IV – Caitlin

Months later after Flashpoint...

Barry's blaming himself for what happened to me. And I might've said some harsh things to him during my stint as Killer Frost too that added to the guilt he was already carrying. I wanted to console him. I wanted to reassure him that I understood why he did what he did no matter how selfish it was of him to do so. But how do I do that?

He has Iris now anyway. I mean, whatever happened between us that night a few months ago after I escaped from Zoom clearly meant nothing to him, just like that night we ended up in bed together and I woke up not knowing if we did or didn't do it. We haven't even talked about it. We just went on like nothing happened between us that night, and given the chain of events that followed that night we didn't have the time to hash it out anyway, so we tabled it for a later discussion; a discussion that never happened.

Now we have Savitar to deal with and Iris' impending death in his hands while Barry was helpless to save her. And now he was doing everything he could to prevent that outcome from happening in the not-so-far future.

That alone tells me his priority has been and always will be Iris: his one true love.

I used to have a one true love. His name was Ronnie. And he was only my husband for a short period of time before he was gone from my life again, only this time it was indeed permanent.

But I move on. That was what Ronnie would've wanted. And I thought I have moved on; I even gave Jay a chance, but he turned out to be not the man we all thought him to be. He was Hunter Solomon masquerading as Jay Garrick, and boy he was a damn piece of work that Hunter who turned out to be Zoom and traumatized me.

"A penny for your thought?"

I snapped away from my momentary melancholy when I heard Julian – a new addition to Team Flash and Barry's fellow CSI over at CCPD – over my shoulder. I quickly composed myself and hoped my smile reached my eyes before I looked at him.

"Sorry?"

Julian smirk-smiled at me. Sometimes I forget that he used to give Barry a hard time before we found out he was Alchemy; now he was a part of Team Flash and the one person who might be able to help me get rid of my Killer Frost powers.

"You look distracted and sad there. I'm just here offering a shoulder to cry on and an ear to bend if you need them," was his casual reply.

If Julian was a type of food, I'd describe him as an acquired taste. He can be brash and arrogant and very stick-up-his-butt kinda guy, but once you really get to know the man behind all those, he was really a charming and sweet guy.

"Thanks, Julian, I'll keep that in mind."

"Are you sure you're okay?" He was frowning at me now as he studies me. I felt like a sample being studied under a microscope with the way he was looking at me. He was genuinely concerned about me.

"Yeah," I nodded. "Yup, I'm okay," I mustered to sound as 'okay' as I can and tried to smile wider hoping to convince him that I was indeed fine. I gotta admit, Julian was a good colleague, but he and I aren't on that stage yet where I feel comfortable enough to spill my guts to him. He was a brilliant CSI who really knew his metahuman stuff, but as a friend...I'm not quite sure yet.

"You certain?" He didn't sound convinced.

"Yes, I am certain," I nodded again.

He gave me a long look. Again I felt like a damn specimen under a microscope with the way he was looking at me. I started to feel fidgety, but thank God he quit looking at me like I was some prime specimen he was studying.

"Okay. Well, if ever you need them, you know where to find me."

"Thanks, Julian," And I really appreciate his concern. Cisco, Barry and even HR were concerned about my well being too, I'm sure, but we've worked alongside each other (mainly Cisco, Barry and I) to know when one needed some space.

"Anytime," he winked. He lingered for a bit and we discussed something that landed on his and Barry's desk at the crime lab in CCPD. They weren't sure if it was a meta attack or not; either way Julian was stumped and so was Barry so they brought it over to S.T.A.R. Labs.

Julian distracted me from my melancholia with his talk about the case. Neither one of us realized it was already late until both our stomachs growled out loud in protest; we were both starving and neither one of us ate anything since before lunch.

JULIAN AND I RAN INTO BARRY on our way out for dinner. He just left the Speed Lab after checking on Wally's progress with his training (they needed Kid Flash to top Barry's speed in order to save Iris from the hands of Savitar a few months from now) and was headed out of the building too. He and Julian got to talking and I dunno how it happened but somehow Barry got wrangled in to joining Julian and I while we grabbed something to satiate our growling stomachs.

"Thanks again, guys, for inviting me," Barry smiled seated to my right.

Julian was to my left.

We occupied a semi-circular booth at one of Central City's newly opened trendy fusion restaurant, and I ended up sitting in the middle while my two 'dates' for the evening flanked me on either side.

"Anytime," Julian smiled back. "Caitlin and I got busy talking about the case that neither one of us realized the time until our stomachs protested," he chuckled, explaining the reason why we were leaving S.T.A.R. Labs late.

"Did you guys make any progress?" Barry and Julian continued to talk about their case and ignored me, who happened to be seated between them. I ought to feel annoyed that I was being ignored, but I didn't mind sitting this conversation out. Besides, it wasn't even a case I was involved in; Julian just brought it over to S.T.A.R. Labs in the hopes of picking my brain over.

Barry and Julian talked shop for the next fifteen minutes before they both realized it was really getting late and all three of us have an early day tomorrow. Julian and Barry split the bill, insisting I don't need to pay for my share since it was their treat. That was sweet of them, and completely unexpected since I was used to always splitting the bill every time.

"Thanks again for dinner, guys," I addressed both men once we were outside the restaurant waiting for our cars. Julian and I drove our separate cars since we lived on opposite ends from the restaurant.

"This was fun," Julian grinned, stepping closer to the curb when the valet brought his car over. He turned and engulfed me in a hug then extended his hand to shake Barry's. "I'll see you tomorrow," he addressed us both before rounding his car and got in.

My car was right behind his, which the valet rolled up right in front where I was standing. I thanked the valet and handed him some folded bills for tip.

"You need a ride back to your place?" The offer was out of my mouth before I knew what I was saying. Barry lived past my place for Pete's sakes!

Barry cocked a questioning brow at me after he heard my offer. I saw a hint of a grin hover those thin lips of his.

"I'm a little out of the way for you, Cait," he reminded me.

Yeah, like I didn't realize my mistake two seconds after I blurted the invitation to drive him home. I don't even know why I invited him; maybe it was because I missed hanging with him and we never really talked about what happened between us that night after I escaped Zoom.

"You can always catch a ride with me to my place then flash home," I suggested.

His grin turned to a smirk then thrust his hand out.

I looked down at his hand and raised a brow questioningly.

"What?"

"Keys, please."

"Whatever for?"

"If I'm to catch a ride up to your place, let me at least drive there before I flash on home the rest of the way," he reasoned.

That was a fucked up reasoning and I said it out loud to him. He just shrugged it off and using his super speed he snatched my car keys from me and opened the passenger door for me.

"After you," he gestured for me to step in, which I didn't do right away, but after debating the chances of me snatching my keys back from him I relented and folded myself into the passenger seat. "Thank you," he beamed and closed the door after securing me inside. He rounded the car and jumped into the driver's seat.

He rolled away from the curb and merged with the late evening traffic. Traffic wasn't heavy so the trip to my place from the restaurant wouldn't take long.

"You and Julian seem to be getting quite chummy with each other," Barry said while we were stopped at the lights.

"You make it sound like it's a bad thing."

"No," was his quick denial, looking sideways at me and flashed me that rakishly boyish grin of his that made me think he had something naughty he was about to unleash. "I don't mean anything by it. It's just an observation."

"Uh-hm," I didn't believe him, and I knew that he knew I doubted his reasoning, but I didn't bother saying it out loud.

The rest of the drive to my place was peppered with general conversation from what we were discussing over dinner. Barry was seriously concerned about Iris' impending demise at the hands of Savitar and he was worried how it would affect both Joe and Wally if he wasn't able to stop it from happening. My heart went out to him and wished I could do more to help ease his pain and worry.

Barry insisted on walking me up to my place after he parked my vehicle in the underground parking. I tried to decline his offer, but he reasoned with me that it was no biggie since he could always flash us to my place quicker; I insisted on using the elevator for our ascent up to my place on the thirtieth floor.

"You really shouldn't have walked me to my door, Bare," I said while unlocking my door.

"It's no trouble, really, " he insisted, standing guard behind me with his hands tucked in the front pockets of his jeans as he waited for me to open the door.

"That's sweet of you then," I smiled once my door was opened. "Wanna come in for coffee?" The offer was out of my mouth before I could think of what I was saying. Really, what was wrong with me? Why do I keep blurting things out without thinking first?

Barry's smile could've lit up an entire stadium if that was ever possible after I initiated the invite.

"I'd love to," he accepted without thinking twice and beat me inside. He used his super speed to get inside probably before I changed my mind, which I don't think I'd be doing, but somehow a voice at the back of my head was screaming at me that this was a bad idea.