"But Shepard-"

"No. And that's final."

I frowned and put down my drink. Shepard walked away from our table, back to the bar of Chora's Den with Ashley and Liara tailing behind her. And then they started pounding back shots. I looked back across the table at Kaidan.

"Wait...I could have sworn she just said no to drinking. Didn't she say no to this?"

"Just look at that man."

He pointed somewhere past my shoulder. I turned around to find Joker and EDI breaking it down on the dance floor. But Joker looked like he did in Mass Effect. Photo-realistic. Fictional.

"What? What the-why is EDI-"

I got slapped across the face by Liara.

"OW!"

"That was for earlier."

"What? What did I-"

I stopped to actually take a look around. We were in Normandy's med bay. Chakwas was taking a drink with Shepard on her desk.

I looked back to Liara who had suddenly disappeared.

Then Kahoku appeared behind one of the room's glass windows. He frowned.

Alarmed, I got up to to talk to him but immediately found myself tripping and my face hitting the floor-

-and then I snapped awake.

Woah...Ok. Yeah. Just a dream...God I have such weird dreams.

Although it hadn't been That weird. Definitely not as bad as that nightmare I had after Eden Prime. I shifted underneath my covers and pulled my arm out. I activated my omni-tool and looked at the time. Late. I groaned and pulled the covers off.

Hopping off the bunk to take a leak, I found the ship was eerily empty. No people moving in and out to bring crates aboard like last night. Finishing my business quickly, I went back to the bunk room and latched my armor back on, thinking about what my next move was. Shepard had said no to grabbing drinks the night before. So everyone had just kind of done their own thing. After escorting Kahoku to Barla and reporting to Shepard, I decided to just 'sneak' back aboard the ship and spend the rest of the evening watching old vids-

Movies. They're called movies.

-before falling asleep. And I didn't know how people in Mass Effect did it. There was no day and night cycle in the Wards, and it's not like they had one on the Normandy. Someone always had to be awake on the vessel, so the lights were always on too. And I certainly had no idea how people slept well without being aware of the time. Made me wonder how crews of submarines did it back in the 21st century. Looking at the time on my omni-tool though, I could at least tell everyone had probably already started their day. Mostly because it was past nineteen hundred. Or in layman's terms, 7:00 pm. In Earth Time anyway.

I still didn't know how time worked out here to be frank. But I could be sure of one thing. I had slept way too well.

I grabbed a ration 'snack' pack on my way up the stairs and dug into the veggie chips inside as I waltzed through the empty CIC, coming across a couple crates and data pads that were left strewn across the floor.

Whoever was doing all this didn't exactly clean up well.

But with the special circumstance I currently found myself in, I decided to stop and actually examine the CIC for the first time. While simultaneously eating strips of jerky from the bag, I went up and down the center of the ship, examining controls and displays, tapping un-monitored consoles, and performing other miscellaneous activities. Everything looked impossibly futuristic and indecipherable. I honestly couldn't imagine actually operating anything on the ship. It was all fairly overwhelming. And realizing I was just wasting time again, I decided to continue up to the bridge while finishing off the last strip of jerky in the meal. After approaching the bridge and taking a left into the ship's airlock, I tossed the empty snack bag over my shoulder.

I'll let a dock hand take the fall for that-

And the Normandy's VI immediately went to work once I was inside the airlock. "Equalizing interior pressure with exterior atmosphere."

Then the room started hissing, which caused me to jump.

GOD. I'm never going to get used to that sound.

When it finally finished, and the doors finally slid open however, I took a couple steps out onto the dock before immediately freezing. Far across from me on the next dock over, across the 200 meter gap, was a sniper. I legit almost drew my gun and started firing, thinking he was about to kill someone before I noticed the blockade of C-Sec officers to my right.

Oh god. What's happening-

Following their gaze, my sight was then led to two girls standing further away on my left. The one who's face I could see had a shaved head and was wearing those weird Mass Effect-patented leather overalls. The girl standing before her with her back turned to me had red hair, a red suit, and a bunch of black guns on her back.

Most definitely Shepard.

Although I hadn't seen that armor before.

Must be new.

I THEN noticed a C-Sec officer out of the corner of my eye motioning for me to walk toward him. And I had just begun contemplating it until the high pitched voice of the women Shepard was talking to caused me to stand stiff. Unfortunately...I could hear everything from where I stood.

"-animals don't get names...the masters put their symbols on her. Hot metal all over her back. She screams when they do it." The traumatized woman shuddered as she said it.

What. The. Fuuuuuuu-

"You're not an animal. You're a Human being. Your parents...do you remember them? What did they call you?"

"She remembers a lot of things...Talitha. They call her that. She...she doesn't remember the rest. Leave her alooone!"

This some Gollum shit right there. What the hell's happening right now?!

I looked back to the C-Sec agents who stared at me, jerking their heads, trying to convey that I needed to get out of the area.

"Someone said you were from...Mindoir." The word seemed choked. "...what's the last thing you remember?"

I turned my attention back to the duo and found Talitha's eyes becoming watery. "Fires. Smells of smoke and burning meat. Animals screaming as the masters caged them."

Jesus...

"As they put the metal to their backs." She rubbed her gun against her head. "As they put wires into their brains." Then she started whispering to no one beside her. "She pretends to be dead. If she's dead they can't work." Then she snapped her attention back to Shepard. "But they Knooow! She hopes they leave. But they put her in the pen. She didn't fight. She was already broken when they put the wires in."

Shepard immediately barked back at her.

"You couldn't have fought them off when you were a child! They were bigger than you. There were more of them. They would have killed you." I thought at first she was being harsh. But I realized the tone in Shepard's voice wasn't exactly abrasive. It sounded more like she was distressed herself. Like she wasn't just convincing the girl in front of her.

"She wants to believe that. She wants to believe nothing could have changed. She doesn't want to be there anymore. In the pen, in the cages. Lying quiet while they do things to her." Tears were streaming down her face now. The sight was disquieting. Disturbing. Then Shepard took a slow step toward her.

The girl reeled back shouting. "NO! She's no good! She doesn't want to be handled again!"

"Talitha. It's alright...how did you get here? Did you escape?"

"She can't escape. They have chains. Wires. Needles. You go too far, they take your brains away. Animals like her come. Animals with guns. They make the masters explode. She tries to fix the masters, so they won't be mad at her. She puts all the reds and purples back in, but they don't move...the other animals take her."

"You were afraid. All you had known for thirteen years was the abuse of those Batarians. And then Humans came to save you. But you...still tried to help your...slavers. Why."

"She doesn't want to see other animals. They're not real. They can't be real. They can't see her. But the animals can see her." She started looking around like she had just woken up. "Then this is real. But it can't be...the wires, the chains, the hitting...this doesn't happen to her. It's another girl, a dirty girl, a STUPID GIRL." She was shouting again. "SHE deserves it! It happens to HER!...doesn't it? They see HER so it's reeeal. But she doesn't want it to be real!"

"She doesn't want-" The girl threw her arms up. "DON'T TOUCH HER!"

Shepard stopped her step forward. Then she softly asked something else, so soft I almost didn't catch it. "What happened to your parents?"

"There's...she sees them. They're yelling." She looks up to the sky. "RUN! HIDE!" Then she jerked her head down. "They hit the masters. But the masters have lights and hoses. DADDY'S-HE'S MELTING!" She buried her face in her hands. "SHH. Sh. She doesn't WANT to see THAT! Don't make her look! Stupid! STUPID!"

"I don't want to HEAR that! You survived the raid. You survived thirteen years in a slave pen. You are strong enough to deal with a memory!" Shepard told her, trying to convince her. But...again...I felt like she wasn't just addressing Talitha.

"She's not strong! She's Weak and Stupid! All Humans are!...that's what the masters say. She sees them. Mommy and daddy...burning in white light. Melting, going to pieces. They can't even say anything to herrr-" Tears were streaming down her face again. "...They're dead Shepard. They tried to save her and the masters burned them!...Can she stop remembering now PLEAASEE!?"

Shepard took another step closer. "Hey, everything's going to be alright."

"Pleeease don't touch her. She's dirty. You'll catch it."

"Talitha..." the red-haired woman's words sounded pained. "I was there. I saw my parents die too. Die because of me." Shepard choked her last sentence out.

...was she really-

I turned away from the sight, looking at my feet.

"LYING! You get hit for lying! You get the buzz or the burning, can't be there. WHY ARE YOU ALIVE!...why are you. Why aren't YOU like her? Broken! Only fit to dig and carry-"

"Because I ran." Shepard almost whispered it, nearly too soft for me to even hear again. "They came into our house. My dad fought them and yelled to run. We tried but something hit our house, artillery, explosives." She stopped again. "I got out of the rubble and ran...I never looked back...I already knew they were dead."

"Dead animals can't work. You lose your mommy and daddy...but you don't dig, you don't carry. You stand up...she wishes she could stand up."

"Talitha." I looked back up and saw Shepard getting something from her belt. "This will make you sleep. If you fall asleep, they can take you to a place where you can get better."

The girl stared at Shepard's outstretched hand for a solid minute. I stood where I was holding my breath. After what felt like hours, Talitha slowly reached over and took the pill out of Shepard's hand. She pushed it to her lips and swallowed. Then she looked back up at Shepard with the eyes of a doe.

"Will she have bad dreams?"

"No. You won't dream at all." Shepard slowly coerced the girl into her arms and embraced her.

"She'd like that. It hurts when she...when I remember. Me. But she wants to. Remember...Shepard. I remember you..." Her eyes suddenly rolled into the back of her head and she started to slip out of her arms. But Shepard caught her before she hit the ground, and quickly scooped her up in her arms. She then began walking back toward the C-Sec barricade. I shadowed her, making sure to stay several feet behind.

"Is she…?" one of the C-Sec agents said tailoring off.

"I got her to take the sedative."

"Thank you Commander. That means a lot. I didn't want to hurt her. It's just-when I see her curled into a ball and shivering...I was there Commander. One of the first responders to the attack. It was horrifying. And she was only six when they took her. Six! Why the hell are we out here if we can't even keep one little girl safe!?"

Shepard responded passionately. "To make people who do these things pay. It's not the severity of punishment that deters crime. It's the certainty of it. Although it's not like the savages out here would even understand that. That's why we have to demonstrate it to them."

"So we clean up the wreckage, shoot the guilty, and hope everyone else learns not to mess with us?! Great…" His remark obviously hurt Shepard, as she noticeably trembled at the criticism. At his challenge of her dogma. "I'll take care of it from here Commander. Thank you again."

He took Talitha from Shepard's arms and the other officers started packing up their setup. One of them radioed that the dock was clear. And just like that, they were gone. We were left there, standing silently on the dock for a long time before I found the words to talk.

"...Shepard-"

"Don't." She stood there, back turned to me, head to the ground. "...Hmph. I could use those drinks right about now."

"uh-"

She continued to stare at the ground with her back to me, whispering her words.

"Send a message to Kaidan. Tell him to meet me at Flux with Ash."

"I, uh, I don't have his number."

She activated her omni-tool and waved it without turning around. "Now you do." Then she slowly started to move her feet in the direction of the elevator.

We found the rest of the team already chilling at a table when we got there. Which had two seats saved for us. When Kaidan had gotten my message, he apparently set out word to the entire gang. That or they were all already hanging out with each other. Regardless, at least now I had an excuse to stay with them too. Shepard ended up taking the seat between Kaidan and Ashley, at the head of our oblong table. And I took a seat in the only other chair available. With the table's elongated shape, it really didn't seem like we had eight people squeezed into one spot.

And by just looking at her, you'd never have dreamed of what had just occurred out on the dock. The only time I seemed to be able to read her was when she was angry. But I stopped staring at Shepard when she noticed me, and instead, decided to take a look around.

Flux was crowded. We were in what was normally the center of the club back in Mass Effect. I found a lot of the other tables here placed toward the left of Flux's entrance. And what caught my eye at of the other tables near the window? Joker of all people. In fact, I recognized some of the crew from the bridge sitting with him there too. I gave a half-hearted wave in response, but I didn't seem to catch his eye.

Deciding to move past him and finish the rest of my ocular patdown, I then scanned to the right, past the giant column of tables. The bar at the back of the club was buzzing with activity and I noticed that the casino above it was pretty full too. The dance floor located to our right however was totally unoccupied, save for a single microphone stand in the center of it. I brought my attention back to the group as Shepard danced around the question of where we were just now coming back from. Kaidan gave a quick glance in my direction as she did. It seemed almost accusational.

Why-No. Dude! NO! That's not it at all-

But thankfully, he was quickly distracted from his suspicions by our Asari server asking for an order. I let out a sigh.

"Wow, real menus," Ashley remarked quietly. "Usually you just get data pads."

"We like to hold ourselves to a higher standard here," our waitress replied overhearing her. "You won't find anything but the finest at our establishment."

I decided to take a look at one of said menus lying in front of me. And I squinted my eyes picking it up.

... I can't read this.

It was all alien mumbo jumbo. I flipped to the other side and found it covered in the same glyphs. I drummed my fingers along the menu's back.

So...great. What now. I read English not-

My omni-tool flashed on.

-Ah.

Suddenly, I found that the edge of the menu was now legible. I moved the rest of my hand over the menu and found the omni-tool now impressively displaying a second 'page' over the menu's selection. Whatever it covered was translated into broken English.

Oh. Okay. Cool. Cool.

Then I actually read the translated thing. Another problem. I had no idea what I was looking at. Again.

Nathak cutlets brined in an Asari honey marinade. Broiled guklang with Tummy Tingling Tuchanka sauce. Seared shruck steak (Dextro-only.)

Half of the menu actually wouldn't sound that bad if I only knew what the hell they were. I had trouble just pronouncing some of the names in my head. The absence of actual descriptions for the food just made it worse.

"Are you ready to order sir?"

I looked up shocked. The waitress was already waiting for my order. I hadn't even heard her take Tali's on my right. I looked back down to the menu and decided I would just stick with the drinks.

"And what would you like to drink sir?"

Oh. Uh...

There were a million drinks in the Mass Effect universe. Literally. Dozens introduced over the game. Some even the subject of some side missions. So I named the first one that came to mind.

"How much is a glass of Serrice Ice brandy?"

If it was around 50, I GUESS that would be fine. The credits I had scavenged c-

"We sell bottles here for 1,255 credits."

I would have done a spit take if I already had a drink in my hand. That was a little out of my price range. "Oh...uh, no, you know what? That's fine then. I think I'll just get..." I racked my brain for the next thing I could think of. I knew there had been like a dozen mix drinks that was rattled off in the Citadel DLC too. And if they exist in the game, I just needed to name one. But-

"Do you guys know how to make a..." I racked my mind for all of one second before one popped up. "-tasty tankard?"

She raised an eyebrow looking at her data pad. "Yes, of course. And I find our cocktails are a little more sensibly priced. I'll put you down for one." She typed something on the data pad in her hand and proceeded to ask Liara what she wanted to my left, who was currently sitting at a head of the table.

"What the hell's a 'Tasty Tankard'," Shepard demanded from my right on the other end.

Hell if I knew. I only remembered that Grunt ordered it at the party. And that I remembered it sounding really good. I was still in the process of thinking what I was going to say before our server suddenly cut in.

"If memory serves, it contains Irish cream, coconut rum, iced chocolate, and butterscotch schnapps."

Oh. That's why.

"Oh my god," Ashley giggled.

"Is that even alcoholic?"

Oh ha ha Shepard. You're hilarious.

"That's the least manliest drink I've ever heard of. And I've drunken with Asari," Wrex bellowed across from me. Liara looked up at him concerned before going back to her menu.

"Don't mind them honey," our server said to me before asking Liara what she wanted to drink.

"I'm revoking your man card," the Krogan continued.

"He had to have one for you to revoke it," Shepard added.

"Hey," I shot back at both of them. "You know what I'm gonna do? I'm going to order it, I'm going to drink it, and I'm going to enjoy it. And you wanna know why? Because I AM a man. And real men don't give a Fuck about what you think."

Cursing out a Krogan. That was a new one.

It also happened to be almost as much a death sentence as cursing out the Commander. I only hoped that I could at least get a sip of my drink before they both finished disemboweling me. In fact, I got ready to split as I would never survive either's reprisal. But surprisingly, Wrex just ended up chuckling. "Hehe, looks like someone just decided to grow a quad!" Then he leaned forward to say something else. But as he did, the Asari server who had just written down Liara's order of a Thessian Temple interrupted Wrex before he could go on. In response, he asked her for, how surprising, a glass of ryncol.

"Soooo-what did you guys get up to yesterday?" Garrus asked changing the subject.

"Right, you were still with your buddies from C-Sec when we finished weren't you?" Ashley replied. "Shield and I informed Kahoku about what happened on Edolus. Then we met back up with Shepard on the Presidium."

"We talked to Anderson and Udina about our next leads. And they told us they didn't have any. So we're right back where we started." Shepard stared at her fists on the table. She was obviously frustrated by it. But then she quickly added, "But you remember that slaving operation we shut down in Macedon?"

"Yeah," I affirmed for him. The first mission we weren't taken on.

"Well I got a message from an ambassador on the Presidium before the Normandy was brought to dock. Told me to meet her the Embassy bar. So I stopped by while we were there to see what she wanted. And guess what her name was?" She let a beat pass by before answering her own question. "...Nassana Dantius."

Oh. That was the mission they did?

"Wait. Dantius? Wasn't that the name of the Asari that was running the operation?" Tali asked.

"Yup."

"Apparently the entire reason she wanted to see Shepard was so we would help 'rescue' her sister from the slavers," Kaidan interrupted Shepard.

"Rescue? But I thought you just said the sister was the slaver?" the Quarian asked again.

"It was a trick," Garrus deduced.

"Exactly," Shepard affirmed. "Apparently dear old sis was giving their family a bad name so Nassana wanted her gone. Wanted to dupe us into doing her dirty work. Which we unwittingly ended up doing anyways."

"Liquefied Turian," Garrus now told the server.

"Wow. That's messed up."

"You're telling me."

"So what'd you do when you found out?"

"We had a good laugh and got some weapons licenses for our trouble," Shepard told her. And then it hit me.

Oh my god. This is actually happening. I'm sitting with a bunch of fictional characters at a table inside a night club. This is really going down. Mass Effect. Shepard. Hngh.

I was still trying to grasp the situation when a Volus lowered the mike on the dance floor and spoke into it, interrupting Liara who was just in the process of asking Shepard about her new uniform. I had to admit I had been a little curious about it too. It looked just like Tela Vasir's. Spectre gear I realized.

"Well ladies and gentlemen," the Volus boomed over the room's ambient music. "I hope you are all enjoying your night as much as I am so far! My name is Doran and I have the fortune to be the owner of this fine establishment! As well as the cook, bartender, and casino manager. The reason I'm up here though is because I also happen to have the fortune of being your host for Karaoke tonight! It's about time we kicked things up a notch!" He made a cute little kick with his leg. "So whichever brave souls wish to come up and display their vocal talents, be my guest!" I was still caught up on...

...Karaoke Night?

He waddled off the stage as a Salarian strided on after.

"This should be good," Ashley commented snidely.

"Can we expect to see you up there anytime during the night Commander?" Kaidan asked playfully.

"No," she responded, downing one of the drinks the Asari waitress had already brought back to our table.

"Is the great Commander Shepard backing down from a challenge?" Ashley joked.

When Tali's drink was placed in front of her, she pulled something out her pouch and inserted it into the cup.

Liara looked intrigued. "Ah. I was wondering how you were going to partake Tali. Emergency induction port. Clever!"

"Thank you!"

Hngh.

"...In-induction port?"

"...It's a straw."

Just a Few Drinks Later.

"By the goddess, that's awful!" Liara sputtered.

"Keelah..." Tali muttered.

"I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that Krogan have four testicles," Ashley chimed in.

"What did you think quad meant?" I teased her from across the table.

"I didn't realize they were referring to their junk," she snipped back.

"So how'd you catch him?" Shepard now probed Garrus.

"That's the worst part. We never did," Garrus replied.

"What?" everyone asked alarmed.

"Why the hell not," Shepard started angrily. "What the hell happened?"

"He ran. Blew his lab, took some of his employees and headed for the nearest space dock. By the time we found out, his ship was already leaving. He threatened to kill his hostages if we tried to stop him."

"That's sick," Kaidan said disgusted.

"What happened next?" Liara asked hesitantly.

"You shot him of the sky! Right?!" Shepard asked indignant.

"I tried. But C-Sec countermanded my order. They were worried about hostages, civilian casualties if the ship was destroyed so close to the Citadel."

"But the hostages would have been dead anyway if he escaped!" Shepard reasoned.

Garrus agreed. "That's what I said. But they wouldn't have it."

"No wonder you wanted to leave. What idiots!" Shepard spat drunkenly. She had already gone through nine drinks by now. All of it heavy stuff. It was almost surreal watching her do it. Any normal person would be out by now. But of course, this was Shepard we're talking about here. So she continued to be a champ and still took another swig from her glass before continuing. "You're telling me they just let him FLY away?"

"Yes. Yes, they did."

"If that happened in the fleet, the captains would never have let them escape," Tali said next, heavily slurring her words while she was at it. She was the opposite of Shepard, only on her third cup and already sloshed. "Blast them in space. Boom." She emphasized with her hands.

"All they had to do was disable that ship, and stop him from running. Maybe the hostages die, maybe they don't, but at least we stop the bastard responsible for it," Garrus continued.

"Don't you think that's a little callous Garrus?" Liara timidly asked, still sipping on her first glass.

"A few casualties is a small price to pay to stop someone like that," Shepard said sharing her two cents.

"Yeah, exactly."

You Psychopath. Don't encourage that!

"You guys can't be serious," my mouth decided to go and speak for me. And instead of thinking I just murmured it, I had instead garnered everyone's attention. At this point, all I could do was own up to it. Stupid booze brain. "You can't endanger innocents to just to get one man! You obviously don't let him get away but you don't just disregard the lives you're putting at risk while doing it!"

"You don't even know what you're talking about. You have zero experience with hostage situations or extracting a VIP. Don't you even pretend like you can lecture us," Shepard spat at me caustically.

"You don't know that," I replied.

Yeah, she didn't. And neither did I.

But saying that only caused her to narrow her eyes. Reminded her of how much she actually trusted me. "And how exactly would you tell Garrus to do his job?" Shepard asked scathingly.

"Uh..."

Damn. How would I?

"...Distraction? You send a diversion team to distract the guy right? Then get one infiltrator onto the vessel and take him out before he hurts the hostages."

"Because that would be so easy," Shepard immediately scoffed, cutting off Garrus from saying what he had wanted.

"You're telling me one professional or hell, that you couldn't do that Shepard?"

She got even angrier with the remark. "No. But how would you even get them aboard genius?"

"Oh! With the fire team! They board the vessel threatening they'll kill the doctor if he kills the hostages. Stand off. The assassin would be on that very ship and maneuver around in the ducts, or whatever, until he found and killed the dude while they were distracted."

"The hostages would be killed as soon as that transport came into sight-"

"So after that he just disappeared?" Kaidan suddenly spoke, finally interrupting our hypothetical. In response, I leaned back in my chair and grabbed my drink, draining the rest of it.

Whatever.

"Oh, right. Well I've sent out feelers from time to time hoping to find something. And I thought I found something awhile back. He apparently changed-"

"-to the hieRACHYYYYYYY! MAY THE PRIMARCH FAVOR THEEEEE!"

Garrus scowled at the group of Turians taking bows as they walked off the stage.

"That's the worst thing I've ever heard," Wrex said slamming himself back down in the chair besides Garrus. He placed four mugs on the table.

"Turian imperial anthem. Their rendition hardly did it justice though. It's an exceptional song," Garrus said in its defense.

"Sure it is," Ashley coyly remarked.

"Those earlier acts certainly could give it a run for its money," Kaidan added.

"God, did you actually listen to that Elcor?" Ashley laughed.

"Yes. You've mentioned him like four times now," Kaidan replied annoyed.

"It WAS pretty funny," Tali said snorting.

"High pitched: And Iiiiiii will cherish youuuuuuU!"

And I had to admit, Ashley did a pretty good impression. Kaidan couldn't quite suppress a grin as he heard her. And neither could Shepard. Now I found THAT face was actually alarming, ever more so than the shrill sound that had come out of the Elcor's mouth minutes before.

"I thought the Salarian singer before him was quite good," Liara said quietly.

"I'm pretty sure his falsetto destroyed my eardrums," Wrex grumped beside her, scratching where said ear hole supposedly was.

"Yeaaaah, I could totally do better," I said, slyly taking one of Wrex's mugs at the same time. I didn't have the money to afford more.

"Hey!" Wrex growled. I met his stare and slowly brought the drink to my lips. "Don't you dare."

The Alliance marines continued to debate who had been the worst act so far.

"If I can drink this before you can finish yoursssss," I said suddenly leaning forward. "How bout it's a gift between friends."

"Are you challenging me to a drink off?" he said in his gravelly voice, claws banging on the table. Then a Krogan grin spread across his face. It was absolutely terrifying. "You're on. And if you lose, you're paying for all of these!" He grabbed a mug and starting pouring the swill down his throat. My eyes grew wide with the rate it was disappearing. I immediately got to work and started chugging.

I spit out the first mouthful. "AGH, MAI MOUF," I gargled in pain.

"Trying to out drink a Krogan? Rookie mistake," Garrus said nodding his head next to Wrex.

The Krogan slammed his mug back on the table and laughed. "That's burukh for you. Set aflame and served boiling hot. Even real MEN have trouble drinking the stuff."

"Jack ass," Shepard muttered from across the table.

I held my hands over my mouth. "A fhruck you fhwrex," I guttered at him.

"I'll fetch you some water," Liara said getting up from her seat.

Tali piped up next to me. "Correct me if I'm wrong (hiccup), but did you just say a couple seconds ago that you could (hiccup), do better than that Salarian sopranooo(hiccup)?"

"I don't think he's in the state to even complete a coherent sentence let alone sing," Garrus voiced while crossing his arms.

"Maybe...maybe not. But if he sings like he drinks, I'm pretty sure we'd all suffer."

Fuck you Ashley.

"I totally could," I replied scowling, tongue still searing in pain, it being a wonder that the words leaving my mouth were even intelligible. Wrex took back his drink and started downing it too now.

That Salarian sounded like a bullfrog. I could literally make a sound with my armpit and it would be ten times as pleasant-

"Why don't you PRove it?" Ashley said obnoxiously besides Tali now.

"Yeah, show everyone what you're made of," Kaidan joined in.

Ashley motioned towards the stage.

On second thought though-

"Uuuuh, naaaw. Maybe some other time."

"Oh? Is someone...chicken?"

"BAwk."

"What's a chicken?"

"BaWK."

"What are you guys, five?"

"Bawk baWK."

Garrus was lost. Tali was too most likely. Probably didn't know much about Earth poultry. Wrex was too distracted drinking to care. Then Doran came waddling back onto the stage. "Well it's getting to be that time folks. Any last volunteers for wowing us?"

"Oh oh!" Ashley said raising her hand. "He'll do it!" She pointed to me.

Damn youuuuuu-

Kaidan laughed as she did, and Shepard just covered her face in what could only be embarrassment. Or more like annoyance.

Oh okay. Fine. You know what? LETS GO.

"FINE."

I stood up, knocking back my seat, causing the jaws of several at our table to drop.

Yeah, that's right-

"I volunteer as tribute!"

I expected some laughs from the Humans after saying that, but they all just stared at me like I was jack ass. Then I realized they had all missed my sick reference by about 200 years.

Not that the delivery was that great anyway. Sigh.

At The Same Time...

"And the Chief Engineer said 'That's not my dog, that's a Turian!'"

Joker had to laugh at that one.

"Turian jokes? Alright, alright. I got one for ya. What do you call a squad of Turians fighting a spiky headed monster?"

"Friendly fire! Come on, that one's been around for decades!" Joker said laughing.

This was just what he needed.

"Fair enough," Gladstone replied defeated.

"Enough of the Turian bashing guys," Talitha whispered. "There's some right over there." She conspicuously pointed to the table next to them.

"Lighten up, they're just jokes!"

"Still," Rosey replied, deciding to agree with her sister.

"Fiiiiine," Harry whined. Then he went wide-eyed. "Hey, hey." He nudged Gladstone beside him. "Isn't that the guy Shepard brought on the ship? Maroon what's his face?"

Joker carefully shifted in his chair. The ensign was right. It was definitely Rod. And then he saw Shepard. And Kaidan. And Ashley and Garrus and oh my god-

What the hell. They didn't invite us out with them?

That kind of hurt his feelings. Apparently the fire team was too COOL to be seen with the geeks on the bridge. But he quickly disregarded them as he watched Shield walk onto the stage and started whispering into the Volus' ear. Or where they should be at least.

"Is he going to sing?"

"...Well folks. Looks like we have our last entertainer for the night! Mr. Shield! Give him a hand!"

He clapped. One of the few.

"Guess so."

Oh ho ho, no way. This is going to be good.

He activated his omni-tool and got the holo-cam ready to record.

Can't wait to include this in the Normandy newsletter.

He stood there adjusting the mike before two waitresses brought over a flat surface.

"Oh, uh, thanks," Rod told them through the mike before they walked back off the stage. He looked at the thing nervously before picking some gloves off it. And then started staring at the gloves in his hand instead.

Gold.

He eventually figured out how they work, wisely putting them over his hands and then flicked the haptic interface of the table on. It's surface now resembled the keys of an old-fashioned keyboard.

Hoh, does he actually know how to play?

He cautiously looked at them, tapping a key timidly before suddenly drawing back his finger. Then he clicked some of the buttons above them, activating percussion and random guitar chords. It took all his effort to keep from bursting out laughing.

I'll get a hundred hits at least. Maybe a thousand.

"Is he just messing with us right now?" Gladstone asked the table appalled.

"Hey, give him a sec. He's probably just really, really hammered," Harry joked.

"Give the guy a chance," Rosey chimed in. "I didn't see you up there tonight."

"My throat's sore," Harry joked.

"Long night with Harvey huh?" Talitha shout over the loud sounds of the club with a grin, seeing her opportunity to strike.

"Shut up," Harry replied with a beet-red face.

"Walked right into that one," Gladstone laughed. "Hey wait a second-"

And then, right after he said that, Shield started to play. Pretty well in fact.

Du du du du du du du-

Du du du du du du du-

The tune was catchy. He kept repeating it and then, clicked something on the holographic display in front of him. Percussion was immediately mixed in with his melody. He actually looked surprised with his success. And Joker could see why. Didn't look like he knew how to operate the thing, but he still seemed to be doing a pretty damn good job.

Bum bum bum bum bum bum-

Bum bum bum bum bum bum-

Bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow-

Bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow-

He took his eyes off the keyboard and turned them onto the audience in front of him.

"I'd like to dedicate this song to the worst person I know-"

Cue 'Commander Shepard - The Song' By Miracle of Sound. Open the song on Youtube, play it in all its splendor, and hell, sing along with it! I know I do.

*wicked guitar solo*

Du du du du Du.

Joker looked down at his 'tool and realized he never pressed record.

Aw.

Codex Entry:

File Pulled from MASM Database By Network Hands:

The Mindoir Raid and its Outcomes

By Eddie Lang

Mindoir Academy of Science and Math

Ms. Kohlberg's History class

21/05/2178

Mindoir was originally a small human farming colony located in the Attican Traverse. A small backwater not of any real significance to the Systems Alliance. But that all changed when the slavers attacked 2170 CE. From reports of those first to respond, the entirety of slavers encountered on the ground seemed to be Batarians. When the Hegemony was called to testify for these individuals' actions however, they merely claimed they were 'rogue agents' acting of their own accord. Whether they truly were independent operators or proxies supported by the Hegemony is still unknown to this day.

They attacked the colony reportedly in the early morning, while most of the colonists still lied asleep. Within three hours, the slavers had entrenched themselves within the colony's battlements, controlling every defense battery and the entirety of the colony borders. Fortunately, the few guards posted there were able to send out an emergency broadcast before the colony fell, alerting the Alliance. Underestimating the colony's assailants, Admiral Zander sent the SSV Einstein and 23rd Flotilla of the Second Fleet in response. Upon entering the planet's orbit, Zander found the carrier's fighters immediately blown out of the sky. Despite the absence of air superiority, he gave the order for drop ships to land on the planet's surface. The Alliance troops dispatched to the ground met heavy resistance and were kept largely at bay on the outskirts of the colony.

Now seeing the gravity of the situation, Admiral Zander called for additional support. His mistake however had already cost them the battle, as the slavers hacked the colony's defense batteries' IFFs. While the Admiral's forces in space were forced to keep their distance, the slavers were able to slip away with whatever colonists that had not been slaughtered. By the time Alliance information analysts aboard the ships noticed the slavers leaving the planet's orbit, the slavers had already escaped into FTL travel. Though the Admiral ordered pursuit, none were caught.

The Alliance marines on the ground of Mindoir saw the devastation there first hand. First hand accounts reported the sight of houses demolished, dead laying in the streets, and the sky completely blotted by smoke. The success of the slaver's raid on Mindoir was a major blow to the Alliance's reputation. The failure of Admiral Zander to adhere to the Alliance Doctrine (not responding with 'overwhelming force' and underestimating the colony's assailants), the brutality of rogue factions in the Traverse (namely Batarian slavers), and the escape of the party responsible led to major discussions of colonial safety and Alliance policy to leave only token garrisons in defense. The policies created to address these issues slowly lost traction over time and were forgotten almost entirely by 2173 CE. This led to a rise in Human colonies skirting the Terminus systems to become disenfranchised with the Alliance, their opinion of the organization slowly growing more and more negative over the years.

The failure of the Alliance to protect its colony on Mindoir is a major factor that historical analysts attribute to pirates from the Terminus systems becoming bold enough to launch their infamous attack on Elyisum 2176 CE, known colloquially as the 'Skyllian Blitz.' The failure of Admiral Zander in his attempt to save the colony due to his hubris led to his demotion to Captain. And a large majority of the marines that were on Mindoir ended up leaving the Alliance military, either due to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder resulting from the horrors they saw on the ground, or due to a sudden disenfranchisement with the Alliance for their failure in defending the colony. Although the Mindoir Colony was rebuilt by 2176 CE, much of its original infrastructure had been lost.

In conclusion, while the raid on Mindoir didn't change anything largely in the Alliance itself, it did affect its standing with its peers, including its citizens, its enlisted, and its enemies. Today, Mindoir still hasn't recovered itself from the tragedies of the raid. Many of the people taken then still live on as slaves in Batarian labor camps as well.

Edward, while your understanding of the raid's impact on Alliance relations was very insightful, you neglected to mention the Alliance policies passed in the raid's response for colonial defenses entirely. So I'm giving you a C+. I'm disappointed you failed to research the most influential event of the colony you live in and in the future, I hope you take your assignments much more seriously. And use your proper name when turning in a paper of academia.

Scribbled at the bottom of the paper are the words 'Old hag.'

Author's Notes:

The Commander Shepard Song by Miracle of Sound is just one of many masterpieces this great artist has made. You should really check out his work, everything he makes is usually a treasure. The song itself is a quintessential part of Mass Effect however, and if you haven't heard it before now, I pity your ignorance. While corny, I refuse to stifle the narrative by choosing to abstain from including it. If you're chilling with Commander Shepard and DON'T mention this song...that would be plain criminal. Not gonna lie, I typed the entire thing down from my head before deciding to get rid of it too. Gonna toot my own horn a little, I can play the instrumental part for it prett-ty well.

Also, I knew about the specific background missions for each Shepard, but I don't think I've ever actually done any of them. I usually play a Spacer and I've still never run into that guy with PTSD or done the one where a old gang member asks you for help. So Shield would honestly have had no idea who Talitha was or anything about her confrontation with Shepard if I didn't have the ME wiki on hand when it went down. Which I didn't in the story. So, no idea what that was all about. And Eddie. If you're a war hero, he mentions that he watched your award ceremony on Mindoir, so even though his grandfather was a cop back on Earth, I'm assuming the dude must have grown up there. And that Mindoir was rebuilt afterwards.

This AN is becoming another story all in its self but I still have one last confession to make. 'Shruck steak' was borrowed from the oneshot 'The Peanut Butter Principle' by ElectricZ. Really spot on character interactions and a great light-hearted story. You should definitely check it out if you have time. Aaaaand that should about do it. For now.

In the Next Chapter: You got to fight. Fight for your right. To PAAAARTAAAAY.

Tune in next time on Mass Effective: A Hero Made!