Hard Truths

Jess had been in a distressed state of mind since he went back to New York. He had definitely failed the Gilmore test. But it was not only that, he was really concerned for Rory and couldn't get the fears out of his head. He accepted that he would need to be patient and wait for her to go to him, but it was hard. He felt he had been patient enough in his life already. Still, he couldn't deny the implications of what had happened to him when they met. It was tough to accept. He rang Martina's bell and went up to her apartment. She greeted him with a hug and a kiss, and somehow the whole hugging didn't feel as comforting anymore.

"Martina, I don't know how else to put this, but we need to talk." He couldn't stand the disappointment in her face. It was pretty similar to the one he felt.

"OK, Jess. Speak your mind."

"I really like you. Like, really, really like you, and believe me when I tell you that I hadn't felt like this in a really long time."

"You don't need to sugar coat it for me, Jess. Go on with the big but."

"Yeah, that. But I think I still have feelings for someone else, and I don't want us to go on unless I figure out if I do for sure. I feel really bad about this. I thought those feelings were gone, but I'm not so sure anymore. I'm so sorry. I hope I'm doing the right thing by telling you."

Martina's face sunk, but she nodded. "Yeah, thanks for telling me. I really appreciate it."

"Martina…"

"No, I'm serious, thanks for telling me. I can see it's the truth. I really believe you didn't know before. You're not as hard to read as you think you are." She gave him a small smile, but it vanished in a glimpse. "Has anything happened?"

"What do you mean?"

"Between you and this other person. Have you… been together?"

"No, of course not. I wouldn't do that."

"Yeah, well. It's a pity, really. I thought so too, that you weren't like that."

"And how is it a pity, then?"

"It's a pity that you are the type of person that I thought and we can't be together, that's all."

And then it happened. If it had ever happened before, Jess didn't want to remember, because it was scary, but he started crying. "I'm so really sorry. I thought I was ready but I guess I wasn't."

"Hey! Don't be." Martina hugged him and laughed. "You have a talent for breaking up with people, Jess. Why am I comforting you?"

Jess laughed too. "I don't know! But you shouldn't."

"It's weird, I know I shouldn't, but I still can't not do it. Is that crazy?"

"Beats me. Life is crazy, I try not to dwell too much on it."

"Hey, Jess… don't be too sorry. I wasn't there yet either. No hard feelings."

"Now you are the one sugar coating."

"I'm not, I swear! I won't lie, I'm really disappointed. But… I get it. You cannot unfeel feelings, it's just not possible, and even if you carrying yourself properly about it makes me… more disappointed, I respect it. I appreciate it. You're a decent guy."

"Thanks. It means a lot."

"Just… be happy, or whatever. So I don't need to feel sorry about this."

She stood up, and he followed suit. "You too. You're great. If I had a say in the matter, I would choose you."

"I'm not so sure about it, but thanks anyway. Take care, Jess."

She kissed him on the cheek and he left.

He spent the next couple of days trying not to think about everything. If he had learnt anything over the years was that it was not wise to make decisions while being a mess. He still didn't know what was going on with Rory, and he settled to waiting until he did to figure out everything. An unknown caller surprised him one morning.

"Hello?"

"Mmm… Hi, Jess. This is Lorelai."

"Well, hi. Is everything alright?"

"You are right. I can see why I call from my side could sound like the seven trumpets."

"No, it's not that, it's just… really, is everything alright?"

"Yeah, sorry, everything's alright and everyone's alright. So… listen, I heard you are not coming to Christmas dinner."

"Well, I have stuff to do in the city…"

"Santa, is that you?"

Jess laughed. Lying to Lorelai was tricky. "OK, OK. I just didn't want to make things complicated for anyone."

"Meaning Rory."

"Or you. Perhaps I don't want you to scold me for drinking your beers."

"OK, I'm getting old here. Listen, do you remember the last time we talked?"

"Vividly."

"Well, I still don't know anything in that regard, so it's not why I'm calling. But… Luke would really like you to be there, and even if I don't know if, as I was saying, you could be… helpful, I just want you to know that, at least in what concerns me, you wouldn't be… un-helpful. Does that make sense?"

"Hardly."

"OK, throw me a line here. Let me put it in a different way. Me, Lorelai Gilmore, would like you to come. It would mean a lot to me."

Jess was baffled. "Why?"

"I… really want to get to know you better. In case one day you become… helpful. As in you stay friends with Rory. I don't want to wonder why she takes advice from you being a hoodlum and all. I want my mind changed. I think it's time we at least took that step. And then you're my step-nephew. How's that for a life plot-twist, huh?"

Jess didn't want to read more into Lorelai's speech than what she was saying, but the appeal was too big. "You're right. OK, I'll be there."

"Great. You can stay at the Dragonfly in case you don't want to be around TJ when he's had too much punch."

"Wow, that's really nice, Lorelai. You know TJ is into Crocs now? He won't stop talking about them, or wearing them, which is really disturbing. I'll take your offer as long as I can pay for the room, otherwise it will be my mother's couch and TJ's drunk snoring and Croc parading."

"There's no way in hell you're paying."

"It's non-negotiable."

"I closed the inn for the day to have the dinner and everyone's off, it won't even be like a real inn, you won't have room service, and I'm not sure anyone will be staying there in the end, so in a way, if you stay, you'll be doing me a favor, guarding the house and all."

"You really have a knack for convincing people."

"It's one of my most celebrated traits."

"OK, Lorelai, you win. Thanks a lot."

"Thank you. See you in a couple days."

He guessed he would be figuring out everything soon enough. He dreaded the moment.