Cas watched with joy near exploding his heart as Dean climbed into bed, settling in warm and solid next to him. His arms held him just right. Cas marveled at the warmth and comfort he felt enveloped in. He had never in his life felt something so perfect.
Cas could stay awake all night, but Dean had made a deal.
Dean ran his fingers through his hair idly while Cas smoothed his hand down Dean's side. "You aren't going back to sleep, are you?"
"Never," Cas grinned.
Dean laughed. "If I stay much longer, I won't be able to get home anyway without someone seeing me."
"You have the day off," Cas said hopefully, "I got beer and chips, peanut butter, jelly and bread, and doughnuts."
"Wow, planning to keep me hostage for a week?" Dean laughed, squeezing him.
"If only," he sighed. "But an entire night and day...I'll take it. Every second of it."
Dean smiled, propping up on one elbow. His eyes were full of calculations.
"Maybe," he murmured.
"Maybe," Cas purred into his neck. "Maybe I'll make it worth your while."
"Huh, you already did," he laughed.
"Noooo," Cas sang, biting lightly on his neck, jaw and bottom lip.
"Cas!" Dean laughed, pulling him away.
"Stay with me," Cas said low and rumbly.
"Cas," Dean started to protest.
"Stay, Dean. Please," Cas said, turning and sitting up, pinning Dean down to the mattress.
"Okay," Dean laughed, laughing into a kiss and then another.
"I'm gonna buy this room from your grandparents and have food and drinks sent in."
Dean sobered somewhat, running his hand back through Cas' hair. Seeing how Dean's face changed made him stop. "What? What is it?"
Dean shook his head, closing his eyes.
Cas crawled up closer. "What?"
Dean sighed. "My grandparents died last winter."
"Oh, Dean, I'm so sorry."
"Hey, circle of life."
Cas caught his hand, bringing it to his lips. "Sorry," Cas whispered.
"My grandma, Deana died in October. She had a heart attack and by the time we got her to the hospital, she was gone."
Cas traced his fingers gently back through his hair, watching his eyes in the dim moonlight. "Were you with her?"
"I was driving. My mother and grandfather were there with us."
"And your grandfather? Samuel, was it?" Cas prompted gently.
"Yeah. Ole Samuel. Smart one. He just woke up dead one day in February. They said it was his heart. I'm sure the old goat made a decision he was done and his old ticker listened just like the rest of us." He grinned at his own joke and Cas smiled back politely.
"Must have been awful." Their fingers entwined.
"Well, you lost your dad, right?"
Cas swallowed. "Yes. But he was more of a stock investor than a father. When my mother died several years ago I thought things would improve. I was wrong. And now my uncle is just letting my brothers control everything."
Cas brought their hands to his mouth. "You have normal family. Makes it a very different experience."
Dean nodded. "My mom and uncle own everything here now, which ties me in just a step deeper."
Cas curled into Dean. "It's such a beautiful place Dean. And you really do a wonderful job."
"Huh, all I do is fuck things up. Just ask my dad."
"I don't need to ask him. Your uncle Bobby seems happy with you. But even more than that, the horses love you. You know how I know?" He turned, looking Dean in the eye.
"How do you know?" Dean smiled.
"Their ears tell me."
They shared a smile and a kiss, finally laying down again.
The next day began with sunlight streaming through the window and a knock on the door.
Cas and Dean jumped slightly, Dean got up and went into the bathroom.
"One minute," Cas called. He threw on a pair of jeans and opened the door.
A blonde woman stood there, her grin growing the longer she stared at him.
"Can I help you?" Cas squinted.
"Housekeeping?" She blushed.
Cas blinked. "Uh, I'm good. Just fresh towels and sheets please."
She quirked a grin at him, "Sure thing."
She went to her cart and returned with a fresh towel, wash cloth and set of sheets. "May I change those sheets for you?" She asked, obviously flirting.
"No, thanks," he said, taking the stack from her.
She raised an eyebrow with a slightly disappointed grin on her face. "Name's Jo, if you need anything, give me a holler."
"Thank you, Jo," Cas smiled.
He stepped back in, shutting his door. He re-opened it and hung a 'do not disturb' sign on the knob.
"Coast is clear," he said, opening the bathroom door.
Dean stepped out. "That was Jo, wasn't it?"
"Yes."
"She was flirting with you, wasn't she?" Dean said, grabbing Cas by the belt loops.
"Yes, she was," Cas grinned and blushed.
"No wonder, answering the door wearing nothing but jeans and I've-just-been-fucked hair." The last came out in a growl and his mouth was on Cas' neck.
He shifted the pile of sheets and towels to one hand, letting Dean push his way into his space. Dean shoved the pile right out of his hand and Cas laughed. "Hey! Now I better call her back in here."
"You leave my cousin alone," Dean growled, Cas twisting away from the mouth making him crazy. "I can't help the staff here all want me."
"Listen here, no one else-" Dean dodged, trying to catch him.
"Your uncle Bobby winked at me yesterday," Cas laughed, jumping on the bed to dodge Dean.
"You little shit!" Dean lunged, snagging him by the waist and throwing him onto the bed, straddling him. "And your aunt Ellen," Cas laughed.
"What about my aunt?" Dean growled tickling Cas and making him squirm.
"She gave me her number!" Cas wheezed out among fits of laughter.
"I don't think so, city boy!" Dean laughed, letting Cas catch his breath.
Cas wiped tears from his eyes, blowing a breath. "Besides, you need to take back the hair comment."
"What hair comment?" Dean giggled.
"You said I have [and he air-quoted] 'just-been-fucked hair', which is not true."
"Not true? Then I will just have to fix that."
Cas' eyes blew wide and his grin turned eager.
Dean's playful actions turned possessive. He took his mouth, plundering for more, unfastening Cas' jeans and pushing them down.
"You got supplies?" Dean asked.
"Yeah," Cas said, pointing at the nightstand.
Dean leaned over, pulling the drawer open.
"Ever done this?" Dean murmured.
"No, but I know what to do," Cas said, running his hand up Dean's arm.
"Me too. In theory. At least what some porn has taught me this past year."
"Oh yeah?" Cas grinned.
He pulled out a condom, tucked it under the pillow and got the bottle of lube. He sat the lube on the pillow next to Cas and focused his ministrations on the man beneath him. "First, I need you nice and bendy," Dean grinned.
"Bendy, huh?" Cas giggled. "I am pretty flexible."
"Mm, good to know," Dean murmured, kissing him again, long and hot.
After a heated make out session, Dean prompted Cas to turn over. He backed down, running his hands up and down Cas' back, hips and ass. "Your skin is so soft."
Cas laid, feeling his cock rub against the sheet. "Is this how you want it?" Dean said low into Cas' ear as he hovered over top of him.
"Yeah," Cas said.
"You want me inside you?"
"Yes."
Dean lubed his fingers and began massaging around his hole, pressing into it with one finger. "You want me right there?" Dean panted low.
"Yes." Cas breathed out as Dean slid one finger inside.
"That is so tight, Cas."
"I'll relax," Cas breathed. "More."
Dean worked his finger in and out, swirling and kissing Cas' neck and shoulder.
He slid a second finger in and repeated. He moaned as he pumped in and out. "That's it, Cas, if you want me, you gotta make room."
"I can, I will," Cas panted, his hips starting to move against Dean's hand. "More, Dean."
"Yeah, you like this, don't you?" Dean moaned, scissoring his fingers and pumping.
"Yeah," Cas panted.
Dean slid a third finger in and spread them, making grunting noises as he pumped.
"So good at this, Cas," Dean whispered hot in his ear.
"Dean," Cas panted, "I want you."
"I know, baby," he growled. He pulled out, put the condom on, lubed and put his fingers back in to be sure Cas was ready.
"No," Cas whined, "I'm ready, I want you."
Dean positioned Cas up higher and put his cock at the entrance.
"Yeah," Cas panted, rocking back on the blunt end.
Dean guided himself inside with one hand, the other guiding Cas' hip. "God, Cas," Dean huffed.
Cas puffed air out, accommodating and stretching.
Dean stopped, waiting.
"You all in?" Cas panted.
"Not yet," Dean grinned. He pulled out and pumped in a few times, slow and steady, then pushed until his balls hit. "Now I'm in."
"God, you're so fucking big," Cas panted, taking a deep breath.
Dean rubbed Cas' ass. "You ready?"
"Yeah," Cas puffed.
He pulled back and pushed in three slow times. "So fucking hot," Dean said.
"Move, Dean, move faster," Cas said, arms starting to tremble.
"You want more?" Dean groaned, trying to move quicker. "You get more."
Dean reached down, rubbing his hands around Cas' hips, squeezing. "I'm gonna make you lose your mind now, Cas."
Cas panted and began pumping back into Dean. "You are so fucking good at this," Dean said louder, a slapping rhythm starting. He changed his angle and Cas widened his knees. "Oh, Dean, right there," he called, arms trembling, legs trembling.
"Yeah, you like it rough," Dean grinned, keeping the new angle that had him shaking apart.
"Oh! Dean!" Cas cried out.
Dean reached around, grabbing Cas' heavy, bobbing cock and pumped in rhythm as he pumped his hips.
"Uh! I'm gonna!" Cas cried out.
"Yeah baby, that's it, you like that dick in your ass! You cum!"
With a cry and writhing buck that Dean held on for, Cas came. Dean rode him out, his orgasm blowing when Cas started writhing.
He pumped to a sputtering stop, Cas collapsed and Dean slid out. He pulled the condom off and cleaned up in the bathroom, returning to an unmoved Cas. With a warm wash cloth he turned him over and wiped him off. With the cold one, he wiped the backside.
"Feels good," Cas muttered.
Dried off, Dean crawled in bed and held Cas tight in his arms.
"That was incredible," Dean whispered, kissing the top of his head. Cas nodded in response. They drifted off to sleep, tangled together.
An hour later, they woke, refreshed and starved.
"Doughnuts?" Cas asked.
"Sure," Dean nodded, stretching and pulling on his boxers.
"I need coffee," Dean said.
"I'll be back. I'll get us some. Your mom always has coffee going in the lobby."
"Awesome," Dean grinned.
Cas slid his jeans on. An ornery grin crept on his face and he looked up at Dean.
"You aren't goin anywhere in only those jeans and your truly, truly just-been-fucked hair," Dean said, eyebrows raised in concern.
Cas grinned and backed out his door. "Cas!"
He opened the door and slipped into the hallway, Dean's face growing red and his eyes blazing. "Cas!" He barked.
Cas chuckled as he turned to walk down the hall. He heard a click and felt a soft ball hit him and fall to the floor. He turned, seeing a t-shirt of his in a ball. He laughed, picked it up and shook it out.
"You haven't gotten far this morning," Jo giggled ahead of him.
"Oh, hello, Jo," Cas said.
"Nice hair!" She giggled again.
Cas ducked his head and grinned. "Yeah, just enjoying a vacation day."
She nodded. "There's DVDs to borrow down in the lobby, just ask Mary. Or I could show you."
"Would you?" Cas asked, grinning broadly, so hoping Dean could hear.
"Sure!" She said, perking up.
Cas pulled the shirt he was holding over his head. She stuck a pouty bottom lip out and then smiled. He laughed.
Cas returned with a carafe of coffee a mug from the gift shop and several DVDs.
"Your mother thinks I'm an idiot," Cas laughed. "She says drinking this much coffee is not good for my stomach," Dean laughed, shaking his head, "and then I told her I forgot my toothbrush so she gave me a spare."
"Nice!" Dean said, snagging the packaged toothbrush and headed for the bathroom.
"And Jo helped me pick out some movies."
Dean stopped mid brush and looked at Cas in the mirror.
"Is she really your cousin?"
"Yesh," Dean said around the brush, eyes not blinking.
"She's pretty cute."
"Cash" Dean threatened.
"I mean, she's legal right? 18?"
Dean spit.
"She offered to come watch some with me."
"Shut up."
"She did!" Cas laughed.
Dean wiped his mouth with his hand, crossing his arms and turning toward Cas.
Cas fought the smile that threatened. "I told her no. She was just flipping out because I have never seen Spider-Man."
"Wait," Dean closed his eyes and furrowed his brow in consternation. "You've never seen Spider-Man?"
"No. And now I see the family resemblance," he chuckled.
"A, stop hitting on my cousin who is barely 17; B, we are watching Spider-Man."
"Fine and fine," Cas said, pouring coffee.
As evening set in, Dean started getting antsy. After Spider-Man, they had taken a shower together, making out and then ruining Cas' fresh sheets.
Then they watched Last Holiday with Queen Latifa. They spent the entire day in constant contact. By the time the sun set, Dean was dressed again.
"I gotta go, Cas," Dean said, pulling him in tight.
Cas sighed. "Can I see you tomorrow?"
Dean looked at him pensively. "Yeah. What are your plans?"
Cas grinned guiltily. "I came to see you, Dean. Besides scheduling the horseback riding, I made no plans."
Dean ran his fingers back through Cas' silky hair.
"Throw hay with me?"
"Yeah! A beer at Ellen's?"
"Yeah. Then maybe we can sneak off to the old cabin if no one is around."
"Okay," Cas nodded.
Dean kissed him one last time for the night and left.
Cas checked his phone the next morning and found a voicemail from Jimmy. He returned the call, promising to bring him gifts. The other five voicemails were work related, taking him several hours to handle. Finished, he headed down to the lobby.
"Good afternoon, Cas," Mary said, warmly. "How has your stay been?"
"Wonderful," he grinned, practically glowing. "I need to buy some souvenirs, where is a good place to go?"
"Well, if you don't mind the drive, you could head down to mile marker 145 at Tropic. They have a nice big place on the left just into town."
"Sounds perfect. Thank you."
She nodded and Cas took off down route 12 to Tropic. The sweeping red cliffs made him feel relaxed.
He bought Jimmy a Native American horse statue, a rubber band gun and a real cowboy hat. While looking around, he found a smoothed granite stone, slightly bigger than a quarter, with a handprint etched into one side. The handprint reminded him of the first time he had touched Dean. He had left a bloody handprint on his sleeve. He rubbed the smooth rock between his fingers. He dug around in the large pot of stones to find another one. A green one for himself that reminded him of Dean's eyes and a blue for Dean. In a case, he found a pocket knife with red cliffs etched and colored into the handle. He bought that too.
Back in his room, he practiced on the green rock, carving 'Perdition' with the pocket knife. Honing his new skill slightly, he carved the word into Dean's rock. A small something to remember him by. No one else would get the reference.
He went to the stable to meet Dean at the cattle feed truck at 6:30 to throw hay. He was not there, so he milled around the nearby fences, petting the horses.
"Hey there," came Bobby's gruff voice.
"Hello, Bobby," Cas said.
"Waitin on Dean?"
"Yes. I love throwing hay for the cattle," he grinned.
Bobby laughed and shook his head. "Good clean work."
"Yes. Much, much more respectable than the work I do."
Bobby thought on that a moment and leaned on the fence next to him.
"Dean might be pretty late. He caught some hell this morning from his old man. Forgot to go fix a water pump yesterday."
Cas nodded slowly. His father seemed pretty rough.
"Know where he was yesterday?" Bobby asked quietly.
Cas drew his lips into a thin line. There was no right answer to that question. Truth or lie, it could cause problems.
"Thought so," Bobby muttered.
They stood there silently for some time listening to the gentle sounds around them.
Eventually, a truck rumbled their way. Bobby squinted at the distant truck and twisted his mouth in thought. "You best go wait in the tack room, Cas. Might make it harder on Dean if you're out here when him and his dad pull up."
Cas nodded slowly and made his way to the tack room.
Cas closed the tack room door just as the truck pulled up. At first, all Cas heard were closing truck doors and equipment moving. Soon enough he heard a distinct male voice. Heavy and angry. He heard Bobby and Dean add to the fray. He could not make out the words, just the tone. As the men entered the stable, their voices carried clearer.
"She's gonna notice. Guests too," Bobby snapped.
"Too fuckin bad. Guess that's part of living on a stage like we do. And if I didn't still have to babysit him, he wouldn't have a black eye." The voice must have been Dean's dad. 'Black eye?' Cas' stomach clenched.
"Quit talkin about it," came Dean's voice.
"Adam can handle the guests."
"Adam's at baseball camp this week, you moron," his dad's voice yelled.
"I'll handle the guests," Bobby said.
Some muffled voices approached the tack room door and Cas braced himself to meet John, Dean's father.
When the door opened, it was Bobby. "Better get to that feed truck or Dean will be gone."
Cas gave Bobby a double take and sprinted down the stable aisle. The truck just started to roll off when Cas smacked the passenger side window.
Dean jerked, startled and hit the breaks. Cas jumped in and Dean took off. "You might not wanna come today, Cas."
Cas looked at him closely. He could not see any marks on this side of his face.
He could feel the anger roll off Dean like a seething fire. He watched the fields go by until they got to the first gate. Cas hopped out, unlocked, opened, closed and locked, then hopped back in once Dean had passed through. He did this all seven gates without speaking a word. At the farthest field, Dean got out and helped throw hay. Back through each field they threw hay. Only after the last gate had been locked and Dean turned out to route 12, did Dean start talking. Cas had already seen the purple and black bruise on his left eye. His lid was swollen and Dean seemed to be favoring his ribs on his right side as well.
Cas had not said a word. He had no words. He wanted to find John and smite him into a smudge of dust on the ground, but Dean's family was not really his business. Cas noticed they passed Ellen's. "Are we headed to the cabin?" He asked quietly.
"Yeah," Dean said, his chin resting on his left hand as he drove with his right.
Once in the small cabin, Dean lit the lantern and sat heavily at the table. It had been a year, but nothing had changed.
Cas sat next to Dean and put an arm around him.
"I forgot to go fix a water pump out in the west field," Dean said.
"Bobby told me," Cas said. "He had me wait in the tack room to avoid making John angrier."
Dean nodded. "Dad caught on that I was with you yesterday."
Cas pulled his arm off Dean, feeling like he needed the space. "I'm so sorry, Dean."
Dean nodded. "Fuck him."
Cas watched the tiny flame in the lantern.
Dean turned to him suddenly. "I will never be good enough for him. Never."
"Dean-"
"When I was four, Sam was just a baby, and my dad came home drunk one night and beat the shit out of me for leaving a toy fire truck on the stairs. My mom took Sam and me and left. Five years later, when Dad's girlfriend died, my mom and and dad got back together. And he brought his new son, Adam. By then I was almost ten. I hated him. I hated Adam too. Dumb kid stuff, ya know? But Dad, he never quite forgave me for him and my mom splitting the first time."
Cas sat quietly, listening.
"I love it here, Cas. Love my mom. But I can't stay. I can't live under his constant bullying."
"Dean, how often does he hit you?"
"This is the first time since I was 18. I fought back pretty hard that time. Both ended up with broken bones."
"What about your mom? Or Sam and Adam?"
"Huh, he never touches Adam. Or Mom. He only ever spanked Sam. No, I'm the one. Says it's my nature. How I learn best."
"That's not true," Cas said, sliding his hand along Dean's arm. "You deserve so much better."
"He accused me of being a pansy for so long, that when I first...when I first realized I liked guys...I thought it must be his fault for always sayin it. But he knows now." Dean turned to him again. "Told him everything. Told him he's been right about me all along."
"Dean," Cas said, his heart breaking at the look of defeat on Dean's face, "you aren't weak. You aren't less than for being gay. You help run over a thousand acres of rugged land. You make this a place people want to come back to. That's you!"
Dean shook his head no.
"Yes, you are just as vital to this whole operation as your mother and Bobby. It's a legacy that you can be proud of."
Dean shook his head again, his shoulders slumping even further. It was like every compliment or positive thing he said made Dean feel worse. Cas grasped at what to say, how to make him feel better.
"You want this land? Do you want Angel's Landing to succeed?"
"Yes," Dean whispered.
"Then you take it from him, Dean. You make the business your own."
Dean's face lit up a bit. He nodded.
"You are the strongest person I know. The best person I know. And you are better than some drunk who hits one of his kids to feel better."
Dean stood up and paced the tiny room. "I can push him out again. I can."
Cas stood up, encouraged by Dean's spark. "I can do everything he does here. We don't even need him. I don't need him."
"You don't," Cas said firmly.
Dean hesitated, a heated look lighting his green eyes.
"I need you," Cas said. "And I believe in you, Dean."
Dean strode the three steps between them, taking Cas into his arms and kissing him hard and needy. Cas reciprocated, pulling his shirt off and Dean pulling off his. He needed Dean's heat, his fire.
"God, I want you, Cas," he said against his skin with gritted teeth.
"Take me," Cas said, reaching for Dean's belt. Dean steered him by heavy kisses backwards, pulling his pants down before he pushed him onto one of the bunks.
Boots and pants came off with thuds and plops. Cas handed him a condom and the lube from his jeans pocket. "You came ready," Dean grinned.
"Like a Boy Scout," Cas grinned back.
"I got some badges you can earn, Boy Scout."
It was rougher and faster than before, but no less heated or wanting. Dean slid his third finger in, fucking him with his hand and then rolled him over. "I want to see you," Dean growled, biting and sucking first one nipple, then the other while his hand kept pumping. "I want to see those baby blues when you cum, Cas."
"Now, Dean, I want you now!" Cas demanded, pushing Dean's hand away, making a greedy smile bloom on Dean's lips. "Oh yeah," Dean said, grabbing the condom. He sheathed and lubed in no time and pushed in with one long, slow push.
"Fuck," Cas whined, breathing and adjusting to the fullness he so craved.
"Ready?" Dean said in his ear, biting softly.
"Yes," Cas said, jolting his hips up.
Dean pulled out and pushed in. Smaller then longer and longer until Cas was falling apart in his hands. He tilted his hips slightly, finding Cas' prostate and pounded slow and steady, holding his hips tight.
Cas watched as Dean's face contorted with pleasure. "You're so good, Cas. So fucking good!"
"Harder," Cas panted.
Dean's eyes opened again, finding his. He sped up and leaned down, wrapping his arms around Cas' grinding harder. Mouths touching open and panting, eyes open and watching, Cas grabbed Dean's ass, squeezing him in further still.
"Fuck," Dean panted.
"Dean," Cas called out.
"Come on, Cas, cum!" Dean begged.
Cas writhed, head thrown back and Dean could feel hot, sticky cum flood between their abdomens. He took Cas' open mouth with his own, gasping as he came. Thrusting slowing and kisses sloppy and hot, they stopped, breathing heavy.
Dean held Cas tight, Cas wrapping his arms tightly around him.
"I didn't even know," Cas panted, "how good this could feel."
Drunk on lust, Dean giggled. "Glad I surpassed your expectations, city boy."
Cas giggled back. They cleaned up and snuggled into the bed.
Time ticked by and Dean finally sat up, tracing a finger around a red mark he had left on Cas' chest.
Cas lightly traced the bruise blooming on Dean's right rib cage. His eyes flicked to the black eye. "What are you going to do?"
Dean sighed heavily. "Force my dad to deal with me. The real me."
"I'm so proud of you, Dean. I wish I was as brave as you are."
Dean stood, pulling his pants on, Cas following suit.
"Cas, if this goes sideways with my dad, can I come to Chicago with you?"
Cas could tell it was hard for Dean to ask for something like that. Which made it twice as hard to refuse him.
"Dean, I can't. My family can't know. Not yet."
Dean eyed him, brow furrowing slightly as he pulled his socks on. "Why?"
"It's...complicated."
Dean stomped one of his boots on. "So uncomplicate it."
"I'm trying. I've been trying ever since my father died. My family is...powerful."
Dean nodded again, trying but failing to understand him. Anger edged into his tone. "So...you're just leaving again."
Cas pulled his shirt down over his head, surprised by the question. "Yes, Dean. I have to go home. I have to help Jimmy and get out from under my brothers."
Dean nodded. He stood, pulling his shirt on. "How long do you think it will take?"
"I have a lawyer. A cut-throat demon of a lawyer helping me. But it could take years."
"Years?" Dean stammered with a look of shock that he quickly schooled away.
Cas stood, feeling terribly guilty. He shoved his hands in his pockets, feeling the stones he had made. He pulled them out, putting the green one back and handing Dean the blue one. "I thought of you when I saw these today."
Dean took the offered stone, staring at it. "When do you leave?"
"Tomorrow," Cas said quietly.
Dean licked his lips, biting off words for a moment, his hands shaking slightly.
"Damn, Cas. So, you drop into town, fuck me and leave."
All the blood drained from Cas. "No! Dean, I came to see if we still had something! And we do!"
Dean looked at him coldly. "What do we have Cas? A long distance secret relationship where we get together once a year?"
Cas stammered. He was such an ass. Why had he not thought this through? Dean was tearing his family, possibly his home and future, apart for him. And he had nothing at all to give.
"Holy shit," Dean surmised. "So...this is it. You're headed back to city life and..."
Leaving him and his mess behind.
"Dean, I did not mean for things to happen this way."
Dean rubbed his mouth, biting back what anger was ready to spew from his mouth. "Cas, you-" Dean bit his lip again.
"I'm sorry Dean," Cas pleaded, "I just can't."
"Ya know what Cas, sorry doesn't cut it. What the fuck were you thinking?"
"I-I don't know!" Cas said deflating.
"Get in the truck, Cas," Dean ordered.
Cas looked at him, pleading him to understand something he would not explain.
Cas glanced around, tossing the blanket back over the bunk.
"Dean-" Cas said, the word dying in his mouth as Dean walked out the door.
He blew the lantern out and closed the cabin door. He reluctantly got in the truck.
"Dean, I had no idea things would be so strong between us. I didn't think it would effect your relationship with your family either."
Dean stared straight ahead. "So the plan was to just hook up once a year in secret."
"Yes," Cas said weakly. "It was a bad plan. I'm sorry."
Dean stared straight ahead, steering absently through the curves.
Cas wanted to scream and make him pull over. He wanted him to understand what hell he was going through with his family, but he could not. And if he could not even talk about what he was dealing with at home, Dean had every right to hate him. But it crushed him to know Dean was so angry.
"Dean," Cas said weakly, "please stop the truck."
Dean glanced at him for the first time. Hard, anger cut his green eyes. "Why?"
"Please, you have to understand-"
"I got it Cas," Dean said in a steely calm voice.
"No, you have to understand, Dean, I, I think I'm falling in love with you."
Dean gave him a look like he was crazy.
"Cas, you don't know what love is. You don't buy love. You don't pick up love when it suits you. You're like a friggin rock, man. Your parents fucked you up beyond repair, buying kids and making them into insurance soldiers. Taking orders like robots."
"Dean," Cas snapped. While what he was saying might be somewhat true, it was hurtful and Cas' heart broke.
"What Cas? What could your parents possibly have on you, that you can't talk about, you can't think for yourself, you can't-"
"You have no idea what I'm dealing with!" Cas yelled. "It's war there, Dean. And I am fighting a battle that I can't even legally talk about!"
"Fine," Dean snapped. "Then don't talk about it. But don't come knock on my fuckin door, looking for...whatever it is you think you found."
"Fine," Cas snapped back bitterly.
"Maybe booty calls are an every day thing in Chicago, Cas, but not here. And certainly not me."
"That's NOT what I meant for this to be!"
"Oh yeah? Then let's get together tomorrow and talk about it. Oh yeah, you won't fucking be here because you're what?"
"Leaving," Cas said bitterly.
"Leaving," Dean repeated angrily.
Cas held his tongue, tears running down his cheeks. How could something flare up so true and beautiful and implode so rapidly?
The truck came to an abrupt halt in front of Angel's Landing. Cas hated to move. He knew if he left this truck, it would be the end. And the end seemed so impossible.
Cas turned to Dean, who was watching him with angry expectancy.
"Dean, I don't want to end things this way. Please."
"Fine," Dean said with fake positivity. "It was nice seein ya again, man." The fake smile dropped, leaving only the cold stare, his voice cold along with it. "Find somewhere else to vacation."
Cas was so angry and hurt that he could not even form words in his mouth. His lips trembled and tears ran down his face. He nodded and opened the truck door. He wanted to tell Dean that he loved him. He knew he did. He wanted to say I love you. I want to be here for you and with you. I want to go get Jimmy and come right back and start a life with you. I want you!
And like so many other moments in Castiel's life, defeat filled him utterly. He wiped his cheeks, keeping his words to himself. He had ruined everything.
Cas slid out of the truck and shut the door. Dean was staring down at the steering wheel, hands clenched and jaw muscle twitching.
Cas stepped back, a look of stoney hollowness sliding over his face. Dean glanced at him one last time and the truck was gone.
'Today, Dean Winchester, I might be a stone. A rock. But I do know what love is. For just a moment I had it. It had me. And now...it's shattered.' He watched as the taillights disappeared. And the cowboy was gone.