Kili stared at his brother, his dark eyes wide. He had not expected Fili to wake so easily, assuming he was content in his dreams of marriage and happiness. The small carved box in his hands suddenly seemed much heavier than it should and he could feel the hot tears on his cheeks much more acutely than when they had started. Fili, for his part, was staring with his mouth slightly agape at Kili.
The sight of his younger brother's tears seemed to move him shortly after the initial shock wore off. Kili found himself wrapped up in his brother suddenly, being hugged so tightly he could barely draw breath. "Kili, Kili, Kili." Fili was murmuring into his shoulder as Kili managed to gasp in a few sharp breath, "Fili..crushing."
Fili released him and looked at him in the faint candle light, "Brother what are you doing here at this hour? You swore you were never returning to m-us."
Kili felt hot shame color his cheeks, he knew Fili did not want him around to remind him of his sins. "I'm sorry, I thought you'd be in a deeper sleep. I only came to leave you a gift for your wedding. If you'll have it, I'll be off, if you won't find someone who will I don't want to carry the reminder either." His voice was low and to his horror he was still crying.
Fili reached out and touched his arm lightly, "Won't you stay? At least the night?" He asked, at loath to lose Kili again so quickly but hyper-aware of the consequences of his actions should he let his desires get in the way of his duties. Kili was already shaking his head however, "I can't…Fee. I couldn't bear it, to see you go with her tomorrow would ruin me."
Kili looked down at the box in his hands, his grip on it harder than it should have been. He should have been able to stand proudly beside his brother when he said his vows, add his gifts to the others tomorrow, but he knew himself better. He couldn't go near the ceremony, he would ruin it.
Fili spoke quietly, "It's not tomorrow Kee, it's the next day." He paused, uncertain of why his brother felt so against his wedding and he had a sudden moment of dreadful clarity. "Kili, is she your One?"
Kili just stared for a moment, before he let out a long sigh, he tears began to come faster and it was a struggle to keep his voice level, "Fili, you blind bastard, she's not my One."
Fili felt a shiver lace up his spine at the way Kili said his name he shifted a bit to hide it and frowned, "Than why, brother do you abhor my marriage so much?"
Setting the small box down on the table beside Fili's bed the younger male took a moment to steel himself before answering. "Because you are my One. Because I knew it deep down long before your name day and when they called upon you to name your One I knew it was going to be me but then you never did name anyone. You told me you didn't want to marry and I accepted that, I swallowed my love for you and I tried Fili, I tried. We are brothers and even…even among dwarves it is frowned upon. I knew later that you didn't name me because you thought it was wrong and I was sick with myself for days. I let myself have the comfort of knowing I would never have to watch you give your heart to another…but then Thorin named Bilbo his One and I knew you…you would do your duty to our lineage. I knew you would marry. Please, brother, don't ask me to stay and watch my dreams die."
Kili's chest was heaving when he finished, he had turned to fully face Fili and was sharing more than he had since they were children together, he had handed his heart to the elder in that moment. He bit his lip, waiting for Fili to curse him, tell him to leave, to accept him, something.
Staring at the younger male Fili thought of a million reasons why he should call for someone, why he should shout out that Kili had returned, or why he should simply let his brother go. Do anything that didn't end with the two of them alone in his bedroom late at night. In the end one thought echoed louder than all other, "I am your One?" He breathed, everything narrowing to that one point.
Kili nodded slowly, brow furrowed in his own confusion. "Yes, of course. Am I not yours?" He was still waiting for things to come crashing down around him, for Fili to call his guard, for something bad to happen.
Blinking at their utter stupidity Fili moved toward Kili, pulling his younger brother close. "We are such fools." He whispered, holding Kili close to him, "Such wretched fools." He leaned back, not releasing Kili's slimmer form. "Of course you are my One, but how was I supposed to face uncle, the others, if I claimed such? I have never been ashamed to call you brother and to love you but I could not bring myself to name you mine, I didn't know if you loved me the same and it is…it is not right. But if you love me as well then damn it all, Kili for you I would do anything."
Leaning into his elder brother's touch Kili allowed himself a slight smile, "So you don't hate me then, just to clarify?" He asked, his tone lighter. When Fili just rolled his eyes a bit and frowned at him Kili chuckled. "Sorry….but you are still getting married, I am still leaving. We can't stop what we have already started."
Feeling far older than he should have Fili nodded, "Yes, we can't stop it, but maybe we can pretend, just for the next 24 hours that it isn't happening. " He cupped Kili's face in his palm and rubbed away his tears. Kili turned and nuzzled the rough flesh of his brother's hand. "I don't want just to pretend, but for now…that's all we have."
They stood for a heartbeat longer, just staring at each other before slowly, very slowly to allow him an out, Fili leaned inward. He paused a few inches from Kili, allowing his brother to make the final decision. Kili did not hesitate before he pressed his lips softly against Fili's, his heart squeezing with the knowledge he would only get this one night. He banished the thought and deepened the kiss, tracing Fili's lip with his tongue and reveling in the taste when he was allowed entrance, exploring the warmth of his brother's mouth to his heart's desire. They kissed long and deep, breaking only when air became hard to come by.
"Kili…I am sorry." Fili murmured, leaning his forehead against the younger males. Kili shook his head slightly, "You are not to blame, we were both silent for far too long."
Pulling his younger brother with him, Fili moved them to sit on his bed. Kili was still fully dressed in his travelling clothes and Fili felt a bit self-conscious wearing only his night things. Taking note of this difference Kili began to remove his outer layers, allowing his clothing to fall in a pile beside the bed. They did not speak as he did so, neither of them willing to accept their current reality.
Finally Kili broke the silence, "You could think of it as your stag night. You know, things happen at those and men are usually forgiven. No one has to know I was here." He was reaching a bit, trying to find a way to ease their hearts.
Fili didn't examine the statement beyond a cursory thought, it worked as an excuse for his guilty mind. "Yes." He murmured, leaning forward to capture Kili's lips again, "Yes." He breathed, kissing him harder. Kili was down to just his plain clothes and Fili brought his hands up to rest on his brothers chest, able to feel the line of his muscles under his shirt. He pulled back and looked at Kili for a long moment, the younger male was flushed, his breath coming faster and an uncomfortable tightness growing in his trousers.
Wordlessly Fili removed his night shirt, keeping eye contact with Kili as much as possible. Taking the hint Kili copied his motion. With both of them shirtless they moved to sit shoulder to shoulder, feet over the side of Fili's bed. Tentatively Kili reached over and ran his fingers lightly over Fili's chest and abdomen, causing his older brother to shudder. Fili copied the motion and watched in satisfaction as Kili's eyes fluttered closed for a second.
Pulling his hand back Fili braced himself on his elbows and slid his pants down over his hips and shifting, tugged them off completely. Kili copied him, his cheeks flushing brighter. Fili's breath came harsher as he took in the sight of his younger brother fully nude. A trail of dark hair moved from his navel down and fanned out to frame his proud length. The same dark hair dusted his chest and thighs, softening the musculature. While Fili took him in Kili stared right back. His eyes raked over his older brother's stockier build, the light gold hair that trailed down his chest to his privates, invitingly curly. He swallowed hard seeing Fili's own full length and bare thighs, imagining their bodies pressed together.
Fili reached up and released Kili's braids, running his fingers through them to loosen them and then taking out his own. He smiled, "Better." He said, looking at Kili with his long hair hanging loosely over his chest and shoulders. Kili nodded in agreement, Kili's golden locks tousled around him were quite appealing.
There was a beat, the two of them so busy taking each other in they lost track of their purpose. Kili recovered himself first and moved back so he was laying vertically on the bed. He motioned for Fili to come closer and the elder did so, leaning in for the kiss he knew Kili wanted.
Their mouths pressed together softly at first and then more desperately, Kili's arms winding around Fili's shoulders and pulling him down so they lay flush against each other. A strangled sound left both brothers as their cocks rubbed together and Fili pressed his tongue into Kili's mouth. He tasted all of his brothers mouth, their tongues rubbing against each other and tangling before Kili let out a moan and simply allowed Fili to explore at his leisure.
Moving away from his mouth and down the column of the younger's throat, Fili left a burning trail of kisses, he stopped at Kili's collar bone, working on marking him. Under his brother's mouth Kili couldn't restrain the jerking motion of his hips seeking the friction of their bodies moving against one another.
Feeling both Kili's desperation and his own Fili raised a hand to Kili's lips. They had no oils available to them at the moment so this was the only way. Kili pulled the thick digits into his mouth, working his tongue over them and imagning how the callouses might feel inside of him. He moaned softly around Fili's fingers, coating them in his saliva generously before he released them. Fili was panting, his eyes heavy-lidded as he pulled his fingers from Kili's mouth, having left a deep purple bruise on his brother's clavicle. He repositioned them, leaning back to sit on his ankles and pulling Kili's hip up he slowly worked his index finger inside of the younger male. He was surprised by the ease with which it slid in and paused, "Kee have you ever…?"
Kili shook his head, breathless from the feeling, "No, I…have done this to myself, thinking of you…but never with another." Fili groaned at the image that conjured, his brother bent over, fingering himself with one hand palming his cock. He felt his own nether region twitch as he moved his finger in Kili, curling it and pushing to ease the stretching sensation. He was able to add a second quickly and kissed Kili again as he slowly worked him open.
Relaxed and pliant beneath the elder, Kili made soft sounds of pleasure, his lips meeting Fili's softly and somewhat lazily as he allowed himself to be stretched. By the time Fili had added a third finger Kili's gaze was glassy with pleasure, his mouth hung slightly open and he panted out softly, "Please Fee, please. I need you."
Groaning out, "Oh Malah, Kee you'll be my death yet." Fili slowly removed his fingers, spitting into his own hand he did his best to cover his own length, pressing it against Kili's entrance he paused and kissed his brother, shifting again too his knees and pulling up Kili's legs to allow better access. "Tell me if it's too much." He murmured, waiting for the younger male to nod before pressing forward.
Kili moaned in confused pleasure/pain because it certainly hurt, but knowing it was Fili inside of him, his first and quite possibly only, the One that he loved and his brother, made it pleasurable as well. When he was fully sheathed inside of the younger Fili paused, waiting for him to adjust. At Kili's very slight nod he pulled back a tiny bit and moved forward again, easing his brother's body into the rhythm.
They took the movements extremely slowly, a heat building between them as they kissed and Fili moved, tiny slow movements. Finally Kili could take no more and he whimpered, "Fee, more, please more." Fili could deny his brother nothing and picked up the pace. Still gradually speeding up, he watched Kili's mouth fall open. "Put your ankles on my shoulders." He ground out, waiting for Kili to comply, before grabbing his hips. "Do you want it fast?" He asked.
Nodding and biting at his lips desperately, Kili lifted his hips, trying to get Fili to move more within him, he felt drunk from the feeling of being so full of his brother. Complying easily Fili began to rock into his brother faster, shifting just slightly and finding the tiny bundle of nerves inside of him. Kili gasped loudly, "Fili!" he repeated his brothers name until his voice choked off into small and frequent moans. Fili was groaning Kili's name and let slip some small praises, "You feel good Kee, so…tight." He babbled.
Feeling Kili's muscles tensing and relaxing sporadically Fili knew his brother was close, the snap of his hips becoming more erratic he palmed Kili's neglected length, fisting him in time with his thrusts. Kili let out a louder moan, "Fili, yes, mmm…" and that was the elders undoing. Fili felt his release filling his brother at the same moment Kili's spilled over his hand.
His hips moved twice more and then Fili collapsed on top Kili. They lay panting heavily, coming down slowly from their high.
Slowly Fili rolled off of his brother, reaching for a cloth that lay next to his wash basin he wiped the come from between their bodies and carefully cleaned between his brother's legs.
Kili's chest heaved as he regained his breath, twitching as Fili cleaned him up. He felt numb and extra-sensitive at the same time. It was wonderful. He waited until Fili tossed the cloth aside and reached for him. The elder pulled him close softly and they curled around each other, the first sounds of morning in Erebor reaching their ears as they tried to shut out the world around them.