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Author's Note:

This chapter was originally written as a Mature rating for language and consenting adult sexual situations. I took the M rated chapter and made drastic cuts, and added in toned down wording to make a T version. If you prefer the T version, you can find it in the main Disremembered story. The choice is yours.

As always thank you for reading! My outline shows this story will have an even 50 chapters, so the end is near. Thank you to those of you that comment, it always makes me smile.

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Chapter Disclaimer: This chapter contains adult-intimate-situations and references to sex. If you are uncomfortable with this, please do not continue to read. Go read the T version. :-)

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Chapter 45: A One Time Thing (M)

*Tris POV*

I am so sick of this jerk and his mood swings. The fact that he thinks he has the right to keep me here and touch me in any way right now is infuriating- almost as maddening as the way my own body is betraying me once again, by wanting him so badly.

I put my hands on his amazing chest and shove him as hard as I can, which ends up only pushing me back into the door of his apartment, "Get your hands off me. I am leaving!" I snarl at him.

"I can't stand you, and the worst part of this entire situation is the damn sex dreams won't stop! You are driving me crazy, I hate that I dream about you, in that way." I pause to catch my breath. "I detest you and logically I know it is not really your fault - - so maybe I am starting to hate myself too."

I pause to compose myself.

"I hate that I still want you." I softly admit, I think I am admitting it more to myself than even to Tobias.

Our eyes are locked, the room is silent. Tobias takes a step closer to me and slowly places both of his hands on the door I am leaning against, resting on either side of me. He slowly leans in closer to me. My body trembles in anticipation.

"I know what I want right now Tris, but I need you to say it before we go any further." He whispers in my ear and then slowly and gently open mouth kisses my jaw.

I whimper as my body reacts strongly to him. Our eyes meet again and I see the hungry look in his eyes. He is so close but not actually touching me.

I gently touch his chest and slowly let my fingers slide up his neck into the low curls on the back of his head. His breathing hitches and his Adam's apple bobs as he gulps.

I close my eyes for a moment, I need to decide quickly, the right decision. Can I do this? One last time before I leave?

"Tris," he moans in my other ear, this time gently pulling my earlobe into his mouth and gently nibbling it with his teeth.

Decision made.

I slowly slide both of my hands around his back and pull him close to me. His hands immediately go to my hips and close the distance between us. I gasp at the contact.

"Say it, Tris. Now," he commands while holding me close to him.

"Fine. I want you. We will do this one last time. It means nothing. And then we are DONE," I say firmly. He furrows his brows, and looks like he is about to speak.

I place my fingers over his lips. "This will only be sex. I don't ever want to discuss it again. And I want you to promise me that you will never tell anyone about this!"

He frowns at me, he opens and closes his mouth a couple of times as he seems to be struggling on how to respond. I find myself getting annoyed with him.

He finally speaks, "Tris, I don't know – I don't want to hurt you. I don't think a casual sex romp is the right way for us…I mean I worry about you-"

My laughter interrupts him. "It's a little late for you to pretend that you give a crap about how I feel, or what is best for me. Let's not fool ourselves into thinking that you care about me in the least. Save it Tobias."

I see a pained look on his face as he starts to pull back from me. He opens his mouth to say something and I take it as my invitation.

I crash my lips to his and gently trace his lower lip with my tongue; his body immediately responds to me. He firmly presses his body against mine, pinning me against the door as I whimper.

Our kiss becomes desperate as our tongues begin exploring each other's mouths. My one hand is still buried in his hair, gently massaging his scalp, my other on his strong shoulder helping to hold me steady.

Both of his hands are gently on my neck while cradling my face. The feeling of him gently guiding my face as he deeply kisses me is starting to make me weak in the knees. Our bodies pressed closely together. The warm sensation in my core is building.

I break the kiss and turn my head to catch a breath. His lips immediately move to kiss and gently suck on my neck.

The hand that was freed when his mouth took over moves down my side, past my hip and slowly goes behind my knee. He slowly guides my leg around him and pushes against me and the door with his body. I can feel how much he needs and wants me.

"Oh Tobias!" I cry out. Which causes him to gently bite the side of my neck. I whimper.

I push him away, and look at him. "Promise me," I demand.

He frowns and rests his forehead against mine. "I don't want to promise that this is a one-time thing or that it means nothing," he says quietly. His eyes seem to be pleading with me.

I frown and pause for a moment.

"I understand. I do." I say as I breathe in and out to calm myself, my thoughts racing. I detangle my leg from around him.

I am leaving for Providence in just a few hours; it is probably for the best. I think about my scars on my chest and stomach. At least this way I will not need to worry about hiding them from him.

I don't even look at him as I duck out of his grasp and I move around him. I lean over to grab my sweatshirt off the floor. Hoping he will move aside from the door so I can just leave and put this experience behind me.

I will never allow myself to be hurt so badly by a man again, never allow someone to consume me the way Tobias Eaton did. Especially not intimately.

"Can you move? I want to leave," I say calmly. When I meet his eyes I am not expecting to see the look of hurt and shock staring back at me. I momentarily feel a pang of guilt, and then I remember all the times he has hurt me. Too many to count, actually.

He doesn't want to "screw" me? His words. Fine.

"So this is going to go your way…or nothing at all?" he deadpans.

"Basically." I shrug my shoulders. "I can see the mood has passed, so please just move."

He bites his lip. I can see the internal battle splashed across his face.

I cross my arms and tap my foot impatiently, I am getting more uncomfortable by the moment. I have some more packing to do before I go, and I start thinking over my to-do list to distract myself.

"Damn it Tris! Fine, this will go however you want." He grabs my sweatshirt and tosses it on the floor and then crashes his lips to mine. My arms go around his neck as I steady myself against his sudden embrace.

He pauses his assault on my lips for a moment. "I promise. One time and I will never tell anyone about this. Ok?"

"Thank you," I mumble in between kisses. Suddenly, he picks me up under my butt forcing my legs to wrap around him. I press myself against him while kissing his neck.

"I want you in my bed," he declares as he carries me to his room.

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*Tobias POV*

Her kisses are intoxicating. I feel like I am about to burst from want and need. As I carry her into my bedroom I kick the door shut behind me. I can feel her smile against my lips, she liked that.

I am going to do a lot of things to her that she is going to like. Love, actually.

My lips are already deliciously sore from our kisses. I gently bite her lower lip and she moans appreciatively.

The tightness in my jeans is becoming unbearable. When she begins pressing her core against me, I almost drop her on the floor.

"Trisss!" I hiss loudly. She giggles and does it again. Little vixen. I squeeze her ass, my fingertips purposely brushing dangerously close to her most sensitive area.

"Oh Damn it!" she moans and suddenly she is panting for me.

I know what I want to do to her first. If she'll let me.

I stand Tris up at the front of the bed, I grab her face and thoroughly kiss her for a moment. I could kiss this girl for the rest of my life. No one has ever made me feel this way.

I gently slide my right hand down her neck and over the front of her tank top, I stop to caress her breast over her shirt. She whimpers. I feel her nipple harden through her top and bra.

I move both my hands to the bottom of her tank top to pull it off. I feel her cringe, her hands immediately stop me.

"No. I want to leave my shirt on," she insists and moves my hands to her butt as she resumes kissing me passionately.

I pause our kiss to look in her eyes. I see her resolve. I nod in agreement.

She smiles and then gently kisses me before lightly biting my lower lip.

I moan at her assertiveness and use my hands which are still on her butt to begin moving our bodies closer together.

We are both panting from want and need.

I have a moment of doubt- is this really all she wants? One time together? I want to give her so much more. I want her in every way.

"Tris…wait…are you sure about this?" I say while leaning my forehead against hers.

"Yes," Tris says. "Don't ask me again. In fact – please do not talk to me at all. Let's both just feel this moment. I want it to be good for us both. I already know we work very well together…physically."

I flinch at her words. I feel a pang in my chest. It hurts me to think that this is only physical for her when I am feeling so much more.

She then says, "I promise – if I need to stop, I will tell you then."

She gently wraps her arms around my neck and I move my arms around her waist. We both stop and smile shyly at each other. It lasts for just a moment, but I know I see it in her face. She does love me. I know she does.

I gently peck her lips and she raises her eyebrows at me expectantly.

"What?" I say teasingly. I run the tip of my nose from her chin towards her ear, gently across her jaw. She giggles and pulls me closer to her

"Oh, nothing," she says as her hands slowly trace down my chest, even more slowly down my stomach, and her fingertip trace the top of my jeans.

I suddenly feel a knot in my stomach. It occurs to me that I have never done this before, well not really, as I don't remember my night with Tris, while she does remember. I also remember she dated Luke Clark, I would imagine that they…. Ugh. I suddenly am full of doubt. I try to push my feelings of inadequacy away.

She pulls back and is examining my face. I look away from her and try to distract myself, I start kissing her neck.

"Wait. I know I said no talking, but when you look at me like I killed your dog, I need to know what you're thinking. What's wrong?" she asks as she pulls away and is looking at me again.

"It's nothing, forget it," I mutter.

She sighs and pulls away from me, I instantly feel a loss. I pull her back to me so that we are at least hugging. I kiss her forehead.

"Please," Tris says as she puts her hand to my cheek.

Damn it. Here goes...

"It's pretty stupid. I was just thinking about how…well this will, in a way, be my first time. But you…well you…" I mutter.

A look of recognition crosses her face, and she smiles at me kindly.

"I can only imagine that Luke was experienced enough to make sure you…" I continue.

"Tobias! What?!" she then looks mad.

Uh oh. She sure can switch gears quickly. She went from understanding to furious in seconds. I decide to shut my mouth and not make things worse.

"For your information, I have never had sex with Luke Clark! In fact, Luke and I have never even kissed on the lips. Not even one time. I can't say the same for you and Nita – as she slobbered all over your face on stage at the Gala," she spits at me.

As mad as she is, I can't help but smile at her. Wow, she has never even kissed Luke Clark. I am thrilled to hear this.

"Why the hell are you smiling?" she snaps.

I pull her into my arms and kiss her passionately. After her initial gasp she throws her arms around me and kisses me back.

"I am smiling because I am thrilled to hear you were never with Luke, and now I'm going make love to you as best as my inexperienced self can. I am very open to suggestions and tips from someone with more experience along the way," I tease her.

She laughs and kisses me as I gently lay her down on the bed and lay closely next to her.

Tris lets her hand slide back down my stomach and she gently unbuttons the top of my jeans, the rest of the buttons straining to open as my jeans are so tight in the groin area. Her fingertips suddenly dipping down.

"Trisssss" I hiss. My hip buck against her hand. I can feel her smile as she kisses my neck.

I am anxious to touch her, I gently slide my hand into the waistband of her sweatpants, gently rubbing in a circular motion over her core above the thin fabric of her panties. She sighs and deepens our kiss, our tongues performing a dance of their own. Tris closes her eyes and gives into the sensation of my fingers that have now slipped into her panties, directly on her core.

She slides her hand to my hip as though she is holding on to me for dear life. I want to make her explode. I kiss her neck gently as the most amazing moans leave her mouth. She is panting and moving her hips against my hand.

"Tell me what you want Tris," I whisper in her ear.

"Oh Tobias. Oh…I want you. I want you to make me…" I gently squeeze her clit and she cries out, while digging her nails into my hip. My dick actually twitches.

I pull my hand away and she mewls in protest. I kiss her as I pull down her underwear and her sweats at the same time. When she sees what I am doing she frantically lifts her hips off the mattress to help me.

"Lay down on your back, now. Please," I say with determination on my voice.

She is biting her lip and panting. She is completely bare, aside from her tank top. I lean over and continue stroking her with my fingers. I prop myself up over her so I can watch her move below me as I pleasure her.

"Before we knew you were alive, Zeke told me what I had told him about our night together. He told me that was made love three times, and we had also used our hands to please each other. Is that right Tris?" I ask her quietly while she is moaning and panting under me.

"Oh God, yes. Yes. That's right," she says. There is a fine sheen of sweat on her brow.

"I want to do something that is new to us both now. I can stop if you don't like this, just tell me," I whisper as I kiss her neck and begin kissing down her chest, sucking on her breasts through the tank top. I keep kissing lower and lower until I reach her core.

Tris gasps when she realizes where my end goal is. She tries to clamp her legs shut. She sits up a little, propping herself up on her elbows. She looks nervous.

"Just let me try, ok? I've never done this either."

She nods her head and I pull her down to the edge of the bed so I can kneel in front of her. I situate her legs over my shoulders and begin slowly kissing the inside of her thighs.

As my tongue begins kissing her most personal part she bucks her hips off the bed crying out my name. This is exactly the encouragement I needed from her. Her hand immediately goes to my head, her fingers caressing my hair, at moments tugging, as she encourages me to keep going. Between my mouth and my fingers she comes three times over the next 15 minutes. She is literally screaming my name, and begging me not to stop. She throws in a few thank yous as well.

I finally get up on the bed and pull her up to lay next to me, feeling very proud of myself. She is so sexy and really hot. My dick is throbbing in my pants, but watching her come again and again was worth my wait.

Suddenly she is kissing my neck and her hand is sliding down my chest, past my abs and she is stroking me over my jeans.

"I want to take you in my mouth, can we try that?" she whispers.

I smile at her and nod. We both undo my jeans and she helps me push them off. She smiles at me and bites her lower lip when she sees my dick stand up. She gently kisses the tip. I remind myself she has seen me before.

I bite my lip and smile at her. She gently pushes me on my back as she kisses my neck, and then slowly down my chest and abs. She then begins stroking my shaft with her hand, up and down, slowly.

I moan as my hips buck up to meet her pulls.

I see her stop, as she stops to breathe in and out.

"Tris, you ok?" I ask as I gently stroke her cheek.

She blushes and nods, "I am trying to control myself from getting on top of you and sliding you..." She pumps my shaft once. "...deep inside of me."

I throw my head back and moan as I pump into her hand. I start to pull her close to me, I am ready to guide her to sit on top of me. I can't wait to make love to her.

She bats my hands away from her hips and suddenly I am in her mouth. I throw my head back and enjoy the sensation of her lips around me.

As I sit up and watch her take me in and out, I feel myself giving in to the amazing sensation of her mouth and hand at my base I realize I just want to hold her in my arms. I want to hold her and never let her go. My stomach is doing flip flops. This has to be more than lust.

I love her so much. I think I always have.

Suddenly my balls tighten and I am know I am close. I warn her so she can move her mouth away. She just sucks harder. I come in her mouth as I slip my hands in her hair and hold on tight. I cry out her name.

She kisses me gently on the cheek and lays down next to me. I immediately pull her close to lay in front of me as I kiss right behind her ear. Tris hums appreciatively.

"Tris…that was amazing. Thank you." I want to tell her that I love her. That I know now. And it is not because of the amazing blow job she just gave me, I love her and I always have. I always will.

I lay on my side and gently begin caressing her breasts over her tank top, I look at her face for permission that this is ok. She nods to encourage me. She just reminds me she wants to keep the tank top on.

Suddenly it dawns on me, it is not just that she is shy…she doesn't want me to see her gunshot wounds.

She leans up and kisses me on the lips, running her hands gently up and down my back.

I can't believe I didn't realize this until now. She must feel insecure, and what hurts even more is that she must not have enough trust in me to be comfortable with me seeing her scars. She doesn't trust me enough to see her completely.

I stop what we are doing, I hold her face in my hands so I can look deep into her eyes. She stops and stares back at me with love.

I kiss her lips gently and she smiles.

I am going to show her how much she means to me. I gently lean down and move the bottom of her tank top up slowly, her eyes are watching me.

She smiles softly, as I place my hands on the sides of her stomach, finding one of the gunshot scars and I kiss it gently. She bites her lip and gently caresses my cheek. I then whisper the word "Beautiful." And I mean it.

The moment the word leaves my lips, Tris physically recoils and shoves me away from her. Tears instantly form in her eyes. Fuck. I have no idea what I did wrong or how to fix it.

"You just can't fucking help yourself. You have to ruin everything!" she cries as she jumps up from the bed.

My mouth is hanging open in shock, "Tris, please…I'm sorry. I just, I wanted to show you that I love you, and I don't care about your scars," I blurt out.

She actually scowls at me as she pauses from slipping her panties back on. "I can't believe you just ruined this for us. Actually, yes I can. So typical."

She is slipping on her sweats. I frown and begin pulling my jeans back on.

"Tris, I am sorry if I upset you or I pushed you too far. But please stay, let's talk about this. I know I am falling in love with you. Please, please don't push me away." I try to pull her close to me. But she shoves me away.

"This was a huge mistake. I am sorry we did this. Just forget about today. I plan to." She shouts at me. I hear the emotion in her voice. She is so upset. I see she is actually shaking. My heart aches for her.

"Please don't push me away," I whisper as I follow her through my apartment to the front door.

She looks at me one last time, tears streaming down her face. "It's too late. Goodbye, Tobias."

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