Originally written for Ninjavember Day 9: Julian.
Things got both easier and harder when tenth grade began.
It was easier in that the Sorcerer was gone, meaning Stank was no longer an issue and McFist would keep his distance.
But what made it harder was that the lasting damage of all that happened in ninth grade remained.
Randy hadn't realized how much the guilt would gnaw at him. It was in the back of his mind since the day he discovered Evil Julian's existence, but he ignored it then. It was much less of a priority than protecting the remaining power balls, fighting his two main adversaries, and keeping Howard pleased.
But then he got a taste of what being trapped the Land of Shadows was like, how awful and disgusting it was there. Then he wondered what had it been like for Julian, spending months there alone with only Tyler as a companion. Then Julian was absent for the majority of the remaining school year; rumors said he had been struggling with mental health issues since he resurfaced from his mysterious disappearance. Randy realized Julian's behavior in the Land of Shadows could have been a façade. Or maybe he had gone insane after months of isolation, viewing his traumatic situation as positive. He seemed fine when the new school year began, but Randy kept finding himself thinking about what damage could have happened. All he knew for sure was that no matter what had happened, it was his fault.
Not only did he enable everything happening by ditching Julian in Snow-Klahoma, he was also the reason it even started, thanks to him bringing the Power Ball to Julian's birthday party. He wasn't even sure why he went to the party in first place, since the only result was ruining it and creating an otherwise avoidable conflict.
Then he found himself thinking back to all of the other times he messed up during the last school year. He hadn't realized just how many times he had nearly got himself, Howard, and innocent bystanders killed before. There had been casualties from Ninja battles in previous years, and he had no idea how he escaped being the hero that let somebody die. It was scary to think about, and every time he laid eyes on Julian now, the thoughts consumed his mind. It filled him with anxiety and emotions he didn't want to feel, and he hated every bit of it.
He didn't want to deal with any of it anymore. So this year, he made the resolution to do his best in staying as far away from the goth as possible.
Thankfully, Randy only shared on class with Julian, and that was English.
The class was much harder than it was in freshmen year right off the bat. Unlike Mr. Bannister, Ms. Flores gave assignments that had intricate requirements to be met in order to get an A, and each one was graded thoroughly. She was much kinder and more understanding than him, though, so the class was also more pleasant to some degree.
On the second Monday of October, the class began their unit on Of Mice and Men. On their desks, the students found a hefty stack of papers stapled together.
"Okay, chickadees," Ms. Flores began, "On your desk you will find a packet of fifty questions. This book is going to be a short one, so to make sure you get the fullest experience, you will be answering these questions as you read to ensure you'll be paying attention to all that happens in the plot. Now, to make it a little easier, you will be working on this assignment in pairs."
Randy and Howard glanced at each other and grinned.
"But," Ms. Flores continued on, "I made this special. I've assigned each of you to someone that you haven't been interaction with much over the course of this year. That way, it will be a completely fresh experience."
Randy glanced back at Howard, who was staring at the teacher with a blank expression. Randy was just as shocked; this was a situation they rarely had to face last year.
"The packets will be due on November 7th. After that, you will be doing your own individual essays. You'll find the prompts on the back page so you can start thinking about it. Now, speaking of essays, I've started grading the final drafts of your Fahrenheit 451 assignment, and it looks like we're going to have to review how to construct a thesis statement…"
Randy zoned out as the lecture began. He couldn't stop thinking, who could his partner be? Considering how little he interacted with the rest if his peers, the options amounted to basically anyone except Howard. All he knew for sure was that he absolutely did not want it to be Julian.
During the last five minutes of class, the class scurried to the list of assigned partners posted on the class bulletin board to see who they ended up with.
"What the juice?!" Howard exclaimed. "I'm stuck with Debbie Kang!"
Randy shrugged. "Well, at least it's an easy A then."
"But she's probably gonna make me do a bunch of it on my own to make it 'fair' or whatever."
"I think Debbie Kang cares more about her GPA more than your integrity. You'll be fine."
Howard sighed. "You better be right, Cunningham. So who did you get?"
Randy looked down the list for his name. He honestly didn't care who he got at this point, as long as it wasn't…
His body tensed up and his eyes widened. "Julian…"
"Oh." Howard looked surprised by that answer. "Well, that sucks."
Randy let out a loud groan. "Dang it…"
The bell rang just then, and everyone headed out into the hallway.
"Hey, if we were George and Lennie, which one would I be?" Howard asked when the two were at their lockers.
"I don't give a honk about that right now," Randy sighed. "I need to figure out what I'm gonna do about this."
"Well, what do you think you're gonna do?"
"I dunno, man. I guess I'll just work on it on my own as much as I can and-"
"Randall!"
Randy nearly jumped out of his skin. He turned around and saw Julian standing there with an all too innocent smile.
"J-Julian!" Randy stammered, forcing a smile as his entire body shook. "What- What are you doing here?"
"I've come to cordially invite you to my house so we may begin work on our assignment," the goth said, seemingly unaffected by the situation's awkwardness. "Could you come over today?"
"Uh…Sure. Yeah, I can." Randy instantly regretted saying that, but he knew he couldn't take it back.
"Wonderful! Meet at the porch after school, okay?"
"O-Okay." Randy could feel dread filling him as Julian walked away.
It wasn't as if he could just skip the assignment; the semester was only halfway over and he was already close to failing this class. And he couldn't drag Julian's grade down with him, on top of everything he had already let happen to him.
It was a done deal; he couldn't avoid him anymore.
Howard put a hand on his shoulder. "Y'know, between the two of us, I'd say you're Lennie."
"Why?"
"Cause you're an idiot."
"I sure am."
~XXX~
Randy stayed a few steps behind Julian as they walked to his house together.
Even though he couldn't be away from Julian, he at least could have a small distance keeping him away. It wasn't much, but it was enough to keep his bad thoughts at bay.
Julian's bedroom was decorated in all of the creepy and gothic things Randy was expecting to see. His parents were at work, so the two had the place to themselves. They sat on the bed, adorned with purple satin sheets, with their books and packets, as well as textbooks to use as a flat surface for writing.
"Ms. Flores says to aim for completing five questions a day," Julian took charge. "That sounds reasonable, yes?"
Randy shrugged.
"I actually have already read this book before, during my period at the preparatory school. It wouldn't hurt to refresh, though. Let's just read through the first chapter and do what we can."
Randy remained silent. He remembered seventh grade, the only year Julian wasn't in his class. He was moved to a private school, apparently to get away from bullies. He had already gone through so much, even before ninth grade. He came back the next year for whatever reason. These days, Randy's wished he was still gone.
Immediately, he couldn't concentrate on the words in front of him. He couldn't get invested; he didn't care about George or Lennie or the rabbits or any of that. He only cared about getting out of here as soon as possible so he wouldn't have to be near Julian.
Then he gave into temptation. He looked at Julian, watching him as he read quietly. His hat was set aside on a pillow. His hair had some loose stands but it was still neat for the most part. His sky blue eyes were focused on the pages. He seemed so content and tranquil.
He had gone through so much; he had been bullied his entire life just for being a bit eccentric, on top of the horrific trauma he had to face just mere months ago.
How could Randy ever let such awful things happen to someone like him?
No, what was he even thinking? He shouldn't have let any of that happen to anyone. Not even McFist would have deserved such a fate.
Then he remembered the times he genuinely considered killing McFist. He imagined having the blood of someone beloved by the whole town on his hands. McFist never really was evil; he never actually hurt anyone. How was he supposed to know the one person he was trying kill was a fourteen year old? How could Randy wish death onto him? It may have happened months ago, but he was still ashamed in himself.
He felt disgusting. He felt like a monster.
The words on the page started to blur together. His grip on the book began to quiver. He felt his stomach churning. His entire body felt like it was melting into a puddle of sweat.
"Randall? Randall!"
Randy suddenly found that the book was falling to the floor. Julian's hands were on his shoulders. He looked up at him, straight into his eyes. He looked worried.
"Are you okay?" he asked.
Randy tried to speak, but then he realized he was hyperventilating. He tried to take some deep breaths. "I…I don't know…" he choked out hoarsely.
"I think you're having a panic attack."
Before he could get another word out, Randy found himself enveloped in a protective embrace. He trembled, confused and afraid. He wasn't sure what exactly he was afraid of, but he didn't understand why this was happening. Why was Julian being so compassionate towards him?
"Julian, I-"
"Shh, deep breaths. Just deep breaths. Don't think about it. It's going to be okay." The goth began to rub his back soothingly.
Randy wasn't sure if he felt better or worse now. The way Julian was touching him and how he seemed so collected was assuring to him. He seemed to understand this fully. But that was what made it worse at the same time; it was as if he had been in this same position in the past. What if he had panic attacks because of what happened in the Land of Shadows? Randy had no evidence of this, but the possibility was bad enough.
"Randall," Julian said softly, pulling away, "I need to be honest with you." He took one of his hands and began to rub soothing circles into the palm. "I…I know you're the Ninja."
Randy's heart skipped a beat. "How…How did you figure it out?"
"The fact that Howard was with you in the Land of Shadows. Not to mention you possessed the ball that caused so much trouble for us both."
If he hadn't been filled with exhaustion and stress, Randy would have let out an agitated groan. Those two things were such dead giveaways, he was almost ashamed for not seeing this coming. "You haven't told anyone else, have you?"
"No, of course not."
"So if you knew, why are you being so nice to me? Shouldn't you hate me?"
Julian smiled a little, leaning in so their foreheads were pressed together. "How could I possibly hate someone who has risked so much to protect everyone?"
"But I let it all happen to you. I brought the ball to your party. I ditched you at Snow-Klahoma."
"But you still got me out of there. You made everything right."
Randy couldn't comprehend the fact Julian was being so merciful towards him. He knew for a fact that if it had been Howard in the goth's place, there would be a lot of anger right now. He felt he didn't deserve any of this kindness. "Look, Julian, I…I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. About everything."
"I forgive you, Randall. I was never upset with you."
Randy didn't believe those words, and Julian seemed to recognize that. For that, Randy got a peck on the cheek and another embrace.
Randy nuzzled his face against Julian's shoulder. His voiced strained by the lump in his throat, he continued to blurt out all that was on his mind. "Every time I look at you, I remember every time I wonked up and almost got somebody killed."
"You don't have to think about that," Julian said in a hushed, soothing tone. "It's all in the past; everyone is safe now."
"I know, but I can't forget it, no matter how hard I try to. It makes me so anxious and I've told Howard about it but he doesn't even try to understand and…I just hate it."
"I understand. I'm deeply sorry for Howard's apathy."
"This morning, Howard said I was like Lennie because I'm an idiot."
Julian seemed to be a bit perturbed by those words, his grip on Randy tightening. "Frankly, I wouldn't use that word to describe Lennie. You do share some traits with the character though, in that you're quite strong and you have a big heart."
Randy was feeling so many different things. Never before had anyone been so good to him, saying such sweet things he knew Howard would never say. He liked hearing those things. He liked being held like this. He never thought he would ever be in this position with Julian, but he found himself enjoying it.
He pulled away a little, but he didn't let go. He ran a hand through Julian's hair; it felt so soft.
"Can I kiss you?" he asked quietly.
Julian nodded.
Randy hesitantly pressed his lips to Julian's. It was short and chaste yet powerful. It felt warm and sweet and Randy loved every second of it.
Howard would lose his cheese if he found out about this. But Randy didn't care about that. Right now, all of his focus was on Julian.
They pulled away, letting their foreheads touch again. Julian was smiling a little, his whole face reddened. Randy felt pretty warm himself; he was feeling a lot of different things. He couldn't quite name them, but he knew he was enjoying the sensations.
"Well, I suppose it would be hard to focus on our assignment," Julian chuckled nervously. "Shall we rest for another moment?"
Randy nodded, smiling for the first time since this morning. "Okay."
They moved the books and papers aside and lay down on the bed. They held each other as if their lives depended on it. Randy could feel Julian's face against his hair, and he felt completely at ease for the first time in months.
The sun was starting to set by the time they collected themselves and began to work on their assignment. They managed to get seven questions done. Randy ended up staying for dinner, and Julian's parents were nice to him. He enjoyed himself greatly and he wanted to stay longer, but he knew his own parents would get worried if he wasn't back before nightfall. He left right after the meal, though not without Julian sending him off with one more peck on the lips.
Randy didn't feel guilty about anything anymore. He felt liberated from all of the negativity that was holding him back. Things between him and Julian would definitely be different from now on, and he would have to hide it from Howard until things cooled down a bit. Randy didn't mind any of it though. He didn't mind one bit.
He was happy, and Julian was happy. And for now, that was all that mattered.