui asked with his eyebrow raised as Hisame stood before him.

"Y-yes it is." Hisame's breathing and panting became sporadic and 'funny' for a moment; his eyes twitched and his fingers clenched tightly.

"Is something wrong?" Kamui placed his hand on the man's shoulder while giving him a tender smile.

"It's just that… My parents haven't realized that yet, so I wasn't expecting someone to… care about me." Hisame smiled at Kamui as his exhaling smoothened out into a normal rate.

"Do you want me to tell Hinata and Hana?"

"No, that won't be necessary. I'll wait and see if they can figure it out." He paused for a brief moment; staring out at the glade of trees and the ponds, he let out a forlorn sigh. "When you were growing up, did you ever had to deal with bullies?"

"Not necessarily, although the trade-off was my sheltered childhood. Why do you ask?" Kamui followed Hisame's gaze with his own.

"Well, growing up in that deep realm, there was this village. Everyone there believed the house my charge and I lived in was cursed or something. Apparently, that was enough jurisdiction for them to hurl insults at me. Every time I passed that town, I would hear the words 'freak', 'unloved', or other hurtful statements like that."

Kamui's ears perked up when he heard the faint sound of a sniffle, which most likely was Hisame's.

"I'm sorry you had to go through that." He gently placed his hand on Hisame's shoulder.

"This might sound strange, given that we met yesterday, but I do consider you a very close friend. Thank you, Kamui." Hisame wiped his eyes with his sleeve and gazed longingly at Caeldori, who passed by.

Much later, during the evening, two Nohrian soldiers walked around in an endless walkway alongside sakura trees.

"Remind me why we're at Izumo?" Jerry asked as he walked down the dirt path.

"We'se just taking a short break from the Nohrian army, and I figured the grand kingdom of Izumo would'a been a good place to have a vacation." His friend, George, responded.

Jerry was a very large man, with a face that was defined and easily recognizable in a crowd along with his short brown hair. George was almost the exact opposite, as he was a short and stubby man with an incredibly average looking face.

The two had been friends since they were children, and getting drafted into the Nohrian army did nothing to change that. "I tell ya, I ain't cut out for this fighting business." George gazed at the night sky above, as he was using the constellations to guide him. He struggled to keep himself from focusing on the beautiful swaying of the tree branches above. "Man, the plants here make Nohr's look like dirty gawbahge."

"You meant to say 'Garbage', right?" Jerry raised his eyebrow in a quizzical manner.

"Yeah, gawbahge. Tresh. Doity, stinkin' tresh." George spoke; Jerry found it trivial to question his accent.

"George, we're lost aren't we?" Jerry sighed as his pace slowed.

"No, we ain't lost! That's preposterous!" George threw his hands up in frustration as he stopped walking. Jerry sat down next to him.

"This is the third time we've passed that tree." He pointed to a large sakura tree that had a ring around its base.

"Well, I suppose we are lost, dammit!" George raised his fist to the sky. "Curse you, astrology!"

"Shouldn't we set up a camp or something?"

"Don't be ridiculous. We'll get outta this forest one way or anotha'." George staunchly believed that camps were for people without ambition, and he considered himself very ambitious. "Well, what do you suppose we do?"

"Uh," Jerry stood up from the dirt as he kicked a nearby pebble. "You got anyone at home waiting for you?"

"Yeah, my fiance Agnes. Most beautiful lady I've ever set my eyes on. Said we'se supposed to have some kids when I get back." George patted Jerry on the back. "You got a girl back home?"

"No, just my mother." Jerry sighed as he looked fondly at the trees. "Wait, does that mean you know where babies come from?"

"Yeah, I 'spose I do." George realized that Jerry had never received a proper education on childbirth.

"Where do they come from then?" Jerry leaned forward in anticipation.

"Well, you see, Jerry." George stood up from his seat and began to wave vividly with his arms. "When a maiden lowers the drawbridge to her palace, a knight thrusts his iron lance right in there, then a little baby comes out about nine months lata' ."

"What the hell does any of that have to do with babies?" Jerry covered his face with his right hand in confusion. "Hey, do you hear something?" His ears perked up as he heard a faint voice, although it was muffled through all the foliage.

"Well, here's the spot my father picked out for us." Caeldori smiled as she dropped her large backpack on the ground. Kamui fell to the dirt in a pile, as he thoroughly exhausted from the long trek to the campground. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'll be… fine." Kamui let out a prolonged wheezing noise that sounded like a goose. "Just give me a minute," Kamui mumbled into the dirt as Caeldori pulled a large tent, a hammer, and some wooden stakes out of her bag.

A short while later and Caeldori had pitched a tent in front of the inactive campfire. "I think I'm just gonna crawl in that tent for a bit," Kamui stated as he tried to stand up, but fell to the ground.

"You have fun with that." Caeldori wiped her brow as she stared at the trees, calculating how many would have to be chopped for a good amount of firewood. "I'll go get us some wood in the meantime." Caeldori walked off into the forest while she clutched the ax that she had borrowed from Camilla.

"You know who that is?" George whispered as he peered over the brush and stared at the sleeping man.

"No. Why are we stalking him?" Jerry responded as he kneeled next to George.

"Because, dummy, that's the traitor prince Kamui! You know how much commendations we'll get if we haul 'im in?"

"Enough to get us out of the army?" Jerry's brown eyes were beaming.

"Yeah! I can be with Agnes, and you can be with your motha'!" George stood up, slowly approaching Kamui.

"But isn't kidnapping wrong?" Jerry asked as he slinked behind George.

"Yes, but we ain't kidnappin' an innocent here! We're arresting the man responsible for the destruction of Cheve!" George leaned over the gray-haired man. "You gotta knock 'em out first."

"Alright," Jerry answered as he wrapped his arm around Kamui's mouth. The prince struggled at first while waving his arms frantically and screaming, but eventually, his movements stopped and his eyes closed.

"Easiest job of my life," George said while helping Jerry pick up the unconscious man. The two began walking back to the brush when suddenly, the sound of rushing air caught his attention.

George craned his neck to the side, as a kunai flew above his head and collided with a tree. Jerry, who slung the criminal on his shoulder, turned around in shock to see a red-haired woman staring them down; a look most furious was on her face.

"You know what I would do if I were you?" Caeldori questioned; her insides were practically boiling with rage as she clenched her hands.

"Run?" Jerry answered as sweat poured down his face.

"Exactly." Caeldori cracked her neck before breaking into a sprint. George tore off into the forest as Jerry followed him; their prisoner bounced on his shoulder with every step.

"Oh, dear gods have mercy on us!" George screamed in fear as Jerry ran by his side.

"We gotta get outta here!" Jerry yelled as he threw Kamui off his shoulder, realizing his life was worth more than a simple reward. Because he now had the literal weight off his shoulders, Jerry's pace quickened until he was much farther ahead than George. "George, come on!" Jerry looked behind to see the woman from before, sprinting right behind George.

Caeldori yelled an animalistic scream as her footsteps grew quicker and quicker; she was waiting for the right moment to tackle her short and stubby prey.

The two soldiers took a sharp left turn and dove behind a tree; Caeldori took the same turn and sprinted past their hiding place. She stopped, gazed around, and began to search the area.

George began to whimper quietly. He clutched his friend's hand as they slumped against the tree; the sound of his heart beating grew faster with every passing moment.

Jerry began to sniffle. He started to rub his nose as he inhaled.

"Ah… Ah…"

"What's the matta' with you?" George whispered. The sound of their pursuer's footsteps growing louder and louder was all he could focus on.

Jerry pointed to his nose, then made a motion as if he was expelling something from his nostrils.

"Ah… Ah!"

Caeldori's ears perked up as she heard someone sneeze; the sound came from right behind the tree she stood in front of. She grabbed Camilla's ax and began to hack away at the tree.

"Run!" George screamed as he scrambled away from the crazed ax-brandisher. Jerry sprinted after him and watched in terror as the woman as practically upon him.

Fortunately for Caeldori, the large man at the tail end of the two had stumbled on a tree root and had collapsed on the dirt.

"Jerry! Get up Jerry!" George panicked as he stopped and knelt over his friend. Caeldori stopped her movements in the blink of an eye and skidded past the two.

"Ow." Jerry rubbed his head as he looked up, and locked eyes with the red-haired woman. She stomped towards them, unsheathed her ax, and Jerry screamed in terror as he backed up. George stood at his front with his arms outstretched.

"Do whatever you want to me, just don't hurt him!" George looked to the side; his eyes were closed and he winced in a combination of fear and pain. Caeldori stared at him, then at his friend who collapsed on the ground. "We're sorry we kidnapped your husband. We just needed a way to see our families again, and he was our only solution."

She took a long breath as her mind pondered whether to kill or spare these two. Seconds felt like years to all of them while Caeldori thought silently.

"Out of my sight, before I change my mind."

George beamed with excitement as he ran over to Jerry and helped him to his feet.

"Thank you, miss! We won't forget your kindness!" The two soldiers ran behind her into the clearing. Caeldori sighed as she began stomping back to her camp.

"They said I was Kamui's wife." She repeated that thought to herself until she found the collapsed prince. She slung Kamui over her shoulder while grunting slightly as he weighed her down. Caeldori seated him against the side of the tent and sat on her knees before him. She firmly clasped his shoulders and jostled him; his head shook back and forth as he began to stir.

"Caeldori?" His voice was incredibly groggy as his eyes slowly opened. She couldn't bear to wait any longer and placed her lips to his. "Mmph?!" A panicked look was on Kamui's face as she took him in her arms.

"I've waited so long for this." She said in between kisses. She noted that Kamui struggles increased as time passed, and his face became a notable shade of red.

"This is so wrong!" He thought. He was unable to push her away as she continued to kiss him. She stopped, and a look of satisfaction grew in her expressions as she stood up.

"Time for bed." She smiled as she walked into the tent. She placed one foot in front of the other in a seductive manner before glancing behind with a lewd stare. Kamui dared not follow, lest he discover her removing her clothing, or worse. Instead, he cradled his head in his arms as he wondered what exactly had just transpired.

"She thinks I love her." Kamui's thoughts spiraled into a panicked fever until he realized a certain key fact. "Why do I not love her?" He couldn't quite formulate an answer to this question; not for several moments, at least. "Oh, gods. I still view her as a child." Kamui looked to the dirt floor while the burning sensation in his cheeks grew hotter and hotter. When they had embraced, Kamui didn't feel like he was kissing someone his age; he felt as though he was kissing the energetic little girl he met two weeks ago.

Inside the tent, Caeldori was ecstatic as she tossed her clothing to the side of a blanket.

"My first kiss!" She squealed with glee before crawling underneath the wool covering. "When he comes in, we can make sweet love together!" Her thoughts raced as Kamui entered the tent.

His expression was one of someone very exhausted. "Well, what are you waiting for? Strip down and join me!" Caeldori smiled as Kamui averted his eyes. The blanket covered her body except for her shoulders, but that was enough to make Kamui's gut sink. He silently removed the chest piece of his armor before slinking underneath the covers of the covering. "Come on! Take me in your arms!" She rolled to his side and nudged his shoulder as he laid solemnly.

"Let's just go to sleep, okay?" Kamui answered without opening his eyes. Caeldori rolled onto her back with a displeased look on her face.

"So this is the thanks I get for saving your life?" Her tone sounded remarkably harsh.

Meanwhile, in Kamui's castle, Hisame gazed to the single slice of birthday cake on his table; a lit candle sat atop the piece of dessert.

"Surely, they've figured it out by now." He sighed before exiting his bed. He strode to the table and sat down in his recliner. He was eager to continue his reading of 'Spear Tactics For the Uninitiated', after all.

Ten minutes passed; Hisame could tell because he counted every second. His parents still didn't show.

Thirty minutes passed, and nobody came.

An hour passed. Hisame laid back on his mattress in a mixture of anger, sadness, and sleeplessness. "Of course they didn't show." As he laid on his bed, he fought the urge to cry when he realized that his parents only visited three times during the eighteen years Hisame spent in the deep realm.

Hana stood outside the door to the hallway that Hisame's room was located in while she battled with her frustration at the locked door. Her husband, Hinata, fumbled with the doorknob until he pulled himself back.

"It won't budge." He sounded rather defeated.

"Of course, the one thing keeping us from wishing our son a happy birthday is a locked door." Hana threw her hands up in anger before kicking the door. The sound of wood cracking filled her ears, but the door still didn't budge.

Halfway through writing this chapter, I realized George and Jerry are the names of two characters in Seinfeld. So now I just imagine Jerry Seinfeld and George Costanza being chased through a forest by Caeldori.

Beautiful.