Chapter 12
For a brief second, Titus had thought that he was imagining the scene that was unfolding in front of him - but he knew better. Snapping back into reality, he marched forward toward the girls. "Heda," he began. "What is this? I, I thought that you -"
"Titus, what do you need?" Lexa said through gritted teeth. Clarke stayed shamefully silent, simply staring at Lexa.
"I need to speak with you, Heda," Titus retorted. After pausing for a second he realized he needed to clarify. "Privately!" he added, turning around to leave. Lexa nodded and followed him to her private chambers, but not before nodding at Clarke, reassuring her that everything would be fine. Clarke took the hint and stayed behind.
Practically marching into her chambers, Lexa slammed the door behind her, the sound echoing through the hallway. She was angry, but she had no one to blame but herself. She stood in front of the closed doors, arms crossed, lips curved into a half-snarl. She glared at Titus, opening her mouth to speak. However, before she could begin, he interrupted.
"Heda!" he scolded. "What the hell is this!?" Playing games, and pouting like a child, Lexa avoided the obvious answer.
"What is what, Titus?"
"Do not play games with me, Heda! Answer the question!" She stepped forward upon hearing his words, giving him an eyebrow. The simple gesture let him know that he was out of place - he recognized it immediately and tried to correct his mistake. Bowing, he spoke again, but softer. "I'm sorry, Heda. I didn't mean you any offense, it's only -"
"Yes, you did," she replied calmly, uncrossing her arms. Folding her hands gently behind her back. "Titus, you are my most trusted advisor. However, you have crossed the line. There are boundaries that come with your job, so do your job."
"Yes, but Heda, that girl! She is not to be trusted and your feelings for her have -"
"Enough, Titus! I am more than capable of separating feelings from duty!" she was screaming now, past her breaking point. "I love her, Titus! Is that so horrible? To feel? I used to think that feelings make us weak, but it's the ones we love who strengthen us the most," she paused looking down at her feet, running her hands in her hair and behind her neck. "Clarke taught me that." Titus was struck speechless. There was nothing he could do but let her be. She was right, he had to do his job - simply stand back and watch.
"No, it's not horrible, Heda. I crossed the line. I'm sorry. But, if that girl gets in the way of your duty, she is gone. Understood?" Lexa nodded her head, staring off into the distance.
From outside of Lexa's chambers, Clarke could hear everything. She had snuck out of the throne room and followed them - if Titus was going to blame Lexa for this, Clarke could at least back her up if necessary. Despite their predicament, Clarke was smiling, Lexa's speech to Titus was running circles inside her mind: "I love her, Titus. Is that so horrible? To feel? I used to think that feelings make us weak, but it's the ones we love who strengthen us the most. Clarke taught me that." Clarke played Lexa's words on repeat in her mind. Smiling like an idiot, she leaned back against the wall across from Lexa's bedroom, sighing and bringing her hands to her heart. Like a teenager in love, nothing else mattered - she felt whole. However, maybe less time in la la land would have benefitted her, because as she closed her eyes, she heard the doors opening.
"Clarke," Titus said as he walked by, nodding as if her eavesdropping were normal. She nodded in response, puzzled. Lifting from her spot on the wall, and finding her way back to reality, she walked into Lexa's room. Upon not seeing Lexa right away, her eyes drifted to the balcony, where she could make out the brunette leaning against the railing, hands folded, eyes out to the city. Clarke took a step forward, but stopped, pondering whether she should comfort Lexa or give her some space. Clarke thought that she needed a second, and since Lexa hadn't seen her come in, she quietly headed for the door.
"It's okay, Clarke. Stay," Lexa said, without turning around. "Please." Clarke quickly padded over to where Lexa stood, finding her hand and grabbing it with her left, stroking her back with the right. She looked over at Lexa, whose gaze was focused out onto the city. She noticed her teary eyed stare, and let go of her hand, placing it under Lexa's chin. Clarke turned the other girl's head so that their eyes met - green into blue, blue into green.
"Hey," Clarke coaxed. "It's gonna be okay." She stroked Lexa's cheeks, tears falling onto her thumbs. Lexa bit her lip, and shook her head.
"I'm sorry, Clarke. I'm sorry. I should never have let him -"
"Lexa, Lexa! It's okay. It is not your fault. Not at all," Clarke looked away from Lexa's eyes, more nervous than she'd ever been. However, feeling somewhat brave, and somewhat stupid, she continued what she was saying, looking back into Lexa's eyes. "I uh, I heard what you said to Titus. I just hope you know that the feeling is mutual," she paused again, looking down. "Not that I didn't already make that stupidly clear."
"Clarke, I'm sorry you had to hear it that way. I wanted to tell you, but Titus and the situation and -" Clarke interrupted her with a kiss, a passionate, much-needed kiss. Words could not describe the tension between the two - the love, the connection, the feelings. In that moment, time froze. Everything was perfect. Clarke pulled Lexa into her arms, never breaking the kiss. She didn't know what it was, what kind of feeling she had, but she had a sudden urge to make Lexa feel again. Clarke took Lexa's outermost garment off, all thewhile continuing to kiss her. She sucked on both of her lips, while simultaneously stroking her bare shoulders and upper back. Chills rushed through Lexa upon the new contact, and she pushed further into Clarke, pulling them both closer to the inside of the building. They moved as one, closer to the bed, never ceasing their mix of kissing, teasing, and playful biting. They smiled and giggled into each other's mouths, and Clarke pushed Lexa onto the bed. Surprised, however also turned on, Lexa smiled and laughed at Clarke's sudden dominance. Clarke chuckled in response.
"I think I love you, Lexa,"
"I know I love you, Clarke," Lexa smiled, looking up into Clarke's eyes, and grabbed her hands. Clarke leaned in for a kiss, pushing them both back onto the bed.