V – Caitlin

A few weeks later...

Something's up with Barry, but I just can't put my finger to it. Finding Savitar was still top on his list, but after his visit to the future he seemed more troubled than before. Iris' impending death still loomed over everyone's heads, especially over Joe and Wally's heads for sure since she was daughter and sister to those men. And Barry...well, what can I say? He was Barry, carrying the weight of the damn world on his shoulders as usual and putting on the brave face that I know for sure was filled with a gazillion cracks and chinks here and there.

And recuperating from his broken brief engagement to Iris.

Oh yes, Barry Allen proposed to Iris West thinking that by marrying her he'd be changing her future.

I was both happy and sad when the news of their engagement was shared with us. I certainly didn't see that coming even though at the back of my head I knew Iris was Barry's first love. He was clearly head over heels crazy for her when we first started working together. I spent many a night – or day, depends on when his latest Iris-trouble comes up – listening to him talk about his one-sided feelings for his foster sister.

Before Flashpoint I'd say Barry and Iris ending up together was far from happening, but after Flashpoint things changed. Iris suddenly realized her true feelings for Barry and reciprocated it, to Barry's delight. Watching them together wasn't easy, but since we all work closely together I had to take one for the team and accept that situation's changed and I am friendzoned even though we shared a crazy moment months ago while I was recuperating after being kidnapped by Zoom.

I guess I took a page out of Barry's book and became him. Whatever feelings were present that night it was only one-sided and mostly coming from me. But his response...he wouldn't have responded the way he did if he didn't have an inkling to having the same feelings I was wrestling with that night, would he?

We had an unexpected heart-to-heart talk that night he drove me home after our dinner date with Julian. I didn't think anything was plaguing his mind until we stepped in to my apartment and I closed the door...

That night after dinner with Julian...

SOMETHING WAS WRONG. Caitlin can tell the moment she led Barry into her apartment and closed the door. She watched his shoulders sag forward and his walk seemed heavier. He just returned from his brief jaunt to the future to talk to his future self and ask him how he trapped Savitar, but instead of overwhelming relief he looked twice as troubled than before he decided he'd venture to the future in search of help.

"Coffee?" Caitlin offered after depositing her keys in the bowl on the bureau by the door.

"Sure," Barry nodded and headed for the sofa.

Caitlin watched him go and make himself comfortable on one of her living room furniture. She followed him to where he sat and walked in front of him and sat down on the low wooden coffee table.

"Bare," she started, biting on her lower lip as she watched him slouch down in his seat until he was comfortable. She waited until his gaze leveled with hers before tentatively placing her hands on his knees, giving them a light squeeze before continuing, "are you okay?"

Barry didn't answer right away. He held her gaze longer, sucking in deep, long breaths before slowly expelling them. He pulled himself up and lifted Caitlin's hands from his knees, but he didn't let them go. Instead he laced his fingers with hers and gave them a squeeze.

"I'm sorry, Caitlin," he said brokenly, his eyes pooling suddenly with unshed tear and the facade he kept on for the sake of everyone in the team was discarded.

"Barry—"

Barry cut her off by placing his index finger against her lips, silencing her from saying whatever it was she was about to say.

"I know who Savitar is," he confessed.

Caitlin clasped his index finger in her hand and pulled it away from her lips. "That's great, Barry. That gives us the advantage," she smiled encouragingly.

Barry smiled back, but it didn't quite reach his eyes nor did it look sincere.

"That's not...good?" Caitlin frowned, tilting her head sideways slightly as she studied the troubled man seated in front of her.

"How do you fight your own shadow?" He asked, his eyes moving over her face like he was remembering every slope, every line, every nuance she made.

"Bare, I don't—" Caitlin's words were cut off when Barry cupped her face and pulled her forward, capturing her parted lips with his, kissing the rest of her words away.

Caitlin was caught unaware by the kiss and didn't respond immediately. He must've sensed it too and softened the kiss. He teased her lips until they parted enough to welcome his tongue to snake past her lips and into her mouth. When Caitlin surrendered to the kiss Barry took advantage and pulled her forward towards him until she was on top of him, legs straddling his thighs on the sofa as their kiss turned demanding.

Even after the events of Flashpoint and his brief engagement to Iris, Caitlin and everything that happened between them kept a permanent place in the back of his mind. He often wondered the could-have-beens and what-might-have-beens if he hadn't acted on impulse and went back in time to change his past. Would it have stopped what he saw in the future and what happened to Caitlin?

"I'm really, really sorry, Caitlin," he whispered, breaking their kiss and cupping her face in his hands, his eyes beseeching hers.

Caitlin relaxed on top of him, her hands covering his, and a slow smile hovered over her lips.

"There's nothing to be sorry for, Barry. You didn't think I might be affected after you reversed Flashpoint and rightened the wrong."

"If I didn't go back in the first place to create it, then you wouldn't even be Killer Frost." His eyes dropped on the necklace she was wearing. Julian and Cisco worked out a way to make the cuffs Cisco designed to subdue metas so they can't use their powers to last longer and look fashionable too by fashioning it as a pendant on a silver chain that Caitlin wore under her tops; it also gets recharged via solar energy so it lasts longer than the cuffs.

"Maybe, or maybe not," she shrugged. She remained straddled over his lap, but sat back and pulled his hands that were cupping her face and rested them on her thighs. "Barry, we've been through a lot since you woke up from your coma almost four years ago. And we've battled through everything thrown our way since metahumans emerged. We even found a way to suppress my metahuman side thanks to the necklace Julian and Cisco whipped up," she smiled.

Barry's eyes dropped to where he knew said necklace was hidden underneath her top, then he flicked his gaze back up to meet hers. His eyes spoke volumes even if his mouth remained shut. Caitlin saw what was tormenting him, or at least a part of what was burdening him.

"Oh Bare," she whispered and leaned down hoping to kiss away his worries.

Barry responded to her kiss, his hunger for her taste amplified. He wanted to devour her and lose himself in that kiss and in her arms. He shared what he learned from his future self with the team after he returned back from the future, but he didn't share everything with them. He withheld Savitar's identity. Heck, he didn't even mention finding out who Savitar was during his trip. He just informed the team about Dr. Tracy Brand and her invention that eventually captured and trapped Savitar in the Speed Force.

Present time...

I NEVER FOUND OUT WHO Savitar was, and I didn't ask him even though I felt Barry wanted to share Savitar's identity with me so much. But I also sensed that every time he brought him up, he got this sad look in his eyes when he looked at me and I can't help but feel this overwhelming dread envelope me. Even though he didn't elaborate on why he kept on apologizing to me that night, deep down I think I knew which version of me he saw in that future he visited.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Based on the shows' most recent episode, I'm fudging the chain of events, per se, for this chapter to fit the storyline I'm working on here. I know my previous chapters pretty much followed the series' timeline, but for the sake of where I want this story to go I have to make some creative judgement calls and change things around a bit