Eikko was sitting across from me on the floor, struggling to finish a bowl of creamy pasta, his long legs stretched out so that they almost reached me. "If we keep going like this, we're going to be obese by the time our wedding comes around," he jokes.

"It's only the second time we've done this," I said, not lifting my eyes from the report I was reading through. "And it's been a week since the last time. Not like we're doing this every night."

"I'm just looking out for you. I know you have a meeting with Hale tomorrow about your dress."

I sighed and feigned excitement. "Woo-hoo."

"C'mon, Eady, this is your wedding dress. Don't girls dream of their wedding dresses? I figured you would already have at least twenty sketches of your dress." I finally met his eyes. He was looking at me curiously, his eyes watching me carefully. "You okay? You've been out of it today."

I shrugged. "I wish we could elope," I admitted. Glancing at the clock told me that it was just past midnight, way too late for me to be up doing work for the third time that week. There was a certain point where I stopped being productive and we had definitely passed it. "I feel like no part of this wedding is mine. No part of my life is mine. It's all being dictated by camera angles and decorum."

He crawled across our papers and food to sit beside me, one of his arms wrapped around my shoulders. I took the hand dangling by my ear and kissed the back of it. "I wish there was a way I could fix that for you," he said sadly. "You have enough to worry about and be unhappy about. Your wedding shouldn't be one of those things."

"I just want to be married to you."

"Believe me, the feeling is mutual." He checked his watch and groaned. He gently pried the report from my hands. "Let's go to bed. You'll feel better in the morning."

"Okay."

We crawled into bed together, the warm pre-summer nights making my room hot and causing us to sleep in as little as possible. I couldn't deny that it was getting harder and harder to wait until marriage to make love to him. It seemed like the one missing piece in our relationship. Over the last couple weeks we had gotten to know each other backwards and forwards; there was really only one boundary between us. It was almost getting to be frustrating.

As it turned out, I didn't feel any better the next morning. My dark mood followed me throughout the day, right into my appointment with Hale. I had been anticipating seeing Hale for the last week since scheduling his visit but not even seeing his smiling face and a sketchbook full of wedding dress designs in his arms wasn't enough to lift my mood.

"How's Ean?" I asked him, looking for any kind of distraction from my melancholia. Mom had been watching me closely, picking up on my mood, but she averted her eyes as I walked with Hale down to the Women's Room.

"He's good. It's been hard trying to balance the long-distance aspect of everything while also trying to be discreet. Living on opposite sides of the country isn't exactly conducive to being a couple."

I hummed, pursing my lips. "Is there any way I can help you?"

"You're helping enough as it is. I'm giving him the money you're paying me for the dress design so he'll be able to move to Belcourt. We won't be living together. Like I said, we're trying to stay discreet."

Mom held the door open for us to the Women's Room, Raelynn, Gavril, Neena and Allmond were already inside. "Please, if there's anything else I can do, don't hesitate to tell me."

"I will."

We sat around one of the tables in the Women's Room and Hale opened his sketch book. He was unsurprisingly nervous as he started walking me through several different design concepts. "Your coloring is good for blush dresses. If you wanted one, you could go with one of these softer, more feminine dresses. The color makes them fun so the design itself is more sophisticated."

I was about to say that the idea of a blush dress was really appealing but Raelynn interrupted me. "As queen, you must wear white or cream, Your Majesty."

Hale looked disheartened but quickly smoothed his face out again. "Okay then. These are some of the pure white dress concepts I have." He pushed the sketchbook over to me and I leaned in to take a look.

"Are those sequins?" Allmond asked him with disgust.

"Well, it would be some sort of sparkle…"

"Absolutely not," Raelynn said. "Any sparkle would not be acceptable for a queen on her wedding day. It makes her look too promiscuous."

I couldn't believe it. What had started as frustration was now blossoming into full-blown fury. "Mom?" If anyone would understand this, she would. She had to plan a wedding with these people, surely she felt this frustration.

"Unfortunately, Eadlyn, Raelynn makes a fair point. Besides, sparkly dresses don't work well on camera." She gave me an apologetic smile but I ignored it.

Camera angles and decorum, I repeated in my head bitterly. Thus started the heated debate of whether I would look better in true white or ivory – apparently blush was completely off the table. Allmond fought Hale tooth and nail that I would look better in white and that it would be more appropriate but Hale thought that white would make me look too dark with my olivey skin and dark hair. Mom pressed her hand to her temple and shook her head, clearly not about to weigh in on the argument. Sequins or no sequins, true white or ivory, this wedding dress was no longer my wedding dress. Which was the final straw for me.

"Well, if you all have this handled, I'll be leaving to actually be productive," I snapped, capping my pen and rising from the table.

Everyone else hurried to stand except for Mom who looked shocked but not a bit disappointed with my attitude. "Eadlyn, don't do this," she implored in a warning tone.

"No, I am leaving. Clearly you all don't need me to plan my wedding so I'm going to leave and be queen for a while. Forget being a bride. Apparently being a bride is something limited to non-royalty."

No one protested as I stormed out of the Women's Room, much to my disgust. Maybe they were too shocked or didn't think it would be proper to argue with their queen. For once – for once – I actually wanted these people to argue with me and tell me that I was wrong, that I was actually necessary to planning my wedding, but no argument was forthcoming.

I had made it halfway down the hallway before Hale started running after me. He caught up to me at the steps. "Eadlyn, I'm sorry," he hurried to say, probably scared that I was going to keep walking and ignore him.

I wanted to keep walking and ignore him but this wasn't his fault. I wanted to look at all of Hale's designs and discuss them at length with him, weighing pros and cons of dozens of different dress options. But Allmond and Raelynn had pretty effectively stopped that from happening. "You have nothing to apologize for, Hale. I'm just being a brat."

"No, you're not. You're being Eadlyn." He said it like it was adorable. There was nothing cute about my meltdown though; I was even disgusted with my attitude. "Look, I get it. I can't empathize you, no, but I can sympathize. You're Queen Eadlyn all day every day. I get it that you just want to be Eadlyn Schreave de Koshinen for a day."

"You have no idea how desperately I want that right now," I told him, momentarily melting at the sound of my last name linked with Eikko's. Decorum dictated that he would assume my last name but in private, for all of our own official documentation, we would have both last names. "For what it's worth, I loved all of your blush designs."

"You didn't even see half of them." He sighed, somehow looking both defeated and inspired. "I was thinking though, that I could make some of them in ivory. Want to see?" I nodded fervently, walking to a nearby bench with him. He placed his sketchbook in both of our laps and flipped to a design that was earmarked. "This is my personal favorite. It's very classic, with a bustle here and the layered skirt but it's still elegant and makes a statement, which is perfect for you."

"I really like this, Hale," I told him, brushing my fingers over the design. "It's not very modest though."

He laughed. "Neither are you."

"Point taken. Good luck convincing Raelynn and Allmond that this dress is acceptable."

"I won't need to." He shook his head. "You're the queen. These people cannot control you, Eadlyn. The only people who really care that you have too much cleavage are advisers and they're a bunch of pompous rats anyway. Nobody is going to talk about how scandalous it was for you to have bare shoulders on your wedding day. They'll be too excited about you getting married."

I smiled, reaching across his book to squeeze his hand. "Thank you Hale."

"I don't know if anyone's ever told you this, Eadlyn, but you're the most powerful woman in the world, one of the most powerful people in the world. Don't let a few obscenely self-important individuals try to take that from you." He leaned back and put a hand behind his head. "Besides, you're giving me my happily ever after. It's the least I can do."

I wanted to be flattered but all I could do was think about Marlee's words in the Women's Room a couple weeks before, when she admitted to feeling so indebted to my mother. I could see the similarities in my relationship with Hale and I never, ever wanted to have him feel so indebted to me. "Hale, I'll pay you for this one gig but after that, you and Ean will have to find someone else."

"What?" he asked, dumbfounded.

"If I keep paying you and you keep using that money to help your relationship with Ean, I will forever be tied to you two. You'll never stop owing me. Maybe you won't think of it at first but eventually you'll realize that you're spending every day thinking of ways to thank me for all I've done."

He shook his head in disbelief, looking slightly offended. My heart cracked slightly at the hurt in his eyes. "I would never rely on you, Eadlyn."

"I know you wouldn't." I took his hand in mine and tried to get us back on track, back on good terms. "After you design my wedding dress, you'll be a sensation. The wealthy will flock to you, Hale. Enjoy your fame. I'll call on you when I need you but trust me, with all of the attention, you won't even miss me."

"I think I'll miss you a little." His lips pulled up one side to reveal the tiniest, most bashful smile. I could see then that he understood what I was saying and wasn't the least bit upset about it.

I smiled back at him and patted the hand I was holding. "Me too." I paused, blushing as I asked, "How about my baby's christening outfit?"

His smile became absolutely radiant at that. "I've never designed baby clothes before, but I'd be honored to for you, Your Majesty." He winked.

The door to the Women's Room opened and Mom emerged, her head swiveling to the left and right as she searched the hallway for Hale and me. She spotted us and came over. "Allmond, Raelynn and Gavril all took the east exit from the Women's Room. I figured that would be wise in light of…well, anyway, I thought it best that we take a break from this madness and reconvene later. Perhaps when you're less stressed?" She put a comforting hand on my shoulder and my frustration with her for not standing up for me properly promptly evaporated.

"Thanks, Mom."

"I'm sorry Hale, but we do have another important meeting this afternoon that we need to prepare for."

Hale nodded and rose to his feet. "Of course, I understand. I'll keep working on that design and get your measurements from Eloise. Hopefully I can have some fabrics for you to choose from during our next meeting."

"That would be great." We started walking down the hall and stopped at the staircase. He would be going downstairs to leave but I had to go back up to the fourth floor to continue my day. "I wish I could walk you out but…"

He interrupted by hugging me tight. "I'm so proud of you Eadlyn. You're doing an amazing job so far," he whispered to me.

"I'll try to keep that up. I need all of the allies I can get right now."

When he pulled away he was smiling sadly. "Everything works out for the best, remember? You'll be fine." He waved timidly and then proceeded down the steps, a guard escorting him on his way out.

Mom was quiet as we proceeded upstairs but I could tell that she was nervous. It wasn't often that I saw my mother nervous. She had every reason to be nervous though, especially about our afternoon. I just hoped that Dad would be in my office when we arrived so that he could calm her down a bit. "You and Dad should have a date night soon," I told her.

She laughed, her nerves causing it to still come out stiff. "Oh, really?"

"I just feel like, despite you two technically being retired, you still don't get enough time to yourselves. You're always looking after Osten or teaching Kaden or helping me plan my wedding. I'm glad that you're relaxing and that you aren't as stressed but you two still aren't getting enough time together as husband and wife."

Mom rolled her eyes and smiled. "Aside from the fact that we share a bedroom? I see your point though. I'll just tug my ear later then."

"What?" I asked, confused about what that had to do with them going on a date.

"Inside joke. What's Eikko up to? He's not coming to this meeting, is he?"

I shook my head. "He's reading a report for me on the clean up efforts in Panama and drafting ideas for initiatives from the crown. He came to me with this great idea about starting an organization run by the government that is specifically for giving aid to people in the wake of disaster here in Illéa. The United States had it and it seems like it worked pretty well for them. At least from what he told me."

Mom nodded thoughtfully. "It's a good idea, honey. But where will the money come from?" It felt comforting to bounce ideas off of my mom. This was how I grew up. Mom and Dad kept me in the loop on things and allowed me to offer my ideas, poking holes in them until I had a solid plan of attack.

"That's the complicated part. I think in order to make it happen, we'll need to make some sacrifices elsewhere. I'm sure there's a way to lump together money set aside for improvements on infrastructure and medical aid and channel it into this organization. Eikko's much better with numbers than I am though. He can probably find a way to finance it in a quarter of the time it would take me." She pulled me in from the side, smooshing a kiss onto my cheek. "Mom!"

"What? I'm just proud of you," she said. "You're really good at this whole queen thing, you know?"

I blushed. "I learned from the best."

"Damn right," she laughed.

We entered my study where Dad was already waiting for us, pacing in front of my desk with a deep crease between my brows. So much for my hopes that he would help calm her down; he was clearly as much of a wreck as her. "Honestly, you two, get it together," I said, clapping my hands. "Are you really the same people that negotiated the first legitimate peace treaty between New Asia and Illéa in the last hundred years?"

"With Georgia and August's help," Dad muttered bitterly. He strode to the liquor cabinet tucked into one of the many bookshelves lining the walls and poured himself a drink. "Brandy, Eadlyn? Ames?" Mom and I both said no. Mom was still under orders from Dr. Ashlar to moderate alcohol intake but I just didn't have a taste for brandy or whiskey.

"Let us all just remember that it isn't August and Georgia that are spreading the rumors about Eadlyn. It's Marid, and even though he's their son, they're not to blame for any of this," Mom said to both of us.

Dad tried to keep his face even but I could see that he resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "They could be telling him to do this. It may not be the exact same, but he is leading his own revolution in a way. This could something that they've been planning for years."

"Well we still don't know that, Maxon," Mom snapped. "The benefit of the doubt may not be a bad idea in this particular scenario, especially because they have so kindly accepted our offer to come here and meet with us."

"Yes, because they want to end the monarchy!" Dad exclaimed.

I shook my head. "If Marid wanted to end the monarchy, he would've poisoned me with those flowers. He wants something else. He couldn't be jealous, could he? I mean, he couldn't actually want to marry me, right?"

Mom coughed, making Dad's face soften slightly with worry for her until it became clear that she was coughing more out of being disgusted than discomfort. "You two are distant cousins. You're not getting married no matter how much he wants to marry you. And I doubt that's the case anyway."

"Then what could he want?"

"Maybe this is Marid's way of trying to take over," Dad said. "Everything he's doing, he's trying to discredit you. By discrediting you, it places doubt in the people's minds about your ability to rule. Get enough doubt and they'll be begging for a new leader. Marid will be the voice of reason to them, they will have to vote for him."

My eyes widened. "You don't mean…the election for a prime minister?"

"It could be." Dad shrugged and took a pensive sip of brandy. "In a way, your idea of a constitutional monarchy put him closer to the throne than he is simply by being an Illéa. He's not a politician, he is a popular spokesperson and people will rally behind the popular guy, especially if he's an underdog opposing the government like Marid. Not to mention, he's Marid Illéa. The people will naturally believe in him."

"That's never going to happen," I insisted through gritted teeth.

Mom placed her hands on her hips. "We need a plan of attack for this meeting. August is rather cunning; he's going to come into this with a silver tongue."

"You're right. And Georgia will support him, no matter what." Dad turned to me. "Do we have any reports from General Leger on Marid's possible location?"

"Sadly, no. The guy disappeared, he's a ghost." We were getting increasingly uneasy about his absence. He had ten days worth of confidential conversations held between monarchs of a country that was in a precarious state of peace to use as blackmail, so why wasn't he using it?

The three of us walked down to one of the libraries on the first floor, this one mainly being for old literature from Europe. The books down there were books that we never touched simply because they could cure an insomniac of their sleepless nights. The room was hardly ever touched, making it perfect for a formal meeting with people we really had no interest in seeing.

They arrived promptly at three o'clock. Mom and Dad held hands until the very last possible moment but even as they let go when the doors swung open, their knees were still touching. Suddenly I was wishing that, even though it wasn't his battle, Eikko was sitting to me so that our knees could be touching and I could at least have some support and comfort.

It had been a solid decade or so since I had last seen August and Georgia Illéa. They both looked older than what I knew they really were. Somehow, despite being a year younger than Dad, they looked older than him. And they weren't even king and queen. I knew that they were rebels and thus spent time homeless. Perhaps looking well beyond their years was a consequence of that stress from earlier in their lives.

Their faces were straight as they took their seats across from us. August reclined into the sofa, stretching his legs and arms out like he owned the place. In a way though, he kind of did own the palace.

"Thank you so much for accepting our invitation here," Mom began, always the perfect hostess. Her hands were folded primly in her lap.

August and Georgia exchanged a hard look, and then August said, "Maybe we can skip over the pleasantries and get down to business. My wife and I are under no pretense that this is a social call, even though you've picked a library for us to be entertained in. I know that this room is hardly ever used, thus making it a less intimate setting than you'd like. I also know that this room is most conveniently located for the main safe room under the palace should anything happen while we're here. So again, maybe we can just get to the part where you accuse us of making your lives miserable once again?"

Resisting the urge to actually growl at his blatant disrespect, I tried to wrack my brain to remember if this was always how August spoke to my father. It did seem like it. Maybe at first Dad took it all in good fun or recognized the fact that he needed August. Then he realized that he didn't really need him after all and that August's boldness was downright treasonous.

"I wouldn't say that," Dad said quickly, trying to keep this meeting from going completely off the rails. Mom was bristling though. "We just have some inquiries about your son."

"I'm surprised you didn't just send Aspen to see us. Of course, he's probably already been to Marid's apartment and found it empty, right?" August asked. I could see that this was very quickly turning into a battle of the fathers and who would protect their kid more. Dad would protect me by keeping the peace; August would protect Marid by disrupting it.

Dad shook his head. "We didn't see the need to send officers to your home, August. You aren't here because we're accusing you of anything, actually—"

"There's a shock," August muttered sarcastically, rolling his eyes. Maybe it's because I had grown up since I had last seen him but he seemed to be acting more like a child than ever.

"—we really just want to know if you have any idea where Marid is."

"Why?" Georgia asked, speaking up for the first time.

"Why?" Mom repeated. "Because as of now, he's a criminal and an evader of the law. I think right now we're trying to offer you the opportunity to hand him over peacefully before we need to get more aggressive."

Georgia raised her eyebrows, taken aback. "Because we must be the ones harboring him? Because we're the big, scary rebels?"

"Not at all. It's because you must have some idea of where he is. You are his parents."

"Exactly," August said. "Marid is smart enough to know that when he ran, we would be the first people you all look to for answers. He isn't with us and he won't come to us anytime soon."

"You do realize that what Marid has done – blackmailing the Crown – is treason and is punishable by death once he's found?" Mom asked them, being direct as ever.

Georgia barely blinked. "Just like negotiating an illegal arms deal between an unallied nation and a group of rebels?"

"Georgia," August said, his tone measured as a warning.

"We've all done things against the Crown that are punishable by death. What's so different about this time?" Mom and Dad were both quiet, not answering her. "I think this is a lot more personal than you'll care to admit. What I'm seeing is you two holding our actions against our son."

I couldn't be quiet any longer. "Of course it's personal! The only reason Marid was able to get those recordings from my personal office is because he is considered as a friend of the family."

"Sounds to me like you should have chosen better friends," August snapped at me.

"You two have always had rather open hearts. You've paid for it multiple times over. Now you've raised your daughter to be the same way."

Mom laughed darkly. "Don't start criticizing the way we raised our children. If anything, you two are the ones that were wrong in how you raised your son. We raised Eadlyn to reflect what we personally believe in."

"As did we! We raised Marid to be vigilant and strong and to not trust anything too fully. It's not our fault that he's using those skills now against you. Maybe you shouldn't have presented him with the opportunity to be so critical of you all."

"So you raised him to be a rebel?" Dad asked, one of his eyebrows raised. "That's reassuring."

"Like August said, we raised Marid how we thought would be best," Georgia said.

Mom shook her head, her jaw tight as she said, "You know what I love? You two were so adamant about liberating people from the castes and allowing people to choose the job they love to do. You may thin that you raised Marid to be free, but you actually raised him in a caste of your own making."

Georgia shot to her feet, causing her chair to topple backward with a loud thud. Her fingers twitched slightly and I held my breath as I waited for her to draw a gun on my mother or threaten her in some other way. Instead she looked levelly between my parents and said in a perfectly placid voice, "I think we're done here."

Mom also rose to her feet, rising to be several inches taller than Georgia. "Yes, I think we are," she answered in an equally calm tone.

They both left without even a nod or any sort of acknowledgement in our direction. As soon as the doors shut behind them, Dad stood and started pacing the length of the room ferociously, muttering to himself. I couldn't quite catch any of it, he was talking so fast and so quietly. Mom stayed still where she had been sitting, seeming to be doing a breathing exercise. Finally Dad snapped and sent a marble bust flying several feet before it landed with a heavy thud on the floors, probably leaving a dent where it fell.

"They're impossible! Why did I ever think it was a good idea, befriending a couple rebels? They may not want to overthrow us but they certainly don't like us!" Dad exclaimed.

"Maxon, dearest," Mom said in a quiet voice, trying to reason with him. "You were desperate when they came to us and they did help."

"But now Eadlyn is paying for those actions!"

She shook her head in my direction. "Eadlyn wouldn't even be here if it weren't for the Northern rebels. They saved your life, remember? If they hadn't been in the palace that day, you would have surely died. All of us…" Her voice trailed off when she saw that Dad's face was only getting stormier. In truth, I had never seen her discuss the massacre with him before. It must have been something they only did behind closed doors.

"None of that matters now. What matters is that Marid isn't with them and they don't know anything," I said, hopelessly. I had felt so sure that I would get something from August and Georgia. Now I felt as lost as ever.

"They do, actually," Dad said, standing in front of me.

I frowned. "I didn't hear them say anything about knowing his location."

"But they know do know something. Because they didn't say anything. If they were in the dark, they would have bluffed by saying that they have information. As it is, they know what he has and they know that there's no need to blackmail us if he can do it just as easily," Mom said, nodding her head in agreement.

"They would have felt safe bluffing if they didn't know anything. The fact that they didn't even allude to it means that they have information they don't want us knowing they have." He winked at Mom, a proud smile on his lips. "Good job figuring that out, Ames."

"My heart may be a little faulty but my brain still works just fine. Except for around you." She winked at him mischievously.

I rolled my eyes. "Ick," I coughed dramatically. "You two are obviously about to get gross so I'll go brief General Leger on our meeting and we'll start brainstorming ideas for how to move forward from this." The two of them were already staring at each other wantonly, barely registering that I was leaving.

It was only as I traipsed back up to my office that my anger started to mount until I was actually shaking. General Leger beat me to my office after he had listened in on the whole meeting from a security room. We all knew that he would have much rather been in the room with us for protection but he was most needed in the security hub, in full command of everything happening in the palace. That way he could monitor not just our meeting but anything else that August and Georgia could have had planned behind the scenes.

"It's complicated," he said to me.

I frowned in confusion. "What do you mean? What's complicated?"

"Working with your friends. Not everyone can do it. Your parents and I have had our fair share of disagreements over the years as well as Marlee and Carter but I suppose that our friendships were all formed before we worked together. Your parents built their friendship with August and Georgia around the fact that they were all working together. Probably why they couldn't reconcile any professional differences they had with each other," he explained.

My eyes lifted from the various notes left for me on my desk and met his honest green eyes. I hadn't really seen it before, not before I was working with General Leger everyday. Before, I wasn't spending the better part of my day actively strategizing with him and asking for his input like he was one of my leading advisers (because despite his seat at our meetings, he wasn't). General Leger was incredibly intelligent though. His brain analyzed and drew conclusions at lightning speed. He was constantly watching and understanding. It was the first time I truly understood how the caste system was so unfair. I couldn't fathom how anyone with a brain like his could live a life cleaning houses and doing dirty work for someone wealthier and probably dumber than him.

"Your Majesty?" he asked loudly, jarring me from my thoughts. I jumped, realizing that he had been trying to get my attention for several moments. "Look, you've had a long afternoon. I'd like for you to take tonight off and get some rest so that you can get in here bright and early tomorrow morning."

"Are you sure?" I asked, my hands gripping the arms of my chair. At his suggestion of a free night my heart practically jumped out of my chest but my conscience was set on reminding me of how much work I had to do.

"Go," he said, winking at me. "I'll do an official report for you on August and Georgia and work on some of your other security stuff for you."

My shoulders wilted. "But what about Miss Lucy?"

He smiled sadly, seeming to understand my concern. "She's having a much needed girls' night with some of our friends. Trust me, she will not miss me tonight. Besides, if you're here making sure we have time to spend with our wives, you may never get to see your fiancé."

"Okay then," I said, blushing. He took a folder off of my desk and sat on one of the couches, beginning to flip through it as he got comfortable by sliding off his shoes. I wrote down a few last-minute notes for my work in the morning and then dashed off to my room. On my way through my door, I said to the guard posted there, "Could you please send for Sir Eikko for me?" The guard bowed and disappeared down the hallway. I quickly changed out of my dress and heels in favor of something a bit more comfortable, leaving my previous outfit lying on a chair in my closet for Eloise to launder later.

The door hadn't even shut behind Eikko when I crashed into his arms. He quietly shut the door behind us and steered me further into my room, my arms not once slacking in their vice-like hold on his shoulders.

"What's going on, Ead?" he asked softly, running his hands through my hair. His thumb brushed over my eyebrow. "What happened today?"

"I can't do this, Eikko," I said. Hot, angry tears started to leak from my eyes. "I mean, what am I doing? I can't be the queen. I'm not twenty years old. I'm not even of age yet! Maybe Marid is right, maybe I'm just ruining this country and I have no business leading anything."

"Stop, stop," he said. He brushed some of the tears away as he shushed me. "Eadlyn, stop. You need to just take a deep breath, okay?" I swallowed thickly and drew in a big lungful of air, realizing that I hadn't done so in quite a long time.

"I cannot do this Eikko," I whispered again.

Eikko just shook his head. "You're so wrong, Eadlyn. You are an amazing queen. Already, you are making history."

"But what if I'm making history by being terrible?"

He sighs, not impatiently but almost sounding like found my meltdown adorable. "So what? You will never be able to please everyone. Look, not anyone can do this job. You may think that you were simply born into this job, but you were born into it for a reason. Not everyone will understand what you do or why you do it but you do what you think is best, and you do what only you think is best for your people. You cannot let some rebellious ass dictate what you do; you'll exhaust yourself."

I leaned my head against his chest, just breathing in the scent of him. He smelled like sun and grassy fields and fresh silk and something else I couldn't quite place. We stood in the middle of my room, listening to my shaky breaths slowly ease into long, fulfilling draws of air. "Can we do something tonight? I mean, can we do something that will take my mind off of things?" I asked, looking into his eyes pleadingly.

"What would you like to do?"

"You decide. I can't bear to decide something for myself right now."

He nodded decisively. "Okay. Very well."

Eikko took me by the hand and guided me out of my room. As we drifted through the quiet halls of the palace, I had no idea where he was taking me. I didn't ask though. There was a peaceful sort of liberation in having someone call of my shots for once instead of looking to me for guidance.

We ended up in the stables where our horses were promptly saddled. I watched him mount his horse with ease, seeming very confident on the back of a large animal. "Have you ridden before?" I asked him curiously.

"Once or twice," he said in a way that told me it had been more than once or twice. "I grew up farming, remember?"

I marveled at how he led his horse into a gallop effortlessly with me close behind him, for once chasing after him to keep up. I hadn't raced someone since I was little and Dad took me riding but back then he took me riding to teach me about hunting, not for the recreational aspect of it.

We raced each other through the woods on the palace grounds, winding between large trunks and jumping over fallen trees. The wind lifted my hair from my shoulders and tossed it behind me, making me feel free and slightly wild. My senses were overwhelmed by the orange hue of the woods at sunset and the smell of fresh cut grass. My heart pounded in time with the thuds of horse's hoofs on the solid earth beneath us.

Finally Eikko stopped at the edge of the gardens. We stayed mounted on our horses but were as close as possible, with the toes of my boot just barely grazing his on one side. From where we were lurking in the shadows, we could see the sun set beneath the palace walls. Mom and Dad were walking through the gardens where they finally settled on the same bench they always went to. For what felt like the millionth time in the several weeks, I let out a sigh of relief that Dad wouldn't have to be visiting that bench alone from now on.

"When we're their age, do you think we'll be like them?" Eikko asked me, both of us watching them as they talked animatedly about something.

I felt for a moment that we were intruding on some intimate moment between the two of them and that we should leave and give them some space. They were mesmerizing though and I realized that I had a hard time looking away, even to meet Eikko's eyes. "No, we won't be like them. We'll be us," I told him simply.

"Perhe?"

"Exactly."

"Eadlyn?" I hummed at the sound of my name on his lips. "Are you happy that you chose me?"

I finally tore my gaze away from my parents and studied Eikko. He didn't seem scared that I would say no or worried that I was taking a long time to answer. In truth, there was no proper way for me to capture just how happy I was with my choice in him. Some deep part of my heart always knew that I would be incandescently happy with him, it was just conquering my fear of choosing love over approval that had paralyzed me for so long. I had to answer him somehow though.

"Eikko Koshinen, I am ecstatic that I chose you."