AN: Sorry for the really late update.
Thank you Anon (Julia) for your support!
Hope you guys enjoy! ;]
I do not own Victorious.
The lies I try to tell with my own eyes; an act of pride, a willful compromise.
Please understand how torn I am.
-From My Hands, VNV Nation
The sound of glass shattering in the kitchen was what drew the brunette into the kitchen. She'd been awake for over an hour but had been reluctant to get up seeing as how comfortable she felt in the warmth of her bed. But the sounds of someone messing around in the kitchen had long before claimed her attention and made her curious. Tori had her suspicion as to who was roaming the room. There were only two reasons the small red head would be up so early in the morning on a Saturday. She either had to work or she was upset. Seeing as she wasn't in for another hour, Tori knew it was most likely the latter. The woman had been acting strange the entire week. She'd been in a foul mood most days. It was time to know why. What was bothering Cat?
Tori tugged over a hoodie before making her way to the kitchen. Cat was leaning over the sink, her back turned to the brunette as she entered the room. Her hands were clutching the counter tightly. It appeared like she was only breathing heavily, but Tori could tell even from the short distance between them that Cat was softly crying.
"Cat?" Tori tried gently.
The red head quickly wiped at her tears and composed herself before turning to face her best friend. "Hey Tori, I was just putting away the dishes." Cat said raising a cup to make her point.
Tori nodded and looked down at the shattered plate. Cat sighed following the taller woman's gaze. "It was an accident."
Tori furrowed her brows in concern. It wasn't like Cat to be so timid, especially when it came to breaking a simple plate. They were both reasonable when it came to accidents, so what was causing her best friend to be so upset all of a sudden?
"And that's why you were crying?" Tori raised a brow.
"I wasn't crying," Cat sniffled.
Tori smiled at the woman's child-like attempt to lie. "Cat, you don't have to lie. You can talk to me."
The small red head played with the end of her shirt nervously. After a short period f silence, Cat finally looked up with watery eyes. "Jade…she's been acting so distant lately. I don't know what I've done wrong, Tori. She's always making excuses to leave and avoid me." Her bottom lip trembled as she continued. "Maybe she doesn't want to be with me anymore. I just…" Cat sighed. "I love her, Tori. I've never felt like this about anyone."
Big brown eyes looked up at the stunned silent woman. Tori felt a huge weight of guilt fall over her. As if suddenly awaking from a dream Tori felt like the carpet was pulled from underneath her. During her attempt to find happiness with the one person she had finally accepted to love she'd forgotten the one person caught in the middle. The one person who had been the main reason she and the raven haired woman could not be together.
"You love her?" Tori asked managing to keep her voice steady.
Cat nodded. She shifted her weight from her right foot to her left in discomfort. "Yes," she whispered. "But I don't think she feels the same. I mean I haven't seen her all week, Tori. She's been too busy at work. And she's always too tired to go out. Maybe she's sending a message. She just doesn't want to be with me anymore." Tear streamed down the tanned cheeks of the red head.
"Don't be silly, Cat. Sometimes people just want some space. Jade's probably just really tired from work. She'll come around," Tori smiled. "She cares about you, Cat." Had Cat met the auburn eyes then instead of looking back at the shattered glass, she would have noticed how weak the smile seemed in comparison. It was forced, but it was necessary and true. Jade did care about Cat. Why else would she still be with her? Tori cursed herself mentally. What had she done? It was going to get messy and she knew it.
"But what if she doesn't? What if she's planning on breaking up with me and this is her way of saying it?" More tears filled the panicked brown eyes.
Tori shook her head. She reached out for her friend and hugged her. It was times like these that reminded Tori how vulnerable Cat really was. She shook her head and pulled back to look the woman deep in the eyes. "Cat, Jade cares about you. You know that. She would never do such a thing. You have to trust her not to hurt you. Isn't that what a relationship is about? Would Jade ever do such a thing?" Tori hated knowing the answer. She hated how much she knew about the woman and how much she cared about her. Who was she fooling? Of course this was all a big game. One she would only lose in the end. She smiled softly at the red head, pushing aside the self-loathing and guilt that threaten to overtake her.
Cat shook her head. "You're probably right. I'm just being silly." Cat finally smiled wiping her tears away. "She's supposed to be off this weekend. I'll see her then," she claimed with excitement. She glanced at the clock and squealed. "Oh no! I need to go or I'll be late!" She looked down at the shattered glass and back at Tori.
"I'll clean it up," Tori laughed. The red head gave her a quick hug before taking off. Tori kneeled before the glass and sighed. The irony behind the last spoken words hit her as she realized what she had to do. She ignored the small cuts the sharp objects made against her palm. The way Cat had looked, so small and vulnerable made Tori feel truly guilty. She was her best friend and she was messing around with her girlfriend. Her fingers wrapped around a large piece of glass. She hissed as it pierced her hand and quickly dropped it as she watched blood drip from the fairly sized cut across her left palm.
"Damn it," she hissed running water over it to clean it up. It seemed like she was always getting hurt without thinking. Cleaning up the wounded area, she found the first aid kit and wrapped it with a band. Was this going to become a habit? Was she always going to get hurt so easily?
Her cellphone vibrated in her pocket pulling her out of her thoughts. She set the pieces of glass down and answered it upon reading the name on the bright screen.
"Mama?" Tori answered with a wide grin. The tightening in her stomach made her nervous as she waited for the person to respond.
"Hi honey," the voice spoke on the line.
Tears of joy burned in the young Vega's eyes. It had been weeks since she'd spoken with her mother. She always seemed to be resting, too tired from the treatments to talk. Tori stood leaning against the counter and began to catch up with her mother. She didn't sound tired, she didn't even sound sick. A wave of sadness over took her as she thought about all the treatments her mother had to endure. All she had was the company of her father. Being in a small town it was hard to have much company around. More than anything at that moment Tori wished she could be back home lying beside her mother
"I miss you, baby girl." Holly whispered. It was the break in her voice that reminded Tori how sick her mother truly was. It was the smallest hint in her voice that gave away how dry the elder Vega's mouth must feel and how all those treatments had affected her.
"I miss you, too, Mama." Tori managed. She knew she could not let her mother know how much her illness made her sad. She had to be strong. "How's dad? Has he been taking care of you?"
Holly chuckled. "Always, sweetie," she answered. Their conversation was cut short with Holly explaining she just wanted to assure Tori that she was doing well. She would be leaving for her treatment soon, but promised to call her in the evening.
Tori finished cleaning up the mess in the kitchen and returned to her room. It was still early in the morning, but the sleeping woman in her bed would soon be waking. It had been two weeks since their, well whatever they called it, began. Jade would show up in the middle of the nights to comfort the young Vega when she needed it most, other nights she would just go over to spend time with her after work. They spent most of their time just talking as they lay on the bed, telling silly stories about their childhood. In the back of her mind Tori knew it was wrong, but the thought always seemed to be pushed back every time the blue eyed woman knocked at her window with that mischievous smirk she wore so well.
Tori stared down at the sleeping woman from the doorway. Dark locks spilled over the contrasting pillow. Jade had the blanket tucked securely around her so as to not share. Tori walked over to the window pane to sit. She couldn't take her eyes off the sleeping beauty. She was simply stunning. She had long finished cleaning the kitchen, but had avoided going back to her room knowing what she had to do next. She'd made a few necessary phone calls before returning to her room. An hour had passed since the red head had left and Tori knew that soon enough the sleeping woman would be awakening to go to work. Deciding she didn't want to start off the woman's day with unpleasant news, she returned to the kitchen to make the pale woman some breakfast. Tori needed to get herself together. She needed to gather her thoughts before facing the woman. The subject would not be brought early in the day, but it would certainly come up later. It had to.
JoriJoriJori
Gently a thumb stroked over the written words inside the book Tori had long put away. It had been months since she'd last taken a look at the Shakespeare book Jade had given her. She smiled at the memory, recalling how the woman had recited the literate man so well. A smile worked across her lips. Tears were burning in her eyes, threatening to spill as she remembered that mesmerizing evening she spent with the woman under the moonlight at the ball. She could feel her heart tightening as she read over the words written in the book. From the first moment Tori had known Jade would make a big impact in her life, but she'd never considered that the woman would be the result of her first heart break. A feeling she had long tried to avoid. She'd been blindsided. She'd fallen without meaning to and because of it she would have to pick herself up, force herself to ignore the aching in her chest.
The conversation she'd had with her parents earlier in the evening still rang fresh in her mind. Her parents had sounded more than excited with the news they had presented her with. She was still unsure how she felt about the news. It was still too much to take in. Adjudicating it was best to rest the thoughts of the conversation for another time Tori collected her belongings and stood. It was almost time to go. She placed the book back in the drawer by her bed before leaving the warmth of her bedroom. Cat was in her room busy packing for her trip back home. Tori didn't bother to announce her departure to the red head as she slipped out of the apartment. She had less than ten minutes to make it to the park on foot.
…
The park was fairly secluded upon her arrival. There were a few people out jogging late in the evening and others walking around with their dogs. From a distance Tori spotted the tall dark haired woman standing against a large oak tree.
Jade was glancing down at her phone, distracted with a game. She bit her bottom lip determined to hit all the annoying pigs that appeared to be laughing every time she missed her target.
Tori smiled to herself amused by the faces the woman was making at her cellphone. Whatever was captivating her attention seemed to making more annoyed by the second.
Growling in defeat, Jade shoved her phone back into her pocket. Before she knew it Tori was standing in front of her. She wore a blank expression and kept a good amount of space between them. Jade leaned away from the tree and approached the brunette carefully with a gentle smile. "Hey," she smiled leaning in to kiss the young Vega.
Tori took a step back and turned her face away in the process causing Jade to miss and kissed her cheek instead.
"Is everything okay?" Jade asked with concern. She wasn't sure if the brunette was upset, Tori was making it difficult to read her. Her hands were buried in the pockets of the coat she wore with no attempt in reaching out. She stood in the same place, with too much space between them for Jade's liking.
Tori dropped her gaze. She was trying to avoid the woman's gaze so as to not allow her eyes to reveal her true emotions. Managing to gain self-control of her feelings Tori finally looked up to meet concerned azure eyes. "We need to talk," she said ignoring the prior question.
Jade felt her stomach do a nauseating summersault. The way Tori spoke with such conviction it scared her. The tone in the brunette's voice sent shivers down the trembling woman. She'd never felt so scared in her life. The feelings she had for the woman had grown stronger since their first kiss. All the time they spent together had grown on them both. They knew each other more than they chose to accept and judging by the way Tori was acting, Jade could tell that what the woman had to say was not to be taken lightly.
"Okay, let's talk." Her voice trembled with nerve, she hated feeling nervous.
Brown eyes took once last look at the woman adoringly for a brief moment before steeling and turning cold. "This, whatever is between us, can't continue anymore, Jade" Tori stated bluntly. She stood with her arms crossed. Her expression was blank and difficult to read as blue eyes struggled to understand.
"What are you talking about, Vega?" Jade scoffed. She began to make her way to the woman before stopping halfway when Tori shook her head.
"We can't do this anymore, Jade." Tori repeated. Her voice struggled to refrain from cracking. She could not allow the woman to see beyond the mask. It would ruin everything.
Jade furrowed her brows in confusion. "Did I do something wrong? I'm sorry if I did." She began to apologize. She closed the distance between them, trying desperately to understand what had suddenly changed. Why was Tori acting to cold?
Tori felt her heart ache at the sincere apology. Jade had done nothing wrong against her. The only person who should really be apologizing was her. She'd been the one to let things get out of hands. She'd been the one to let her feelings blind her. She wanted to take the woman in her arms and assure her it was not her fault, it was far from her fault, but she couldn't drop her guard. She had to do this. "No," she answered coldly. "We just can't do this anymore, Jade. I want you to leave me alone. Just stay away from me."
Jade shook her head. "Not until you explain yourself," she growled. She knew Tori. She had to be hiding something. The dark look in her eyes though told her otherwise. They appeared cold and empty.
"Explain myself? I don't need to explain myself. Isn't obvious why?" Her voice began to rise with more annoyance than anger. She needed to get this over with. Rip it off quickly like a band aide. It would lessen the pain. Right? "This was never right to begin with Jade. It's time we both understand that. Cat cares about you a lot. She's your girlfriend and she misses you. Don't break her heart, Jade. She loves you." It took all her strength to keep her tears down as she spoke. It's for the best, she reminded herself.
"Tori," Jade began tears forming in her eyes. "But I lo "
"I don't want to hear what you have to say," Tori cut her off. It pained her to see the expression written across Jade's face. She was being too harsh, she knew she was. "Just go, Jade," she sighed brushing back her auburn locks.
Jade clenched her jaw. She could feel the tears threatening to spill as the brunette continued to stare at her. She didn't understand what was happening. Just the night before they'd been cuddling together while watching a movie in the young Vega's bedroom. She couldn't have changed her mind suddenly from one night to other. Could she? She took in the way the woman stood, so closed and far away. Never before had Tori been so cold toward her. Maybe she'd been wrong the entire time. Perhaps Tori had never truly cared about her. She sighed, her shoulders dropping in defeat. What could else could she say? Tori had made up her mind.
Without another word Jade left, leaving Tori to stand alone in the dark and cold park. The temperature seemed to suddenly drop with the absence of the dark haired woman. Tori took in a deep breathe, struggling to fight down the tears that were burning in her eyes. Her gaze remained fixed on the place the woman had stood just moments before. Jade had no idea how much she would have loved to hear the words Jade had wanted to say before she was cut off. She knew what she had meant to say, but allowing Jade to say the words would only make things worse and harder to handle.
The apartment was dark by the time Tori returned. She'd taken the long way home. She couldn't face her thoughts. Returning to her room would only remind her of the memories shared behind the closed doors. They'd shared so many secrets and stories, it stunned the young Vega how much the two had managed to get to know each other and how they had grown on each other in just four months. Her mind was in overdrive as she made her way around the apartment. The red head was nowhere to be found. Her room door was closed signaling that the red head was just on the other side asleep.
She kept her gaze down and walked directly into her room. The sound of her phone ringing was barely heard. Automatically checking her phone for the time, she felt sick to her stomach upon reading the words written across the screen. Tori just hoped she made the right decision. It's for the best, she reminded herself. Collapsing on her bed, Tori finally allowed herself to cry into the pillow she clutched to her chest.
The text message lay without a response on the floor. The words dimed as the phone began to shut off, the message fading leaving the last words Tori read before lying down.
Dad got your ticket! Can't wait to see you soon!
-Mama
It's for the best, Tori reminded herself. It's for the best.
And when alone and I remember days.
Nothing will change a single fact of who you were to me
-From My Hands, VNV Nation
AN: Uh oh. What could this mean for our ladies? Hmm
What is Tori up to?
Will Jade find out?
I truly appreciate all who have stuck around and waited patiently.
The story will take another turn after this ;)
Review Please, they help inspire! ;]