Chapter 3: Stubborn Resolve

Carlisle's POV:

I was high up in a tree gazing out into the forest and doing everything I could to keep my mind off what would be happening shortly. We had arrived to our destination, a beautiful clearing alongside a lake, virtually untouched by humans. We would not be disturbed or happened upon by anyone. Shortly after arriving we'd quickly set up the tent and the cot. From another bag he'd brought, he pulled out blankets and a pillow and spread them on the cot and then on the floor. He was making a comfortable little home here. Eyeing the cot warily I wondered what its purpose was yet decided not to ask. Eleazar told me he needed an hour to himself at this point, and I had happily acquiesced, figuring he needed time to mentally prepare himself. It's what I would've done.

The hour was up, and as punctual as ever I was unsurprised to hear footsteps quickly arriving at our camp. Butterflies fluttered in my stomach and I let out a breath before making my way down, jumping when I was 100 feet from the ground. I landed lithely, straightening up and walking towards my oldest friend. He motioned for me to head into the tent, and I did, once more throwing the cot a wary look. He wasn't planning on…no, he wouldn't…would he?

I turned around and watched as Eleazar walked in. Thankfully, this tent was large enough that we could both stand inside of it without hitting our heads. "Take a seat," he said, motioning towards the cot. "I believe we should speak before I begin spanking you."

I flinched internally at the word while giving him a single nod. The feelings that were suddenly evoked in me were unfamiliar and old. I quickly realized that a punishment from Eleazar was going to be different, at least emotionally speaking than with Esme. Sitting down and staring up at my brother my memories flashed to me sitting in front of Arthur right before I was to be punished. I did not like this. I did not like suddenly feeling so young.

"When Esme came to speak to me she did not attempt to talk me out of this," he began, and I gave a nod, already knowing this. "She wanted to make sure that I did not unintentionally harm you or push you into a flashback, so she informed me that one way to go about this was to have you over my knees when I spank you. Now, this was not how I initially"…

I tuned out what else he was saying, my mind flooding with embarrassment and some betrayal. Esme had told him this? Why would she do something like that? I didn't need any special considerations for when I was being punished. Anger and hurt now welled up in me as I stated, "Punish me how you planned to, El, not how my wife told you to. This is not how she should have intervened."

Heavy silence was the response I received, and when I gave Eleazar my full attention once more I found him looking at me with narrowed eyes and a displeased expression on his face.

"What?" I questioned, finding his look somewhat unnerving.

"You have not been listening to what I have been saying," he responded slowly, slight incredulity in his tone. His gaze became more analytical at this point, and he looked me up and down slowly before locking eyes with me once more.

"You will be spanked over my knees, Carlisle Cullen, and do not become angry because your wife sought to help you out," he spoke smoothly. "Furthermore, when I am talking, you will listen, and when I ask a question, you will answer it. I never thought this would be something I would need to tell you, but alas here we are."

I bristled slightly at his tone and the way he was speaking to me as though I were a child. I gave him a nod of acknowledgment though, not wishing to anger him.

"Explain to me what happened the first time your wife spanked you," my brother demanded, and my eyes widened at the question, not understanding at all why he would ask.

"How is that pertinent to this?" I questioned incredulously. "What happened was private, and I have no desire to"—

"I need you to explain why it is best that I spank you over my lap, so that you understand why I am taking Esme's advice to heart," he explained. "I am not doing this to embarrass you, please understand that. I just want to make sure I do not hurt you. I would never want you to confuse me with your father."

I really did not want to, but I understood his reasoning, so against my better judgment I gave him a very brief and somewhat vague account of what happened to cause Esme to believe spanking me over her knees was the best method. When I finished I took a deep and calming breath. I was agitated, and having to recount this had only made things worse. I began to tap the fingers of my right hand against my leg, a nervous habit I was never able to rid myself of.

"So you had no flashbacks when over her knee?" Eleazar questioned, and I fought back embarrassment as I replied, "No. It wasn't a position Samuel ever used with me, so I found it easier to remain in the present. That was then, though," I rushed to add, "and things have changed. I'm not the way I used to be and I don't think I will react the same way. Esme was just being overly cautious when she spoke to you."

Eleazar appeared thoughtful before shaking his head. "No, I will heed your wife's advice and put you over my knees. I will not risk a flashback based off of what you think."

"Eleazar, honestly," I spoke exasperatedly, "this is ridiculous. You said so yourself that you had not planned on punishing me this way, so just do what you had originally planned and forget what Esme told you."

My brother just shook his head at me in clear disappointment. "Still so easy to dismiss what Esme says," he spoke with a sigh before adding, "and since when does the punished get to decide how they are punished? Do you allow your children to dictate the position they are spanked?" I opened my mouth to say something, but he waved away my words. "That was a rhetorical question because I already know you always put them over your knee, except when using your belt."

I gave him a look of surprise, wondering how he knew this. I didn't exactly go into detail with him of how I punished my vamplings.

"Your niños have told me of some of their experiences," he expanded, correctly interpreting my unasked question. "They were not really complaining so much as trying to gain my sympathy," he added with a small smile, and I said nothing in response. It didn't really bother me that they talked about it. I was more surprised than anything knowing that they preferred to keep such things a secret. It was a testament to how comfortable they felt with Eleazar, though, that they would speak so openly with him.

"Anyways," Eleazar continued, "my decision has been made in regards to how you will be punished, so further argument will only make things worse for you." I gritted my teeth in frustration, yet said nothing as I more than believed he would follow through with his threat. Besides, his comment regarding how dismissive I was of Esme's concerns hit me hard as I recognized the truth behind his words.

"Something else your wife said to me was regarding the fact that you have not been entirely forthcoming with me concerning the abuse you suffered as a child," he then stated. "Now, I would never presume to force you to talk to me of such things, but as I've already mentioned, I do not want to unknowingly induce a flashback and be confused for that man; so, if there is anything you'd like to say, now would be the time."

I considered how to respond. I was a private person, and I had kept from him the worst of my memories. It wasn't that I didn't trust him, it was just that I was a private person, not to mention there was never really a proper time to bring this up. I had never felt he needed to know, so I had never brought it up. Was there anything he needed to know now? Well, there was one thing I could tell him, but should I? He was using a strap, something I was quite familiar with courtesy of my dear father; but he didn't need to know that. I would be just fine. Besides, the strap wasn't that different from a belt, and I had managed with that before.

"No, there is nothing more you need to know," I informed him firmly, but instead of just letting things go he narrowed his eyes slightly.

"Are you sure?" He questioned doubtfully.

"I am sure," I stated firmly.

"Very well, I will take you at your word that there is nothing more I need to know," he stated smoothly, and I heard an unspoken warning in there. He would not be pleased if he knew I kept from him the fact that a strap could likely bring up memories. I was not planning on that happening, though.

"Let us move on to what led you into this situation," he then said, motioning a hand towards me to indicate I should begin speaking. Temper quickly diffused, feelings of guilt resurfaced and I stumbled over an explanation.

"I'm here—the reason—I lost my temper," I finally managed to stammer, shame now welling up inside of me along with the guilt. "I allowed my anger to overshadow the fear and hurt I was feeling, and in doing so I was too hard on my children, harder than I should have been. I hid behind the façade of coven leader to justify my actions." I paused for a moment, and found it increasingly difficult to maintain eye contact with Eleazar. "I also shut out Esme. I ordered her not to interfere, knowing she would have tried to stop me, and probably would have succeeded. I lost my temper," I repeated regretfully, "and that is unforgivable." I leaned forward and rested my head in my hands.

"Incredibly foolish, my brother, but not unforgivable, never unforgivable," Eleazar refuted, kneeling down in front of me and placing a comforting hand on my shoulder. "You love them and they love you, there is no doubt. You are a family, and families always forgive each other."

I snorted, the cynical part of me knowing that his last comment at least was not always true.

Eleazar interpreted my snort, and amended his statement, "Your family will always forgive each other. And know this, Carlisle, you are not here in order to earn their forgiveness, are you?"

I looked up into his eyes and shook my head negatively. "No, I am not," I admitted honestly. "I am here so that I can forgive myself, and so that I can hopefully learn to better curb this temper of mine."

"Thank you for your honesty," the older man responded softly before standing back up. "And I am here to offer a deterrent, a reminder of what you can expect should something like this ever occur again."

I grimaced while giving a single nod of understanding. There was really no response I could give to that. A thank you wasn't really appropriate for this situation as I really wasn't feeling very appreciative despite how deserving this upcoming punishment was.

"We have known each other many years, Carlisle," Eleazar said, "and in those years I have seen the situations your temper has landed you in. When living with the Volturi it surfaced quite often, and I regret not stepping in earlier. If I had perhaps I could have prevented the…events that occurred shortly afterwards." I gave an internal flinch, the memories of the aforementioned event rising. Caius was not someone to be pushed, and I had learned that the hard way.

"You left Volterra soon after, and we parted ways for quite a number of years as you made your way to the States," he recounted. "We continued to correspond through letters, but I did not see you again until shortly after you turned Edward. Already I could see a change in you, a change that only intensified when you then turned Esme. With the addition of each family member I noticed you growing up, you could say. Not to say you were not already very mature, but now having the responsibility of a family, you became a better man. Your control over your emotions, specifically your temper increased, and I couldn't have been more proud."

My eyes widened at his declaration, a warmth spreading in me. Having Eleazar tell me he was proud was somehow different than my wife or children saying it to me. It was no doubt due to the fact that I looked up to this man. I had since we had first met. Though he had not been a vampire for very many years, he had already seemed so comfortable with what he was, and so self-assured. I had been battling inner demons for so many years all alone, yet here was a man who had adapted and accepted his situation like it was nothing. I had envied him.

"You have come along way, hermanito, a very long way since we first met," Eleazar continued, giving me a soft smile. The smile quickly faded, though, to be replaced with a stern expression. "However, while you have gained better control over your emotions, there have still been times where you have failed to rein in that temper. While in your younger years your temper hurt only yourself, this time it was your children and wife who suffered the most. I cannot stand you harming only yourself, Carlisle, and even less so harming your family. I am stepping in because I do not want you to end up doing something that you will regret for the rest of your existence. Each time you've let your anger control you, the results have been disastrous. It has never been a small event with you." Everything he said was true, but at this moment I could not help but equate Bella with myself. Not too long ago I'd said something similar to her, at least in regards to the sort of trouble she got into. Every time she got into trouble, it was always a huge fiasco, and as time went on it ended up involving more and more of the family. I filed these thoughts away, turning my focus back towards Eleazar who was still speaking.

"Your mistakes affect everyone not only because you are the patriarch and coven leader, but because you close yourself off to the feelings of those around you when you get like this. You suppress your own feelings, and to do so you also suppress the wellbeing of your family. This cannot continue to happen!" he exclaimed passionately, and my eyes widened at the emotions he was giving off.

"I love you, and I love your family. In fact, you are all family to me. You a brother, Esme a sister, and your children nieces and nephews," he said, his tone much softer now and filled with love. "I will not—I cannot stand by and watch you destroy your life because you allow your temper to get the best of you. A spanking may seem childish, and embarrassing to you, but if this is what it will take to get you to think before you act, then so be it," he declared. "I do not want to humiliate you. I do not want to dominate you. I only want to correct and teach."

"Eleazar," I felt the need to speak up, giving him a loving, understanding look. "You do not need to tell me this. You do not need to justify your actions. I know all this. I know it because I have spoken these exact words countless times to my own children. I am touched yet unsurprised by how much you love me and my family," I explained. "I will not and could not ever hate you for what is about to happen; although that doesn't mean I won't complain or even argue with you," I had to add with a smile.

He let out a short laugh, and I noted the relief in his face. I empathized with him completely right now. I'd had this sort of conversation many times with each one of my children, so I did not want him to doubt what he was doing.

"I suppose this is a situation you have found yourself in many times," he mused out loud, and I was the one to let out a short laugh at this point.

"Oh, just a time or two," I responded, giving him a grin as I ran a hand through my hair.

The levity was good, and we both exchanged smiles before the reality of the situation hit us both. Our smiles faded, and Eleazar's expression was once more serious.

"You know you can talk to me, right? About anything?" he questioned, and my brow furrowed slightly in confusion at the unexpected question.

"Of course," I answered honestly.

"I will not bother asking about the past, but I will urge that in the future if you ever feel as though your emotions are becoming unstable, or if you ever feel overwhelmed, please call me," he insisted, his gaze earnest. "I will always be here for you whenever you need it. Call me or just come here; or I can come to you. If you do not feel comfortable talking to Esme or just feel that you cannot, then please, please seek me out, Carlisle.

I was momentarily speechless at his plea, but after a few stunned seconds I quickly responded with an affirmative. "I promise, El, that if I ever need to, I will call you. I apologize for never having done so before. It wasn't that I didn't trust you," I explained, "but it honestly never occurred to me. Even after all these years I still find it difficult to seek help."

"Well do not ever feel that way with me," he responded. "We've known each other a long time, and I would like to think that by now I have gained your trust."

"Of course you have, Eleazar, you must believe that!" I immediately exclaimed. "I have always trusted you. The problem has always been me, though. No matter how much I trust people, I still cannot help but keep things in. This is a learned habit that I have had immense difficulties in overcoming. I'm getting better, I know I am, but I still have a ways to go."

My brother looked me straight in the eyes, gauging my sincerity before nodding his head. "I believe you," he said with a sad sigh. "I also believe you need help with this, so I issue this warning." I gave an internal grown, already foreseeing what was coming. "If I ever find out that you've become overwhelmed by any situation, or that you've let your emotions get the best of you, and you did not seek anyone's help, whether Esme's or mine, you and I will find ourselves right back here in this same position. Neither of us wants that, so promise me that you will ask for help when you need it, and that I will never have to go through with my threat."

"I promise, Eleazar," I told him with the utmost sincerity. "I promise to seek out help when I need it from either Esme or you. As you said, neither one of us wants to end up in this situation again." That was the God honest truth right there. Not only was this situation unbearably embarrassing, but it was going to soon become very painful. Here I was a grown man about to have my backside tanned, and all my family would know it when I would be unable to sit comfortably for some time. I thanked God that not only my wife, but especially my children could be so understanding and mature about this. I was also incredibly lucky that I had not ever lost their respect because not only of my mistakes, but because I too was subject to the same if not more severe punishment.

"Very well, Carlisle," the Spaniard finally declared, "I believe it is time we get this over with." My stomach flip flopped and my muscles tensed. Anxiety instantly flooded through my system, only increasing when I watched him walk to his bag. I knew what he was doing, but the childish part of me could not help but chant in my head over and over, 'please not the strap, please not the strap'.

Damn, it's the strap, was my next thought when he pulled out the piece of leather. Instantly I noticed it was both wider and thicker than my belt, and I knew that meant it would no doubt provide a harsher sting. This was going to be dreadful.

Watching as he now walked towards me I felt a brief moment of panic and had to suddenly resist the ridiculous urge to either run or beg that he not use that damned strap. Why in the world did he even have that? Curiosity got the best of me, or maybe I wanted to postpone the inevitable so I asked him, "Why do you have that?"

Eleazar raised an eyebrow, glanced down at the instrument before looking back at me. "I received in during my time with the Volturi. It was few and far between, but occasionally I would be called on to discipline some of the guard. It proved to be quite effective with them, so I hope it will be able to prove just as effective with you."

"Uh huh," was the only response I could give as I was unfortunately hit with several images of Father holding a strap and readying to deliver another lesson to me. I shut my eyes, gave a shake of my head, and stood up. Moving aside I left the cot open for Eleazar to take.

Eleazar walked to the cot, giving me a comforting squeeze on the shoulder before taking a seat. He set the strap down next to him and motioned for me to stand over on his right side. If my heart could still beat, it would've been pounding so loudly he would no doubt have heard it. I stopped breathing, afraid I would start hyperventilating. I could not help the nervous tick I had of tapping the fingers of my right hand on my thigh, though.

"Lose the jeans, please," he ordered, and I let out a quiet groan before acquiescing. It wasn't as though I was surprised, but I still could not help but hope that he would somehow skip this step. As he then guided me over his knee I wondered briefly if I would be allowed the protection of my boxers, but that wish was quickly dashed when he deftly pulled them down to my knees. Damn. I fidgeted slightly over his lap, tensing once more when he wrapped an arm around me and pulled me close. I crossed my arms and buried my head in them, determined as always to remain as silent as I could for as long as I could.

It seemed Eleazar read my mind because his next words were, "I know how you detest coming off as weak, hermanito, but I assure you that is not a word I would ever use to describe you. Not only that, as I am no doubt has already been told to you, crying is not a sign of weakness, especially during a spanking. This is time for you to release your guilt and any other emotions you have bottled up. Let it go, because holding it in will only make things worse for you."

I heard his words and I understood them, I truly did, but I was not confident that I would be able to give in so easily. I was unsure I would be able to let go as he wanted me to, or as I knew I needed to. I was too nervous and keyed up right now. Fear of the strap was strong in my mind, and to keep from freaking out or falling into a flashback, I needed to stay in control. I would not confuse this caring man with Samuel Cullen.

"Carlisle," Eleazar growled, "I can feel your stubbornness to give in even now, and that is not acceptable!" I let out a loud gasp as he'd accentuated those last two words with two hard swats. "Let go of that damned self control or this punishment will not work, do you understand me?" he questioned, the swats falling haphazardly.

"I understand," I responded, gritting my teeth at a particularly hard swat. Eleazar said no more at this point as he found his rhythm. His hand came down at an even tempo, not too hard but definitely not light, and he made sure to cover every inch of my backside. The burn was beginning to build, but keeping quiet was easy at this point. I knew it would not be like this for long, though.

The spanking had already been going on for several minutes and the burn was causing me to tightly grit my teeth in order to keep from yelping. He'd increased the intensity of the swats and I tensed all my muscles to keep from wriggling. Unfortunately, I knew that tensing was only increasing the pain, a fact that Eleazar knew.

"I know you are in pain, brother, but you need to try and relax your muscles because tensing only makes things harder on yourself," he advised. I gave a noise of acknowledgment, but otherwise ignored his comment. The sigh of frustration let me knew that he realized this, and his hand began to come down even faster now. Having been in his position before I knew he was aiming to break through my resolve to stay quiet. He wanted me to let go of my control, but I wasn't—I couldn't afford to do that. I wasn't going to embarrass myself by slipping into a flashback.

This resolve of mine took a heavy hit when the spanking stopped abruptly and I heard him pick up the strap. No, no, no, please no, I could not help but chant over and over in my head. Tears came to my eyes, and I once more had to stop breathing to keep from hyperventilating like a quivering child. I had to take this punishment like a man.

Eleazar took in a deep breath, and when he spoke, although his tone was stern and even frustrated, I could hear an undercurrent of sadness and disappointment. "I am not quite sure why you are acting like this, Carlisle, but I will break through your stubbornness whether you allow me to or not. I had not planned on using the strap so early in your punishment, but you are forcing my hand. Now, before I begin I am going to give you a chance to explain yourself. Please take advantage of this," he urged, a note of pleading in his voice.

I shifted uncomfortably now, my mind split between focusing on the awful burn in my backside, why I was here, pushing away old memories, and guilt for what I was doing to my brother. I struggled with what exactly to say to him, not wanting to admit my weaknesses. I did not want special considerations because I had still yet to overcome my ancient traumas.

"I'm sorry, El," I finally managed to say, feeling truly apologetic.

"I see," he responded in clear disappointment, his left hand coming down on the small of my back. I couldn't help but flinch, but he was only giving me a soothing rub.

"How about you tell me once more what has brought you into this situation?" he then stated. "Why are you receiving this spanking?"

I withheld my own sigh of frustration now before dutifully answering him. "I am here because I let my temper get the best of me. I allowed my anger to lead my actions, and used my authority as a coven leader to justify my actions. I came down too hard on my children, especially Rosalie and Alice. I also completely shut out Esme," I admitted, guilt now consuming my body and mind. "I also used my authority as coven leader to order her to not interfere. I felt I knew best…," I had to stop my confession, a lump having formed in my throat since I was overcome with emotion. Tears welled up in my eyes, and it was several moments before I took in a shaky breath and finished my confession. "I felt I knew best as I have so many times before, and I made a mistake, a mistake that harmed my family. I don't want to do this again, Eleazar," I admitted emotionally. "I can't do this again."

"I agree, and I understand," he replied softly, "and this is one way in which I hope to help you. I do not like causing you pain, but I truly hope the pain you are going through right now will prove a helpful deterrent. I warn you now, though, this strap will burn, and when I am through with you I guarantee you will find it not only difficult to sit, but difficult to walk. Do you understand?"

I swallowed back the whimper of fear that nearly escaped my mouth as I nodded my head. I didn't trust myself to speak, and thankfully or not thankfully he seemed to accept my silent nod as understanding. The comforting hand on my back went back to being wrapped tightly around my waist. My muscles once more tensed in those few seconds before I felt the first lick of the strap.

Crack!

A yelp escaped me, and I could not stop the jolt I gave. That had stung something awful. Definitely worse than the belt.

Crack! Crack! Crack! Crack!

The strap came down on my defenseless backside over and over again, and my resolve was severely tested. I wished I had a pillow or something to grab onto, and without realizing, I began to grab onto the edges of the cot, which caused them to start cracking.

"Carlisle," Eleazar spoke, the warning in his tone enough to spur me into immediately folding my arms on top of the cot before burying my head in them.

Crack! Crack! Crack! Crack!

Grunts and quiet yelps of pain now escaped me, and my legs kicked a little in a useless effort to rid myself of some of the pain. I bit down onto my fist, well aware of the fact that I was doing exactly what Jasper had done when I had whipped him, and I had not been happy with him. Knowing how hypocritical I was being right now, I began to feel self loathing increasing. The pain in my right hand helped though. I was able to focus my thoughts on the burn of venom in my hand rather than the ever growing burn in my backside. I hoped Eleazar would not notice what I was doing, but alas, I was as unlucky as Jasper had been. Perhaps more so, I thought in a moment of self pity. Eleazar was truly coming down on me harder than I would ever dream to come down on any of my impetuous vamplings.

"Carlisle Cullen!" Eleazar roared furiously, yanking my hand away from my mouth before pinning it tightly to my back. "How dare you harm yourself in a damned stupid attempt to keep yourself silent!"

CRACK! CRACK! CRACK!

I immediately yelled out in pain, my breathing come out in harsh breaths as I noted Eleazar had paused in his punishment. I was certain he was not through with me.

"Stop this, please, mi hermanito," he now begged. "This punishment will be useless if you do not let go. I do not know why you refuse to yell or cry in front of me, but I assure you I will think no less of you for doing so. You know as well as I how one is to react during a spanking. Tell yourself what you would tell anyone of your niños should they be acting the same as you. Please, Carlisle, stop this foolishness because not only are you making things more difficult and painful for yourself, but you are also making it more difficult and painful for me as well.

It was the heartbroken tone that finally broke through my resolve. Putting myself through pain was one thing, but putting him through pain as well was unacceptable. He was also correct, though, that I would never want one of my children to react as I was. I would never and never had held against them the fact that they cried and pleaded for me to stop during a spanking. Esme had never held it against me the two times she had disciplined me, so why would I think Eleazar would be different. I was hurting him, and that had to stop. With those thoughts, I finally took in a deep breath.

"I'm so sorry, Eleazar," I spoke regrettably. "I will stop fighting you, I swear. I'm sorry, I'm sorry," I mumbled over and over until I heard my brother once more lift the dreaded strap.

"Very well, let us finish this," he sighed before the strap began to fall once more.

I immediately began to yell out, tears beginning to stream down my face as I dropped my barriers. This hurt. This hurt bad.

"I have said it before, but I need you to understand that I will not continue to stand by and watch you hurt your family and yourself," he lectured. "I care about all of you too much to do so. Your temper and stubbornness are your two worst traits, Carlisle, and I will be there every time you need me to help keep them in check. Seek me out when needed, and trust me!" he spoke emotionally and firmly, the strap now coming down even harder.

"I understand!" I screamed, sobs escaping me as I started to fight his grasp on me. It was embarrassing, but I started to twist in a miserable attempt to avoid the strap.

"Eleazar, please, I'm sorry!" I found myself pleading, something I had never dreamed I would ever do. I certainly had never pleaded or attempted to escape punishment with Esme. I was quickly moving past embarrassment though, not to mention there was also the fact that I suddenly realized it was okay to act like this with Eleazar. He was my brother, my older brother, and someone who I did not have to constantly be strong around.

"We are not through yet, brother," Eleazar soothed, rubbing the hand he still had pinned to my back.

My memories unwillingly began to turn towards punishments with my father at this point. The feel of Eleazar restraining my arm along with the feel of the strap reminded me so strongly of Father. I could feel myself slipping as the memories strengthened and as I attempted to escape the pain I was in. The memories finally took hold, and I felt like a child once more receiving another harsh punishment from Father for having let him down.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" I cried, going completely still as I knew attempting to move away would incur a worse strapping.

"I swear I will do better!" I promised futilely, knowing that it never really mattered what I said. Father would punish me for as long as he wanted despite any promises or pleas on my part. That did not stop me from trying, though. I had yet to remain quiet as he always warned me to do. I was weak. I was pathetic.

"Please, Father, please!" I begged, sobbing my heart out in remorse for whatever I had done. For the life of me I could not remember what had earned me this strapping, but it had to have been bad. The burn was unbearable, and I knew even walking would be painful after this.

I continued to cry and plead for several more seconds before I realized the punishment had actually stopped. Was it over with? Had I been punished enough, or was he going to have me take my shirt off now? As of late he had taken to giving me a strapping not only on my buttocks, but on my back as well. Apparently, I deserved harsher punishments now that I was…now that I was…how old was I?

"Carlisle, all is well, mi hermanito," a voice soothed, "you are safe, I promise. Your punishment is over and you did very well. I am very proud of you."

Proud? Of me? I listened more to this voice with the strange accent, and suddenly my mind snapped back to the present.

Eleazar! I assessed my situation, finding myself still over my brother's knees. My right arm had been released, and a hand was rubbing my back up and down in a comforting manner. I quieted my crying and began to take in several deep and shaky breaths. It's only Eleazar, it's only Eleazar, I chanted in my head. Everything is alright, there is nothing to fear.

"Carlisle?" Eleazar asked, and my heart clenched at the wariness, fear, and guilt I heard in his voice. I turned my head to him and quickly let him know that I was back and once more fully aware of my surroundings. Relief entered his eyes and he let out a breath, moving his hand to ruffle my hair.

"Do you want to get up?" he asked, and I nodded my head. My clothes had thankfully already been righted, so after standing I just buttoned my pants, grimacing at how rough they felt on my burning rear. My face felt wet and sticky and I immediately pulled up a sleeve to wipe away all the griminess. When finished, I fixed my eyes on the floor, unable to look my brother in the eyes after what had just happened.

"I'm so sorry Eleazar for what happened," I told him guiltily. "I know you are not my father, and I need you to know that"—I wasn't able to finish my apology as Eleazar interrupted me.

He placed his hands on my shoulders and said, "Carlisle, you have nothing to be sorry for. It is not your fault you slipped into a flashback. I apologize for not having noted earlier. I am the one asking for your forgiveness now." I finally looked at him, noticing the extreme concern and guilt in them. I had to explain. I had to confess that I had known this was a possibility.

"Eleazar, brother, it is not your fault so please don't apologize," I responded emphatically. "I should have—I knew that it was a possibility that…," I paused, guilt causing my stomach to churn uneasily. He was going to become angry at what I said, but I could not allow him to feel guilty. Taking in a huge breath, I forced out the rest of my confession. "My father's favorite instrument to use on me was the strap," I admitted softly, and Eleazar's eyebrows rose in surprise. "I knew you were going to use it because Edward informed me earlier today, but I didn't tell you because I knew you'd change your mind on how to punish me once more. I thought I could handle it."

Eleazar was frozen momentarily before his hands dropped from my shoulders. His rapidly narrowing eyes bore into me and his lips thinned. "You knew this was a possibility?" he pressed. "You thought you could handle it?"

I knew the questions were rhetorical, so I remained silent as he closed his eyes and then began to pace back and forth. I did not bother offering him any apologies right now as I knew he wouldn't hear or appreciate them.

"Dios mio, Carlisle, Cullen," he exclaimed, throwing his hands up in frustration. "Why? Why would you do this? Why could you not have just been honest with me? Have you so little regard for yourself? For me? How do you think I felt when you begged me to stop and called me Father?"

I just looked at the man with eyes full of apology, and he glared right back, shaking his head in extreme disappointment.

"Lie down," he ordered abruptly, pointing towards the cot, and I just stared at him in confusion, caught off guard by the random order. I stared down at the cot and then back at him questioningly.

He closed his eyes briefly before letting out a heavy sigh. "Please, brother, just do it. I would like for you to just lie down and relax for a few hours. You are not in any condition to be wandering around, and I believe you need some time to sort through your thoughts," he explained. "I certainly do," he added quietly, speaking more to himself than to me.

I found his reasoning sound, yet I could not help but feel as I was being put to sleep like a child and/or being put in time out; and so I frowned at him unhappily. I didn't need to rest.

Eleazar responded with rapidly darkening eyes and a foreboding expression, and he took a step towards me. Self preservation took hold, and I promptly lay myself face down on the cot. I heard El grumbling to himself as he grabbed a pillow off the floor and handed it to me. I accepted it gratefully and wrapped both my arms around it before lying my head down. Eleazar's stern face softened as he then kneeled down by my head.

"Please try and relax for a little while, Carlisle." He nearly pleaded. "Your body and mind need time to heal. I will be nearby the whole time, so do not feel alone or abandoned."

"Alright," I sighed, closing my eyes when I felt him run his hand through my hair. I did feel mentally exhausted, so a little rest would not be amiss. It would also give my backside some time to heal. I began to take in slow, deep breaths. Sleep sounded really nice.

"We will discuss your deceit later," Eleazar then stated, and I responded with a grunt, not really listening to anything else he said. He was rubbing my back in a comforting manner, and while I could no longer quite make out what he was saying, his voice had a very soothing note to it. I allowed myself to sink into nothingness.

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