Where in the Maker's name is she?
Hawke wasn't with Winter, studying like she always was, or in her spot under the cherry tree. It was like as if she had vanished into the Fade itself. Fenris had even checked the war room where Alistair was already talking to his advisors about what to do with the mages in the Circle tower in Lake Calenhad. He was planning on allowing the mages to govern themselves, with the templars there as a precaution. Of course, there were arguments against that idea, but that wasn't important to Fenris right now.
Where was his Hawke?
The sun was already beginning to set as Fenris paced back and forth in their room, Winter and Fang perched on the bed watching him.
"Auntie Hawke will be back soon, I just know it!" Winter kept reassuring him, but Fenris couldn't shake off the twisting feeling he felt deep in his gut.
Fang whined softly as he rested his head on Winter's lap, with Winter scratching the back of his ears in order to calm him down.
Fenris glared out of the window. Ten minutes until sundown. Hawke had been missing the entire day.
"This isn't like her. She should be back by now!" Fenris ranted, his pacing getting more agitated as his markings began to flare up, "I bet that warden had something to do with it."
"Alistair is too busy to keep up with every movement Hawke makes," Winter spoke calmly, hoping that her calm tone would keep Fenris in check, but she was just as worried as he was.
"But he is the one that offered her shelter in this damned castle! We would have all been better off if he didn't arrive in Kirkwall."
"Then we would have all been killed by the Seekers by now!" Winter argued back, slowly losing patience.
Fenris was about to open his mouth to argue back when a knock at the door stopped him. Muttering arcanum under his breath, Fenris turned to look out of the window as his niece allowed the visitor entry into the room he shared with Hawke.
"I was wondering if I could have a word with Hawke, is she around?" Alistair inquired, stepping into the room with Rex at his heels. Fang immediately leapt from the bed to greet Rex, both mabari's tails (or what was left of them) wagging happily, despite the obvious tension in the room.
"We don't-"
Before Winter could finish explaining the situation, Fenris marched up to King Alistair and grabbed his collar, shoving the warden king against the wall, an angry snarl on his face as his markings flared viciously.
"Hawke is not here. Where is she?" Fenris snarled, glaring at Alistair as the king tried to squirm free from Fenris' grip, but the elf just tightened his grip and held Alistair by his throat against the wall. Rex immediately began to snarl and bark at Fenris, for the mabari was too old to do little else.
"I...Would not have...Asked if I knew...Where she was!" Alistair half-laughed breathlessly, trying to make light of the situation as he clutched onto Fenris' hands, trying to prize them off his neck. Fenris snarled and tightened his grip on Alistair's neck.
"Uncle Fen! Stop!" Winter pleaded, trying to push Fenris away from Alistair by getting in-between them.
"He knows where Hawke is!" Fenris snapped, squeezing tighter as he watched Alistair struggle in his grasp.
"Enough!" Winter screamed, casting a mind blast to throw Fenris to the other end of the room. Alistair collapsed to the floor, gasping for breath, "what in the Maker's name is wrong with you? You almost killed him!"
Fenris glared at Winter who was tending to Alistair's wounds before simply hanging his head in defeat, knowing what he had done was completely out of order. If Alistair knew where Hawke was, he wouldn't have sought her out in her room; he would have simply not cared.
The elf stood up, deep in thought as he slowly walked over to Alistair and extended a hand to him, "I...Apologise for doing what I did. It was incredibly foolish of me to assume you would want to harm Hawke. I just-"
"I understand," Alistair coughed and grabbed Fenris' hand, allowing Fenris to help him up, "she means a lot to you, I would have done the same for Kat," he chuckled, smiling as he rubbed his throat.
Fenris simply averted his gaze and stared out of the window. The sun had already disappeared behind the city walls and the moon was already in its place.
"Wait here, I think I know why Hawke has gone. But I need to go and fetch someone first, she's better at explaining than I am," Alistair croaked, his voice still a little hoarse, "look through her things to see if there is anything you might have missed."
Alistair straightened himself out to prevent any of the guards being alerted to him and Fenris' altercation and walked off as quickly as he could, knowing Fenris' patience was growing thin.
Winter had already began searching Hawke's desk, upon which was strewn a mountain of paper. Fenris was still looking out of the window, trying to find the words to explain to Winter about what he was feeling.
He could easily find the words with Hawke, and she even understood everything he was feeling with just one look into his eyes. Sighing, Fenris finally found the words and began looking through Hawke's sketchbooks, which had their own little corner near their bed.
"Winter...About what happened-"
"You're worried about Auntie Hawke, I know. But that doesn't mean you needed to strangle the blighted King of Ferelden!" Winter snapped, her back still turned to her uncle as she went through the documents on Hawke's desk.
Fenris opened one of the sketchbooks and felt a small smile creep onto his face. Hawke had done a sketch of him in one of their reading lessons together; she seemed to have put a lot of detail into his concentration frown as his eyes were focused on the book in front of him. He had always wondered why she was staring at him so intensely that day…
"Before I met Haw- Trinity, I was never taught how to read and write," Fenris continued looking at the drawings as he spoke. He noticed how the rustling of paper over where Winter was had ceased. Knowing that he had her attention, he continued:
"In Tevinter, slaves were never taught to read or write. The magisters prevented slaves from having or knowing anything that would make them feel worthy. Trinity arrived at the mansion one night with that book about Shartan; the one I have read to you many times when you were younger."
"The leader of the elven slaves who joined Andraste in the rebellion against the Imperium?"
Fenris chuckled softly, getting lost in his memories, "Trinity said he reminded her of me, wanting revenge for every elven slave who had lost so much to the magisters. Being the fool I am, I got angry at her, telling her I couldn't read and that I didn't want the gift."
"But instead of pitying and coddling me, she offered to teach me, and I knew that if I declined, she would not press the issue any further. It was only then that I realised that I wasn't...alone like I thought I always was, because she was there…"
The elf felt long, slender arms wrap themselves around him, a head resting on his chest. Snapping back into reality, Fenris peered down and Winter was there, her face buried into his shirt as she clung onto him.
"Auntie Hawke told me how hard it was for you to open up to her; you don't need to say anymore," she whispered, looking up into his eyes, her own as large as saucers.
Fenris' own eyes widened as he realised what his niece was saying; he had shared a personal, private memory with someone other than Hawke. He had only ever confided in Hawke about anything and everything, and he still remembered those long nights in his former mansion, drinking aggregio pavali until Hawke passed out. Fenris would then gently pick Hawke up and lay her down on his bed whilst he chose to sleep in his usual armchair. He was always tempted to join her whilst she slept, she always seemed to be completely at peace when she slept and-
"I hope I'm not interrupting a private family moment," Alistair's voice brought Fenris back to reality, and he gently put some space between himself and Winter, not wanting the King to see his weaknesses.
"N-Not at all!" Winter stammered, wiping her eyes with the palms of her hands before leaning casually against the four-poster bed, Fang already at her heels.
"Well then," Alistair simply cleared his throat before stepping to one side, "may I please introduce you to-"
"Oh please, Alistair. I'm not some noble woman who needs to be introduced by someone else. I can do it perfectly well on my own," a gentle yet stern voice appeared from the door as Fenris observed the woman who walked in.
The woman was clearly getting on in her years; many years of wisdom has turned to wrinkles on her face and her hair appeared to have greyed out years ago, which she wore in a neat bun. She was clearly a mage, since her deep red mage robes gave her away, and the staff on her back. Despite looking ancient, her eyes and smile were still youthful.
"My name is Wynne. I'm the King's advisor to all things arcane," Wynne introduced herself, nodding politely to both Fenris and Winter, "I'm here to help you find your Hawke."
"Hawke doesn't belong to-"
Wynne simply chuckled and smiled at Fenris, "My dear, you have the same look of concern as Alistair did when Katherine didn't wake up after defeating the Archdemon."
"Wynne!" Alistair whined, nervously rubbing the back of his neck as he blushed.
"Oh don't be so bashful! You certainly weren't when you two shared a tent together at camp-"
Fenris cleared his throat, "We need to find Hawke."
"Ah yes. My apologies, I tend to get carried away with things now in my old age," Wynne smiled warmly, but that smile soon vanished and a concerned frown replaced it, "I'm afraid Trinity's...Problem may be the cause of her disappearing so suddenly."
"Her...Problem?" Fenris' eyesbrows furrowed into his usual scowl. Hawke never shared any 'problem' with him, "Is she sick? What is this problem? Why has she run away? What reason is there for her to leave?"
"Please calm down, uncle…" Winter near-sprinted to Fenris to hold his hand, trying to calm him down. Showing Fenris that he was not alone in this. Fenris exhaled slowly and simply looked at Alistair and Wynne, "what's happened to her?"
"Let's start from the beginning…" Wynne started, but Alistair immediately stepped in.
"We believe Hawke may be having one of her meltdowns."
"Meltdowns?" Winter asked, exchanging a quick look of concern with Fenris. He immediately avoided her gaze, finding a spot on the stone floor much more interesting as he listened to what Wynne and Alistair were saying.
"Trinity's meltdowns are completely unique to her. Well, they're more intense than what happens to other mages with her condition," Wynne explained, "These 'meltdowns' cause Trinity's blood to boil, her entire body become aflame. This results in her burning up, making her extremely painful to touch."
Suddenly, it dawned on him; all those times when Hawke's skin seemed to have scorched him when she became emotional or angry at something made sense.
"Ever since Malcolm passed away-"
"I thought Hawke's dad died from the Blight?" Winter raised another question that was on Fenris' mind.
"Is that what Trinity told you? That's far from the truth," Wynne's eyes suddenly became sad whilst she began to recall what had really happened.
"When Malcolm, Bethany and Hawke were fleeing a templar pursuit, Trinity volunteered to stay and fight the templars whilst Malcolm and Bethany escaped. The templars...Overpowered her and they did...Terrible things to her. She was only fifteen at the time," Wynne explained calmly.
"There was also another incident where Bethany was being taken to the Circle, and Trinity offered to take her place instead, and pay all the coin she had made to save her sister. The two templars accepted the coin, let Bethany go and took Trinity to a nearby barn where they tortured and raped her," Alistair added bluntly, watching as Fenris' markings flashed for a moment, knowing that the elf was finding this hard to hear.
"When Malcolm managed to free her from the templar's clutches, Trinity had cracked. She became hysterical and caused an explosion, killing her father instantaneously."
Fenris frowned as he concentrated, taking in all this information. Hawke had lied to him and everyone this entire time? Even Carver lied to them? He didn't know what to feel; anger? Sadness? Fenris knew Wynne and Alistair were waiting for his reply, so he needed to decide quickly.
"I understand why Hawke and Carver needed to hide it from us. They didn't want to put any of us in danger," Fenris spoke matter-of-factly, staring at the red ribbon that was still tied to his wrist.
"She still could have told us. We could have helped…"Winter spoke softly, looking up at her uncle.
Fenris immediately shook his head, a small nostalgic smile on his face, "Hawke was never one to share anything that could endanger any of her friends, then we would all find out at the last minute."
"But now Trinity needs you, Fenris," Wynne folded her arms in front of her chest, "You and young Winter are Hawke's only hope of not having a complete meltdown."
Winter held onto Fenris' arm and nodded firmly, "We'll do anything." Fenris simply nodded, lost in his own thoughts again.
"Great," Wynne seemed to have had a whole weight lifted off her shoulders as she visibly relaxed, "We ride for Lake Calenhad tomorrow. There's some research to be done and people to talk to before we go after Hawke."