Chapter 4: Reassurances

Eleazar's POV:

I watched the younger man 'sleeping' in front of me. His head was buried in the pillow, one arm underneath it, and the other arm dangling over the side of the cot. He had been like this for half an hour, but I refused to leave because every ten minutes or so he would begin to let out quiet groans and even whimpers. It had happened three times already and each time I began to speak to him soothingly, assuring him that all was well and that he was safe. He would respond by calming and 'sleeping' peacefully once more.

It disturbed me greatly to see him suffering like this, especially so frequently. His mind should be relaxed at this point which would allow him to truly rest, but it seemed Carlisle's mind only sought to torture him. I kept a soothing hand on Carlisle's back, realizing that this sort of comfort seemed to prove helpful. It seemed to keep him grounded in the present, much like having him over my knees during a spanking should have.

Well, it would have had I known about the strap. Had I known his father had used it on him I would have switched to a belt. Frowning, I shook my head in disappointment. Why could he have not just been honest with me? Why did he constantly have to make things worse for himself? This punishment was hard enough without adding the extra mental anguish he had no doubt gone through.

I had been horrified and filled with guilt when Carlisle had called me Father, and begged me to stop. His pleads had already tugged at my heartstrings before that, but when I realized he was in a flashback I immediately stopped, deeming the punishment well and done. How long had he been in a flashback? How long had he been suffering without me realizing it? Was it the entire time? Had he been in and out of his memories?

I huffed, glaring at the blonde head before me. Stupid, foolish, ignorant man! Stupid, foolish, ignorant child! I was so angry with him right now, angry and hurt that he would hide his distress from me. The whole punishment had been wretched. It'd been the hardest punishment I had ever had to deliver. During my time with the Volturi I had detested doling out punishments, but it had never been a truly emotional event. I had not had any attachments to the guard I disciplined, and the event was more like a school master with a wayward student. With my younger siblings it had definitely been more difficult for me. I loved each and every one of those rascals, and spanking them had always been difficult. I had never feared them falling into a flashback, though, and nor had I ever punished them so hard like I had with Carlisle.

Why must you make everything so difficult, mi hermanito, I thought mournfully, fluctuating back and forth between anger and sadness for the man before me. I had no idea if this punishment had been effective since I had no idea when the flashback had begun. Why could he have not just been honest with me? Why did he always seek to suffer more? Why did he always seek to suffer alone?

My thoughts were cut short by the shrill ring of my phone. Carlisle's body tensed, but his eyes did not open, thankfully. I answered the phone before it could ring again, and quickly stepped out of the tent. I wanted to give Carlisle as much time as he needed to relax.

"Hello?" I answered tersely, truly wondering who had called as I had not checked the ID before answering.

"Eleazar, please tell me you did not use the strap on Carlisle!" Esme yelled into my ear, and I flinched, internally groaning before giving my regretful answer.

"Esme, I did, but only because Carlisle did not tell me the effect it was having on him," I explained rapidly. "Had I known it was an instrument his father favored I never would have used it." Esme's response was several moments of silence. I waited, wondering whether she'd be angry or upset with me, her husband, or both of us. She finally let out a long sigh filled with both anger and sadness.

"I understand," she spoke quietly, her tone filled with weariness. "How is he? From your words I assume something happened?"

"He had a flashback," I informed her. "I don't know how long he had been in it, but the second he called me, Father, I stopped the punishment. He is sleeping right now. I plan on discussing what happened with him afterwards."

I heard Esme curse, mumbling various insults towards her mate.

"I would have to say that I agree with everything you've said," I remarked drily.

"I am sorry Eleazar for any trouble he may have caused you," she apologized sincerely. "I know how stubborn he can be. If I had known—I should have thought to warn you ahead of time of what he…," she trailed off, clearly frustrated with both herself and Carlisle.
"You have nothing to apologize for, Esme," I replied kindly. "Carlisle is the one who should have been forthcoming with me. I assure you he and I will be discussing his foolishness after he awakens." He will regret lying to me, I thought heatedly.

"Do not be too hard on him, please, Eleazar," Esme pleaded, and I smiled softly at her worry for her mate. "I know exactly how stubborn and frustrating he can be, but he never did anything with the intentions of hurting you." Smart woman, I thought fondly. She clearly understood that not only was I angry, but mostly hurt with my brother's actions.

"I know," I sighed sadly. "I am just upset at his lack of faith in me."

"He trusts you more than you could ever realize," she declared vehemently. "Carlisle loves you very much, and respects you immensely. Knowing my husband as well as I do, I can assure you the only reason he was not open with you was because he did not want to appear weak. He did not want you to think any less of him, and he wanted to make sure he received whatever punishment you intended originally."

My heart warmed at her words, and I gave her my thanks for being so open with me. "I will be fair with Carlisle, I can promise you that," I informed her. "It is time he realize that I take my job as his older brother very seriously."

I received a sigh in response. "Please take care of him," Esme begged, her voice now full of emotion. "You know by now that he will do whatever is necessary to appear strong, even if it is to his detriment. Just please be understanding, and please be gentle with him. I am certain that despite the flashback he had, your lesson got through to him." I withheld a sigh, knowing she was now pleading for leniency for her bullheaded mate.

"I will take care of him, I promise you," I reassured her. "When we return in a couple days, your husband will be his normal self, apart from nursing a very sore backside, of course."

"Okay," Esme responded somewhat despondently. "Please have Carlisle call me whenever you, well, whenever is best."

I assured her I would before saying goodbye. I was anxious to check back in on my idiot brother to see how he was doing. I had not heard any noises of distress, but that did not mean all was well. I placed my phone in my pocket before heading on in. I immediately cursed at the look of pain on Carlisle's face. His eyes were scrunched shut, his teeth gritted, and his entire body tensed. I knew he wasn't awake, so I quickly approached him and placed a hand on his back.

"Carlisle," I called before gasping in shock when he cried out as though I had hurt him. He began to curl into himself, rolling onto his side and groaning out as if in pain. I hesitated before once more placing my hand on his head this time.

"Shhh, shh, shh, hermanito, everything is just fine," I whispered into his ear as I soothingly ran my hand through his hair. "You are just fine, you are just fine. No one is harming you here, Carlisle, no one is harming you." He groaned out in pain and the noise shattered my undead heart. His eyes were still tightly shut, but the longer I spoke the more he began to relax. Ever so slowly he uncurled himself and his face began to relax. I was surprised that he was still sleeping, and wondered if I should just wake him up as sleep did not seem to be a form of relaxation for this young man. My thoughts were side tracked though when I noticed him grimacing. I figured the movement was causing his backside to ache, but with the way he was arching his back it almost seemed as though it were his back that was hurting him more than his backside. Briefly I wondered if I had unknowingly hit him there during his spanking, but I quickly shook my head of that notion. I knew my hand and the strap had fallen nowhere but onto this man's stubborn bottom. Still, what if he had hurt himself and told no one? I had no idea how he would have done that, but, this was Carlisle we were talking about.

I moved my hand away from his head at this point and gently placed in on his lower back. He flinched, and my concern mounted. Was he really injured? Glancing at the pained expression on his face I grabbed the bottom of his shirt and pulled it up, exposing his back. I sucked in a startled breath as I took in not fresh wounds, but scars. There were thin, faint lines crisscrossing the entirety of my little brother's back. I understood now. I understood a lot more than just why his expression was pained right now. He no doubt was lost in a bad memory, again. I also understood, though, how much worse his childhood was than I had originally thought. I had known he was abused, but this…this was worse. This was horrid.

I was so entranced with the sight before me that I did not notice that Carlisle had finally 'awoken'. It was not until he remarked, "No need to look so horrified, Eleazar. They were not as painful as they look." I slowly turned my head towards his, noting the forced casualness along with trepidation.

"Please stop lying to me," I tiredly said to him before unable to stop myself from actually reaching out and lightly tracing some of the scars. I felt sick. Retracting my hand, I gently slid my brother's shirt back down before looking over at him.

His eyes were anxious, and I could not help but say, "I had no idea you were treated this terribly."

"Because I never told you," he responded quietly. "I am sorry about that, El. It wasn't that I did not trust you"—

I impatiently waved away the rest of his apology, not finding it necessary. "How much you tell me of your past has always been up to you," I informed him, "at least when it does not relate to your safety," I had to add on, thinking of his flashback.

Carlisle pushed himself up and off the cot at this point, a mild groan escaping his lips as he took a couple steps. I straightened up at his point and made my way out of the tent, knowing that he was feeling restricted in the small quarters. Once outside I noticed him take in several huge breaths, tension oozing off of him in waves.

He took several more steps before sighing and throwing me a half-hearted glare. I raised an inquiring eyebrow.

"You weren't joking when you said I would find it difficult to walk," he complained grimly.

"I was not," I replied, giving him an unapologetic look.

He grimaced, nodding once before looking down. He rubbed the back of the neck before saying rather than asking, "You want to talk with me about what happened."

"Yes, I do," I stated. "I need to know when the flashback started. I need to know whether my punishment had any effect on you or whether you were lost in a memory the entire time. I need to know why you were so stupid as to keep the fact that your father abused you with a strap, and that my use of one could push you into a flashback!" I was yelling by the end, furious and hurt by the ignorance or sheer stupidity of the man in front of me.

Carlisle's face was suddenly full of shame, and he looked down the floor, making himself look like the very picture of a guilty, disobedient child. I took in a deep breath to calm my irritation with him. I needed to keep a calm and level head.

"You did not want to appear weak," I decided to just say, not wanting to wait for him to put into words his decision. I wanted all this unpleasantness over with. I did not want to have to punish him further now because he had kept such a crucial point from me.

"Yes," he responded quietly with a single nod, looking at me with guilty eyes. "I didn't want any more special considerations. If you felt I was deserving of a strap, then I would take it."

I let out a harsh sigh as I shook my head in disbelief. "Carlisle, if you had told me I would have just switched to using a belt. Believe me, you would be feeling just as punished whether I used that damned strap or not," I informed him, unable to keep from glaring.

Carlisle's response was to open his mouth before closing it, seemingly unable to form a suitable response.

"I am so disappointed and hurt that you would keep this information from me," I admitted. "I asked you multiple times if there was anything I needed to know and you kept this from me. I never wanted to hurt you, Carlisle, and I most definitely never wanted to be confused with your bastard Father. Do you have any idea the thoughts that ran through my head when you called me that?" I questioned rhetorically. "I worried about how long you had been in a flashback. I worried if this punishment had been effective at all. I wondered if this punishment had become abusive. I wondered about what I could have done wrong to have induced it. I was scared, Carlisle. Do you understand that?"

His shoulders sagged, intense guilt on his face as he nodded his head and quietly said, "I am so sorry, Eleazar. It was never my intention to put you in such a position. I truly thought I would be fine." He sounded so heartbroken and dejected that I felt the majority of my anger and frustration melt. Despite his three centuries and despite all his years with a loving family, I realized that this man had been well and truly scarred by his human life. I didn't think Carlisle was aware of this, and I wondered what to say. I wondered if this was something he would ever be able to overcome. I even wondered if talking with a psychologist would help him. That thought felt absurd yet legitimate at the same time. All I knew was that he needed a lot of help if he could ever hope to begin to overcome the traumas he'd faced. What those traumas were, I was afraid to imagine, but it was obvious they were there.

My throat constricted in sorrow at my analysis, and I could not help but close the distance between my hermanito and I and envelop him in a hug. Despite the brotherly bond we felt, we had never been the hugging type, which was probably the reason Carlisle stiffened at first. I was about to let him go, but he quickly relaxed his muscles and wrapped his own arms around me. Neither one of us said anything before we broke apart.

"I am truly sorry," Carlisle repeated, and I simply replied, "I know, and I understand completely." His gaze turned skeptical, so I decided to inform him of my thoughts. His skepticism slowly turned from disbelief to surprise to contemplation. I gave him time to mull over my words, knowing he believed them when sadness and resignation adorned his expression. He turned away suddenly and began to walk towards the lake. I made to follow but without turning around he just held up a halting hand.

"Please," was all he said in a soft tone, and I stopped approaching, letting out a sigh as I knew he wanted to be alone right now. I was hesitant to acquiesce, feeling that leaving him to his thoughts right now could be detrimental, but I also felt forcing my company on him would not be the wisest course of action either; so, I just stood still and watched forlornly as the man began walking along the edge of the lake. He did not want me accompanying him, but that did not mean I would not keep my eyes on him.

Esme's POV:

I was a bundle of stress and anxiety as I stared at my cell phone waiting for Carlisle to call. I needed to hear his voice, and I needed to know that he was okay. Eleazar had informed me of Carlisle's flashback, and I had fought hard to keep from verbally lashing out at the Spaniard. It wasn't his fault, at least not entirely; unfortunately, I could not help the protective anger that continued to rise in me. How could he use a strap on my Carlisle?! What had he been thinking?!

And my idiot, masochistic husband knew Eleazar was doing this and he said nothing! How I wish Edward had said something earlier to me so that I could have intervened before the punishment had commenced.

I glared at my phone and let out a harsh sigh of discontent. I should never have agreed to this. I should have put up more of a fight. Why did I trust this would turn out well?

Feelings of guilt stirred up in me suddenly ad I knew part of the reason my beloved was in this position was due to my suggestion to come here. I knew Carlisle would confess to his brother everything that had occurred, and I knew Eleazar would play devil's advocate with him. I knew the man would deliver an effective scolding, and I even knew there was a possibility things would end up the way they had. I had hoped I would be wrong, but I remembered just as well as Carlisle the promise Eleazar had given him two years ago.

I did not feel he deserved this punishment, even less so since I knew the strap was involved, but I knew my husband. I knew him well enough to know that he required atonement. He was someone that needed punishment in order to be able to forgive himself. Eleazar had been too hard, though, and who knew what state Carlisle was in now. I debated whether I should just call him or continue to wait.

My worries were interrupted when I heard Edward talking downstairs. Bella responded, and I felt a jolt of surprise not having realized when she had arrived. I sighed heavily, knowing that Edward was no doubt informing Bella of what was going on. My thoughts were confirmed when I heard my daughter yell out, "No!" before shouting out, "MOM!"

I hurriedly rushed downstairs to calm my daughter, all the while wondering how I would do so when I myself was far from calm as well. I arrived in front of my children, surprised yet grateful when I saw Carmen here as well.

"Please don't tell me what Edward said is true," Bella pleaded, appearing in front of me in an instant. "Please tell me Dad isn't—that he's not—just please, Mom!" she begged, clearly unable to even voice what her father had already suffered through.

"Bella, please calm down," I spoke softly, putting my hands on her shoulders.

"Is it true?" she repeated, near tears and I just responded with a single nod.

Her eyes widened in shock before she asked the obvious question of, "Why?"

I sighed inwardly, wondering to explain when Edward beat me to it. He repeated what Carlisle had said to him earlier, adding what Carlisle had let him see inside his mind. I was mildly surprised Carlisle had allowed him to witness his memories of a month ago, but it seemed to have done the trick. Sad as he was, Edward understood his father's reasoning and he was doing his best to get Bella to understand it. Understanding, though, did not equate with acceptance, which was what my youngest was displaying right now.

"He's doing this because he's guilty over how he treated us?" she stated in a near whisper, her eyes filling up with guilt. "So this is my fault because I can't stay out of trouble?" she questioned, tears finally beginning to stream down her face.

Edward, Carmen, and I immediately voice our objections as I went over and enveloped the girl in a tight hug.

"Never ever blame yourself for what is happening. You are in no way to blame for any of this," I declared firmly, looking her straight in the eyes.

"But if I hadn't"—

"No," I stated with a strong shake of my head. "This is no one's fault. No one forced your father into anything," I assured her, giving a roll of my eyes. "You'll find over the years that no one can force Carlisle to do anything he does not want to."

Both Edward and Carmen gave noises of consent, but I could tell by looking into Bella's eyes that my words were of no help to her. I had a feeling, unfortunately that nothing I could say would alleviate her guilt and concern. It would have to be Carlisle who assuaged her feelings, and I had no idea when that would be able to happen.

"Bella, mi amor," Carmen began to speak, "Eleazar loves your father deeply and would never harm him. Everything he does, he does in love just as your papà does with you." Bella grasped on to her words like a life line and seemed to calm somewhat. Carmen opened her arms and Bella quickly accepted the comfort of the older woman. I marveled at how quickly Bella wormed her way into the hearts of everyone who met her, and I loved how she seemed to have hit it off with Carmen especially. It was a beautiful aunt-niece relationship from the get go, and it warmed my heart immensely.

I looked to Edward now and mentally told him, Please do not mention the strap. Bella is already feeling guilty enough and this is not a burden she needs to bear. Edward looked at me and frowned lightly before giving me a nod of ascent. He knew his mate as well as I did, and we both knew that Bella could be unpredictable. I did not want her to do something she would regret, whatever that may be. Whether she lashed out at Eleazar, Carmen, me, or even Carlisle in an attempt to cover the guilt she would be feeling.

Carmen was conversing quietly with Bella, allying her fears and guilt, at least for the moment. I was very thankful to the woman right now for stepping in as she had. I was filled with so much anxiety right now, and even some anger, that I was unsure whether I would have been able to offer my young one the assurances she needed.

I felt a hand grab onto mine, and looked at my firstborn with a loving smile. Unlike Carlisle, I had never gotten into the habit of keeping my thoughts blocked from Edward, so he had been able to glean my anxious thoughts. I gave him my thanks before deciding to excuse myself. Bella was in good hands, and I needed time to myself right now.

I made my way out of the house and into the woods. I wasn't heading anywhere in particular, but I did not want to be around anyone right now, especially when Carlisle called. Yearning flooded through me now, and I desperately wanted my husband back with me. I debated whether to go and find him before dismissing that ridiculous thought. Not only would it be difficult to follow their scent, I was sure he would not be happy with my interference. I already knew he would be upset by how much I'd disclosed to Eleazar, but I would accept his irritation because the protection of his emotional wellbeing was far more important than his pride.

My phone finally began to ring and I quickly answered it, relived beyond belief when I heard my beloved's voice on the other end.

"Carlisle," I sighed, "thank God you called, I've been so worried. I spoke with Eleazar earlier and I know he used the strap and I know you had a flashback," I recounted hurriedly, my concern causing me to speak quickly. "Are you alright? Did he hurt you? Do you need me to come over?"

A short chuckle was the response I received before Carlisle's soothing voice responded. "Esme, my love, I am just fine. Yes, I had a flashback, but it was only at the end of the punishment and it was nothing compared to what I experienced with you. I just briefly felt as though I were with my father rather than Eleazar, but it was only for a few moments. Nothing to worry about."

Nothing to worry about? I begged to differ. This was definitely something to worry about. A flashback was not something to just brush away. I let my stubborn husband know my thoughts, unable to keep my irritation with him out of my voice before I then asked, "Why did you not tell Eleazar about what effect a strap could have on you? You had to have known how you would react?"

Carlisle sighed heavily before responding exactly as I thought he would. "I thought I would be fine. I did not want anymore special considerations than were already occurring."

I closed my eyes and gritted my teeth in utter frustration with this man. How he could be so ignorant of the effect his past still had on him was unbelievable! I wanted to berate my husband, but I held my tongue as I knew Eleazar had no doubt already had words with him. Deciding to let go of my frustrations, I focused once more on my concern for him and my anger towards Eleazar.

"Eleazar did not need to use a strap on you," I grumbled in irritation. "He was harder on you than he should have."

"Esme," Carlisle sighed once more, "it was no different than you using a belt on me."

"A belt and a strap may feel similar, but emotionally speaking, knowing that a strap was being used on you would have—did take its toll on you," I replied in forced calm.

My words were greeted with silence, and I was surprised by how defeated his voice sounded when he said, "I know. I thought I could handle it…I always feel I can handle it, but I am always wrong. I had no idea…" His words trailed off as I heard him let out a huff of air. My concern skyrocketed at this point and more than ever I wanted to be with him. Something was wrong.

"Love, what's wrong?" I questioned. "Are you sure you are alright? Do you need me to come to you? Just say the word and I'll be there," I informed him, hoping beyond hope that he'd take me up on my offer.

"I am sorry, Esme," he finally responded after several moments of silence. "I did not mean to cause you any more concern. I am fine, and I will be back tomorrow or the next day. I only called to let you know all was well, I swear it. Despite how I may sound, everything is fine."

My heart ached at his saddened tone, but I heard nothing but sincerity in his tone. He is just in a vulnerable state, I told myself. He is just fine.

"I love you," I suddenly felt the need to say. "Just promise me that you are truly fine and will be home soon, okay?"

"I promise," he responded earnestly, "and I love you too. I have to go now, but I will contact you tomorrow."

"Until tomorrow," I said, and then he hung up. I stared down at my phone, not feeling better at all. If anything I felt more concerned than before. Feeling a sudden rush of anger I came to a quick decision and dialed Eleazar's number.

The phone rang only once before he picked up, and I didn't give him a chance to say anything before I snarled, "What the hell did you do to my husband?!"

Eleazar's response was calm and without a hint of disapproval as he replied, "I spanked him, but you already knew that; so, mi querida Esme, how about you explain what seems to be the problem?"

I growled angrily before informing him of the conversation I had just had with Carlisle. "So, I ask again, Eleazar, what did you do?!"

Eleazar's response was still infuriatingly calm and even understanding as he said, "Carlisle is fine, or he will be. He and I began to talk some things out, and he is digesting the information. Please, Esme, have a little faith in me, and have a little faith in your husband. Once he and I are finished talking I will encourage him to call you once more, and you will see that all is well."

I bit back a growl, reminding myself that I was not one of my hot headed teenagers, and that verbally lashing out at Eleazar was not going to solve anything. I took in several deep breaths and found myself regaining control of my temper.

This is Eleazar, I told myself, and you trust him. He is as honorable a man as my husband. Besides, Carlisle said he is fine, and you sensed the honesty in his words. I spoke these thoughts over and over in my head before deciding I owed the older man an apology. I had no right to lash out at him like this when I did not know all the facts yet.

"I'm sorry," I finally managed to say. "I had no right to be yelling at you like this, and you're right, I should have more faith in the both of you."

"No worries, hermanita, I understand your concerns full heartedly, but perhaps you should think a little more before making such angry phone calls, no?" His words were spoken gently with barely a hint of chastisement, but I still felt embarrassed. I was not at all accustomed to being scolded, so along with embarrassment I also felt very ashamed.

"Yes, of course," I replied earnestly, "and I am sorry once more. It was wrong for me to lash out."

"It's fine," he responded kindly, "Now if you don't mind, I believe it is time Carlisle and I finished our brotherly chat."

"Take care of him," I had to say, and he gave me his assurances before hanging up. I sank down to the floor, cradling the phone in my hand, and I fought back a wave of tears. I needed to be strong right now. It wasn't me who had gotten a strapping. It wasn't me who had had a flashback.

"Mom?" a quiet voice called out, and I jumped, snapping my attention to the right where Alice and Rosalie were slowly making their way to me. They clearly were aware of what was going on, and judging from the fact that Bella and Edward were not with them, I figured Alice had had a vision. Managing a smile I held up a hand towards my girls and they promptly sat themselves down with me.

"Everything will be just fine," Alice reassured me, and I just nodded my head, too emotional to say anything. I wrapped my right arm around Alice as she snuggled closer to me, and I wrapped my left arm around Rosalie as she snuggled closer to me. Silent tears began to make their way down my cheeks, but the girls said nothing. They just kept their arms around me, offering me all the comfort they could.

A/N: