I'm so sorry for not posting anything recently! Coursework has kinda been my priority and with Inquisition coming soon, I'm not entirely sure if I should continue this fanfic, especially since I am kinda lacking the inspiration and motivation to keep going, and that is the exact reason why this chapter is so short.

Hawke shivered slightly as the cool, crisp spring air caused her hair to blow in the direction of the wind. She sighed to herself as she gazed up at the moon; Ferelden's sky seemed to have never changed since she last visited, and despite the Blight which caused the lands to become tainted, the sky remained never-changing.

Hawke had left Fenris to help organise both them and Winter rooms each, knowing that Fenris would want to scope out the castle by himself without any distractions. She knew that the elf needed to know the quickest escape route out of buildings, just in case the worse was to happen.

So she decided to take a walk in the royal gardens, which were full of red Ferelden roses. Hawke had perched herself on the side of a fountain, where an angel with outspread wings poured a jar of water into the tiers below, causing the water to cascade down into the bottom of the fountain where several different kinds of fish were swimming about.

Her eyes fell onto the water, staring blankly at her reflection as Hawke simply went into a world of her own, not noticing the presence approaching her from behind. When she suddenly felt a firm hand on her shoulder, Hawke snapped out of her daydream and glared at whoever owned the hand. Her scowl stayed firmly in place as she realised who it was;

"Carver."

"Sister I- about earlier..." her brother began to try to explain himself, but Hawke was having none of it.

"Save your explanations for the darkspawn," she snapped, her eyes transfixing themselves on the water, trying to hide the pain in her eyes.

"Look; I've been under a lot of pressure from Katherine to make Merrill go through with the Joining. She won't leave me any other choice!" Carver said coolly, perching beside his sister on the fountain, "It's either Merrill joins the Wardens, or I will be forced to leave her behind."

Hawke didn't mutter a single word. She knew full well how dangerous the Joining was, and Anders had told her what the ritual entailed. But she knew Merrill would be strong enough to withstand the taint.

"I'm sure Merrill will be strong enough," Hawke spoke quietly, still keeping her eyes away from her brother.

"Oh for the Maker's sake Trinity, look at me!" Carver snapped. Hawke visibly flinched before forcing herself to look at her brother, tears pouring down her face. Carver frowned instantly.

"It's getting too much for you again, isn't it?"

"I'm fine Carver, I can control myself."

"Well it's pretty damn obvious you're losing it! Look," Carver scooped a handful of water in his hand and carefully poured it over Hawke's hand. It evaporated into steam instantly, "You're losing control-"

"I'm fine, Carver!" Hawke snapped, retracting her hand and wiping it on her robes, "As long as I use the techniques father taught me, I will be fine."

But in all honesty; Hawke was terrified. It was her fault that their father was dead, despite what the Hawke siblings told the rest of their friends. The constant pang of guilt whenever she looked at Carver, Bethany or her mother would cause the gnarled root in her stomach to disfigure even more. Hawke knew her family hated her for what she did, despite them all telling her it wasn't her fault. But what if she can't control it this time? What will happen to those closest to her? Will she end up hurting Fenris or Winter?

Hawke felt Carver's cool hand on top of hers, bringing her back to reality, "I leave tomorrow morning with Merrill and the other Grey Wardens. Do you want me to write to you?"

Hawke simply nodded, knowing there was very little more she could say to her brother. She watched as Carver left the royal gardens and disappear from her sight behind the corner of the palace, knowing he was heading straight toward the barracks.

Now all Hawke wanted was an extremely cold bath, and she needed to get back to Fenris before he starts to believe that the Seekers have taken her.

Carver slammed the door behind him, causing an extremely startled Merrill to squeak in surprise as she bolted upright in the bed. Carver could see his wife was trying to distract herself from the possibility of becoming a Grey Warden by reading as much as she could about herblore.

"By the Creators, Carver! You almost gave me a heart attack," Merrill babbled sheepishly, staring at her husband with frightened eyes.

The tension Carver had felt when dealing with his sister seeped away seamlessly as he laid his eyes upon Merrill. He could feel his facial features soften as he perched beside her on the bed, carefully taking her small delicate hand in his and kissing the back of her hand affectionately, causing Merrill to blush instantly.

"I'm sorry for startling you, I just spoke to my sister," Carver whispered, his lips brushing Merrill's knuckles.

"Is she alright? Did you two fight again? Oh I hate seeing both you and Trinity upset, especially when you're fighting with one another. Was Fenris there?"

Carver chuckled slightly at his wife's rambling, having grown to love her rambles, "I believe she's fine, we didn't fight again and Fenris wasn't there."

Merrill sighed with relief before scrambling about to clear the bed of the books she was reading, her eyes darting to Carver every-now-and-then as he stripped himself free from his armour until he was just standing there in his breeches.

After Carver had gotten himself into bed beside Merrill, holding her from behind and burying his face into her neck, Merrill took a deep breath, "I'm going to go through with the Joining."

She felt Carver tense behind her, knowing he was trying desperately not to be angry with her, "but why Merrill? What if you-"

"I've already spoken to Katherine; she said my chances of survival are higher than most of the other potential recruits. Please do not worry about me, emma lath."

But Carver could not help but be worried about Merrill; he has seen at first hand the negative side effects of the taint can have on others. Maker dammit he was a Warden! He had the nightmares on an almost daily basis when he first joined; luckily he learned to control them. He had witnessed several friends die when they took the Joining, and Carver did not want to lose Merrill too.

Only that moment when the tainted blood touches his wife's lips will Carver know if Merrill will die or harnesses the taint.